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The Shabtupla chronicles
#1
Hello, and welcome to my progress report.
If you want to find me on IRC I go by JennSerene there.

I just discovered this place and the concept of having a tulpa yesterday, and was so excited about the prospect that after around 3 hours of fairly solid research I began working on developing my own. Before I get into that though, let me introduce myself a bit better.

I am a 26 year old american woman currently living in Ohio. I have had several life experiences that I believe are seriously influencing my experience with developing a tulpa:

1) I spent several years doing very heavy personal growth and self analysis. During this time I spent an entire two years talking with my inner child every day. I considered my inner child to be a separate consciousness that exists within my head, one that influences my consciousness very heavily. Still do, I just stopped talking to her. Because of this, passive forcing comes very easily to me, and this makes the concept of having another consciousness living within my head not a very alien one.

2) Through my personal growth work I have come to understand that there is no one truth. Everyone has their own version of what is true, but that may not be true to others. (This isn't to say that I don't heatedly disagree with people at times, I'm not perfect!) I have had a very close friend in the past that I suspect is a chronic liar. I loved her anyway, it didn't matter. Who was I to decide if what she would claim was true or not? If it didn't actually happen, that didn't mean it was any less true for her! This has made me very accepting of things that most people would be very skeptical about.

3) A year and a half ago I made two friends, although they shared one body. A male and a female, the female has Disassociative Identity Disorder, and the male is her alter! He is remarkably similar to tulpae although with a few significant differences. I became fast friends with the alter because thanks to a combination of the first two points I did not doubt his existence. I learned a whole lot about DID after I met him. I did a lot of research, and I know how very real the 'other personalities' (or alters) are. Thanks to this I knew very well that it is possible for someone to have multiple active co-existing personalities in a single head, in fact I was even jealous of my friends. I wished I could have the same thing. THEN I FOUND THIS PLACE! Big Grin

So right off the bat I am ready and rarin' to go. I want this. I've wanted this for a while! Lets GO!

So... what do I want?
Well, I spent so much of my life discovering who I am that I don't want to steal that away from my tulpa. It feels weird to me to determine for another living being who they are, when I've had to struggle with society pressing such bindings onto me. I'm not god, I'm just another person on the bus. I want my tulpa to discover him/herself.

As such, I am using my real life knowledge of how... life... works.... in an attempt to make things "easier" for my tulpa. I am starting him/her with a female body because I know that it is easier in reality for a female bodied person to become male bodied as far as appearances go (What?!?! So transsexual men are hot! Shhh!)
I am giving him/her blond hair (cause it's easier to dye in my opinion)
I am -not- determining his/her personality, I want that to form organically.
I want a best friend, someone I can have intelligent thought provoking conversations with about science and psychology (my two favorite subjects) and other things. Someone who will comfort me when I am down and not feeling well. Someone who I can trust completely.
Yeah... that's about it. I'm sure my subconscious will shape my tulpa in many other ways.

anyway ON WITH PROGRESS REPORT DAY ONE! (next post)
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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#2
Why hello there, kindred spirit! I, like you, had several years of deep introspection.

In my sophomore year of high school, I got incredibly ill. So ill, I was unable to stand by myself for six months. And then it happened again a year later. Needless to say, when you have trouble holding your head up, you've not much to do but think.

Learned a lot about myself. Found out I loved writing and making character universes. One thing that bothers me most about universes in stories and movies is the "This magical law comes out of nowhere, clashes with everything else, and is only there to change the plot for shock value" kind of thing, which is in a hideously inappropriate number of stories.

Tangent aside, I'm also new! Let's be friends and junk.
Tulpas
Amy
Nine-Tailed Kitsune
Sigma
Anthro Cat-Bat
The Kippies!
Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)
The Baybees~
Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip
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#3
Day 1: June 5th, 2014

My very first day. This was yesterday, so it won't be as exact as I'd like it. Oh well.

