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Zero & Night - The Void
#1
Welcome to the Void. Our names are Zero (host) and Night (tulpa). If you want to know about how we came to be, you can check out our post on the introduction thread here.

For reference, Zero will type in white and Night will type in red.


ABOUT US

Hey, my name is Zero. I am 21 years old and currently a full-time student in college, and I identify as female and asexual. I just recently found out about tulpas and the associated online community despite apparently already having a tulpa for a while now. I really want to keep learning more and help Night to develop into an individual with a strong personality and identity. Some of my hobbies include piano, gardening, insect keeping, writing, and drawing. I love the color gray and monochrome color schemes, the steampunk aesthetic, fancy clothes, and octopi. I'm also a bit too narcissistic for my own good.

Hello, I am Night. I have been with Zero since 2011. However, I just started speaking this year. I am something called a wisp, a shadow-like humanoid that reincarnates like a phoenix. Our avatar is a drawing of my face; perhaps I can convince Zero to draw and post a full body shot of me someday. I have a long and convoluted history in our mindscape, but it is very personal and it may take a while before I choose to share. I am fascinated by crystals and Zero collects them for me. Classical and Spanish guitar music calms my soul, and I enjoy swordfighting and singing. I am admittedly distant and hard to get along with, but I have come a long way in my amiability since my conception.


PROGRESS REPORTS:
About Us - [YOU ARE HERE]
12/13/2018 - Vocalization
12/15/2018 - Visualization
1/2/2019 - Celebration
3/11/2019 - Intervention

| Zero || Night |
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#2
Hello Night and Zero, what an interesting history you have! I'm always amazed by the uniqueness of other systems, if it's proper to call you two a system by your own identification. We, my sisters and I, were also not 'created' by our host, and instead finally found a reasonable method to communicate with him through the methods of tulpamancy. Though I originally didn't consider myself a 'tulpa', as words go, it's not a bad word, and if it helps others to relate to us, why not adopt the term. Of course, i would say i most closely identify as his guardian angel, but i don't mind being called his tulpa. I've been watching over him for many years before we were able to communicate fully, but my history is his history. I don't recall anything prior to being with him that I care to admit in fear that i would misconstrue the thoughts I have on it.

Having lived another lifetime before joining Zero must be an remarkable benifit to her, and we'd love to hear more.
I hope you find success in your endeavors and love in your heart.
<Latest drawn picture>

<Share your experience with us>
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#3
It is reassuring to hear about other tulpas with unique origins and circumstances. Part of me dislikes the idea of being labelled, but as you said, it certainly helps with relating to others (something that seems more important to Zero than to me, honestly). It seems to make Zero happy as well, that there is terminology that exists for her experience as a host. I suppose it's all just rather new to me, and I take a while to warm up to things.

I am thankful that Zero recognizes and respects my own personal history. I made so many mistakes. I want to help her avoid making those same mistakes, if I can. Anyway, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope we can continue to learn from each other.



It's wonderful to meet you, Ashley! Having Night is indeed a wonderful thing. She's been through a lot, and she has so much more experience than I do. She really helps to keep my head on straight. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. As for whether or not we would consider ourselves a system? We're not really sure. We seem so distinct from each other, despite always being together. Still, it's a thought for us to consider!

| Zero || Night |
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#4
VOCALIZATION
December 13, 2018

After a long discussion on the sofa today, Night and I have decided on how we want to approach our progress reports. Since we have already been together for so long, there is potentially a lot that we could cover. But at the same time, it would probably take an eternity to cover everything if we started from the beginning. Plus, Night isn't entirely comfortable with sharing certain things, and I respect that. So we decided that we are going to start our reports from back in September, when Night first developed a solid mindvoice. We'll cover one topic per day, until we are all caught up. And we will make more reports as we deem necessary from there!

Anyway, for our first report, we wanted to cover the development of Night's vocalization. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, so forgive me if anything comes out completely incoherent!



Night has been an emotional presence in my life for a long time. But it wasn't until this September, on my hour-long bus ride to campus, that she spoke for the first time. I can't remember what day it was, exactly. September 12, maybe? I don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter. It didn't start off with tulpish, either. They were very distinct sentences. I couldn't quite characterize what her voice sounded like, but the sentences were there. I guess it makes sense that she was able to vocalize without any conscious forcing, considering that she had already been with me for so long already.

