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The way is in training


Xantan

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Ok, so some back story. I joined this site last year deeply interested in the tulpa phenomenon because of my studies in psychology. I began work on a fairy tulpa, who i named Alice. I worked with Alice for more than a few weeks, but as time passed i started to see just how much work this project would be, and it began to feel more and more like a chore than an adventure. Instead of letting Alice fade away i opted to put her in stasis so she could survive, and limited my thinking of her so she wouldn't awaken before i could give her what she needs.

 

I'm not sure when i woke Alice up, or how long we've been at it (less than 2 months, probably around 1). I've changed my viewpoint and talked with Alice. Now i see my time with her the same way i see my swordsmanship, there's no rush. Without the pressure to perform or succeed i now look forward to my time with Alice and we've already accomplished more in her creation than we did on the first run. We've made a pact to never give up on each other, and to help each other become better people.

 

If i ended this post there it would sound really hopeful and happy, but there's more. I'm still plagued by doubt, much like i imagine a lot of tuplamancers are. some of the things that bother us are that Alice doesn't have her own thought stream yet. She can only use my thoughts to draw ideas and inspiration from. Her mind-voice is getting better, but related to the previous point, it's usually her speaking thoughts i'm just thinking. For example, she can sometimes trap me in an argument such that i basically defeat myself with my own points. it feels very similar to when i do the same thing through introspection, except it's in her voice and feels like it's coming from her (but it's still "my" thoughts, she just voices them first, i think).

 

To anyone who can relate to their tulpa not having their own thought stream, Did they progress past this phase?

 

I think that's it for my questions and comments. we'll be posting in here "regularly" and checking posts daily.

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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Yes, they both did. It takes some time but you'll notice her improve. Just talk with her often, ask her questions, make her think about things!

 

It sounds like you've found your path--that's awesome. It's good to find that freedom so forcing isn't a chore, but is a joy. You'll see more progress this way, I'm sure of it.

 

She will become more independent of you in time.

 

 

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Yeah, it's really just a matter of time. As long as you keep talking to her and seeing her she should get better at doing her own thing and not being reliant on your own thoughts. My tulpa is much like that - generally she says things that I've already thought just before she said them, but it is getting better.

 

I've been doing the exercises from Linkzelda's storytelling guide and I feel they have been helping a lot as far as allowing me to trust my subconscious (And hence, Elise) to act on its own, in addition to just strengthening it and many other important aspects of Elise/my subconscious.

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Yes, they both did. It takes some time but you'll notice her improve. Just talk with her often, ask her questions, make her think about things!

Like question her beliefs?

 

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Today was a pretty good day, but i had lots to do. I have a perfume that I use as the basis for Alice's scent. We're still working on it, but as an aid i sprayed a fan. I think i got it on my arms because the scent followed me. Even when Alice and I took a bath, i could not stop smelling it. Incidentally it's a lot more familiar now. The bath is also more like a small pool to Alice and her swimming for the first time sparked a discussion about whether her wings could be used to aid in swimming or if they'd create too much drag. By the time i got my day going i needed to go with friends to get groceries, so i skipped my forcing till later.

 

Alice and i opted to Rollerblade to save bus fare but it's close enough we still beat my friends there. On the way there Alice wanted to try roller blades so i did my best to visualize some for her. She was quite skilled as she normally is, but after watching her showboat i stopped assisting her and applied some basic "physics" to her movements. She found that balancing wasn't as easy as it felt when i did it and almost wiped out a number of times before giving it up.

 

I tried my best to remember Alice with me as i shopped with my friends, but every time they'd talk my attention would shift. When we separated in aisles and I was alone i'd remember again.

 

Rest of the day wasn't much, just making dinner (chicken, corn, potatoes) and hanging with friends. I had a coffee and said goodnight so i could head home to force with Alice.

 

Mostly we worked on her form today, though i also strengthened the wonderland we live in. I generally work on touch and form at the same time, feeling her bone placement, muscles, ect, as well as their sizing compared to my fingers. Alice stands at an approx. 7 inches in her regular form, making the sizing tricky. It's gotten better but i have a hard time visualizing her legs in correct proportion. We also talked, and it's a lot easier for her to respond to me, and likewise talk, when we're forcing.

 

ok, to end this, and for fun.

To any tulpae with wings: How, if at all, do your wings effect your swimming? Please elaborate if you can.

