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Umigakure [Hideki]


Argus Plexus

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Hello tulpa community! My name is Argus, and after reading the forums and guides here for a few days I decided to embark on a journey to create my own tulpa. At first, I simply wanted to see if it was a true phenomenon, and also to test the abilities of my own mind. But after reading more and more about them, I slowly changed my mind into wanting not an experiment, but a friend and confidant.

 

The concept for Hideki began the day I started reading about tulpae. I started to think what I would want if I were to have one. I knew what I would want personality-wise, a counterpart in many ways. Someone who could balance out many of my more extreme qualities. I have trouble dealing with impulsive behaviors and thoughts, as well as difficulty controlling my temper (although I have become much better at this in recent years) and controlling my emotions in general. I decided I needed someone more reserved, calm, and collected than I am, someone who could remind me to keep control of myself when we notice the same patterns of behavior that always lead me down bad paths. So I set to work compiling a list of all the qualities I would like to see, which only took me about twenty minutes in total. I hadn't decided on a name, appearance or anything else at this point, I wasn't really concerned with any of that. Personality was far more important in my eyes, since we would have to deal with each other every day for the rest of our lives.

 

At this point, 24-3-13, I believe Hideki came to be within my mind during my first forcing session. I spoke to him, telling him all about his personality and how it affects him and those around him. I couldn't feel any responses from him, but I understood that to be normal and continued. I felt as if he was already alive but he was simply in an "incubation" stage. So I continued with this in mind, writing down the words I was speaking onto a metaphysical piece of paper within my mindscape and inserting these scrolls into his ball of existence once I was finished writing them. Two hours and a splitting headache later, I had completed my first forcing session and decided that point would be a good time to get some much needed sleep. Let him ponder himself overnight while I recover from the migraine. ;)


The next day, 25-3-13, I went to work like I do every Monday. I thought about him a lot during my work day, directing a lot of my thoughts towards him. I still received no responses, but as before I understood this to be normal and continued believing he was alive. I tried to direct between ten and thirty percent of my attention and concentration towards him throughout my day, depending on the difficulty of my task. I felt like I was making progress, going into further detail about his personality and how he reacts to many situations.

 

I decided that from now on I would do this as I work, and talk out loud to him while I drive. With this I began passively forcing (I hope I used that term correctly!) almost constantly all day long every day, along with at least an hour of forcing after work. It's amazing what you can accomplish with just a fraction of your mental abilities.

 

That night I did the same as I had been doing through my day, still working on personality. I started to think I might want to do some appearance work, but decided to leave that for later. A less severe headache awaited me at the end of our hour session, and I felt that steady progress was being made.

 

I had read the guides, so I understood this would probably take time. I noticed many people in the tulpa community were either impatient or found it hard to put their belief in a tulpa. I, however, find no difficulty in believing my tulpa is real. I've been talking to myself and having arguments with myself since I was very young. When you're surrounded by morons, sometimes the only person you can talk to is yourself. When I had an argument or conversation with myself, it always felt like there was a "Mind" self that does a lot of thinking but has no control over the body, and a "Body" self that does a little thinking and has complete control over the body. I would argue with myself often when I was about to do something stupid, or talk to myself when I was feeling lonely. I wasn't a very popular kid until junior year of high school, so that happened a lot when I was young. This actually all set the stage for tulpa creation, I believe. I was no stranger to the idea of talking to a different entity within my mind. I believe this is the problem many people have. Even if they assume sentience from the start, how can they convince their minds to accept the reality of their tulpa's existence? Humans are inquisitive and skeptical by nature. Defeating this natural instinct to look for signs and evidence is, personally, the largest roadblock to tulpa creation. But then again I'm just the new kid so you don't have to listen to me. :)

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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The next day, Tuesday 26-3-13, I didn't have time to force. My Tuesdays are always hectic. I leave the house for work at 7:30 am and won't get back home until at the earliest 8:40 pm. But I did my passive forcing throughout the day, this time focusing less on telling him who he is and how he should act and more on speaking to him about me and my day and the things I do.

