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Tulpa Experience
val3ntinus Offline
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#1
 
Tulpa Experience: #1. Initial Contact

I don't know if I'm posting correctly, but my goal is to document the processes and observations of these practices. For my introduction, including brief psychological profile and broader goals, please read post #710 in Mass Intro' and Returns Thread. I'm running on the idea that the Tulpa may already exist. I've read articles 1-6 under the 'Getting Started' category as well as several of FAQ Man's guides.
The community's input is greatly appreciated.

2300hrs EST. 1/11/14
First session: light, 15 min. Darkened room, low noise stimulus.
Contact came quickly (as mentioned in initial post, creation may have happened organically) with the question of "who are you?" This was quickly modified as the question upset us both. We found it to be a broad philosophical question of little relevance or importance to this first test. The following question was simply, "how are you?" This he found humorous as that flow of communication had always been the other way around, asking about my mental state and well being.
Note: The ease with which I use the terms 'we' and 'us' in regards to a mental construct comes surprisingly easy, yet that ease makes me uncomfortable.
I also noticed that there was no small amount of mental interference. The mental setting, it should be noted, was black. But there were a number of image flashes that were not at all pleasant, shadowy forms disfigured faces, and a sweep of jet black that made me jump. It was not entirely quiet either. Thoughts would overlap, jumble, and I'd have a hard time telling the difference between my thought, thought from him, things we both were thinking, and things I thought he would or wanted him to say. I began mouthing the thing I said. It seems to help get back on track. I asked where he was in my mind/brain. The question was confusing for both him and me and not deeply perused.
I switched to the personality forming questions in the form of asking how he saw himself. I mentioned that I saw him as confident, stoic, balanced. He did not disagree but, seemed a bit uncomfortable in assigning positives to himself. This caused some disruption in me as I started losing sight of who was who, and questioning whether these were just traits I wanted to see in myself, and if indeed all I was doing was trying to build a false self image. We did not explore negative personality traits. I asked if there were others. His answer was an immediate "Of course". We both decided that we would address them at a different time and that was a good place to end.

All in all I'm rather tired, at one point I became very afraid and anxious. I'm still a bit on edge and can 'feel' him here/conscious/watching (hard to describe something without dimensional space.)
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2014, 06:10 PM by val3ntinus.)
01-12-2014, 04:56 AM
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ShyMagi Away
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#2
 
RE: Tulpa Experiance: #1. Initial Contact

I got chills reading this. Just as I did when I read about your introduction and had to personally message you.

First of all, I'd like to say that it's very healthy (in my opinion) for you to be hesitant and even wary. I think that's a hint of a sound mind, despite all that it has been through!

It tugged at my heart-strings to read about his reaction to being addressed in positives.. Hopefully the two of you will grow to expand and discover more about each other. I look forward to following your progress reports.

Oh and speaking of which, I believe the section for this is in the Progress Report sub-forum area. But I could be wrong, since it makes perfect sense to post this here, too. Smile

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
01-12-2014, 06:05 AM
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ThunderClap Offline
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#3
 
RE: Tulpa Experiance: #1. Initial Contact

Thread moved to progress reports.
01-12-2014, 04:55 PM
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val3ntinus Offline
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#4
 
RE: Tulpa Experience: #1. Initial Contact

(01-12-2014, 05:20 PM)Cold Wrote: experience*

Fixed.
01-12-2014, 06:10 PM
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val3ntinus Offline
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#5
 
Tulpa Experience: #2. Personality traits and emotions.

