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When Floush met Max(ine)/Carlita
#1
Hello everyone !

   My name is Kevin (aka Floush) and this is both my first attempt at creating a Tulpa and my first time posting on tulpa.info so I hope I won't make too many mistakes in any of those domains ! Also english is not my native language so I apologize in advance for any potential errors or typos.

   So, my Tulpa will be ideally called Max(ine), but I also put Carlita in the title because it's a name that came to me from... my Tulpa ?? I'm not 100% sure because I believe it would be way too soon, I've read that it would take days or even months for a Tulpa to deviate, as it's a sign of sentience ! However, Carlita is totally not a name I would have chosen myself, because I don't really like it (although I don't really want to force anything on my Tulpa, except that I'd really prefer if she would stay a girl for personal reasons I may elaborate via PM or maybe future posts...). I also don't know any Carlita as far as I remember, wether it's a person or a fictional character whatsoever. So for the time being, I will refer to her as Max and just be sure to explain to her why every single day just in case, as long as I don't get a relatively clear response from her about this matter.

   My Tulpa will ideally look like Max Caulfield, but really just in appearance, although it would be nice if I managed to also give her the same personality. For those who don't know, Max Caulfied is one of the main characters in this wonderful video game called Life is Strange (if you like heavily story-driven games and don't care about actual gameplay as long as the feels are there - and they are ! - don't be afraid to check it out !).

   Now, before talking about actual progress I may have already made, I have so many interrogations. First of all, as I am so early in my Tulpa creation, I don't really know if my Tulpa is already there, and if she is, I don't know if I can't feel her presence because I don't know how to properly listen to her, or because she's not grown enough yet, or both ! There was a moment where I felt like she wanted to know where I was going as I stood up from my chair (I answered her, of course !), but it was like so vague, like just a random thought in my brain, and I'm trying really hard to believe it was her and not just me because I want all of it to work so much. Yesterday (so the day she was born for those who paid attention !), I pictured her dancing in my head in two different occasions, but I'm not entirely sure it came from me, or at least not just me... (the first time I was like hey, were you actually dancing or is it just me ? - she either didn't answer or I didn't hear it) but then again it's still pretty vague. With that said it would be really great if she truly liked to dance, let's just hope I will be able to visualize it some day...

   I know this if the third time I say this already but everything about Max so far is very vague, except her name and appearance ! This sometimes makes me feel like that talking to her is just an act, even if I'm trying really hard to think about it as something real and to suppress or ignore any doubts I may have because I know from what I read it's not a healthy state of mind when creating a Tulpa. Which leads to my question : is it okay if I feel like this at the beginning ? Or should I really try to talk to and think about her as an actual person, even if it's still so unclear she's even there ? 

   I've been thinking about a particular way to do active forcing (I mainly do passive forcing for now because I have still so much to read about Tulpas), which is talking to my Tulpa while looking at a picture of Max Caulfield. I think it would both be easier for me and help me eventually visualize her exactly as how I'd want her to look like (unless she decides otherwise). So, my question is : would this be a good idea and/or can this create any problems that I should be aware of and obviously try to avoid ?

   I tried to post the picture I'm talking about and a link to it but I got automatically perma-banned for that (reason : spammy keywords or something) so I'm gonna avoid to put anything that isn't text in this post (staff told me I'll be able to post links and such after my first post so if you really want the picture just let me know). I'm just gonna say that I really like it because not only she looks gorgeous here, but hopefully she looks different enough for me to not think too much about the actual character she's based on while I'm active forcing, since I absolutely do not want end up creating a heartbroken Max who misses her Chloe... those who actually played the game will understand.

    I think that'll be it for today, so thanks everyone for reading me (you too, bold reader !). I'll be glad to answer to any feedback in this thread or PMs. I'll try my best to post here on a daily basis so please don't forget to come back you'll always be welcome !
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#2
Hello, Floush... Don't worry about the doubt. Doubt is healthy, and you experience that in everything you do for the first time... baseball, making muffins... at some point, you stop measuring and you just bake muffins and they come out just fine and you don't even have to follow the instructions... I think Max is known well enough that people have an idea of the looks. (I love games like life is strange, by the way... I am more into RPG where there is story and things to steal and collect and I fill my virtual house with a ton of treasures and organize it... Squirrel!)

Welcome to the club fantastic! You and Carlita (aka max) are doing fine... And as for the early name change, I wouldn't worry about it. It may change again... Or maybe you'll have a strong preference... I had a preferred name, and Loxy gave me 'loxy,' and then even after we were absolutely certain, I had a strong preference for another name, but we both agreed not to change it, then she chose a middle name and a last name... Many people have a first and middle name... and after a spell of resistance on my part, I came around to using Loxy as the go to name... In a way it felt like resistance to her having influence. Not intentional, I think. Maybe an unintentional part of the forcing is getting so use to being in control of the process 'daydream' that when the script starts to deviate we have some natural pushback because we're not use to it responding... Maybe part of tulpamancy is learning to allow for something else to happen without our direct influence... that can be tough. Like being patient tough, like how long should I wait, and the silence on the other end is a test... Will I be quiet long enough to allow her to breathe... Smile Those were the sort of things I had to contend with early on, anyway. altogether, we have a pretty good road map of how things should be, but there is still room for variance in actual experience...
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#3
Congratulations and welcome! Everything you're saying seems normal. A fictive tulpa (from a game, anime, any character) is fine. Some have said that they've experienced a crisis of sorts in that sometimes the tulpa wants to identify with their backstory, but just make it clear to her that she's not the character, she's her own person.

Of course she could keep some or all of her backstory as well as her personality but it would require a lot of coaching from you, or for you to be well versed in that original character, and she may deviate fruther anyway. If I understand it right, a soulbond is like a tulpa who does identify with their backstory (whether they currently believe it or not). How one of my characters handled it (not a tulpa, long story) was to say she was an actress who portrayed the character, the character was her, but she was just following the script.

Anyway, that's completely unnecessary, just force as often as you can, visualizing helps, but is not necessary, and above all, have fun!
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