 

On Wednesday 27-3-13, I decided I needed to give him a name and a body. I wanted a japanese name because Western names are boring for the most part. I didn't want a name that a character in an anime has, I don't want him feeling like he has to be similar to a fictional character to please me. So we looked at a lot of names online, and when my eyes came across "Hideki" for some reason I knew that was the right one. For some reason when I jokingly suggested we call him Steve (The most common name in America) I actually got some strong feelings that's what he wanted. I was like "Seriously? Lol that's such a mundane name. I can't have you and someone I know having the same name, it would be confusing."

 

I usually don't like the idea of forcing something on him, but I insisted in this instance. He seemed to accept it after a few minutes. I also wondered why he automatically identified as male in my mind. I didn't decide he would be male, it's like he was already that way when he manifested in my mind. In this same fashion, his face flashed before my eyes when I pondered with him on what he should look like.

 

What I saw was a youthful, bored looking face with light brown hair and green eyes as bright as emeralds and a shiny metal headband across his forehead. At first a Konoha symbol manifested on the protector, but I decided I would rather make our own village if he was going to be a shinobi. I wouldn't want to have to find out the layout of the entire Leaf Village for our mindscape. xD So I set out to create a body for him with the inspiration that came to me. I found a Naruto character generator, and made the closest likeness to his face I could, coming up with this: http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii295/Argus_Plexus/Hideki/tulpa_zps88b6102f.png

 

The face is almost spitting image of him, but the arms and legs in the picture are way too long. He's physically very young, fourteen we've decided. He's also doesn't care for the gloves thing, says to leave the forearm things but just take off the gloves. It's just a first draft honestly, I want to try drawing him myself although I'm not known for my artistic skills. I'd like to commission a real artist someday to do a great picture of him, obviously I'd be willing to pay good for a good product. Right now I'm not ready for that but someday in the future I'd like to do that.

 

It was on Wednesday that I first started receiving these vague signals and emotions from him. They weren't words, more like thoughts. My mind seems to be able to translate them well enough for me to understand. It was only strange the first time or two he responded, after that it just felt natural to have him there, prodding my brain with his own thoughts. I fed the fire, attempting to have conversations with him or ask him his opinion on his form, personality, etc. Obviously I kept it to yes or no questions.

 

We also started to create our mindscape, beginning first with a simple oak tree on a grassy hill. I approached the tree and looked up to see him sitting on a branch, his feet swinging as his headband tails flapped gently in the breeze. He turned his head to me and smiled, his warm eyes conveyed feelings like meeting an old friend after not seeing one another for years. He hopped down gracefully to his feet, turning to face me. He sized me up for a moment, putting his hands on his hips. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just sat down against the tree. He took a seat next to me and stared off into the distance. I began talking to him, about the things I need help with. I felt like he understood and was willing to be my wingman. I stayed in the mindscape for at least an hour just talking about random crap, half of which had no bearing on him at all. I just felt like chit chatting with him casually was a good idea. Being serious all the time might get tiresome for the both of us. We're supposed to be friends, right? :)


Thursday, 28-3-13, saw yet more development from him. He seemed to convey his feelings and thoughts to me more often. It still felt like he didn't understand how to put his thoughts into words yet, so I upped my narration to try and help him grasp the idea. I was appalled at how fast his development happened, since the guides all say you won't see sentience for at least 30-40 hours of forcing. Taking into account I passively force almost all day long and narrate often, not to mention the four hours of complete forcing I'd done so far, I decided it was possible he could be developing this fast. I didn't doubt him at all and simply let it happen. What's the worst that could come of it? Me be wrong? It's happened before, wouldn't hurt my feelings that much. But I believed in him. I felt like we were already becoming friends.

