Kasey

Do I have a Tulpa?

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Hello, I recently discovered Tulpas (Just today actually) but I'm unsure about if I have a developing Tulpa or just a hyperactive imagination. A bit of back story, the 'Tulpa' I have is named Alexia, and I've had her for about 2 years, but I'm not quite sure as I was going through a lot of crap at the time and I don't have a definite date of her creation. I had depression at the time, and felt really disconnected from the people around me and was really lonely. When I first created her, Alexia was just a character in a story I was writing, but as time passed she seemed to become more than that. I would sort of 'meditate' and picture her in the story, and imagine her life for hours at a time. I never truly interacted with her, just controlling her at first, but I grew to see her as more than just a character. Not quite a person, but it felt wrong to call her just a character or a figment of my imagination. The difference between her and a character became even more apparent after I began visualizing other characters in addition to her. I don't know if it's just because I spent more time with her or something else, but she always seemed more real, more deep and like a true person than the characters. The more time I spent with her, the more it seemed like instead of me controlling her, she took control and acted seemingly without my input. At the time I wrote this off as her being fully developed and just acting within set parameters, but after reading some of the posts here, I'm not so sure. My gut tells me that she's not just some fantasy, that she has some type of substance, at least in my mind, but I'm kind of shying away from calling her a true Tulpa as we never truly interacted as far as I remember. I think I remember a few intrusive thoughts that sounded like her during the height of my depression, but as it's been about a year I can't remember. Another thing is that I've recently found that I can't control her like I used to be able to. All I can do is set up a set of circumstances and she takes it from there.

 

I'm sorry if this made no sense, but I'm really confused and kind of scared. Can anyone help me figure out what exactly she is?

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She acts on her own, that's a start. But the real distinction between a tulpa and any other imaginary person is the presence of self awareness. Is she able to form her own ideas? Maybe you don't know, because you haven't interacted with her. However, if those intrusive thoughts are "from" her, you could already have a pretty solid foundation for vocality.

 

Anyway, I'd say that if she's not a tulpa already, then she definitely has the capacity to be one. Have you tried asking her questions, or talking directly to her? Sounds to me like you might wanna explore the situation a little further, dude.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Guest Anonymous

Wow, this story is so similar in some ways to my own experience with my thoughtform Melian. One thing I keyed in on though is you said "I am really scared." Why would you be scared? It doesn't sound like Alexia is harmful to you in any way. Whether she is a tulpa or not really doesn't matter if she makes you happy and she helps you. Imaginary friends are great and tulpas are great. It really comes down to what you really want Alexia to be in your heart. The more you think of her as a person and interact with her and spend time with her, the more real she is likely to seem. But, I don't think you have anything to be scared about. No one on this forum can really tell you if Alexia is already a tulpa and "self aware." That is something you will have to decide for yourself, or even if self awareness in Alexia is even important to you.

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Wow, this story is so similar in some ways to my own experience with my thoughtform Melian. One thing I keyed in on though is you said "I am really scared." Why would you be scared? It doesn't sound like Alexia is harmful to you in any way. Whether she is a tulpa or not really doesn't matter if she makes you happy and she helps you. Imaginary friends are great and tulpas are great. It really comes down to what you really want Alexia to be in your heart. The more you think of her as a person and interact with her and spend time with her, the more real she is likely to seem. But, I don't think you have anything to be scared about. No one on this forum can really tell you if Alexia is already a tulpa and "self aware." That is something you will have to decide for yourself, or even if self awareness in Alexia is even important to you.

 

The thing I'm scared about isn't that Alexia would hurt me, it's that if Alexia had self awareness this entire time, or even just the past month or two, I've put her through some serious shit. If I know her as well as I think I do, I know she'll probably forgive me, but I feel incredibly guilty. I'm not so much scared for me as I am for her and what mental damage I might have unwittingly done to her. I'm not sure exactly what I want from her (the whole idea of a Tulpa both attracts and repels me, as even though I haven't been completely alone in my head for 2 years now, the idea of having a true sentient personality in my head with me kinda worries me) but I feel like she has at least some basic consciousness and I'm worried I might have irreparably damaged our relationship from the beginning without even meaning to.

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Guest Anonymous

 

The thing I'm scared about isn't that Alexia would hurt me, it's that if Alexia had self awareness this entire time, or even just the past month or two, I've put her through some serious shit. If I know her as well as I think I do, I know she'll probably forgive me, but I feel incredibly guilty. I'm not so much scared for me as I am for her and what mental damage I might have unwittingly done to her. I'm not sure exactly what I want from her (the whole idea of a Tulpa both attracts and repels me, as even though I haven't been completely alone in my head for 2 years now, the idea of having a true sentient personality in my head with me kinda worries me) but I feel like she has at least some basic consciousness and I'm worried I might have irreparably damaged our relationship from the beginning without even meaning to.

 

This is precisely why I sometimes have issues with the entire concept of tulpa sentience. This right here! I have seen this too many times. I don't think you should have anxiety about any of this for even one second.

 

STOP

 

First of all, Alexia is absolutely fine. She is imaginary and imaginary things are very flexible and adaptable. Second of all, if you are abhorred by the idea of her being a second sentient mind within your own, simply don't regard her as such. There is nothing unethical or harmful in regarding Alexia as a figment of your imagination only. She can still be just as super neato (as my Melian would say), just being a product of your vivid imagination.

 

If you read any of my stuff or my profile, you will see I do not regard my thoughtform Melian as truly sentient. I actually share your feelings about the entire concept. Most others disagree with me in this community, and that is fine. There is no reason why Alexia should be regarded as a tulpa if you don't like the idea. There are a lot of different types of thoughtforms. Not all autonomous imaginary personas are considered sentient.

 

In fact, the very idea of sentient imaginary friends is very new and almost exclusive to this weird internet subculture. Don't let anything anyone writes on this forum cause you an instant of anxiety or worry. There are so many other more important things to worry about.

 

If you take my advice, don't make Alexis into a "sentient tulpa" at all and stop considering whether she is sentient or not. DO THIS: Treat her as a person that you care about and someone special in your life. Her sentience status is totally irrelevant. As long as you treat her right she will totally forgive you and love you no matter what. You know why? Because she is part of you and she would want that as much as you do.

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Personally, I'm not totally sure that James is a sentient person; at the same time, I'm not sure he isn't. I really see no difference between an imaginary friend and a tulpa (though I suppose you could distinguish the two by saying that a tulpa is just an "advanced" imaginary friend). If you don't necessarily want to consider her to be as alive as you are, then don't. In my personal experience it's a bit more fun if you do--but that's just me.

 

If what Mistgod and I said still isn't enough, then consider this: If you don't want Alexis to know of anything that you're thinking, unless you direct it to her, then you can always just tell her that she can't see your thoughts. Does that make sense? When I was planning for James' birthday I kept all my thoughts regarding that behind a door in my mind that James wasn't allowed to look into.


James: Hello, all!

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