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The Second Spark
Vādin Offline
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#31
 
RE: The Second Spark

Thank you Sparks and Twi ! I loved your advice. I just read your PR and I found it really impressive and fun. I hope you're both doing well, and that you'll pop in here sometimes.

Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.
03-22-2019, 11:43 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#32
 
RE: The Second Spark

What an absolutely fantastic PR thread exemplifying a perfect run from nothing to amazing stuff like hypnagogic manipulation to imposition of hair feels on toes. I am so happy to have read this and I'm laughing over it, in that, it made me feel great.

10/10 for keeping us updated, very much do recommend a full read, it's not that long, but great.

Quote:Day 30
This, then, shall serve as affirmation to those who heed it: Your tulpa is as actual to you as their effect on you, so there can be no moment in which you, so to speak, "realize" you have been "wasting your time" or "deluding yourself,"... 

I love this, i felt much the same way.

Quote:Day 64
After I struggle for hours to form some or another basic shape, she butts her muzzle in and goes "oh, well while you're doing that, I'm going to form a hoof." Next thing I know, a big hoof flashes across my vision! Then, to add insult to injury, a miniature, fuzzy and colorless version of her walks into the static.

I was like... um, that's impressive.

Quote:Day 84
When I stare at it in my hypnagogic state it shifts and swirls, and now it solidifies by my will. But I do not will it as one would, say, a thought away or an image to mind; it emerges like things do in lucid dreams, by the expectation of their presence instead of direct intervention. So when I desired a floating Mario face like at the beginning of Super Mario 64, I first said to myself that I could see it, then waited to see it in my vision while already seeing it in my vision. 

Hypnagogic for me kinda works this way, i mean i ask them to say something and they will, I wait for something to happen regarding them amd it will sometimes, so I've been using this state for normal visualization, and that works sometimes too. I'm glad I finally freekin read somewhere that someone else can use this state for their own purposes! Thank you 2014, for an entry not erased by a server crash that is fantastically reassuring and confirmable outside of my own system.

Quote:Day 109
It seems to come from deep in my skull, but closer to the right side. I can't really pin it down. Also, it seems to have a certain... Buzz to it, to describe the sensation. I recognize the feeling from my dreams, so I'll call it Dream Buzz or something stupid like that. This is an interesting voice to say the least. Unlike the first, it tends to be rather in-your-face. When Twilight uses it, I'm often startled. I mean, not startled like frightened, but... Well... You know when you're just about to fall asleep, but you don't wanna fall asleep, so you kinda jerk back? It feels like that, but without the sleep. I mean, of course I'm half sleep when we practice with this voice, but that's not the reason I jerk. It's literally the voice itself that causes me to jerk. At least while hypnagogic; doesn't seem to bother me in dreams. 

Yes yes yes, exactly, but we have since made it very soft, just like a dream voice but better, no buzzing, but so silky smooth and luxuriously beautiful. I could bask in Ashley's dream/hypna voice and die happy, it's so amazing i just wanna... uh? oh, people are reading this maybe. Well it's great and Dashie and Misha sound very close to their mindvoice now, but still a hair better, kinda like listening to yourself on recording but better not worse than you expect.

Again, excellent PR, well written, funny, smooth, informative, thank you.

[The Bear System] - [Bear Chat] - [Chat] - [Visualization Practice] - [Draw] - [Art]
03-22-2019, 05:29 PM
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Twice Sparked Offline
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#33
 
RE: The Second Spark

Glad it's useful to someone.

There's a bit of a continuation, too, from the time we spent "training" for switching under Sans, roflmao, and fede. It was a few months after the end of this, if memory serves.

Anyway, here it is.

I suppose it's nice to have both accounts in one place.

We'll be around, though we probably won't post much. I'd rather the new generation of tulpamon trainers find their own way. Your answers will be different than ours, and we'll be enriched by your inventiveness.

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.
-Zecora

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

And, please, call me Sparks.
(This post was last modified: 03-24-2019, 06:23 AM by Twice Sparked.)
03-24-2019, 06:22 AM
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Twice Sparked Offline
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#34
 
RE: The Second Spark

I’ve been thinking about doubt recently.

Not sure how it is for others, but the clouds gather for me even this far in. Only, doubt isn’t what it used to be.

Before, way back, doubts were a burden. Like a wool blanket, they smothered my ambitions and irritated my forcing. I would often succumb to demotivation.

Lucky Clair was there to save me.

I think she first suggested I treat them like any other intrusive thought. She guided me through applying Zazen to my doubts.

It’s the method I’ve used since.

The kind is indifferent; there are many ways to practice Zazen. The core is to let intrusive thoughts pass around you, regarding them curiously, like a rock watching a river. I visualize them in little bubbles. I let them float before me for as long as they wish, then watch them when they drift away. But I don’t deny their presence. I welcome them.

