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The making of my first tulpa


dragongirl253

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Well, I figure I may as well just report my progress on my tulpa, Vellace, on here since I'm not gonna do it anywhere else.

As the name of the thread implies, Vellace is my first tulpa. I've had him as a very prominent character in a fantasy universe that I think about quite a lot for about 4, probably going on 5, years now, but only two days ago did I start making him into a tulpa.

 

So far, progress is good. I (think I) am currently in the imposition stage with him, and I ended up spending far less time in the forcing and vocalizing stages than I thought I would. I still narrate to him whenever it's convenient and he seems to quite enjoy being narrated to, and although I try to do vocalization strengthening exercises and various forcing activities I've read about on here, Vellace usually refuses to cooperate and calls them silly or lame or whatever else he can think of (he turned out far sassier/more defiant than I had planned.). So, little to no vocalization exercises despite my difficulty distinguishing my mindvoice from his or sometimes just hearing him at all, and little to no forcing despite my lack of time to give him all of the traits I wanted him to have. It's not really too big a deal though since most of the traits I got in were pretty synonymous with a lot of the ones I missed. Oh also I was wondering if having/letting Vellace kinda just chill out near me in real world and occasionally making little comments to each other counts as/helps with forcing/vocalization, respectively. It'd be great if someone could possibly clear that up.

 

Although Vellace has already deviated a bit, (examples include: Him changing his name from Velancar to Vellace, adding some rebelliousness to his lawful good alignment, deciding that he will not be adventurous, changing his hair and designing his own outfit, and being quite critical when I planned for him to be really passive and accepting and nonjudgmental.) currently, my biggest worry is that either I am tricking myself into thinking he has enough sentience for deviation when he really doesn't and I'm just accidentally enforcing only my own wants and plans, or that the reverse is happening, that he is sentient and I'm neglecting his input by shrugging it off as being one of my own thoughts. I'm finding it quite hard to find a balance that'll work out in either situation. Also, another worry I'm having is that my wonderland is kind of... Defective, I guess? I have some trouble getting there when I try to force, and usually when I order/ask Vellace to go back to wonderland, he kinda just stays in the real world or whatever I'm supposed to call it. Is having a fully formed tulpa always like that, or am I just doing something wrong? I honestly can't tell if this is normal, a problem, or just Vellace being an ass.

 

Yesterday, I had some spare time, so Vellace and I spent about 20 minutes working on the details of his form, and it's pretty much complete. We're still having some trouble with the face and hair, but, despite that, I'm kind of just automatically imposing him without even really thinking about it, and Vellace seems to have done some work on those parts by himself, and there's not really much left to work on.

 

Anyways, that's all there really is to report for now, I guess. May update later? Idk, honestly.

One tulpa named Vellace.

Gender: Male, but gosh dang can he be effeminate.

Age: 17 years old; been around for I think about 4 months now.

Species: Human except with a tail.

Stage: Imposition/visualization.

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Alright then so I guess maybe I should probably update this a little since a few things happened.

First: Vellace has officially admitted that the reason he named himself Vellace is because he knew I'm so used to calling him "Velancar" that I'd have to keep correcting myself mid-word, so he chose "Vellace" because that's what comes out when I try to call him Velancar and then stop in the middle of saying it. Good (or maybe not good?) to know that he has my terrible sense of humor, at least.

 

Second: I have learned that trying to actively/aggressively/not passively force in wonderland while sleep deprived is incredibly difficult and may lead to some really weird thought... dream... things? After denying all of my active forcing attempts/requests for about a day, as soon as I was feeling incredibly tired, Vellace started begging me to force with him. And then giggled mockingly when I kept almost falling asleep. Again, there's that terrible sense of humor. Anyways, aside from that, I'm currently doing my best to stop constantly parroting for Vellace, and so far a lot of his speaking and movements are kind of just half happening on their own, but then I also automatically parrot a little. Personally, I'd call it an improvement, tho, so no worries.

 

Also, last night (it's always at night. There must be something in the air at night.) we had some good interaction. We commentated on some TV shows a little, we squirmed around for no reason and got tangled in the bed sheets a little, (eck I need to stop being so childish) and we paced up and down the hallway and chatted a little. I forget all the dumb little things we did, but I know that it was certainly fun and seemed to be good for Vellace's development.

 

Finally: I seem to be kind of in both the visualization stage and imposition stage with Vellace, as I can kind of sort of see him as almost like a phantom image in my peripheral vision, and when I focus I can also smell him, or feel him kinda brushing against me, or maybe even hear him a little if I'm lucky.

Okay so then I guess that's all there really is to say for now kthxbye

One tulpa named Vellace.

Gender: Male, but gosh dang can he be effeminate.

Age: 17 years old; been around for I think about 4 months now.

Species: Human except with a tail.

Stage: Imposition/visualization.

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  • 1 month later...

Well, it's been a month, so obviously some stuff has happened, so I figure I may as well update this thing again.

Vellace seems to have matured a lot in terms of personality since I/we finally got around to defining the details of it, or really just at all defining it past "fun-loving/light-hearted" and "jokester/sarcastic little s***." He still has a terrible sense of humor, but at least not as terrible as mine, so... Progress.

Within the past 2 or 3 weeks, I started to be able to naturally visualize/impose Vellace with very little effort. I still have to think hard to picture him actually being there when I look directly at him, but he appears just about as real as the rest of the world as long as I keep him in my peripheral vision. Aside from sight, I can also impose his smell, and, on good days, get a faint sensation of being touched when I make contact with him.

However, he's still very weak in the vocal department. About a week after the last update, when I was still parroting, I was talking to him and was briefly able to hear him talk, (like, with both my ears and my mind) and, although I was immediately able to recognize the sound as Vellace talking to me, it only sounded like heavy static. Other than that, no luck in the auditory department. Also, if anything, his voice got weaker since then... It probably has something to do with me accidentally forgetting about him for about a week between then and now... I mean, he's fine now and he says he forgives me, and it was no big deal and all that, but still... Whoops...

The second thing on my list of priorities (with vocalization being first) is getting Vellace to dress himself every day. He gets pretty pissy about it if I don't think him up a new outfit daily, and neither of us are too imaginative in the fashion department, it's getting pretty old.

Oh, and, recently I've received waves of emotion, mostly happiness while just chillin' with Vellace, or total calmness when he feels that I'm getting too frustrated. So that's pretty cool.

Anyways, all in all, we've made progress in the past month, but we also seem to have kinda plateaued shortly after the last update.

One tulpa named Vellace.

Gender: Male, but gosh dang can he be effeminate.

Age: 17 years old; been around for I think about 4 months now.

Species: Human except with a tail.

Stage: Imposition/visualization.

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