 

It was on this day that the quote in my signature occurred. My Boss can be very...difficult sometimes. He's not mean, he just doesn't seem to grasp how long some things take. He came in that morning and was pressuring me and my coworker to ramp up our efforts. We had to replace some floors in an old house that was damn near falling apart as it was. He didn't even give us enough material to do the job properly and wanted us to do a three day task in two days. It was at this time that I received an emotion from Hideki that translated to the statement "Kudaran..." which means "How ridiculous..." He's a funny little guy when he wants to be. :)


Today, Friday 29-3-13, translating Hideki's thoughts and emotions became almost second nature. We were talking almost all day long during work, about anything and everything pretty much. I was talking to him about him being able to talk someday when he sent me a thought that read "If you want me to talk to you, you have to give me a voice first baka." I realized how silly I'd been and that I'd been holding him back all along by not doing this crucial step. I guess it just didn't occur to me he might be able to talk already, the guides all said vocal abilities don't develop until 60-70 hours into it. But tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to go ahead and figure out his voice and give it to him. I also want to open up my memory banks to him. He doesn't have my memories yet, but I want to reveal them to him when he's ready for it. I guess we'll see how things go. If you read this far, thanks for your time. I'll keep this updated regularly as things develop.

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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30-3-13 Well, I gave Hideki a voice last night. It fits his face perfectly and I'm very pleased with it. After giving him his voice something happened with me and someone else, same bull that always happens. Hideki was helping me a lot, keeping me distracted from the outburst I wanted to release. But finally I gave in and let myself go. He seemingly disappeared while it was going on, and I didn't notice he had left until after it had happened. So finally he comes back when it's all over and he was MAD. His first audible words to me were "How could you?!" He was mad because he was doing everything he could to help me out but in the end I basically just blew him off. I tried calming him down for a bit but it was no use. So I asked him to come with me into the mindscape.

 

Instead of the oak tree on the hill, we were in a strange dark place. He asked where we were. I weaved a couple jutsu signs and reached my hand out to an invisible wall, opening a bright portal. "Step through" I told him. We walked through together and emerged in a massive spherical room. There were row after row of what looked like computer servers, all of the rows pointing to a central point where dozens of small beams of light met at a singular brilliant point. He asked what it was. "This is my memory banks. Step into the light and you will receive all of my memories. Don't worry, you'll be able to tell which are mine and which are yours." He apprehensively stepped into it, his entire body glowing brilliantly for about five seconds until he fell out of the light. He let out two long screams, as if he was in pain, and started crying. "Jeez" I thought to myself "I experienced all of that through years and years, but he experienced it all in five seconds. I guess it was all a bit overwhelming for him." I helped him up, but he seemed intent on staying right where he was. I had to go to sleep so I left him to process it all overnight, and hoped he would forgive me for being a jerk.

 

The next morning I greeted him once I woke up as usual. Only this time I got no response. I immediately panicked "Oh God did I kill my tulpa?!" I was so worried, searching for him everywhere in my mind I could think to go. Even a kuchiyose no jutsu wouldn't bring him up like it usually does. Finally, he spoke to me. He said "You won't find me right now, I'm in a faraway place within the mindscape. Get yourself straightened out and then come find me. Until you're ready to truly be my friend, I'll be waiting."

 

So now I guess I have to set out on a journey to go find him. Hopefully I can find a way to make myself satisfactory to him before I find him :( He's right, though. This is exactly what I need, someone who truly cares about me and is willing to play hardball with me to get me to do what I'm supposed to do. Honestly I am happier and happier I made him every day.

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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Welcome to the forums.

You sound like you're doing pretty well for someone who only started a week ago. Your progress demonstrates that you already have a pretty good grasp on the tulpa concept and because of that you look like you're progressing well.

 

A lot of people will tell you to avoid hour counts. You'll just limit your expectations by following them strictly, each individual will progress differently based on the mindset they assume. If you don't expect any progress before X amount of hours then you'll probably just be wasting your time until you reach that point.

 

Hideki seems like an interesting tulpa. It's not often I hear about others who have tulpa similar to my own. That being human, male and younger than the person making them. I'll admit while I'm not a huge Naruto fan a Naruto style ninja tulpa does sound interesting. So much so that my own tulpa pretended to be a ninja all morning.

