King

King and Kalinga's Progress Reports

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Thanks Aranhil!

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Day 7 - September 16th, 2015

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Today was awesome, in terms of progress at least.

 

I decided today that it was going to be a "lazy" forcing today - Instead of doing the traditional concentrating on meditating, then going into forcing where I'd do a mental workout, I decided to just take it easy. Started off with reading Harry Potter to her instead of meditation - and it worked! Definitely helped me not feel as much stress, and it let's me just focus on her passively, which tends to work better for not only letting her do her own thing but also even visualizing her.

 

I finished the chapter, so I put the book down and went straight into forcing. I decided to skip practicing visualization beyond picturing where I felt she was* and head straight into vocalization practice**. Didn't get much results out of it, but that's probably normal for the beginning.

 

However, what made today awesome in terms of progress was what happened immediately after I stop practicing. I laid my head down for a few seconds, and just blanked out for a few moments. Out of the blue, I head a loud clanging noise, like metal pots clanked together. Thing is, I didn't hear it from outside - It came totally from within my head. I even checked to make sure nothing had fallen in the kitchen or anything, but everything was the same. I've never had such an experience where I heard something so vividly from inside my own head before - and nothing so out of the blue like that. So, progress!

 

*We generally curl up together while I read, where I'll be laying down and she'll be curled up either next to me or on top of my body. It's cute, but damn it hurts my arms holding up the book so I don't just put it in her body. : P

 

** I'm following this guide's method as of now to help her out a bit. She hasn't "talked" to me yet, so I've given her a mindvoice that I've told her is alright to change if she wants, so long as it's distinguishable from my own. It's also weird to have to think about what my own voice sounds like in my head, but hey, it's already helped once!


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

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Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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XD

 

Your tulpa is a trolllllll! XD I love it. It sort of reminds me of that one tulpa who created a statue of Jay Leno in a backyard or something--can't remember who that was. . . .

 

I'm gonna be reading OotP really soon (or finishing it up). I love reading your PR. You understand the magic haha

 

By the way, I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond to your PM! I intend to tomorrow. :) Or possibly later on tonight. Anyway~


James: Hello, all!

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Oh, it's fine Bambi! Like I PM'ed James, life is demanding!

 

And yea, I definitely do get the distinct impression that it was a bit of a troll move. I think I was just drifting to sleep, so she decided to "wake" me!

 

I've got a few months probably till we reach OotP together, which is super weird for me - I read very fast, so reading it out loud to her is like a turtle's pace. I definitely cannot wait to finish the book so I can show her the movie without spoiling her. There's just something awesome about seeing the movie just after you finish the book!


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

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Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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Day 8th - September 17th, 2015

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Sorry, no real progress this day. Lots of real life stressors and things to do, couldn't find the time or the energy/environment to get me into an actual active forcing headset. I felt a little guilty about it, but real life sucks sometimes.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

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Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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Day 9 - September 18th, 2015

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Today has been a day of major introspection so far.

 

Now, I'll be honest - when I first started creating Kalinga, I didn't really truly think of the consequences of having somebody else would entail. Sure, I gave it some thought, but not nearly enough as I should have. But today I just really gave this whole thing a lot of thought, especially after watching Ruby Falls for the first time.

 

Do I regret my decision? No, absolutely not. Sure, she may not be vocal or maybe even sentient yet, but I still feel a lot of love and affection for her. Sure, there's a bit of stress this has caused me, and further down the road there's possibly even more. Sure, the headaches from training my mind are annoying. Hell, there will be moments where we might be mad eachother down the line. But to me, it's worth it.

 

Not to be sappy, but to quote the ever famous Bon Jovi, "We got eachother, and that's alright for love"

 

Now, do I regret making my decision so early without the proper thought beforehand? A bit, yea. I rushed into this after what now feels like a small amount of reading, but whatevs.

 

Anyways, getting way off topic of a progress report. Sorry, I'm genuinely not intending to make this a blog, but it's just helpful to write down what I'm thinking a little.

 

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Progress today has been slow. I tried relieving stress and anxiety from real life by using a punching bag and working out to hopefully help clear my head easier. It worked a tiny amount and helped with doubtful thoughts.

