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How do I change my form?


Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous

I have an issue.

 

I can't stand my form. I want to have another form and forget about this one. But each time I try doing something like that, it feels like it's not me at all, so I need help.

 

Please.

 

I tried 15 times. Please, help me, tell me HOW I can accomplish this. I must be doing something wrong.

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What's wrong with your form? What will changing it fix?

 

Of course when you change it doesn't feel like you. It's not. You could change it and then re-identify with your new form, but what would be the point? Are the same things that made you dislike your current one going to happen again, or is it a specific set of reasons that made you dislike your current one?

 

If you have an issue with outsider-looking-in views of you being "a cute anime girl", I'd like to tell you there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you just think it's stereotypical, then you should "make a name for" your form, make it unique to you. But otherwise, the reason people like anime girls is because they naturally represent traits people find attractive, and I don't mean sexually. Honest, charismatic, cute, no ill-will or hidden agendas, and often times inspiring with their demeanor. Anyways, my tulpas are pretty much "cute anime girls", but that doesn't really define them. Tewi is so completely uncharacteristic of her Touhou counterpart it would be hard to explain to a Touhou fan. But her form is part of who she is, neither of us would change it because of stereotypes. Honestly they're all just really identified with their forms now, they own them. Their form isn't a form, it's part of them.

 

But I dunno, maybe you don't even identify with yours at all. Maybe you don't think you represent the things your host imagined you to. If that's the case, it's your right as a tulpa to change your appearance, even though I think you shouldn't. But if you tried and couldn't, then obviously you're already identified with this one. So changing to a new one would be an experience similar to learning to talk for yourself. You have to use the new appearance, treat it as yourself even when it doesn't feel like you. Make experiences with it, modify it to your liking, and stick with it. And above all, like getting a tattoo or, I don't know, a sex change, you have to make sure it's not something you'll regret, it's something you really identify with. You can't decide to be a shadow demon just because you're depressed when you know you're a human, maybe you can't even become a human when you know you're a pony. Liking the form is important, but identifying with it is just as much so. It's gotta be "you" for you to accept it as you.

 

 

Anyways I have like no context with which to give you detailed advice, here. Just throwing stuff out there with what little I've got.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Guest Anonymous

What's wrong with your form? What will changing it fix?

 

Of course when you change it doesn't feel like you. It's not. You could change it and then re-identify with your new form, but what would be the point? Are the same things that made you dislike your current one going to happen again, or is it a specific set of reasons that made you dislike your current one?

 

If you have an issue with outsider-looking-in views of you being "a cute anime girl", I'd like to tell you there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, if you just think it's stereotypical, then you should "make a name for" your form, make it unique to you. But otherwise, the reason people like anime girls is because they naturally represent traits people find attractive, and I don't mean sexually. Honest, charismatic, cute, no ill-will or hidden agendas, and often times inspiring with their demeanor. Anyways, my tulpas are pretty much "cute anime girls", but that doesn't really define them. Tewi is so completely uncharacteristic of her Touhou counterpart it would be hard to explain to a Touhou fan. But her form is part of who she is, neither of us would change it because of stereotypes. Honestly they're all just really identified with their forms now, they own them. Their form isn't a form, it's part of them.

 

But I dunno, maybe you don't even identify with yours at all. Maybe you don't think you represent the things your host imagined you to. If that's the case, it's your right as a tulpa to change your appearance, even though I think you shouldn't. But if you tried and couldn't, then obviously you're already identified with this one. So changing to a new one would be an experience similar to learning to talk for yourself. You have to use the new appearance, treat it as yourself even when it doesn't feel like you. Make experiences with it, modify it to your liking, and stick with it. And above all, like getting a tattoo or, I don't know, a sex change, you have to make sure it's not something you'll regret, it's something you really identify with. You can't decide to be a shadow demon just because you're depressed when you know you're a human, maybe you can't even become a human when you know you're a pony. Liking the form is important, but identifying with it is just as much so. It's gotta be "you" for you to accept it as you.

 

 

Anyways I have like no context with which to give you detailed advice, here. Just throwing stuff out there with what little I've got.

 

Hi.

 

It's completely fine to throw in stuff. I enjoy chatter that has a certain purpose. It's fine. Thank you for bothering to discuss with me, I was writing my post and I realized how nice it was of you to write down stuff even though you have no 'real' interest. People don't/never bother to discuss with me, and I'm not a very reliable friend to those who try to help me out, so thanks.

