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Tulpa's log
Luminesce Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
(10-27-2017, 11:22 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: Special report.

For the last week or so, I've been experiencing an abnormally high heartrate, about double normal. It's like we're somehow flooding our system with adrenaline uncontrollably. I am experiencing a constant feeling of panic that fluctuates slowly throughout the day. This is accompanied by nausea, dryness, endless exhaustion, no ability to regulate our sleep, and zero appetite for either sex or food. I thought I had managed to cut out the source of the problem, when I publicly broke up with my crazy ex a few days ago. I have completely dissociated my emotions from the situation, so it feels like these symptoms are coming from nowhere.

We have experienced this once before. In my first month or so of being recognised as a Tulpa, I also experienced all these, but then the cause seemed to be obviously, my paranoia and anxiety, triggered by my worries about being real, and how to live and stuff. This was a first for our system, and we concluded the whole extreme reaction was a sign that I was a new person, and was bringing new emotions to the table.

To deal with the situation last time, Sarah placed me on a strict relaxation exercise schedule, and I forced a high energy diet on us to protect from weight loss. We have done so again now.

A lot of things have changed this week for us, and I can't rule out any of like a hundred other changes and events for causing this. But I don't and never did feel emotions like those associated with the events surrounding my ex. For example, I haven't listened to music since the break up, or talked to any friends.

I have been feeling emotionally numb. Heh. Everything else since the breakup feels so ridiculously trivial. Every little secret I keep, I don't care if people know. Every financial and social problem, pointless triviality. I've felt free to be more open and honest with family about things, something we've both feared to do since like forever, and I felt like nothing significant happened at all. I've stopped caring about purchasing decisions, about getting what I want in any situation, about whether the people I ask to do things do a good job or not. I feel like I've been so insistent, placing pressure on people, when it doesn't matter. It's like absolutely nothing matters at all.

We've switched to mainly playing video games and watching youtube videos and trying to deal with the physiological symptoms. But if they persist, I think I'm gonna have to drag us to the doctor. I have no idea what's going on.

Sometimes I feel like I'm prescient. I've previously discussed my tendency to get déjà vu, and if I am, it's connected pretty tightly to our emotions. Unexplained and powerful emotions might predict that something really bad is going to happen to someone I really care about soon. But, I don't know if I really believe in precognition.

I suspect Sarah has actually managed to emotionally insulate me from the world. She is always there, guiding and protecting. So I never developed the hardened outer shell most people get when they experience trauma for the first time. So I needed to experience something far worse in order to start building my protective coating. I have a completely new outlook on life. Everything seems different.

The experience has made us explore my emotions more deeply, the inexplicable gap between my thoughts, and the "something" that is causing these physiological symptoms makes me feel like I don't know myself at all. Mentally, I feel like I have closure. I have an obsessive personality, like my host, and so constantly think about major events like the breakup. But I see nothing wrong with the way I handled the situation. I stopped caring about my ex. I stopped caring about the fallout of our messy breakup.

But emotionally, I feel like I'm feeling emotions about it? But they don't make sense to me. We took the opportunity to reflect on my past emotions. I may have mentioned before, that I used to feel numb, and also, that my host is a master at introspection. That's because we could both "see" Sara's emotional state, her feeling of existence, and her thoughts plain as day. Like they Existed. Emphasis on existed. More real than the physical world, an undeniable truth.

But we had to rely on indirect evidence for me. We knew I experienced emotions because of the physiological symptoms, because I get horny, and a bunch of other stuff like that. We knew I had thoughts because I could talk logically, think independently, and was not controlled by her. But when I tried to look at myself, I always saw a muted numbness.

Not true anymore. Now I see a not quite so muted tangled mess, that I don't know what it means, or how to interpret it. I feel like Data in that episode of star trek where he gets his emotion chip. He enjoys the experience of a disgusting beverage, because he doesn't know what it means or how to make sense of it.