 

Clearing my head is getting easier. Still not 100% able to clear my head for even half a minute, but small baby steps.

 

Visualizing is getting easier. I get flashes of scenes or things I imagine now where everything is bright and in good detail. It's frustrating sometimes, as the more I concentrate on that detail the more it fades, but I'm starting to get the hang of it.

 

Haven't gotten anything truly from Kalinga today. I tried a few methods today to help her vocalize, but didn't get anything that wasn't me parroting her that was her, though I think I felt the intent to respond.

 

I've also decided to try and work on her personality again. I decided once I started getting the head pressures to not work on it as much to hopefully let her do her own thing, but I think I let that go too quickly. I feel like I'm too controlling of her body/responses on accident, so I'll try to do my best to let her do her own thing, but for now I dunno if she's developed enough yet to really do so.

 

All in all, not a truly great day for progress, but baby steps.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

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Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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Day 10 - September 19, 2015

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Fear and doubt is a bitch.

 

I've been focusing so much on not paying attention to them that I let them control me. The past few days I haven't been narrating or forcing nearly as much as I should have, all because whenever I felt doubt I would try to ignore it, which lead to me procrastinating, to just ignoring the problem alltogether. This has led to a regress of progress, I believe - I can still see Kalinga, but any sense of autonomy that we were building is gone, and she feels more like a puppet again.

 

I'm both pissed and ashamed with myself right now. I'm generally lazy, but this is just bullshit. I feel like a terrible host right now.

 

That said, it has lead to me getting more productive. I'm narrating a lot more than even when I first started, and while I haven't actively forced yet today due to a lack of any peace and quiet in my environment for a long period, I'm making sure I at least try for ten minutes before I start to settle down for the night.

 

That said, I do have a new change to her form now. I started seeing her with her hair done in a ponytail, and can't really stop now.

 

Sorry again for no real progress and a general blog feel, and all this emotional bullshit going on right now. I swear I'm normally not like this, it's just been a stressful week beyond Tulpamancy.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

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Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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It's been a while since I last updated, but not much has happened beyond me simply trying to erase doubts and open my mind for communication. I'll sum up the events of days 11-14 here.

 

Days 11-14 - September 20th-24th, 2015

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I've really been working on eliminating doubt and changing my mindset through rationalization and just thinking deep about what I feel and why. Doubt and fears do still exist, but around 50% less than during my last panic. Mostly it's just from me frequently expecting the worst case scenario, which is very hard to fight against. I've been messaging with several people who have been a great help in this regard.

 

I've focused hard on trying to open my mind to vocalization. I've had a few "conversations" with Kalinga, but the responses were fluid and felt like I was making them - Nothing alien or anything that truly surprised me. I'm pretty sure that it's my mind not necessarily parroting but speaking for her. I did it a few days anyways, just to hopefully give Kalinga some idea on how to speak, but I've started going cold turkey since this morning.

 

I can "feel" her when I think about her though. I haven't received any thoughts or emotions that have surprised me or felt alien yet as well, but I'm sure with time we'll get communications down. I'm excited for when we finally do though - I know doubt will be my biggest issue with Kalinga, but having some basic communication at least will go a long way.

 

And that's it really, beyond average standard forcing for things such as visualization. I've stopped personality forcing, as I generally get the picture of who she is. I never really went in depth to her traits, mainly because that's not how I think. I have a hard time analyzing people in depth, and rely on what I generally know/feel about them, and I have that already with Kalinga. Visualization, wonderland creation*, and vocalization practice are what I mainly do when I force, with maybe some talking to Kalinga thrown in. Parallel processing is definitely going to be a focus once we have at least decent communication/visualization skills.

 

 

*It's still a work in progress, mainly because my visualization skills are bad and I can't keep it from changing or gaining any real clarity beyond a mushroom in a field. I'm considering changing it to something else, but for now it stays.


Hiya! Feel free to message me about anything you want!

 

------------

 

Host -

Name: King

Age: 18

Location: Florida, USA

Gender: M

 

Tulpa -

Name: Kalinga

Date of Creation: September 9th, 2015

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