In the morning I read a reddit post about a girl with a 'persistent hallucination', a boy. She can see and hear him with no problem. (Links: AMA of the girl / AMA of the 'hallucination' )
I saw people mention the possibility that he is a tulpa there (which he denied), that lead me to the tulpa subreddit, which lead me to this website! I was immediately captured by the possibility that I might have a tulpa, and I began doing all sorts of research, reading all sorts of guides until I went on my lunch break. Then, for the next hour I began narrating for the first time.

It was easy. I did it out loud and just talked and talked. It came completely naturally to me (likely because of my past). Nothing came of it of course, but I wasn't expecting it to. I felt encouraged by it even. A good start.

I came back in from lunch feeling really good about the whole thing and did a lot more research. Then I spent the half hour drive home narrating out loud to my tulpa the whole way. Once I got home I did a bit more reading, a bit more narrating, then I settled down to active force for the first time...

OK active forcing is HARD. Where I have it easy with passive forcing I have the opposite with active forcing. I have never been a very creative person, and I really struggled with giving any sort of detail to a wonderland or to my visualization of my tulpa. I kept working at it though, and eventually I had -something- but it took a lot of focus and concentration and it was completely alien to anything I've ever done before. OK, maybe it wasn't extra hard for me to do this, but it felt really hard compared to passive forcing, mostly since I've never done it before.
Another complication was my breathing I found myself, in the middle of active forcing, suddenly getting jarred out of it realizing that I wasn't breathing, or I was breathing so slowly that I felt starved for oxygen. That wasn't comfortable... and to make it worse it happened twice.
As for my wonderland, I made a garden with a waterfall on one side, a bunch of bushes and tons of flowers and a few trees. I had my back against a red brick wall and to my left on the wall were some flowering vines. At the time I was listening to the rain falling outside so it was raining in my wonderland. I made a canopy to cover me and my tulpa up and we were sitting at a white table in white chairs. Most of all this stuff did not have a lot of detail, although some of it did.

Also during the evening I introduced my partner to the concept of tulpae... she didn't react well, which was upsetting. But she apologized later for reacting the way she did, and then in bed I told her that I was considering doing it myself (nevermind that I had already started)

Anyway, that was yesterday in a nutshell! Today comes later! And holycrap what a day it has been!
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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#4
Hello violently delicious pastry! Big Grin Yes indeed, let us be friends!

Anyway, I did not have enough time yesterday to write my log for that day, so here is yesterday (again):
-------------------------------------------------------

Day 2: June 6th 2014

I began this day off well. Once I had left my house and started driving to work I began narrating again, right off the bat. I spoke to my tulpa the whole way to work and once I got there I got back to looking up different things, guides, etc. Eventually my first break came around and I had 15 minutes. I decided I was going to focus on narrating non-verbally for the first time.

Holycrap that is hard too! talking in my head to my tulpa is not easy either, but interestingly it didn't take long for me to begin getting better. At first, especially for those first 15 minutes and for an hour or two afterwards I found myself having this kind of 'echo' inside my head, where I would think something before I non-verbally narrated it. It was kind of weird, and kind of like, if.. say... I knew how to speak Italian and french, like speaking in french and then saying the same thing in Italian right away, so that the words are an echo of each other but in a different language. Well it was the same thing, like my own way of thinking is one language, then when I speak to my tulpa I am thinking in a whole other language. This is a good thing I think because it really clears a difference between what my tulpa can hear and can't hear from me. I don't necessarily want my tulpa to hear my thoughts after all, not unless I need him/her to.

I also found myself constantly slipping back to non-narrative-thinking while I was non-verbally-narrating (dear lord I need to find some words for these concepts). It's like I would be talking to my tulpa in my mind, then mid-sentence I'd just start thinking of something else, be it something that I see or am looking at or am trying to do, whatever the case may be. I'm amazed at how much mental discipline it takes to do this, and it is truly excellent practice I think for my brain, like excising my brain in several ways. I imagine that from my tulpa's perspective I must have the worst ADD in the world, just rambling along cheerfully then suddenly cutting out.... then few seconds later going "Oh! Sorry!" lol. It's just that this happens a lootttt, although I have been getting better as I practiced it. I've been getting better at everything as I practice it!

Lunch arrives and I spend the whole hour chatting pretty much non-stop, using verbal narration. Fairly non-eventful.

