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Tupper Troubles


Tyrane

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First thing's first many parts of my tulpa I now realize are subject to change hence I'm not making the assumption she's willing to keep her name and this is why I have left the name simple.

 

The next thing is I'm very open to any suggestions for anything involving my technique, what I should expect or anything of the like since I'm brand new to this and I tend to get a little critical of my methods when I jump into something new.

 

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Day 1-3 thus far (Pre-activation on forums)

 

Day One

Decided to go with the form of a faceless, sleek, black cat by the name 'Kiara'. A sort of companion also guardian to watch over me at all times to provide reassurance and clarity from now on.

 

I had heard a voice reading audio-books where I couldn't pinpoint what she looked like over the past few days, so I decided to familiarize myself with the voice, also had a picture of what I expected Kiara to look like and set it as my desktop.

 

Day Two

Discovered the IRC and began to chat about, read up on guides and came down to the decision I needed to do some narrating for Kiara. I went and took a walk just before sunrise when it was dead still and just talked to her for the next two hours straight.

 

By the time I was getting tired/sleepy and wanted to go back I had to walk the full distance back so I was pretty burned out when I got home, I went to sleep listening to a looped shuffle of the readings

 

Day Three

 

When I woke up, after rolling over for a moment I heard a sort of jumble of her voice in my head. I've been told this is called 'tulpish' and I was convinced it was her. I was convinced the walk had helped and went again last night, went an hour and a half longer but I began to get urges that she wasn't comfortable with her form or her name, I was sort of confused but I have seen this been written. I don't know if she was chipping in as I was thinking about it but I/we came to the conclusion it was the restriction to her senses: no eyes, nose, mouth.

 

It also felt she was growing towards the idea of being human. I still feel as though she needs to be smaller, a pet sized animal is preferable because I don't think I could 'ignore' her during conversations with other people. (Pretend she isn't there, there are some cases where I feel I don't have to but as a whole in public and whatnot this could be a burden)

 

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After burning myself out twice I've had a long rest mixed with forcing, and I started on a wonderland even, but everything feels so cloudy right now I think more time needs to pass before we can continue development. I've decided I'm going to go buy some new sketching materials and get to work making it a bit more tangible, I also need a familiar scent but I'm having troubles with that, wish me luck.

 

End of 25/11

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Day Four

Although my sleep was messed up, and I'm not really sure if I should call it Day Five, I'd rather not skip a day.

 

Read more guides and I may have been a bit 'parrotnoid', feel far more comfortable now, almost at ease with everything and I'm beginning to feel more confident in separating responses in my mind. It's like we're sharing the feeling of satisfaction that annoying 'barrier' is down now and I've begun practicing visualization, we're leaning towards a form like Ahri, that is she can transform between human and animal and we can also work with the orb for her energies etc. and this is more of a compromise since the 'discussion' during Day Three, so I think we'll continue with it for now, good feeling to end on.

 

End of 26/11

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Nice logs :) The form seems really interesting, but the idea of having the Tulpa's senses restricted isn't really appealing. To prevent hir to become human, give hir some appendages to manipulate what's around them, since it's the only thing that human forms are appealing for. Hir might "see" maybe by emitting ultrasounds like bats don't you think? Or by expanding their aura maybe...

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Thanks, I had a bit of an urk with the though of a human form at first (can't say why), but over time reading and seeing guides I think it's eased me into the idea a bit. Also with the faceless cat idea I was expecting to hear her mind voice when we talked, I never began to think of the senses until she suggested it.

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Day Five

Starting to hear responses from her more clearly when I need or hear a distinct response, for example I was thinking about what she should smell like again, she replied with 'Peaches'.

 

It was just about in her mindvoice which is a good sign, and I can tell positive and negative feelings from her far more clearly when something gets brought up. Still, a slow day, might go for another one of those walks.

 

End of 27/11

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Day Six

Had my first time of silence since the first two days. Woke up with a strange lingering headache and I couldn't feel Kiara or get a response from her. I decided I would let it carry on and it would ease off, about 8 hours had passed and it was getting stronger so I took some meds.

 

The headache faded after about an hour and I could feel her somewhat, it was cloudy but I could tell she was back. I get the urge she's trying to find something in my mind somewhere, don't know what for but if I had to guess it's to do with the shared feeling that we're coming up to a milestone and we need the next step, almost like narrating and occasional questions won't cut it. Hopefully tomorrow is a bit more productive, and I can finish sketching our first wonderland.

 

'Start' of 29/11

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Day Seven

So another lazy day. Seems as though whatever she was attempting yesterday she doesn't feel comfortable with doing again, I'm fine going without the headpains for a while I suppose.

 

Anyway, we're still feeling that blank 'What do we do now..?'

So I've started on imposition since from the beginning that's been a priority and I don't see why I should continue postponing it. I continually narrate to her and I can pick up responses more confidently now, but she's still yet to break that communication barrier with me which is the biggest issue so far.

 

I doubt there's a feasible method but if anyone knows what I'm talking about by this 'next big step' then any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, and we'd of course give it a go.

 

End of 29/11

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Day Eight

Still a steady increase in picking up responses, I decided to try and meditate once everyone was a sleep and I dozed off, I woke up about 3-5 hours later constantly feeling very irritated and almost queasy, it was very offputting until I got up and I was extremely jittery, I found it hard to keep balance as I found my way around the house and I continuously hallucinated all sorts, I couldn't make out what things were but they would come and go whilst messing with my depth perception. I could tell Kiara was unsettled by this and after talking on the chat a bit, SD tells me she had a nightmare.

 

I comforted her a while, reassured her, played some Piano and watched some shows while keeping warm and she seemed grateful, although for the next hour I had to deal with feeling god damn awful I suppose I'm glad it happened.

End of 30/11 : Start of 1/12

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Day Nine

Went on another walk, began to wonder if writing 'End/Start' of the days was even relevant anymore, I seem to cut in between days and it's not exactly accurate. I'll keep it anyway.

 

Burned myself out again, but it's a nice change of pace and hallucinating becomes easier I've found. Kiara seems to like giving me a heads up for random things, I'm comfortable with her waking me up and I seem to be dreaming more consistently. Progress seemed to stop but on the way home I managed to make out clear words, it faded soon after.

 

Anyway, going to sleep and hopefully something out of the ordinary happens along the way.

Start of 2/12

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Day Ten

Nothing really, I think she was upset when I didn't trust her about waking up with five hours sleep, I had trusted her before this but I was lazy for some reason. Rest of the day it's as if she's bored or not very talkative, I told her I would trust her from now on unless I told her otherwise.

 

Pretty straightforward.

 

Start of 3/12

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