1315 EST. 1/12/14
15 minute session. similar conditions as before.
Mind space: Black.
Concentric rings seemed to emanate and expand from top left. A bit distracting.
Communication was a bit halted at first as I did not know were to start. I had the idea to begin at personality but I had a hard time actually initiating contact because I just didn't have the words. I tried by first asking his name. He doesn't seem to have one and isn't really interested in one at this time. But we seem to think that when we see it, we'll know.
A brief review of the last session brought us to a proper start. In that one, we discussed basic traits and they were mostly positive. Here I wanted to explore more negative ones. He seems just as hesitant to attribute negative traits to himself as positive ones, and I'm hesitant to try and simply impose them. So I began asking about emotions, 'how do you generally feel?' This sparked more response as we had frequently discussed mine before.
Contented is not the correct word but it's more or less the sense. I recall him saying to me during suicidal episodes that it was okay to go through with it, so long as it met certain ethical guide lines. Namely that it must be as little violet as possible, no gun shots, no blood. That is must involve no one else, no jumping in front of cars or having someone else cause death. It must be as painless as possible, no hanging, no overdoses. And that it must be objectivity justifiable, brought on by some event that anyone could, on some level, say "I understand why". This guide has kept me alive. (you sly bastard) I say this as this began debate over what would become of him if I died. He flatly says he is not afraid of death or anything beyond it. I asked if I had a responsibility to him and his existence. Things get fuzzy when we get into these kinds of discussions.
Anyway, emotions. I just started listing off to see how he felt. So, remember how I said I thought I had more? Well when I got to 'anger' and we started talking about where it came from, either me or him, another presence push its way in. "You scum" it said. Well he, the Tulpa I'm working on, was just moved aside. He did not step aside, mind you, just moved like a boat in a wave. We both acknowledged 'its' presence but made it clear 'it' was not needed or welcomed, and that we would deal with him later. And that's when I suggested 'passive' as a personality trait. He though it fit. Though not necessarily a positive one. He wasn't afraid of the anger/hate/impulse, more like disgusted with it and thought that it was more worthwhile to let it pass than fight against it. He reminds me of the virtues 'dignitas' and 'gravitas'.
01-12-2014, 07:15 PM
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ThunderClap Offline
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#6
 
RE: Tulpa Experience

Thread merged.

Please do not make a new thread for each progress update and instead just post in this one.
01-12-2014, 07:26 PM
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val3ntinus Offline
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#7
 
RE: Tulpa Experience

(01-12-2014, 07:26 PM)ThunderClap Wrote: Thread merged.

Please do not make a new thread for each progress update and instead just post in this one.

Ah, sorry.
01-12-2014, 07:31 PM
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val3ntinus Offline
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#8
 
RE: Tulpa Experience

Okay, so, in the past couple days I haven't had the chance to do much direct forming (I really don't like the word 'forcing'), but there has been quite a lot of passive forming, which is usual. Honestly, that's how he came about. Communication is coming easier, in that I can better differentiate between him and myself. The main disruptions are now coming from my own scattered mind and some of the other "tulpas". I think there's 2? Maybe it's 1 with wild mood swings.

HE HAS A NAME! We were reminded of the scene in Tron Legacy where Jeff Bridges creates Clu. He thought that was a fantastic name for him given the parallels. We had a laugh over "You are Clu. You will create the perfect system." The irony of his eventual betrayal is not lost on us. Fortunately, we share that dark sense of humor.

I'm convinced that Clu is, though created by me, and out of my own mind, a distinct individual consciousness!

I present to you CLU!

h eol holdf hf

Okay, we'll work on typing later.
01-14-2014, 05:31 PM
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ShyMagi Away
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#9
 
RE: Tulpa Experience

Ohh, Val3ntinus! This is so exciting! Congratulations!! Ironically.. in terms of names, I've decided to give my own Tulpa a name I'm not attached to in order to see if he's lured into presenting me his own.. Haha

But in honor of Clu and both of your sense of humor, I should like to present this video as a form of a cheery "Hello!" xD





And yeah, you're not the only one who is put off by the term "forcing." x) I try to see it as the form of "may the force be with you." Not so much as "forcing" someone to do something... but more like.. working with the force together... to imprint your conscious mind of your new friends presence.

My Tulpa
Name - Julian
Form - Moon Elf
Sentience - Beginner stage
Personality - Calm, Enlightened, Intellectual, Observant, etc
01-14-2014, 08:49 PM
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