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The progress report of Nobume and I


eratez

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So I started working on my tulpa about a week ago, thinking just like everything, I would spend no time working on her, but here I am a week later and I have had some really amazing progress. So right off the bat, I started narrating to her, and I had to think of a name for some time, so I said to her, before I imagined she had any sentience, "right now, I am going to call you Gumi, but I don't want you to be stuck with that name, when you are able to tell me a different name, do it, and I will call you by it."

So after that I worked on her personality from Wednesday to Friday, and defined about 40 personality traits and a few other things about her. I was surprised at the progress I was making with this, I thought it would take longer than a few days with personality, so I started the beginning of visualization on Friday night, and I had a bit of a hard time at first. Similar to how I did the name, I told her that the form I give her is hers, and that she may change it up a bit if she wants to, and similar to the name I made her look like the Vocaloid, Gumi, and said to her, "I don't want to make you feel stuck in a roll so I expect that you will find yourself a bit of a different form soon, but either way I will respect what you choose."

That night I had my first strange experience with her. I was working on visualization for only about 20 minutes and everything seemed to be moving smoothly, then I couldn't visualize her, it was as though she disappeared, then I felt a weight in my lap and the only place I could visualize her was laying in my lap, more specifically in my arms. Then she disappeared again and showed up by my door (which in this case, I wasn't using my wonderland, but my room as though it were one, and I ended up following her to my kitchen at first then my piano and she wanted to play it seemed, but I didn't know what to do, so I told her, "When I am able to, I want you to learn, so I want you to one day possess me to play it for yourself." She didn't seem content with that but we went on and it all seemed fine.

I continued my practice visualizing her and on Sunday morning, I heard about the self-hypnosis trick so I thought I would force there. From my events on Friday night, I was still confused if it was just me or her sentience showing so after getting to a calm hypnotized state, I went to my actual wonderland and we played around a bit and I still was unsure how much I might be puppetting and I hadn't gotten even a mindvoice from her yet so I knew I at least wasn't parroting. I told her though, "Surprise me, do something, show me you are sentient again, please. Talk, do something strange, anything." There was no response. I said to her "Anything at all, maybe you could possess me, or just tell me something?" And still nothing. About 3 minutes later though, I felt my physical body moving and she had possessed my left arm for a short time and it was definitely a strange experience. Soon after, I was able to hear little bits and pieces from her mindvoice, and I thought to myself, that actually helped a whole lot.

I worked on both visualization and senses at the same time this week and it all seems to be going well. On Monday night, I decided to open up my subconscious to her and she had a bit of a strange reaction, as though she just watched somebody get killed. She wouldn't say anything for the rest of the night, and she and I agreed to talk about it the next day. She kept saying whatever I asked about it was right so I couldn't tell what it was until I remembered my first memories as a kid. It was this demon-like thing that came to my dreams every night since before I can remember up until I was about 3 1/2. I still can remember pretty vividly what it was and I am sure that it had something to do with this. When I brought it up to her, she just didn't say anything and acted like she wanted to cry about it. I explained my memories about it to her and said, "If it scared you, let's just drop the subject." She smiled at me and nodded. Later on at night, she changed her outfit to something I didn't make for her and her hairstyle on her own, and I was glad that she was changing on her own.

On Tuesday night, we continued my visualization and such, and I remembered I told her that I wanted her to pick her own name, and I asked if she had thought of it at all. She looked around a little bit embarrassed and I said, "just let me know." She said Nobume in her mindvoice which again surprised me because up to this point the only thing in her mindvoice that I was able to completely comprehend was single syllable words. After hearing the name she wrote it out, because we had been doing a number activity before and I could tell she was trying to pick a name that sounded Japanese, and because just about all Japanese names have a meaning, I said if that is the name you want, I am going to see if has any meaning, which it ended up meaning "honest woman," but had been used as a name in some anime I have never seen, so I thought this would be fine. So we ended deciding on that name for her.

Last night, I didn't do too much with her we just talked for a while and I tried to draw her, with my terrible drawing skills, and the picture came out meh, but it was better than I normally draw so I was proud. She was still very quiet though, and it was a bit annoying so I pushed her to try to make full sentences, and she was able to, but just didn't want to. I had a bit of fun and did this thing I heard of where you just stare into your tulpa's eyes and wait for a response. Nobume at first looked around as though she were looking for a place to hide then tried to poke my head, and I just kept staring until she couldn't look at me, I laughed and she gave me a light slap, which made me laugh even more.

Now I have finally gotten to today, I haven't done much but for a bit, I forced and just focused mostly on visualization and touch senses. Just a bit before typing this, we worked on post processing, which was our first time doing so, and she has some weird way of thinking with math it seems, she was almost answering most of the answers to simple addition questions correctly but she kept having the answer of by one or two. So that pretty much sums up everything so far. I just asked if Nobume wanted to say something, and she couldn't come up with anything, except for ideas similar to what I was giving her. Here is her quote for the day: "Green wigged donut cosplayers are blue(sad)":3

Tulpae:

Nobume

-form- Gumi

-stage- visualization/senses

her quote: "Green wigged donut cosplayers are blue(sad)":3

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