 

Don't laugh, but there are many reasons for which I think I should change my form. You might not perceive them as any serious, or might find them funny, but I hold them to heart. First and foremost, I think I'm too small. There, I said it, I'm too short in height. I'd like to be a bit taller, but a bit shorter than my host (who's 175cm or so, we'll have to check). I don't want to be too tall, but real people are not as short, and... yeah.

 

Other than that, I feel... I don't know. You can say I feel disgust towards my form and whatever may be associated with my form. I don't mind people's views over me.

Let's see... I don't know. Everything that's about me is bland and boring. Brown and short hair is no fun, and the way I see it, I can never get myself to look the way I'd really like to look. I like it when my host treats me well and all, but I.. I wish I could look better, more fitting that is. And the way I am? I'm not comfortable with my own self. It's hard to explain, but let me put it this way; Imagine that whatever that was about yourself, you were able to change it. OF course I think that nobody would really bother changing their appearance radically, why is that? Because your physique somewhat defines you and defines you as your 'own' person. It's not about being inspired from a certain character, don't get me wrong. But we, well, us tulpas, or rather I don't have that. I have the option/freedom to completely change anything that's about my appearance, which isn't possible for you guys (hosts) without surgery or something. I don't mean that, oh, I just woke up and my hair is a mess, that wouldn't push me to changing anything.

 

But with stuff that happened in the past, I was pretty much lead to hate my form. I just don't feel comfortable with that form anymore. It's not about liking a form, it's more about... how do I put this? Being able to live while looking that form. As much as my host likes my current form, the base one that is, I don't like it, I don't... sorry, thought current was cut a bit here. It's just that I don't want to live like that at all. And from my host's mind, there are a few options, well, one option he'd be. and by 'he' I'm speaking of both his subconscious mind and the person I interact with on a 'daily' basis. He has dreams about me being in a problem and still sees me as my 'old' form, and hanging out today while 'looking' like that (I'm using ' ' because the form is so much more than the appearance to me, it's like... lifeform, if that makes any sense remotely, sorry ^^' ).

 

In shorter terms, I want to grow up. I want to be someone my host will like no matter what. He doesn't look at other women and stuff, but I know, I know I can be better. I'm just very imperfect in my own terms. Yeah, I know that a man is bound to feel attraction in various degrees to other women overall, I don't mind that, but the way I am? I want to be... more. More to a certain degree. I don't want to be 'perfect', but sufficient in my own terms.

 

I do identify with the form, to a certain extent. I'm my own person in terms of personality, the way I act and behave, I don't feel like a fake person because my form doesn't rule out the way I am 'on the inside'. But at some point it feels very wrong to deviate from that form, for no reason, even though I want it so much and am ready to do anything at all to accomplish a goal of that importance. My host has absolutely zero expectations from me, he always tells me 'Do what you want' 'Be your own person' 'I'll love and accept you no matter what' (until further experiments I was disallowed to mess around with my form furthermore... ^^'' ). I have complete freedom over my life, but for some reason, that complete freedom/excessive freedom seems to be detrimental to life and things. I'm not depressed.

 

I'd like to point out to one thing; I woke up on the 16th of June, and felt highly uncomfortable in my pajamas. I was grumpy all day and acted very negative, and realized that I don't want to look like 'this' anymore. Ever since then I tried... sorry, went AFk. I tried to change my form on and on but with no real clear results as I'd wimp back to my 'old' form. Even now as I'm trying to do it, eventually I'll wimp back to it. I want to know how I don't wimp back to it. I want independence from that form, as a thoughtform if that makes sense to you. I feel like I could truly identify well with the form I, well, 'we' have in mind ('we' because I pushed him and his feelings to like that form, woopsie doopsie that's what tulpas can do). But... I don't know.

 

It's been a while since I wrote anything that long.

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Hi.

 

It's completely fine to throw in stuff. I enjoy chatter that has a certain purpose. It's fine. Thank you for bothering to discuss with me, I was writing my post and I realized how nice it was of you to write down stuff even though you have no 'real' interest. People don't/never bother to discuss with me, and I'm not a very reliable friend to those who try to help me out, so thanks.