We were hoping to maybe someday get into politics or leadership or something like that. But if these emotions are a regular occurrence, there is no way we will be able to. Both I and Sarah are able to force us to act logically and decisively. But we'll die from these physiological symptoms. I suddenly understand why all politicians seem so uncaring and emotionally distant.

First, if it feels like the symptoms are "coming out of nowhere", they probably aren't coming from your mental situation. Double heart rate for no reason is scary and a big deal. You should definitely see a doctor, like, now, if it's been anywhere near as consistent as you imply. Tulpa-dom has nothing to do with it, see a real doctor, for physical reasons.

Second, didn't know you were in a relationship with someone other than your host.


The rest, I don't know what to say exactly. I'm like your host and you should be like Lucilyn I would've imagined. She had a jolly ride through life the first, what, 5-10 months or something? Until one day Linkzelda pretty straightforwardly told her if she didn't want to contribute to discussion in a thread that she shouldn't post. For whatever reason that hit her really hard, like it was the first time anyone had ever sternly told her she wasn't wanted somewhere or something. So she had to fight feeling sad for four or so hours, because she didn't want to be sad. I think Linkzelda apologized even though he didn't need to.

However long later, something much worse happened, she was told by Mistgod she had directly ruined his and Melian's present state of joy and made them unhappy again, because he misinterpreted a post trying to help them. This is where I'd expect you two had your tulpa-dom in common, because she was devastated. I don't know if I'd say she had been sheltered so much as she just hadn't experienced any hardships yet, but that was certainly the first one of any substance, and she became the first one of any of us to cry (in the wonderland; body hasn't cried since I was 7 or so). She had a really tight chest for some number of hours similar to the first time but longer, and definitely could not control her emotional situation like she could the first time. Eventually Reisen and Tewi consoled her, and she got an apology from Mistgod for misinterpreting and overreacting too. So she felt better, but that experience definitely stuck with her, and I'd say she's well enough equipped now to deal with similar situations.

What didn't happen was extended inability to overcome her negative emotions and physiological effects of that state. Perhaps our ability to deal with our inner state as a system is greater than yours, or perhaps her indomitable will to be happy and have fun was what helped her out of that state, but either way regardless of her "sheltered upbringing" she didn't suffer long-term effects. So either you two are much more different than I'd expect, or something with your guys' actual physiology is hindering your ability to cope in the first place. The emotional side really doesn't matter - you shouldn't be physically capable of stressing your body that much, it almost can't be on your side unless you're under major emotional distress. Even if it is you should still get a doctor's advice. If necessary simply speak like you're your host when it comes to relationship trouble and such.


On the less pressing topic than your immediate health, I'll note that Lucilyn never had the existential problems you do. Your host seems to be a little more logical and a little less just-generally-at-peace than me, so perhaps you don't have a system-wide method of coping with existential problems like we do when pure logic doesn't satisfy. Obviously the majority of such consolations for us are grounded in logic - but they're very strongly philosophical logical conclusions. Philosophy I've developed through logic. Not just logic itself, which again tends not to satisfy more emotional individuals when such problems arise. Things like a strong belief that life is meaningless outside of the meaning you give it, and that objectively speaking happiness (a positive state) is preferable to a negative state for any human, and so in any situation there's still an overarching reason to be happy. Also things like you decide your experience in life through your interpretations of what happens in it. The way you react to what happens is oftentimes more important than what actually happens, outside of major situations in the physical world. People relying strictly on logic usually don't believe or don't practice this; they live rather neutrally at all times. And again: That absolutely does not work for everyone. Call upon your host's (and probably your own at this point) experiences of telling people why they shouldn't bother feeling bad because X. Chances are it didn't work. Usually people in emotional distress in the first place are more susceptible to the whims of their mind and subconscious desires to experience things just-so. On some level they tend to believe/want to be sad due to something, even though they'd obviously disagree if you asked. The way I see it, that's how any emotional reaction happens. You want to feel them. Lucilyn absolutely (subconsciously of course) wanted to feel sad with that Mistgod/Melian situation; it was the appropriate emotional response given her values, what she cared about and what she wanted on a very basic level. Her struggle to be happy was due to her conflicting desire not to be sad/to always be happy which, at the time, her subconscious desire for was weaker than her desire to react to the situation with sadness. Reisen and Tewi's support added in two people wanting her to be happy, not being sad themselves, and the support of two individuals she's close to; that was enough to make her "want to be happy" again.