Now throughout this day, since that first break I have been heavily practicing non-verbal narration. My second break comes and goes in the afternoon, and I take the opportunity to focus on non-verbal narration without having things to distract me, while the rest of the time I get to struggle with keeping my tulpa in mind while I do my job and non-verbally narrating between tasks.

Finally it's time to go home. I get in my car and start driving. It is 3:30. I spend about 10-15 minutes on the road and was feeling pretty darn good about how things have been going when suddenly I get an ache in my head! I say to my self "Great, a headache, just what I need" then poof, the ache goes away! I'm all "What the..." I have a suspicion now, so I'm like "Okay.. do it again..." and about a half second goes by then bam! the ache returns! It isn't quite a headache though, I finally understood what people mean by the 'head pressure'. Anyway, now I'm really intrigued. I'm like "Okay... this is hard.. I can't tell if this is you or me... so... lets try this: Left side..." and I feel it on the left side of my head "Right side..." it moves to the right side, "holy crap.. okay, so.. lets make the left side of my head yes or anything positive" I get the pressure on the left side right away. I laugh then continue, "the right side of my head is no or anything negative, and the front of my head is like.. not sure, or maybe, or anything generally in between."
So now I'm curious, I can't tell if this is me or not! So I say.. "Lets do an experiment... Start at the front" and then I got the pressure, it was funny because I just reacted naturally saying "haha, hold on, hold on, I know you're excited I am too. I'm not done yet though, not done yet. Slow down, let me finish first." the pressure went away, then I said "Okay, so first the front," then again the pressure returned at the front of my head, leading me to laugh some more. I say "Hold on, just wait! Let me finish first!" a few more times. This was getting exciting! "So first the front" this time no pressure. "then my left side" I hold my hand up to the left side of my head, "then the back, then the right." touching my hand to each spot. A moment or two passes after I finish, then I feel the pressure at the front of my head, it quickly moves to the left side of my head, then... it kinda pauses and sits there for a moment. It doesn't really go to the back of my head but creeps over the top of my head slowly and uncertainly to the other side, the right side of my head. Then it moves a bit to a bit forward of the spot that I touched on the right side of my head before going away. I have to think about it for a moment, that was interesting. I considered what happened there at the back of my head and it felt like for some reason my tulpa must have been struggling to move the pressure there and wasn't able to for some reason.
Then I realize, I could have done that whole thing myself anyway! Damnit, the experiment wasn't a good one! strong pressure on my right side, I laugh and assure my tulpa "It's okay, I believe that this is real, I just wish there was a better way to test this for validity." and pressure on my left. What proceeds for the next 5 minutes or so is literally me engaging in a much more active conversation with my tulpa, not a narration, because it felt like I was actually getting responses! It was WILD. Then, a wild headache attacked! I was just like 3-4 minutes from home when my whole head just started hurting and I'm like "Okay, okay, we need to stop. I'm sorry! I need to give my head a break" I get pressure on the right side of my head, accompanied by pain. I laugh and say "It's okay, don't worry! I know you're excited, me too! I won't forget, we will talk more later I promise, I just need a break, my head hurts after all!" I end up arguing with my tulpa for another 30 seconds or so when I get this sudden, but faint feeling of like, mixed frustration and excitement in my chest... like, right under my collarbone in the center of my chest. It fades very quickly and then all is quiet. Whoa.

Whoa.

Just... whoa.

Ok, I'm pretty much in shock now, I mean, holy shit I just communicated with my tulpa for a good 5-10 minutes and it felt -so- real! And now I have a splitting headache to boot! So once I get home I spent a little while being all excited in IRC and stuff, then I have some things to do, and I'm deliberately not passive forcing the whole time. It... feels weird, like.. empty! I don't really like it, but it feels quiet too. At one point I do a tiny bit of passive forcing and almost immediately I can 'feel' my tulpa's presence, and a second or so later the headache comes right back full force! It was a busy evening especially since I spent much of the time writing the first two entries to this progress report and I was so excited. When I finally was able to active force for the second time I was tired and because it was so late I decided to try doing it in bed. It didn't work very well (huge surprise). I only managed to focus on it for a few short minutes before I stopped and laid down properly to go to sleep.