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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Well, my tulpa doesn't have wings, but I'd imagine it varies a lot by the type of wings.

 

Waterfowl like ducks secrete a kind of oil which they rub all over their feathers to waterproof them, which helps a lot.

 

The leathery wings of bats seem to work well for swimming -- in fact, some bats reportedly swim better than they fly.

 

Insect wings, on the other hand, don't seem to work very well for swimming. Most aquatic insects seem to either lack wings, or fold their wings when dealing with water. Apparently some dragonflies actually submerge themselves to lay their eggs, but I haven't been able to find information or a picture of this happening.

 

I imagine that most insect wings are too thin and delicate to fight against the water. Of course this is with regards to insects that are rarely more than an inch in length. The wings of a tulpa around seven inches in length might be completely different.

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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I noticed doubt was really getting in the way of my tulpa's development. Only very recently has mine even taken a form, and I really think it was because I had my doubts. Like you said and I agree, I'm sure all tulpamancers have their doubts at one point or another, the trick is not letting it become a block for development. When I find myself doubting, about anything involving my tulpa, I force and just tell him that I believe in him. I believe he's there. I believe he hears me. I believe he understand. I believe. Even if the doubt is still there, you wouldn't believe the positive effect it has.

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Insect wings, on the other hand, don't seem to work very well for swimming. Most aquatic insects seem to either lack wings, or fold their wings when dealing with water.

 

They did seem to drag, but Alice is determined to find a way to use her wings to aid her swimming. She did manage to show me that if she lays on her back and spreads her wings her increased surface area makes it easier to just float on the water.

 

Another note related to this is that she's humanoid, so she can swim just like a human but she also has wings. This question will likely lead to more baths as we try and figure it out.

If anyone still wants to post about swimming and wings in the future, feel free.

 

When I find myself doubting, about anything involving my tulpa, I force and just tell him that I believe in him. I believe he's there. I believe he hears me. I believe he understand. I believe.

 

Sometimes i have a hard time feeling Alice and i'm going to remember these words for when i need a boost, thank-you.

 

Anyway, off to force and...damn I need food first. i'll post more later, Have a great day everyone.

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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They did seem to drag, but Alice is determined to find a way to use her wings to aid her swimming. She did manage to show me that if she lays on her back and spreads her wings her increased surface area makes it easier to just float on the water.

 

Maybe you could help her by visualizing her wings in a strong way but still keeping their form?

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Sometimes it's hard to find time to force, today my mother called me to chat. She recently finished treatment at a rehab center and has been doing a lot of work into positive thinking as well as getting back in touch with her religion. She's had to do a lot of introspection and work towards finding her own peace. I can relate to how she feels, all i want from life is to find inner peace, even when i was young. we talked about this subject for some time and eventually i related the conversation to Tibetan mysticism.

 

I told her i was involved in something similar that in modern age is seen as psychological as opposed to mystical. I told her it was like a tool for self improvement, discipline and positive reinforcement. Alice does help me with all those thing, she's the voice who nags me to actuallydo the things i "wish" i could do, or the things i need to do in my day to day life. She's also my companion, giving me support and unconditional love, picking me up when i'm down. But i didn't tell her about Alice, or tulpa for that matter.

 

I did tell her about wonderlands though. I even detailed mine to her. She thought it was the most fascinating thing and asked me to teach her how to do it.

 

Afterwards Alice and i hung out listening to a bunch of new music i missed out on. I have really bad time management so i'm running behind in my day, but i stopped stressing and forced with Alice for a bit anyway.

 

That said our session focused on her size proportions (legs are still tricky), taste, smell, and touch. Coca-cola is pretty good in wonderland, but i can't get the carbonation right. Usually it's a burning tingly sensation, but there's no pain in my wonderland (or at least nothing substantial) so it's still off. Alice also had one to recover but doesn't enjoy it as much as i do.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Have you enjoyed a tasty carbonated beverage in your wonderland?

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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Just a quick post while I'm on my mobile. I feel like I've encountered a mental barrier. It's been harder to sense or see Alice lately, though I'm still not sure why. I feel like my brain is trying to reject what I'm telling it, and that I need to break down this mental barrier. I'm going to tell some friends about her, make her a more important figure in my life; hopefully it will force my brain to accept that she is real.

 

Can anyone relate to this feeling? If it is a barrier, how did you break it

"The way is in training."

- Miyamoto Musashi

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