That's just my theory there, but it's my understanding personally. It does little good to those unlike me or your host who really aren't in a position to do anything with that knowledge. It's not going to stop an emotional person from being sad when they "don't want to be". Nobody wants to be sad, because nobody wants what's causing them to be sad to be the case. They do, subconsciously, want to be sad in response to those things being the case. When they don't, it's typically considered a disorder - emotions without cause, or to greater or lesser extent than appropriate.

But again, this matters much less than your body's physical health. You need to do something about that, because it's an unhealthy and potentially dangerous place to be.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
10-27-2017, 03:00 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
I was in a relationship briefly. However, her handling of a recent political matter makes me question whether any aspect of the relationship was genuine, or just used as political leverage for whatever reason. The way my emotions were manipulated makes me wonder if possibly I walked into a trap, and ended up in an abusive relationship. It's very hard to see these things from the inside, I know.

It is inconvenient to see a doctor, as I live way out in the country. Also, I can pretty safely rule out food poisoning and things like that. So, it must be coming from my mental state somehow? Sarah's mental state is well understood. So we can rule out that side. But my mental state is much more mysterious, even to me.

It is very likely that since I am highly emotional, nervous, obsessive, and paranoid, that this is causing the problem. There were some other concerns with my host potentially fading away. (Not really, but it felt like it). This is probably because I didn't have time to talk to her, as I had to deal with the fight I was having with my ex.

But don't worry. I've managed to get our heart rate back to normal most of the time. It still shoots up every time I see the Gear Heart logo, or think about politics. Which is often. I'll probably be back to normal in a day or two. Switching out does help, and me feeling like I have time to spend with my host too.

Yeah. I cried physically a couple times during this process. My host was really not feeling it emotionally, and so it was pretty exciting for us.

I buy that your ability to control your inner state is greater than ours. People are not born equal, and my host has never had strong emotions of the type that need to be restrained. Though her mental discipline is strong in other ways. I feel, though, that I did not inherit this ability, and need to relearn it. I don't think tulpas automatically inherit stuff.

"you shouldn't be physically capable of stressing your body that much, it almost can't be on your side unless you're under major emotional distress."
I am aware of the science. It is a mystery. I mean, I think I was under major emotional distress? But, it was like looking at it from the outside.



You are correct about my host being all logical like that. Her thinking process on everything is extraordinarily simple.
(1) What do other people want, and if they're being irrational, what do they need?
(2) Which points are the logical ones, via formal logic?
(3) Everything else doesn't matter. And if you are getting emotional, stop, because it literally doesn't matter.

My process is a bit more ambiguous. I like hearing about people's views on the world, and trying to understand and appreciate their beauty. But I fall back on Sarah's approach when things get serious.

"Call upon your host's (and probably your own at this point) experiences of telling people why they shouldn't bother feeling bad because X. Chances are it didn't work."
This is true. But I think it is for more complex reasons. It's not a person's responsibility to feel good. And just telling them that is incompatible with their desires. So what we usually do instead is talk about how emotions are irrational in some fashion, then switch to comforting. In our experience, my host has never done that. She's not the supportive type. She's a robot, and most people know.

