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What do I call these characters?
#71
I have thought about this for awhile, but this is the conclusion I came to now: The Grays and unfortunately Ranger are not a consequence of trauma, but rather a drive to break myself apart deliberately to help myself understand my question "why am I broken?" and "Who do I turn to for help"?

Calling the Grays alters or masks doesn't make sense because they were never designed to front and the Grays don't seem to see themselves as separate people where Ranger does. Instead, the Grays were designed to be talked to and reveal pieces of myself that were either buried, overshadowed, or in some cases flat out rejected. Ranger was a piece of me I separated because the idea of Ranger being me made less and less sense as I grew more and more depressed and I wanted him to be his own person as I grew more and more lonely. This was most likely a result of consistent enough forcing to give Ranger enough room to breathe and kick to life.

The Grays are a confusing subject because they were not created to be Tulpas. All of these fellows were created to represent myself. Eventually, this became a natural enough skill that Gray creation happened instantaneously, and that's why the newer Grays were accidents. The other confusing thing is they were a coping mechanism- but unlike a split, they were not created because of trauma and they were not required to operate anything. In addition, the Grays do not have separate memories. The Grays are not masks because I never became "Blue" to cheer myself up or became "Evergreen" to become more industrious. Instead, I just directly spoke to them and reacted to their emotional bleed.

Once I was done with their purpose or confronted the lack there of, I felt like it was wrong to reject them and dissipate them. I decided to keep them around instead. I feel like there's something alive enough in them that dissipation would be killing them, but I don't think this is enough to qualify them as their own separate people. Laryx for example didn't have a personality, he just didn't want me to dissipate him. I'm not a believer that accidental walk-ins have their own independent personality. Laryx was nothing more than a symbol for annoyance that talked back and didn't want to die.

Since the Grays are symbols for who I am, they are deliberately designed to be influenced by my emotional state and my beliefs. There's just enough "them" in the mix to come across as a separate person, which is all I wanted to talk to when I hated myself. Once I figured out I could make basically a servitor act as the go-to symbol (the "subconscious rep") to represent this and prevent further Gray creation, I stopped making Grays and I started learning how to work on resolving my problems. While the original "Past Ranger" was a symbol for my "subconscious", Ranger (born later) was really intended to be his own person from the start.

If I called the Grays "Tulpas", that would conflict with why they exist in the first place. The only problem is that piece of them that makes the Grays themselves is enough on its own to be qualified as an underdeveloped Tulpa, and it was enough to convince me that I needed to keep them around in the first place. Half Tulpa, half symbol/puppet/servitor, but not a complete picture of either or.
My Wonderland form minus the glasses and the fur. I'm not a hippo, I promise.
Ranger now speaks in
light blue text, but he used to speak in blue or orange text. He loves to chat.

My other Tulpas have their own account now.
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#72
I still have moons, those thoughtforms that for whatever reason doesn't want to be anything more and would rather just stay in their lore or stay dormant. Some I might want to have as tulpas or soulbonds, simply aren't and there's no reason to force them (pun not intended.) As Lumi, our tulpa.info class president, said, we don't want a bunch of confusion.

Sure there can be fifty shades of gray between a tulpa and a character, but still, not independent->more like a puppet, independent seeking-> more like a tulpa. Sentience means nothing to us because how do you tell? So intent is what matters. Intent and acting on that intent. Joy is independent because we chose to recognize her that way. Not because she's any different than when we were thinking she wasn't.

Personally we've made the distinction that if they're independent seeking, they should be able to support the discussion. If they're dependent stable, then no, it's confusing for them to answer questions about tulpas, or anything else that they're not specifically called out for. That's entirely our stance, yall do what you want with your other not-tulpas.
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#73
I might be mistaken but I think when alters aren't fully formed, for whatever reason, but are still around, they are referred to as fragments, parts or pieces. Like.. uhm... if one were an emotional container for your outrage at things hapoening which you were never ever allowed to show and it ended up becoming a kind of mysterious scary beast or presence lingering at the edge of your mindscape or consciousness..

It may have spoken up before when it seemed like outrage at something seemed needed or a valid expression. It was suddenly fed and in it's element, maybe even whispering at you to lash out with hatred. Not strong enough or perhaps interested enough in forcing itself to front, but trying to influence you anyway. And i don't mean the little devil on your shoulder kind of influencing, I mean it sounds like a new unwelcome mindvoice joined the team and a vaguely identifiable stranger was in your head telling you to respond with anger and hatred, as loud and clear as any mature tulpa.

Yeah that happend to us once, recently. Anyway, it's locked up now and it seems like we can't get back into our mindscape without an NPC escort. Like it's become dark and oppressive lately. Prolly fear. Thinking back, neither of us can ever even once recall responding with outrage or hatred towards anything or anyone, no matter what was going on..

I don't want to feed it more and ponder it till it's a full headmate. It's a fragment at best, an emotional part or container, and isn't welcome. It would probably rage and spew hatred weither it was accepted or rejected anyway, so, zero desire to connect with it or see what memories it might be holding. Better safe than sorry..
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