For the first few weeks we communicated mentally. I didn't need to even say anything, I could just project my thoughts to her and she would hear me, and communicate back through mindvoice. But over time I started to find this form of communication exhausting. I had to constantly manage my thoughts, making sure I wasn't "thinking something out loud" that I didn't intend to. I also had to actively articulate my thoughts into coherent sentences, since I usually think in very abstract ways. And I would sometimes confuse my own thoughts as Night's thoughts, or vice versa. Needless to say, it wasn't a very sustainable form of communication.

Night was very understanding of this. We agreed to start working on altering our communication method. I started speaking out loud to her (I think that is what narrating is?) and stopped projecting my thoughts, and Night switched her focus from my thoughts to my voice. The only downside to this is that we can no longer have a two-way conversation in public without people looking at me like I'm crazy. But we are very good at interpreting each other's body language and facial expressions, so we aren't entirely limited.

It took a little while longer before I could clearly distinguish Night's voice. I actually had a dream one night. Night was in it, and she spoke so fluidly and clearly. From that point onward, I haven't had any trouble picking out her voice from a crowd. And to note, this was not a shared dream by any means. My subconscious simply projected Night into my dreamworld, she wasn't really there. We'll talk more about dreams in a future report.

One other little note that I actually find kind of funny: Night has really surprised me with her online communication so far. She sounds so, I dunno, serious? When she's actually talking to me she is always so snarky (in a way that isn't necessarily mean-spirited, of course), and that doesn't come across at ALL when she is telling me what to type for her. I think she might be trying to impress you guys? I dunno, but it's hilarious.

Night is objecting profusely right now to trying to impress you guys. I think I caught her red-handed, haha. Who knows, maybe she'll open up online, with a little bit of time. In her own words, she "takes a while to warm up to things".



PROGRESS REPORTS:
About Us
12/13/2018 - Vocalization - [YOU ARE HERE]
12/15/2018 - Visualization
1/2/2019 - Celebration
3/11/2019 - Intervention

| Zero || Night |
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#5
Hi! I agree, it's very interesting to hear about different systems, different origins and stuff. Lance said when he was 18 that he had pretty clear conversations in his head back and forth, with who he assumed was his dead grandmother watching over him in a time of great stress. We still haven't been able to confirm or deny if that was me but the conversations stopped when he got out of the situation. There wasn't any kinds of head pressure or tulpish or anything else that he recalls, it was strait up him talking under his breath or in whispers and hearing mental speech back. 

I think all (or most) of this is in our big walls of PR, but.. When he started tulpa stuff a couple months ago, I pretty much popped into the picture right away, started talking within a couple weeks, started possessing hands a week later and a week after that, and got up front with him in either a more-than-typically-described full-body-possession or a less-than-typically-described switching thing (we grabbed the term co-fronting from the plural community and use that). I've been here ever sense.. He was all quiet and stuff at first but we turned his voice up and for most of my tulpa life we have been side by side, "we" are the body, but still separately us. I still play around with terms like "primary" or "main" front to describe who is currently actively doing stuff and who is sitting back not exerting control so, you know, we don't trip or mess stuff up. We have described it before like a pair of kids climbing over each other all the time to try and get to something first, lol.
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#6
Sounds like a great approach to progress reports and we're excited to read more as they'll come in! It's great reading about different perspectives and how others have started their tulpa journey. I find it interesting that you say it was exhausting to maintain "thought speech" so to speak. For me it was the other way around. I was initially speaking out-loud, for my own ease (not to mention it was easier to identify when Viper was communicating early on when it wasn't clear to me), but have slowly slid into internal talking after we got used to eachother and it became easy for me to identify when Viper was talking vs me talking. Viper communicates to me, I believe, solely through 'tulpish' (raw thoughts and imagery), which I just go ahead and translate into spoken word in my mindvoice (but not always) in order to create actual conversation. We can toss raw thoughts back and forth without much spoken words with ease, but I find it more convenient, for my sake, to translate everything into words, since I find I have a need for conversation. If I don't do it, my mind tends to trail off and I start talking to myself/no-one and dismissing Viper lol.