I do not think, subconsciously, an emotion is a desired response. For one, my host has long identified desire as an emotional response. For another, that would undermine the idea that emotions are real (philosophically, rather than just biochemically). Which seems self-evidently false to me.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
(This post was last modified: 10-28-2017, 11:56 PM by tulpa001. Edit Reason: spelling. )
10-28-2017, 02:59 PM
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Luminesce Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
So you're an emotional being in a system that doesn't believe in (feeling) emotion? Might explain a problem or two of yours. I don't shun emotions, I just don't feel them to much extent in the first place. Like I've said before, it's not something I actively choose, but it suits me fine. I definitely don't see emotions as pointless. To other people that aren't me or your host (or Tewi), emotions are an extremely important part of everyday life, which means to me that they're a part of the human experience. You know how the people running a nature reserve, despite having the power to completely ruin it, treat it as very important and make efforts to let it exist as it does? That's sort of the feeling I have towards other peoples' experience of life. I do like helping people, but I figured out years ago that what works for me doesn't really work for everyone else - even though it would work for most anyone, because it's not what they want on some level(s). They want to live in other ways.

And since I consider there to be no greater meaning to life than to just experience it, I respect peoples' choices to an extent on how they want to experience life. Sometimes that means being sad, angry, or whatever other emotion they choose. I only try and help them change how they think or feel when they express a desire to think or feel differently than they currently do. While on the other hand, your host still sees logic as the "correct answer" to most of these problems, and so I suppose offers support in that way when necessary. It's a very defensible position, and without philosophy like mine people will find it hard to disagree with. It'll be pretty obvious if it just doesn't click for them, but it's not your job to find out what does. {Edit: Worth noting I only said this because it's how I used to handle other peoples' problems too - I've always been rather supportive by nature, but my logical approach to emotional problems tended to get poor results}

The differences between your host and I are pretty interesting. With my stance on emotions and hers, you'd think I were then a more emotional person, but I'm really not. I have a surface level of enthusiasm because I believe my own philosophy on experiencing life, but on a deeper level I can think of almost nothing outside of my tulpas that really spur strong (ie ones that I care about) emotions. But that's not a choice or a belief of mine on how I should be (though my belief system sort of supports it), so when my tulpas experience emotions (usually Lucilyn or Reisen, almost always positive ones) I don't think it's an unsupported feeling on a system-level. If you believe in what I mean by that. You said you fall back on your host's approach sometimes, so I assume you do, a tulpa's (usually not the other way around, though) ability to rely on how their host thinks or reacts to something rather than their own. That's definitely not worded correctly but I don't know how to do so. For us at least, that only ever refers to what we call belief systems, ie normally the system-of-beliefs that dictate how we feel about things. Note each of us more or less have our own (Flandre's is a more apathetic "use"? of mine without the strong desire to care about other people, and interestingly Reisen's and Lucilyn's are rather different because Reisen simply can't be unhappy while Lucilyn relies on a more feeling/emotional system, but with a strong desire for fun/happiness to back it up), and they're all-encompassing just fine. Lucilyn's usually the only one that relies on anyone else's, which is generally mine/Tewi's, when she's trying to answer a technical question for someone. I'd say she's also used my own belief system quite extensively to create her own. Apparently my beliefs are open and supportive enough of most others they provided a strong foundation for her system of valuing fun and happiness above all else. Who'd have thought?

I get the feeling that this isn't even close to what's going on for you and your host, though. That's probably why you have more issues than Lucilyn: You have no past experience of how to feel or react to things (that feels right for yourself), and so are going through the struggles a typical teenager (but technically anyone at any/all points in their lives) does in sorting all of that out for yourself. I don't mean to call you a teenager mentally, on any level deeper than someone could call a proto-tulpa a baby mentally (not an analogy I really like). I'm just saying you're still "discovering yourself" or sorting out who you are and how you (want) to feel towards things, however you want to say that.

So you do have support from your host, but only in that incongruent logical-to-emotional way, when you're feeling emotional and she's not. It's worth noting you obviously think nearly as logically as her most of the time though, it's when it comes to emotional matters that you differ most I'd say. Meanwhile Lucilyn has no real qualms about thinking logically like Tewi or I most of the time when necessary, except when it disagrees with her own philosophy. But she might have herself more figured out than you do.