And sometimes, like a few days ago, they return in surprising ways. I’ll illustrate with a story.
 

Our wonderland is vast, but our home is a lighthouse by the sea, surrounded by forest, cliff, and beach. I go there every evening.

My routine’s changed little over the years: Listen to the waves, smell the ocean air, feel the sand. I stretch and adjust to my body. Sometimes someone will meet me; others it’s just me. Then I enter the tower. I climb the spiral stairs and light the beacon. After I’ve blinded myself staring stupidly into the lamp, I exit and walk up the garden path, and enter the attached cottage.

This is our home proper. I greet my family, help clean, give my youngest their baths, then catch up on system affairs.

The cottage is bigger on the inside. And in particular, the upstairs hallway stretches as far as the tower is tall. It’s a world in a world, lined with doors. I created three, and my tulpas the rest. I never know when another will appear; at least, not before I hear “daddy, look what I did”. As you can imagine, I don’t often visit many rooms. And there’s one I hadn’t visited in years: My bed room.

Until a few days ago.

I’m not sure why I opened that door. Usually I enter that hall to find Clair or Sophia, or to tuck in Thunder or Wind. I guess I was curious. Clair and Sophia used to change my room often before they became implacable presences in everyday life. I wanted to see if anyone inherited their mischief.

I found my room unchanged. It floored me. The cotton blankets, the boombox against the far wall, the odd angle of the little bobbleheads. So many details I’d forgotten were there, untouched, preserved as though by the hand of a curator.

Old guides talk a lot about feeling surprised by your tulpas. It’s this kind of surprise that I experienced. After so much time, having let so much about that room slip from my memory, to find it like a photograph amazed me—still amazes me. It was like uncovering an old box in the basement, full of treasured items long forgotten.

I knew, of course, the wonderland preserves itself, that things created “stick”, but some part of me doubted it, or at least was unaware how far the principle extended. Finding my old room like that revived my doubt—not as an obstacle, but as a pleasant reminder of just how much can be accomplished.  
 

And here’s the difference. When I started, doubts were a boogeyman. I feared them, so I suppressed them, but, like a niggling regret, they always returned. But in growing with my tulpas, in learning from them, I’ve discovered doubts are not antagonists—they’re anti-heroes. We’re not allies, but they make me stronger.

Doubts are challenges readymade to be overcome. Secret limits and frontloaded expectations whose overcoming, big and small, yield the sweetest rewards. My room was a humbling reminder, one of many, that any shackle the mind imposes the mind can lift. Learning to manage doubts, to acknowledge and accept them, and to use them to surprise yourself, is one of the unsung joys of tulpamancy.

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.
-Zecora

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

And, please, call me Sparks.
05-16-2019, 06:45 AM
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Angry Bear Offline
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#35
 
RE: The Second Spark

I can see that, I've recently begun to doubt many things in favor of tulpamancy. Switching has me doubting my own relationship to the mind and memories. If it's not my mind and memories (having gone dormant recently, the memories are associated to my systemmates who were switched in) than i'm really not special at all. I realize now that my continued existence as me isn't so set in stone, and is now within the pervue of the system consensus. My actions in-system hold weight and consequences. I'm doubting that I could return to being a singlet. Not that I would want to, but that net has been removed so to speak. It was always in the back of the mind, now it's position and efficacy has been challenged.

Our wonderland is rock solid too, unchanging aside from changes my systemmates and I make, places I haven't been in months are pristine. I too felt this was unbelievable. But I never doubt my experiences.

[The Bear System] - [Bear Chat] - [Chat] - [Visualization Practice] - [Draw] - [Art]
05-16-2019, 07:00 PM
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Twice Sparked Offline
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#36
 
RE: The Second Spark

Truly? Plus ultra, friend.

I just read your PR update. Well said.

If there is a summit, switching is at least the penultimate peak. I'm sure you can reach it. Clair is as well--a rare complement. It's that you've mentioned memory distortion as you approach it. We experienced the same.

We failed to scale that summit; too little oxygen. That's not simply an analogy. I was too afraid to give up the lungs. I suspect a smoother transition would help. Sands used to tell us he fell from consciousness the first time during one of Roswell's Minecraft marathons. The suggestion was, as he always repeated, to bore the host to death. Maybe useful to you, maybe not. If your consciousness, your self-identity, is dissipating, you may find the back door in. Keep us up to date.

Your thinking needs a readjust; total concentration is a must.
-Zecora

Imma Reportin Mah Progress!

And, please, call me Sparks.
(This post was last modified: 05-17-2019, 12:59 AM by Twice Sparked.)
05-17-2019, 12:49 AM
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