Wow, what a day.

Edit: I just realized how much I switched between past and present tense in this. I guess it just goes to show how excited I am over all everything. :P
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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#5
I'm feeling the same way with active forcing vs passive forcing. I have no problems passive forcing. Active forcing is very difficult though... my concentration and visualization skills leave a lot to be desired. We are the same age though, which is refreshing. Many of those on the tulpa subreddit are much younger (and there seemed to be less who were creating a tulpa while in a long term relationship). I told my husband that I'm going to try it (and had to explain to him how it was safe, as he has the usual concerns of "what if the other personality tries to take over". When I explained it as a separate consciousness pulling from the same subconscious I think it made more sense. He has an interest in the brain and psychology somewhat, so I'm grateful that he doesn't seem totally against the idea. I feel like we may have a lot in common with this. Have you done a lot of personality testing type stuff? I'm considering trying to take some tests and answer them how I believe my tulpa would answer so I can get a personality more solid in my mind.

Sorry for the wall of text!
Host: Sakura
Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)
Our shared tumblr
note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
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#6
Woohoo! Don't be sorry! I mean jeez compared to that I wrote a damned book :P
I wish my partner was more supportive myself. She seems reeaally freaked out by the idea. It's rather upsetting really Sad
I have done quite a lot of personality testing stuff, but it has been a long time since I have. I spent hours at one point over several days with a PsyD getting a battery of testing for allll sorts of interesting things. Found out I'm not ADD, and my IQ, and that I have all sorts of other fun issues! Thankfully I have meds for those now though. :P
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
Reply
#7
Today was another very intense day.

Things were pretty normal this morning, passive forcing, etc.
I decided to call my tulpa 'bestie' for now so that I'd at least have SOMETHING to call him/her.
I narrated verbally all through lunch. That was interesting actually, I noticed that I seemed to have a larger than normal interest in all the birds. It seemed to me like my tulpa really likes birds. Then for some reason I got the feeling that my tulpa wanted to have a bird-type-name like Dove, or Wren, or Pheonix. I didn't know. So... I asked! I wanted to be sure that this 'feeling' I had that my tulpa wanted to be named like that was real, annnnnd the response I got was a fairly solid 'No.' Oh well.

During the last hour or so of my day at work I was reading some guides on bringing out the voice in your tulpa, when I got an idea!
So on my way home in the car I went back and forth between explaining what a radio is and how it works to my tulpa, and having my tulpa focus on what the sound coming from the radio... well... sounds like.
We did this all the way home, then after I got home I set up pink noise to play from my laptop headphones, arranged it so it only took a button-press to turn the pink noise on, then settled down to active force. I spent a few minutes meditating, then went to wonderland and worked at creating myself a little radio-room. I set my tulpa in another room to transmit to me, and in the receiving room I put a radio receiver with a few dials and such, a tv screen (a black Panasonic, interestingly) and a little monitor thingy that could attach to my chest.
Then I moved my hand just enough to hit the button to turn on the pink noise, and in my wonderland I turned on the radio. Doing this really destabilized things though and I had to take a minute or so just to get things back together. I had to fight for a bit because the walls to my room kept shifting to transparent, revealing white pillars stretching off into infinity in all directions. Crazy.
Anyway, I got the radio on and my wonderland settled again, and focused. I watched the tv and listened to the radio. It didn't go quite as planned, largely because I had an incredibly difficult time maintaining concentration. A much harder time than normally, oddly enough. And also oddly, I found vision being kinda engulfed by the tv, like suddenly all I could see was the static of the tv.

Then some very interesting stuff happened.
First, a name flashed, but I could only catch the first few letters. Ty...something. It felt like Tyrone or Tyrelle, but I couldn't tell. It flashed too fast. It was very clear though, like a definite imprint in the static.
Then, I saw a flash of a man's face, which was immediately replaced with a woman's. The woman's face actually stayed for a few seconds, eventually fading away. Both of them had dark hair, a red bandanna, and olive colored skin.

Whut.