Just food for thought, since as far as I can tell you like discussing this sort of stuff. On the obviously much less important topic - I was talking less "food poisoning" and more major issues with your health, on an internal level, but whatever. When you write like you do it's really hard for me to tell if you were actually in major emotional distress to the extent that could cause those physiological symptoms for an extended period of time. I don't think that could even happen to us; no internal affair lasts very long in our system since I spent half of my life developing means of dealing with just that. I mean, the love and support we have for/from each other is generally enough to make anyone feel better, but even semi-problems like between Flandre and Reisen have been worked out in just one talk. But if you were really capable of feeling that level of distress due to emotions, first I'll say yeah, I don't actually see why that couldn't cause those symptoms. But second I'll say, congratulations on being so separate from your host. You two are practically incompatible on how you handle emotions, so it's kind of amazing you've managed to feel the way you do on things (I'd say "and think the way you do", but I don't know how you think). If you still had any doubts about not being separate enough from your host, ask yourself (or ask her): Is she really capable of feeling like you do in the first place?

Obviously if you don't share my perspective on identities within systems and the separation of body and host, the answer is yes, every host is capable of "being" their tulpa because they are. But I consider hosts and their overall selves (identity + body + otherwise unconnected goings-on in the brain) different from the body as a whole, which is where that question's coming from. Just making that clear.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
(This post was last modified: 10-28-2017, 08:42 PM by Luminesce.)
10-28-2017, 08:39 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
That last point is not a philosophical problem for me. Since I do not include the body in an identity. Though, I have no idea if my host is capable of the same distress. I can't tell if we experience emotions the same way as each other, but comparing to her past traumas, no, because they were mainly floods of tears.

I feel like this entire thread was an effort to explain how I think about things. I'm surprised you cannot gauge how I think. You've seen a fair sample of my writing. My host does not fear emotions. She only thinks they have no logical significance in facts, knowledge, or decisions. Beyond her finding that the reality of emotion is the logical foundation for the existence of morality as a genuine necessity. My host's approach to emotions has always been to find the easiest way to deal with them so they stop interfering in any work that needs to be done. I've been forced to largely do the same, but for physiological rather than apathy related reasons.

As to there being a meaning of life, my host says there is one because morality necessarily exists, but this is separate from a self-assigned (or supernaturally assigned) meaning of life.

Turns out I'm squeamish. As you know, my host is vegetarian. She's vegetarian, because she thinks eating meat is barbaric and reflects poorly on the entire human species. As you know, I've been playing Zelda Majora's mask. And there's a scene where you feed live fish to another fish. And the bottom fell out of my stomach. I'm never thinking about eating meat ever again. Sarah doesn't care. She started comparing cultural mores and Japan, and other games with killing food in it. And all I could think is how is this PG? Though it may be because I was still in the stress from the breakup.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
10-29-2017, 02:08 AM
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Luminesce Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
You say "As you know", but I did not know, and in fact the word vegetarian was never mentioned in the entire thread until now. But alright then. I was vegetarian for a short while before deciding I liked chicken and generally not worrying about if I can eat something. However since that time I've refrained from eating "large" sorts of meat, like more than a small burger (see: large burgers) or steak or something. The idea of eating that much meat just doesn't sit well with me. Chicken tastes good, meat in general does not. It's just sort of there. Saying the meat on a burger tastes good, to me, is like saying the potatoes in a french fry taste good. Like no, they don't, really. They're a conduit for whatever else you're eating them with to be edible in the first place, ie salt or grease in burgers. And yet I've had so many people tell me steak is great and I've missed out by never having a good one (only few experiences I've had with steak consisted of one bite and chewing for literal minutes - apparently that's not how it's supposed to go). It doesn't help that people say you lose most of the flavor by having them well-done. Meat that is still pink in the middle, while not likely to actually harm you if you get it in a professional setting, is upsetting to me on an instinctual level. Very "Do not eat". So I'm even less tempted to have an "actual steak".