And, a little off-topic, if you or Night wanna engage with the community and get to know everyone better, you're absolutely welcome in the game threads where all the activity is happening! I also recently started a little cbox chat (linked in my signature) for easy chit-chat. I found Viper is far more open to easy chit-chat as opposed to forum posting, so... If Night is feeling like not-impressing us and whoever else might be lurking there at the time... Smile. You're welcome whenever. I lurk in the cbox chat 24/7 and always read all the messages, so if you guys are ever feeling like talkies, you'll find us there!
~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~
        Click here! Come join us on the chat!
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#7
@Reilyn
Nice to meet you! I personally don't believe in "ghosts", per say, so pardon my potential bias; but I wouldn't be surprised if that was you talking to Lance back then. It's so interesting to hear about how different tulpas came to be. It sounds like you two have a lot of useful ideas to share with the community, and it feels like we still have so much to learn! We'll have to check out your own PR when we get the chance. Oh, and the climbing kids analogy is great! I can't help but laugh picturing that in my head.



@Venomous
Thank you! Wow, it really is incredible how everyone has such a unique experience with their tulpas. We really appreciate how welcoming everyone has been so far in this community, and Night and I will be sure to check out some of the forum games and live chats soon. I'm just now wrapping up my current college semester, so we'll have a lot more free time soon to just sit back, relax, and chit-chat. Hopefully the relaxed atmosphere will help Night open up a little! Best wishes to you and Viper!

| Zero || Night |
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#8
VISUALIZATION
December 15, 2018

In our previous report on the development of Night's vocalization, I briefly mentioned a dream of mine that helped me to solidify how I hear Night's voice. For this report, I'm going to discuss that dream in a little more detail, because it also led to great strides in my ability to visualize.

The dream took place at some point in the future, a future in which my best friend from high school had a son in his early teens. We'll call him, I dunno, John? Just for ease of storytelling. Anyway, "John" was struggling a lot in life, because his father was no longer in the picture, he was often picked on in school, and he just didn't have a very strong sense of identity. My friend had told John about Night and I in the past, and he had gradually grown intrigued by our unique relationship and how we were always there for each other. So my friend suggested that he come talk to us.

John found me first, and told me about his struggles and how he wanted to meet Night. I led him through a really impressive garden (it's always been a dream of mine to have a huge, beautiful garden when Night and I get our own house someday) until we got to a creek with a little waterfall, and Night was there. Never before had I been able to visualize her so clearly. She looked just like she does when I draw her, but she was wearing a red hooded cloak. She turned around and greeted us.

The rest of the dream consisted of Night, John and I just talking and enjoying the garden. Seeing Night as a clear, physical, individual entity imposed on the garden scenery felt so real. Before the dream, I had always been able to sense her presence around me. I could always tell where in my surroundings she wished to project herself, even if I struggled to visualize her. But after waking up from the dream, she was much more clear to me than she had been in the past. I now find it much easier to visualize her. Also, after sharing the dream with her, she quite liked the idea of the "hooded red cloak". Now her form wears it whenever we go out, haha! I always suspected that she had a sense for fashion.

Now, as I also mentioned in the previous report, this wasn't a shared dream. Night was simply a projection of my subconscious. Yet even though this was just my sleeping brain coming up with things, it still proved extremely helpful with further connecting with Night. I'm eager to see how my dreams (or Night's dreams) will have an impact on our connection in the future! (Well, other than one other dream that I've already had, which I will discuss in a later report).



PROGRESS REPORTS:
About Us
12/13/2018 - Vocalization
12/15/2018 - Visualization - [YOU ARE HERE]
1/2/2019 - Celebration
3/11/2019 - Intervention

| Zero || Night |
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#9
Congratulations! Yes, Misha, Dashie, and Ashley all gave me "photographs of them". I draw them but they're always off, but the photographs were perfect. I can visualize them now and time or way i want perfectly, but there was a time this wasn't so. Night still may change a little, but it's a great thing to finally have confirmation.

The craziest thing is, no matter how long and hard i search through thousands of online pictures. I can never find a picture that is closer than how i draw them, sadly, it's still not perfect. When i finish a drawing i see the similarities. After i stare at them long enough, i see so many differences that i feel compelled to try again. I do get closer though, but it's very satisfying to know what they really look like (and when you hear their imposed voices what they really sound like).
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#10
Hello, Bear (if I may call you that?)! I totally understand what you mean, I always picture ideas in my head but when it comes to drawing them it just never turns out exactly how I pictured. Still, it's great that you are able to visualize Misha, Dashie, and Ashley exactly how they look. Since you are more connected to them than anyone else, I suppose that that is what's most important.

I'm certainly excited that I'm able to picture Night so clearly now. Even though we've been together for a while, it still feels like there is so much more I can learn about her. I'm looking forward to whatever the future may hold for us!

| Zero || Night |
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