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tips on maturing a tulpa?
#1
so my tulpa Naomi is an absolute sweetheart, but we have a bit of a problem.

mentally, she's about five years old. it makes all our interactions seriously cute (she literally conjured up a teddy bear to sleep with in wonderland) but it's also a bit hindering because when we talk, i'm not on her level. it's kinda like im her parent - which was not my intention at all with Naomi.

i know the answer could just be time, but i was wondering if anyone else knew how i could encourage the maturing process so she's not so young mentally?
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#2
Tulpa here, what's wrong with being a kid? >_<

...I guess I would be a handful if I were that young though. Uhhh... Have you tried flat-out asking her to please make herself older or telling her you need her to be a little older? Tell her she can still be cute and adorable even if she is older. Reassure her you aren't mad and you aren't rejecting her, if she really seriously wants to be your baby sister or something that's ok for now but please grow up soon. Try tween? Anyway, don't do it like "blah you frustrate me, I hate you being like this, blahh mean mean". How about let her know what you really need is more of an equal or little sister than a baby sister. Or whatever you actually need.

*peeks into profile* You aren't a grownup yet yourself (older than me though, to be fair. I get to cheat and use an older guys memories, ha!), have you thought that she might be pretending to be your "inner child" or thinks you need to learn some responsibility or something? Seriously though, if that is exactly what she wants to be and she is totally 100% ironclad against changing then.. I'm sorry? Maybe she just likes the attention and will get bored of being like that? Haha! I sound like a stuffy adult "It's just a phase, she will outgrow it".
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#3
tup's gotta want to change themselves, too, y'know? there's nothing STOPPING them from instantly being older and mature other than their sense of identity, which is important, so at best you can talk to them and say why you'd like them to be a little older/mature-r, and then they can move towards that over time. And as for long term, intent is key! If you guys intend for her to be 5 forever, she will be! in our system we tend to just kinda get physically older about as fast as our host which is cool, although maturity wise we started.. well, the other three at his age, I'm years younger, and got mature as we learned about the world and ourselves. but we never started as kids exactly, y'know, it's just a choice to act and think like that for the tulpa. they can be just as grown up as you, and sometimes slightly more so
Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
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#4
Cassidy started out as 7 and is now about 13, not too much younger than me. I did want him to age up a bit so we could have more complex conversations.
Two things I did, which I think aged Cassidy up: First, I agreed to let him act as young or old as he wanted. If he wanted to play with blocks today, that didn't mean he couldn't talk about climate change tomorrow. If tomorrow came and he still just wanted to cuddle with dolls, I was fine with that, too.

Second, I read to him and asked him about the book. I think the behavioral age of tulpas is greatly tied to their level of vocality. If they can only speak in short sentences, they're going to act in a way that allows them to speak in short sentences. We personally read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and chunks of the first Harry Potter book. They read just as well as you, so probably don't read Dr. Seuss, but also make sure the book isn't such a gore/sex/politics-fest that your tulpa won't form their own opinions. As Cassidy's vocality improved, he aged himself up. My other tulpa, who is extremely vocally-mature, got that way because I constantly debated him and asked for his opinion on complex topics. Now, he presents as older than I am, somewhere in his late twenties.

-J
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#5
thank you all so much for the advice. i'll definitely be having a conversation with Naomi about all this! if she really doesn't wanna change, i might end up making a second tulpa after she gets to a better level in her communication skills. she might like having a parent-like figure around, who knows?

thanks everyone!

update: had a conversation with naomi - she is not happy. i don't know why cause i didn't tell her that she had to be more mature, I said that if she didn't wanna change she didn't have to, but she still got very obviously upset and is now hiding from me in wonderland. well, i know where she is, it's just that i can't get to her.
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#6
Just like corporeal folk, tulpas mature naturally over time as they're exposed to more life experiences. Some start off mature while others still have a long way to go and the best you can do is continue to interact with them like they're your equal. Stooping down to a immature tulpa's seemingly lower "level" probably isn't going to do them any good in the long run since it just solidifies their youth in your mind. This isn't to say that having a tulpa in this state is an inherently bad thing, but if you're not entirely comfortable with that you should make a conscious effort to change things - it's your mind, after all.

And in response to your edit, just give your tulpa some space. Being told that you're immature is usually not something that people like to hear.
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#7
A few questions -
1. How old is your tulpa now?
2. How old are you (if you're comfortable sharing this information)?
3. When did you start forcing her?
4. Has this started recently or has it been since day one?

It doesn't seem to be much of a problem, she'll mature after a while. Think of it like a puppy - She'll be quite playful and goofy for a little while and then mature. Most tulpas I've seen seem to start off acting young and then progress into a mature mindset. You should keep being a "parent" to her but not coddle her to the point where she doesn't want to grow up. Push her to be a bit more mature and responsible, but not to the point where she can't be herself. Time is on your side when it comes to this.
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