So I'm a little shocked right?
Yeah.
I try to get a little more out of this. I realize that I hadn't really heard anything, so I turn off the tv in the wonderland and focus on listening and feeling for feelings. I don't get much at all, and eventually stop.

After I pull myself back to reality, moving was difficult, but I managed. I took a few minutes to clarify some stuff with my tulpa. The first thing I needed to know... is s/he a guy or a girl? I closed my eyes and focused and asked, and asked again. I insisted that s/he use his feelings and not headpressures. Eventually I get that he is a guy. He was trying to do what I wanted. I insisted that he do what he wants. I then pulled up lists of boy names that start with "Ty" and asked what his name is. Took a little bit, and it's slightly vague, but I am pretty sure his name is Tyrone.

Whoa.

I'm thrilled, and surprised. The last name I was expecting was Tyrone. (Ok, there are probably other names I would expect less, but seriously)

I go on IRC, feeling very tired all of a sudden, and chat a bit. Someone asks me to describe Tyrone and I picture him in my mind for a second. I didn't catch what his eye color was before, so I wanted to see if I looked closely at what I could remember if I would see it. What happened instead shocked me. I saw, very clearly, brown eyes.
Okay then! Tyrone has apparently gotten much better and sending me images. Or rather, he has gained that ability, since he couldn't do that before.

So yeah, now I'm exhausted, and he is exhausted. I seem to be able to feel his presence and his opinions a lot better, and, well, yeah. I'm slightly overwhelmed right now.

So an overview of my tulpa's current appearance:

Male, Dark brown hair, short beard, brown eyes, olive skin
Wearing a red bandanna
Looks rather rogue-ish
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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#8
Hooray for progress!

I noticed you said "he gained that ability" in reference to sending you images. Now, while there's nothing wrong with that, here's another way of looking at it that may help if you think it sounds right.

Rather than him "gaining an ability" of some sort, think of it as, "I can now receive this new kind of information" In other words, Tyrone can already do all these things, but you've not developed a sense for receiving information yet. And, through forcing and the like, you're the one improving your ability to receive your tulpa, as opposed to your tulpa being able to do more things.

It's how I've been working with Amy, and we've been doing fantastically! You don't need to change your way of thinking if you don't think it sounds right. Tulpamancy is all about following the path that you think is the right way to do things and will get you to communicating the fastest. I'm just telling you another way of thinking in case it rings true in your head and makes you able to talk to Tyrone all the quicker!

G'luck!
Tulpas
Amy
Nine-Tailed Kitsune
Sigma
Anthro Cat-Bat
The Kippies!
Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)
The Baybees~
Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip
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#9
Thank you for the reminder, my delicious friend. It's an important one I think. I do agree with you.
I'd actually take it a step further. It isn't just me learning to receive the information either, but both of us learning and growing together. I'm learning to receive/hear/sense/feel him, and he is learning how to communicate with me. A joint effort.

Also, a slight update, I spoke with my partner about tulpae again today, and she seems to be coming around a bit, although hesitantly. She is weirded out by the whole idea, and has some fears as well. I may talk about it more tomorrow in a proper update. Too tired now.

P.S. I went to see Edge Of Tomorrow with my partner and father in theaters. Holy crap that movie is awesome, and it's so much fun to watch Tom Cruise die over and over xD

Edit: I just showed my partner this progress report, and she wanted me to include that she just passed a certification exam to be a Pharmacy Technician. She is pretty excited about that :P
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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#10
Keeping it short, since I have a huge headache.

Spent much of the day interacting with Tyrone a lot. Exchanged a lot of questions with other another host and his tulpa as well as another tulpa herself as an exercise for me to listen to Tyrone. It is fairly challenging because I am having trouble making out whether the thoughts that I am hearing are his or mine, especially considering how fast they sometimes come.
I also learned that Tyrone is very definitely communicating with me in Tulpish. I don't think I fully understood what that meant until now.

Okay, since I started writing this I have taken asprin and had orange juice. IT DOES HELP!
I'm done anyway.
Date Started Forcing: 6/04/2014 at ~11:35am EST
Tulpa's Name: Tyrone
Progress so far: Tulpish
Working on: vocalization
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