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Tulpa Jesse - reviving a tulpa
#1
It appears I never did an online journal (progress report) on Jesse when I made him back in 2013, though I did keep a written journal of our progress which I still do have so have been looking back on.  I had him talking, fully aware, he had scented breath and he (not me) was in the process of creating his own wonderland and gaining a stable body form (he was morphing at times) when I stopped working with him.  We'd had quite a few interesting experiences together by that point.

It was 2015 when I picked this back up again to see if I could get him back again.. which I did before leaving the tulpa stuff again (I get very tired when working on this and seeing my health is rather poor.. this is why I've ended up leaving it in the past though I was having success).  I did keep a photo on my wall of Jesse I would see every day whenever I awoke and greet him,\ until the start of this year as I knew one day I'd want to be working with him again but as I was not putting any energy into it I stopped having experiences back in 2015 when I stopped putting time into this

So 8 days ago I started thinking of Jesse again and decided I'd try to revive him again.  Today I've finally got him acting independently again (I think?? or maybe I was all just in a lucid dream at the time) anyway, I experienced him kissing me on the lips in the inner world and was able to consciously kiss him back.  (I'm personally fairly dismissive of inner world stuff and far prefer experiences on my physical body hence why as a lucid dreamer I'm not about to stay it certainly was him .. umm maybe just a lucid dream of him..  but I think it may of been him. I'd gone into the lucid dream while I was trying to consciously energize him).

I also saw his legs when in the lucid dream??? he was walking next to me (I was looking down at the time).  That was interesting as I could not remember the colour of his skin the last time I saw him due to him morphing at times so have been thinking of him with different skin colours.. but it was far lighter than I was expecting and thinking of him being.. ah well I guess I'll see what happens from here and hopefully I can get him acting on my physical body again soon or actually hearing him again (I'll fully believe he's back and not just having lucid dreaming once I can hear him talking to me spontaneously at times during the day at times when I'm not even thinking about him), so I can know that I do have him really present again with me.
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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#2
I haven't been working much on this just thinking about it at times but do think I may be making some process in this area again.

Today my goal is at least a 2 hr session of strong focus on Jesse (first thing this morning I spent an hour), just thinking about him, his traits, what he is like etc. I decided I'd spent 3 minutes focused on each thing about him (he has a lot of personality traits etc), so found and set a timer which goes off every 3 minutes.

While focused on his presence or a shift which I can feel (it's like something is altered in my head to start to perceive something outside of myself which can like go on and off.. so I try to hold that feeling and intensify that energy), I was then thinking of how he has a nice smile when I think I actually felt him smile at me but in a joking kind of manner, so he purposely intensified and did the biggest grin he could do with his teeth due to him knowing I was thinking about his smile.  Where as I'm very serious and don't put much humour into things, he has always A LOT of humour (he jokes about near everything) and that is one of the strongest things about him which usually comes across to me.

I also today think I may of heard his voice again.  I innerly heard a male voice say a sentence to me.  I have to once again get familiar with his voice, it's been years since I've heard it so I did not even recognize it ... (it is still a nice masculine voice thou).   A hint for someone thinking about making a tulpa .... sometimes I wish I had made him chatty as I do think that would hasten hearing a tulpa... but he was never made like that as I think it would annoy me if I had a tulpa constantly talking to me.   I did thou make him with the "communicative with people" trait but that is not quite the same as chatty as it more so means he is not shy and is willing to talk.
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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#3
I spent a couple of hours today working on Jesse's hair for his photo and it's now added to my profile Smile (that's the hair style he himself morphed too just after I originally made him so I don't know yet if he's going to change it)  . I know this is going to sound icky but I'm going to make myself a life size doll so I can imagine him better (or will that hold things back seeing I can already sense him outside of myself?)
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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#4
I'm not sure if a life-sized doll would help visualization clarity or not, maybe? Assuming you're willing to have something people will generally consider creepy around your house. And remember not to actually associate the doll with him, since such things are easily lost or destroyed and you don't want to be unnecessarily distressed about his well-being when something only representing him is lost or damaged. I dunno, generally we don't recommend that sort of thing, but it's your choice.