 

Don't laugh, but there are many reasons for which I think I should change my form. You might not perceive them as any serious, or might find them funny, but I hold them to heart. First and foremost, I think I'm too small. There, I said it, I'm too short in height. I'd like to be a bit taller, but a bit shorter than my host (who's 175cm or so, we'll have to check). I don't want to be too tall, but real people are not as short, and... yeah.

 

Other than that, I feel... I don't know. You can say I feel disgust towards my form and whatever may be associated with my form. I don't mind people's views over me.

Let's see... I don't know. Everything that's about me is bland and boring. Brown and short hair is no fun, and the way I see it, I can never get myself to look the way I'd really like to look. I like it when my host treats me well and all, but I.. I wish I could look better, more fitting that is. And the way I am? I'm not comfortable with my own self. It's hard to explain, but let me put it this way; Imagine that whatever that was about yourself, you were able to change it. OF course I think that nobody would really bother changing their appearance radically, why is that? Because your physique somewhat defines you and defines you as your 'own' person. It's not about being inspired from a certain character, don't get me wrong. But we, well, us tulpas, or rather I don't have that. I have the option/freedom to completely change anything that's about my appearance, which isn't possible for you guys (hosts) without surgery or something. I don't mean that, oh, I just woke up and my hair is a mess, that wouldn't push me to changing anything.

 

But with stuff that happened in the past, I was pretty much lead to hate my form. I just don't feel comfortable with that form anymore. It's not about liking a form, it's more about... how do I put this? Being able to live while looking that form. As much as my host likes my current form, the base one that is, I don't like it, I don't... sorry, thought current was cut a bit here. It's just that I don't want to live like that at all. And from my host's mind, there are a few options, well, one option he'd be. and by 'he' I'm speaking of both his subconscious mind and the person I interact with on a 'daily' basis. He has dreams about me being in a problem and still sees me as my 'old' form, and hanging out today while 'looking' like that (I'm using ' ' because the form is so much more than the appearance to me, it's like... lifeform, if that makes any sense remotely, sorry ^^' ).

 

In shorter terms, I want to grow up. I want to be someone my host will like no matter what. He doesn't look at other women and stuff, but I know, I know I can be better. I'm just very imperfect in my own terms. Yeah, I know that a man is bound to feel attraction in various degrees to other women overall, I don't mind that, but the way I am? I want to be... more. More to a certain degree. I don't want to be 'perfect', but sufficient in my own terms.

 

I do identify with the form, to a certain extent. I'm my own person in terms of personality, the way I act and behave, I don't feel like a fake person because my form doesn't rule out the way I am 'on the inside'. But at some point it feels very wrong to deviate from that form, for no reason, even though I want it so much and am ready to do anything at all to accomplish a goal of that importance. My host has absolutely zero expectations from me, he always tells me 'Do what you want' 'Be your own person' 'I'll love and accept you no matter what' (until further experiments I was disallowed to mess around with my form furthermore... ^^'' ). I have complete freedom over my life, but for some reason, that complete freedom/excessive freedom seems to be detrimental to life and things. I'm not depressed.

 

I'd like to point out to one thing; I woke up on the 16th of June, and felt highly uncomfortable in my pajamas. I was grumpy all day and acted very negative, and realized that I don't want to look like 'this' anymore. Ever since then I tried... sorry, went AFk. I tried to change my form on and on but with no real clear results as I'd wimp back to my 'old' form. Even now as I'm trying to do it, eventually I'll wimp back to it. I want to know how I don't wimp back to it. I want independence from that form, as a thoughtform if that makes sense to you. I feel like I could truly identify well with the form I, well, 'we' have in mind ('we' because I pushed him and his feelings to like that form, woopsie doopsie that's what tulpas can do). But... I don't know.

 

It's been a while since I wrote anything that long.

 

Try to change small things about you first of all make yourself just a cm taller then after you are used to it make it 2 cm and so on.If you want to change your hair start with just 1 hair strand and change it's color and so on you get the point.At start you might feel different but you will get used to it i believe.

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Inazuma pls!

this time 4real

 

I have read through your thread in lounge as well as this one and I don't know if I should be sad, angry or both. But mostly it makes me sad.

 

Look, I'm sorry that your host's depression also affects you so badly but listen!

