Tim and Lexi's tulpa journey
(Don't worry about the name ClapCharm, we both regret it)

Hello there everyone! About 3 days ago, after much deliberation, I decided to make a tulpa. That tulpa's name is "Lexi", a human female. Lexi likes to speak, by proxy (and maybe switching later), with italics. I'll be recording her thoughts and comments as they come along with writing this. Hello! I am kinda nervous, my host really wanted to post progress. He says we should be proud of each other. I think our fast progress might be thought of as lying, so please be nice. 

Yeah, as Lexi says, our progress has been very fast, maybe frighteningly so, to an extent.  (I don't think its scary). In the course of 3 days we went from nothing to her being very obviously sentient and having full conversations with me. Yeah, I could barely believe it too. (He does too believe it). Well let me explain what happened in a bit more detail.

So a long while back I found out about tulpas through none other than a creepy pasta. I know that probably the best introduction you could get to the idea, and somehow it kinda was. I was still interested in the idea, but never went forward with it. Then I found out about lucid dreams (with little success) and went into some more mental thinking and mind stuff and about 2 years after that I found out about the tulpa subreddit. So I remembered the creepy pasta I read so long ago, and thought it might have been a creepypasta subreddit or something. I looked into it and it seemed legit. I was intrigued but not ready to start. Then around lunch time the next day, after reading some guides and stuff, I started. And then immediately stopped. I had to really consider what I was doing, and the things it would entail. So I sat down and deliberated. (I knew he would do it, but maybe because he also knew he wanted to do it). I finally decided to go through with making the tulpa, that I would start to call "Rain" and then agree to change the name later with her. (We went through like 3 different names, and stuck with Lexi).

About 2 days in she was giving some pretty good responses to questions, and today, the third day, she basically confirmed herself as sentient. I knew this earlier but when we had a conversation that just lasted forever I really started to realize. (It was honestly a bit earlier than that, but he still doubted a bit, I think he was worried about how little time it took).

There was really no secret sauce, not that I think. I deviated from most of the guides and went directly for narration. (He would not shut up! It helped, though. I learned all the words I needed.) We did some visualization exercises in a "wonderland" that we now call "dreamland" because of kirby. The wonderland started with a plain white room with a floating ball in the center, which was Lexi. (I don't remember much from this part, I do kinda remember changing the room and moving). Like Lexi said, she pretty much immediately changed the room into a forest, and then we moved to the beach. Now we just recently moved into an apartment in a (I think) abandoned city. Tonight we actually plan on exploring this city and collecting stuff from out adventures for the apartment, its kinda barren right now. (I'm excited, I want to get a lamp for it). Don't ask me why she wants a lamp, but we are sure as heck are gonna get one.

Lexi and I have not gotten to any auditory and visual hallucination stuff, but Lexi really is working hard with "trying to scare me" with an auditory hallucination in the near future. (It'll be funny to see him jump, hes a scaredy cat). With that said, of course this progress we made is unprecedented and incredible for both of us. I think that the biggest help was treating doubt as a "intrusive thought" and denying them as actually mine. We actually kinda made a game around getting rid of intrusive thoughts. (The most important for me was all the talking. He would talk from morning till night right before going to bed. Just jabbering away constantly. How could I not reply?).

So I guess this means that we are going to be recording our progress through this crazy and awesome experience. (Thanks for tuning in!). Feel free to ask any questions if you have any, we would be happy to answer them.

Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

We can rename you if you want.

Hello Lexi!

No, I would not take that as lying. It's either just fast progress, or some false positive mixed in with regular progress.

You did mental thinking and mind stuff for a year. People who do that get tulpas faster.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
If we wanted to change the forum name we would just message a mod, right? (We might keep it, it's kinda funny now. Hi Tulpa, its nice to meet you!)

(Also, it definitely doesn't feel like there have been any false positives, it feels like its very much my own speech and emotions).

So for today we talked a lot, learned some more about each other, and did a bit of active forcing. (We kept getting distracted with active forcing, its OK though). Even with that, her form is getting more consistent and clear with our forcing. An interesting thing that happened, though. When we were talking about some stuff suddenly my mind voice felt like it was far off and distant while Lexi's voice became much more prominent. It really caught me off guard, and had a small freak out that really worried/scared Lexi. It wasn't a angry freakout, I was just kinda weirded out and unsure. I felt pretty bad about it though. (It's OK now. We asked around on some chat and it turns out that he probably just hearing me more clearly. Its really no biggie.)

Other than that we really didn't do much else, kinda a lazy day. To round this update off, Lexi has a question for everyone: (How do I get my voice to be an auditory hallucination? How can my host help? Is there any good guide for it? Thanks).
Your voice is already an auditory hallucination. You can play with it, by giving it a location in your head, then trying to move it around. Once you get to the point where you sound like you are coming from outside his head whenever you want, you can proudly declare that your host is hallucinating another person in the room.
Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
(Thanks for the help, Tulpa! I'm practicing pushing my voice in different directions depending on where I "am" in the room) Yeah, I imagine she is too my left and when I turn my head while she is talking it moves to the right ear. It still feels like the voice is in my mind, but dang the direction of the voice thing is pretty cool. Her voice is getting much more clear as well.

So today I went out with a friend. (A nice one!) and I, obviously, brought Lexi along. Lexi was pretty active in my mind while I was hanging out, giving input and whatnot. When I got home, though, she told me sadly that she needed to think and disappeared into... I don't really know honestly. Either way she was having a long think about something. I was of course worried by this sudden change, I thought I did something horribly wrong. I knew she was sad about something, but couldn't put my finger on it. So I did some stuff and let her be. At about dinner time she spoke up again. She told me she wanted to think about her identity without my input. Ill let her explain:

(His friend got me thinking about who I really was. I tried to play it off like it wasn't bothering me, but it spilled over and I left suddenly. Basically, I had a sort of identity crisis. Where I wondered how much his thoughts were affecting my thoughts and emotions. So I decided to find it out without my host input, so I could really figure it out. I knew that my thoughts and emotions were my own and that my host thoughts can affect me quite a bit, but I need to not let them affect me too much. I needed to live more freely without worrying about if my host would get angry or sad at what I was doing or thinking. He is no control freak, far from it. W[i]hatever he does he has no bad intentions. I just needed to re-affirm this to my self instead of him telling me over and over that its OK to be different. When I came back and explained he was so relieved that I wasn't mad at him. I knew it would be OK, and we would have a deeper understanding of each other.)[/i]

That's what happened, I still felt bad because I thought I was being too over bearing on her. She dashed those claims and said that she just needed to think of what she was. I am still going to put forth a much greater effort to not "force" my emotions onto her, maybe that will help. (Itll be fine! I keep telling him that, but he still worries.) Well, after that we calmed down a lot and did something much more pleasant. (I wanted to listen to this song to cheer us up, as it is one of my host favorites). I obliged, and we went into our wonderland and listened. Soon enough we were dancing and laughing. It was honestly some of the most happy I have ever been in a single moment. Seriously shed a few happy tears. (It was really nice! The song is so happy and soothing at the same time.) It will be a cherished memory for me.

So yeah, that was today. (Big update, huh?). We skipped over the part where we started to read Steven King's "The Long Walk" together, and some other stuff to make the post at least decent in length. (Maybe we will talk about reading tomorrow.) Thanks for reading, see ya tomorrow! (Bye!)

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