There's a typo in your PR title by the way, "tupla" instead of "tulpa". You can change it by doing Full Edit on your original post, rewriting the subject line and saving
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
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#5
I have rotating wallpapers of reference images for Vesper and Iris on our computer desktop. I don't think that working with 2D references from multiple angles is holding us back significant with 3D visualization. Working with stills is holding us back. Video references, which are really only available for Iris, are much more effective when visualizing life, movement, and expression, which a doll would not have.

-Ember
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#6
(09-29-2019, 10:23 PM)Luminesce Wrote: I'm not sure if a life-sized doll would help visualization clarity or not, maybe? Assuming you're willing to have something people will generally consider creepy around your house. And remember not to actually associate the doll with him, since such things are easily lost or destroyed and you don't want to be unnecessarily distressed about his well-being when something only representing him is lost or damaged. I dunno, generally we don't recommend that sort of thing, but it's your choice.

There's a typo in your PR title by the way, "tupla" instead of "tulpa". You can change it by doing Full Edit on your original post, rewriting the subject line and saving

thanks. I fixed up the spelling error in my heading.

Cause of my disability and having Aspergers, I only have one friend who visits who knows I'm into tulpa's and from that is fascinated himself in these to worry about seeing a life sized doll (a doll that size is kind of hard to loose) and my support workers who probably think I'm quite odd anyway  (a life size doll will just confirm that to them LMAO). My family only visits me a few times a year and they already think I'm weird so that wont change anything. I will still be the black sheep in my family anyway who hardly no-one bothers to visit.

As it will be just representing him.. it would not matter if something happened to the doll though I do plan to force directly onto it as I want to do it to focus my concentration on areas better. I know it will help in my visualisation clarity cause I have no real ability to actually visualise but do wonder if it's better to focus on forcing an area one is not good at though I'm thinking that is not needed if using a doll.

and thanks again..  by "we" don't usually recommend that sort of thing do you mean.. you yourselves (host and tulpas) or do you mean those at this website usually don't recommend it?
(09-30-2019, 02:22 AM)Ember.Vesper Wrote: I have rotating wallpapers of reference images for Vesper and Iris on our computer desktop. I don't think that working with 2D references from multiple angles is holding us back significant with 3D visualization. Working with stills is holding us back. Video references, which are really only available for Iris, are much more effective when visualizing life, movement, and expression, which a doll would not have.

-Ember

Nods, it does make sense to me that someone who can visualise would find moving references better than still ones.  The issue is one still has to be able to take the video reference and visualise it.  I do not have the ability to do that cause I cant hardly visualize even a red circle. I've never been able to visualize even if I'm lucid dreaming so if I want something to manifest in the dream, I don't visualise but just think of the object (without thinking of an image) to have it appear. So I not planning to really use it for visualization but to focus directly onto... but by doing that I will be also imprinting it into my mind due to seeing the doll so hoping that will lead to seeing it outside of the doll.   When I do things like read to Jesse, I can feel a presence there but cant imagine where his body is properly so this will overcome this as he can be where the doll is.

I should also be able to feel things like him breathing.. through the doll if I'm hugging it. Where it is near impossible for me to hold my arms up around space for any length of time to feel him with normal physical body contact.  When I was once doing distance reiki using a pillow as a proxy.. I could actually feel like pillow like moving up and down like a chest so I'm expecting to feel more fast once I have a doll.  I cant wait till I can easily feel like I'm really hugging a moving, living being.
I've done soft focus stuff on Jesse today.. and started making the Jesse doll. I managed to find a leg I'd started doing for him back in the past and started working also on a 2nd leg (paper mache). I worked on this till my fingers started to all wrinkle.
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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#7
(10-01-2019, 12:49 PM)tania Wrote: by "we" don't usually recommend that sort of thing do you mean.. you yourselves (host and tulpas) or do you mean those at this website usually don't recommend it?