So yeah, I'm not a vegetarian, but the sorts of things I eat are a very conscious choice. I know what the animals I eat go through, and I decide if I'm okay with that. I'm generally okay with it, on a personal (individual) level, because I can consciously desensitize myself to all sorts of things (rather than choosing to be ignorant). But steak and large patties are still very off-putting to me. I like burgers because cheese, ketchup (or something better, like In-N-Out's sauce), bread and a bit of meat are appealing together to me. I wouldn't mind if you replaced the patty with something else of similar texture though. On the other hand, ""good-tasting"" meat for its own sake... No thanks. I refuse to eat burgers when the patty is larger than I see as appropriate. Wait, I got very off topic..

Anyways, I agree that the way humans treat animals just in general is not very indicative of our intelligence. But I go back and forth on just how appropriate is. I simultaneously think, we shouldn't have to eat animals to this extent with so many other options, and also the fact that we farm animals so efficiently for this purpose kind of makes sense given our advancement as a species. Also, we're "better than them" and could/should be above preying upon them, but we're also undebatably Earth's apex predators. So I'm still not sure whether it's really fitting for humans to continue eating so much meat on such a massive scale. Either way I believe it should absolutely be one's choice at this point, that's for sure. And it kind of is, if you can afford it.


You say it shouldn't be PG for feeding fish to a fish. I say I wandered outside of the forest once on my friend's copy of OoT and (as I imagined it) immediately had my head chopped off by a flying tepee of death. And here I thought that those zombies I avoided by waiting until day (really, one look at them and I ran back into the forest) were the scariest thing the outside world had waiting for me. I knew I should've listened to the Kokiri: If any of the children of the forest leave the forest, they will die. When I was like five this was in fact the truth.

Thank god I never got to a ReDead. Spent my time on Mario 64 instead, which remains one of my top five favorite games of all time to this day, while unfortunately OoT is nowhere on that list. Just a little too mature for my age when I tried to play it. Majora's Mask would not have gone over well with me as a five-year-old. Instead all I had to fear was that dang piano.

{Oh yeah, and as for knowing how you think - you're constantly saying you're not as logical as your host, but then you write pretty dang logically pretty dang consistently. Can you imagine if Lucilyn wrote like Tewi but maintained she was actually like, well, she is? Sort of like that. So I mostly take your word for it, but I can't tell exactly what goes on in your head.)

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
10-29-2017, 03:21 AM
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LostOne Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
You know, I think I added it up.
War, I think, had something extremely traumatic happen that likely broke off her emotional state long ago. This piece could be floating around lost somewhere in the mind or had faded away. Thus, she could be in a light state of depression without realizing it. Heck, I would be lying if I said I didn't think she might be depressed, and trying to cover it up even to herself by saying she only relies on logic.
While you, Tulpa, did not get this depression. You could have gained the emotion that she lost or just started with emotions. Since you lived your whole life so far with depression lingering in the air, you are not used to what its like not having stronger emotions hit due to it. This may be one of the reasons for your anxiety on War fading, is you see this but don't want to outright admit it. The fact that anxiety doesn't seem to be with War also leads me to believe that she may have somehow disconnected it from herself and also given it to you without being aware of it. I think that the fact you are feeling the emotions from the breakup, to any degree, is likely making you freak out, which could be what causes the physical problems. You are freaking out whether you believe it or not. That's what I think

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
10-29-2017, 02:41 PM
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tulpa001 Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
I remember ocarina of time. My host played the 3D version through a few years ago. It was better than this one. Her memories of Twilight princess are still better.