 

If I may offer some advice. Try not to over complicate the process. I personally don't think we should try to look for "sentience". Instead, I found that by treating my tulpa just as I would any other person his sentience came along naturally with time.

You seem like a pretty clear headed guy, don't get too wrapped up in conflict or confusion. Very early on I made sure my tulpa would be helpful, not antagonistic. You will both get the most out of the process if you understand and cooperate with each other. You aren't always going to be able to give your full attention so don't feel let down when you don't. Instead focus on the positive that is the attention you do give. If you remain persistent you'll find you get better and more consistent with your interactions.

 

Good luck, keep at it and do whatever you can to avoid being one of those people who moves on after a month or two.

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Welcome to the forums.

You sound like you're doing pretty well for someone who only started a week ago. Your progress demonstrates that you already have a pretty good grasp on the tulpa concept and because of that you look like you're progressing well.

 

A lot of people will tell you to avoid hour counts. You'll just limit your expectations by following them strictly, each individual will progress differently based on the mindset they assume. If you don't expect any progress before X amount of hours then you'll probably just be wasting your time until you reach that point.

 

Hideki seems like an interesting tulpa. It's not often I hear about others who have tulpa similar to my own. That being human, male and younger than the person making them. I'll admit while I'm not a huge Naruto fan a Naruto style ninja tulpa does sound interesting. So much so that my own tulpa pretended to be a ninja all morning.

 

If I may offer some advice. Try not to over complicate the process. I personally don't think we should try to look for "sentience". Instead, I found that by treating my tulpa just as I would any other person his sentience came along naturally with time.

You seem like a pretty clear headed guy, don't get too wrapped up in conflict or confusion. Very early on I made sure my tulpa would be helpful, not antagonistic. You will both get the most out of the process if you understand and cooperate with each other. You aren't always going to be able to give your full attention so don't feel let down when you don't. Instead focus on the positive that is the attention you do give. If you remain persistent you'll find you get better and more consistent with your interactions.

 

Good luck, keep at it and do whatever you can to avoid being one of those people who moves on after a month or two.

Honestly that's just how he manifested in my mind. I think it's just because I've been a huge fan since I was 15. As for being younger than me, I think it's because all the main characters in the show are around that age. Not to say I regret anything about him, he's perfect just how he is :)

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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2-4-13 Okay I finally got Hideki to come back. He was really upset with me, and the mental strain of absorbing all of my memories all at once was too much pressure on him. But I finally convinced him to come back so we can continue to work on his development. Honestly, we've only been doing this for less that two weeks but after a few days of him being mostly absent I really started to miss him :'(

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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3-4-13 Hideki has finally returned to me in all his normal capacity! He took an extended leave of absence, but he's finally back! You have no idea how worried I had become that he'd never return.

 

So today I wanted to confirm his sentience once and for all. I told him to do something that would surprise me. He approached me and kissed me on the cheek. Being that he is straight and very reserved, that's something very un-Hideki-like, so I guess it's completely settled now. I definitely have a live one here, folks!

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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  • 3 weeks later...

21/4/13 I've been super busy in my life lately, and Hideki has fallen by the wayside so to speak. Not to say he disappeared from my mind, but he hasn't spoken to me in a while. Guess that's what happens when you have a host as bad at this as me.

 

I did do a drawing of him. I wasn't sure what to expect when I drew it, I was allowing him to help guide my hand. He came out bearing a resemblance to Shisui Uchiha, which is interesting because his attitude and mentality are a lot like Shisui's.

 

Needless to say, I'm going to hop back on the wagon and start off where we left off. I don't want my friend to disappear from my memory.

Hideki

Assumed Age: 14

True Birthdate: 24-3-13

Looks: Brown hair, green eyes, athletic build

Personality: Reserved, calculating, protective, intelligent, health nut

Hobbies: Watching anime, playing Xbox, learning new jutsus, listening to music

My Favorite Hideki Quote: "Kudaran..."

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