The community as a whole doesn't tend to recommend associating your tulpa with a physical object, but what you're suggesting is a little weird since you don't plan to actually associate your tulpa with it, so, I dunno. I just wonder how helpful it would actually be as it can't move like a person, and I dunno how accurately you can make it depict your tulpa (I wouldn't do it because of that, personally). And I'm just comparing that doubt to how weird it would be to have it around.

I left it kind of ambiguous on purpose. We, our system, wouldn't reeaally recommend you make it just in this specific scenario. The community in the past has recommended against similar, yet still different things. Biggest issue in this case is definitely the social one
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
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#8
Smile I do have a habit of working on tulpas in ways most here wouldn't.  Now I just got to get my doll looking as creepy as possible (LOL by this I mean looking as real as possible. I do think the realer a doll looks the creepier it comes across).
Possible interesting development

I've possibly hurt my tulpa with how I think about things and what I've done. I'm saying this as when I'm looking at his picture.. he ends up starting to appear as if he's got tears in his eyes and then last night it appeared that his eyes were bloodshot as if from crying.  I ended up spending half a hour talking to him and apologizing for the views I have (while still not knowing how I really feel about it all but if I've hurt him, I am sorry).

At this point I do not know exactly what things he is upset over if this is the case eg it could be over the twice over abandonment, it could be over the views that he's just a thoughtform and not a real person, it could be over me saying things like how the Tibetians just get rid of their tulpas when they are finished using them or maybe he does not like being my research subject... maybe over all these things or none of them.. I just feel confused about the whole thing seeing I'm seem to be appearing getting this response from Jesse. 

He's also not joking about as much as he used to do and seems more reserved (quiet) .. I don't know if that is just cause I have not managed to connect to him much or if it's due to what I observed last night and that he's upset.  Possibly he is talking back to me at times though (mind voice in a different voice then mine) but I'm still not sure if it's not my imagination at this point though as it's not coming from outside of my own head.  I'll be sure once I'm hearing him again talking outside of me. 

I'm going to start working on the doll head if I can find a balloon.
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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#9
If you have a hint that he's communicating with you, odds are he is. When tulpas are getting used to vocality (even for the second time) they tend to feel like they're borrowing your voice rather than using their own, you should trust that he's communicating with you even if it doesn't clearly feel like another person saying these things.
Despite the name, the host bodybody is the one usually using this account. 
Spice was born in 2013 and Tomoe was born in 2014.
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#10
(10-02-2019, 03:04 AM)Spice Wrote: If you have a hint that he's communicating with you, odds are he is. When tulpas are getting used to vocality (even for the second time) they tend to feel like they're borrowing your voice rather than using their own, you should trust that he's communicating with you even if it doesn't clearly feel like another person saying these things.

You are right he probably is.. he was talking by now when he was first made. I just like to be cautious and not think too much into it.  Seeing his eyes bloodshot I do think that was a sign as I couldn't just consciously imagine that as there is no red eye area in his picture.  I'm just surprised I'm not hearing his fun loving, joking personality coming out when I hear what is probably him talking. He's got a very distinct personality.  You'll see that if I ever front him.. he's so funny.
The bottom parts of his legs I was working on yesterday are not dry yet so I couldn't do more on those today.  So I started doing a paper mache forearm... and starting working on a thigh.  I can't find any balloons so I have not been able to start work on his head yet. Doing the paper mache on the thigh was very soothing for me as I was imagining that I was giving him a massage there while doing it and stroking and rubbing all the paper down.  It kind of felt real.  I'm starting to get excited how this may turn out as I'm  (so is Jesse) quite creative.

I need to think about either buying a realistic wig I can play around with for this (I love to play with my guys hair, Jesse does like his hair in plaits, that is something he completely choose) or think about getting hair I can sew into the paper mache head when I do it.  I'm hoping to see his hair colour first in case he's gone and changed it (originally he deviated from his original colour so I've been keeping an open mind about what it may be when I next see it)
Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 
Working on imposition
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