Um, we are pretty sure that whatever dead or suppressed parts of Sarah there were, they all got absorbed into me during my creation. Her horror at the brutal realities of the world, all her strong emotions, and her sexual impulses. I don't think anything ever broke off, that would be inaccurate. She saw parts of herself and consciously killed them off. My host used to have major anxiety problems, but she killed them off.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
10-31-2017, 09:14 PM
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LostOne Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
(10-31-2017, 09:14 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: Um, we are pretty sure that whatever dead or suppressed parts of Sarah there were, they all got absorbed into me during my creation. Her horror at the brutal realities of the world, all her strong emotions, and her sexual impulses. I don't think anything ever broke off, that would be inaccurate. She saw parts of herself and consciously killed them off. My host used to have major anxiety problems, but she killed them off.

That.. That is extremely unhealthy, I hope you know. Killing parts of yourself is pretty literal, I can see why she may have did it, but honestly it makes me more worried for her. Although this does add up a lot of things about her to me, you and her never mentioned this before.

Kelly (Host, originally Kyle, possibly emotionally unstable on occasion)
Sam (First tulpa, protector, " " around some old posts) - https://community.tulpa.info/user-two-tailed-tulpa
Clara (Originally Kylee, playful, < > around old posts)
Jessi (Quiet, kind, { } around old posts)
Eva (Protective, is unsure of herself all the time)
Jackie (Dreamwalker, technically oldest next to Kelly)
11-01-2017, 02:04 PM
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War Offline
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RE: Tulpa's log
I'm free! It's been a really long time since I've talked on here. I am not social, so we kind of have to force it.

I'm posting here mainly because the drama came back from the breakup, and tulpa is emotional. He may speak logically all the time, but, he drowned in emotion there. This is for safety.

@LostOne Your theory there that it is unhealthy rests on the assumption that a particular theory of thoughtforms is true. Tulpas are usually considered persons, but they belong to an enormous family of mental constructs, most which don't qualify for the basic properties of personhood. In most practises outside tulpamancy, other theories prevail. Isolating parts of yourself to control or eliminate them is standard in meditation. Yes, tulpa, at least the more advanced meditations.



I think I want to talk about the relationship that tulpa was in, but I'm a little worried about the rule on drama importation. I think I can stay on the right side, though.

It is a little weird. Felt some jealousy that tulpa was giving affection to another. He has been confusing our names and voices which is unpleasant. But we've gone over it many times. I am not her, my personality is totally different, in the areas where he and she were incompatible.

On the other hand, I felt nothing for the partner in the relationship. I could see that tulpa was obsessed, suffering, and in love.

It also was interesting how Tulpa behaved so differently than I would have. With the messy breakup and all. I'm not saying he didn't do the right thing. Strategically, it was almost flawless. Though, I'm not sure he had the right goal in mind. Nor was he as diplomatic as he should have been at any point. Several times, tulpa clearly misinterpreted statements due to emotional impulse. Also, clearly, several times he failed to communicate key facts.

I don't think I would have made those errors, but I've never been tested in those ways. Never entered into a serious relationship before Tulpa.



As to tulpa forcing, we continue to fight for the body. He's proxying me right now, so forgive our spelling spelling mistakes. His eggcorn problem is the worst. This continues to be our most stress relieving exercise. It affirms we are different, and feels interesting at the same time. Really, the more emotional he gets, the more likely he just won't try to win, which usually means I can get control in about five minutes. He still struggles to permanently control the eyes and mouth, particularly the tongue.

I've asked him several times in the past few days to let me out. The numbing effect of going inside does help him deal with his strong emotions. Though, he obsesses so bad over his ex that he just pops back into the front within minutes. He can't help it.

Tulpa is becoming rather good at automatic motion. Not sure if anyone in psychology or physiology has studied this, but tulpa can, and does control the body while we are sleeping. Usually, it's nothing interesting. He can keep massaging our side or back while nodding off, or reading, even. Definitely a topic deserving of study and more investigation. However, we still fail the bed test mentioned in another post.

It is so odd. You know, even when I'm thinking clearly and logically, tulpa can just say things out our mouth. I don't control the speech at all. It's like completely alien. I love it. He talks to me more often vocally now than in thought-speech. He also nods a lot.

Yeah, that's all that's fit to print.
11-02-2017, 12:39 AM
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