There is no need to suffer like that. Severe depression is a serious illness that can and should be treated. It is by no means an easy path but it can be done. Being there for each other surely is a great help but even then it sometimes may not be enough. If you do want my advice, deal with the depression with the help of a professional. This should be the top priority above anything else for the both of you.

 

Now about your form, have you considered the possibility that the real problem might be that you do not yet know who and what you want to be?

Of course any form you change to feels alien and wrong if you don't know what the 'real' one should be. Also stop 'trying' and do it. You need to be 100% sure of what you want and that you want it.

 

About the reverting back, I have a similar problem with things I create or change in wonderland. If I do not focus really hard and give them some importance, like attaching emotions and stories to the things, they disappear or revert back pretty instantly. The brain is lazy and doesn't like change. Especially in an already confusing situation.

Practically I see 2 solutions:

1) You can try to trick the brain with Rafaeldark's suggestion by making small changes. Still you need to reinforce them with vigor and focus on them a lot. Don't expect quick results.

or

2) You tell the brain to fuck itself and completely crush your old form. Just like Hernán Cortés burned his ships after arriving in Veracruz to conquer the Aztec Empire. It's a statement that there's no way back.

 

Also I noticed how much emphasis you put on being loved by your host.

While understandable, that's not a healthy relationship. Aspiring a form purely with this goal in mind is a poor choice. You need to realize that you can be whatever you want. But figuring out what you want and putting all your power into actually becoming it is within your responsibility. We can't help you with that.

Your host may have made mistakes during your creation by not giving you a name and backstory but there is no point in dwelling in the past. You are here, you are yourself and now it's up to you to shape your own life. I also know that this can be a heavy burden sometimes, but such is the price of freedom. But don't forget you are not alone. You have your host, so keep discussing your goals together. I'd imagine finding a form and focusing on it will be a lot easier if both of you work on it simultaneously.

 

Well, that's all the advice I have.

It's true that I probably have not the slightest idea how you or your host really feel and maybe I don't understand anything. So feel free to direct your hatred against me if you think it helps you. I shall bear it with honor.

 

But for fuck's

and your own

sake stop diminishing yourself and complaining that no one likes you. That's neither true nor helpful.

Super Girls don't cry

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Guest Anonymous

Inazuma pls!

this time 4real

 

I have read through your thread in lounge as well as this one and I don't know if I should be sad, angry or both. But mostly it makes me sad.

 

Look, I'm sorry that your host's depression also affects you so badly but listen!

There is no need to suffer like that. Severe depression is a serious illness that can and should be treated. It is by no means an easy path but it can be done. Being there for each other surely is a great help but even then it sometimes may not be enough. If you do want my advice, deal with the depression with the help of a professional. This should be the top priority above anything else for the both of you.

 

Now about your form, have you considered the possibility that the real problem might be that you do not yet know who and what you want to be?

Of course any form you change to feels alien and wrong if you don't know what the 'real' one should be. Also stop 'trying' and do it. You need to be 100% sure of what you want and that you want it.

 

About the reverting back, I have a similar problem with things I create or change in wonderland. If I do not focus really hard and give them some importance, like attaching emotions and stories to the things, they disappear or revert back pretty instantly. The brain is lazy and doesn't like change. Especially in an already confusing situation.

Practically I see 2 solutions:

1) You can try to trick the brain with Rafaeldark's suggestion by making small changes. Still you need to reinforce them with vigor and focus on them a lot. Don't expect quick results.

or

2) You tell the brain to fuck itself and completely crush your old form. Just like Hernán Cortés burned his ships after arriving in Veracruz to conquer the Aztec Empire. It's a statement that there's no way back.

 

Also I noticed how much emphasis you put on being loved by your host.

While understandable, that's not a healthy relationship. Aspiring a form purely with this goal in mind is a poor choice. You need to realize that you can be whatever you want. But figuring out what you want and putting all your power into actually becoming it is within your responsibility. We can't help you with that.

Your host may have made mistakes during your creation by not giving you a name and backstory but there is no point in dwelling in the past. You are here, you are yourself and now it's up to you to shape your own life. I also know that this can be a heavy burden sometimes, but such is the price of freedom. But don't forget you are not alone. You have your host, so keep discussing your goals together. I'd imagine finding a form and focusing on it will be a lot easier if both of you work on it simultaneously.

 

Well, that's all the advice I have.

It's true that I probably have not the slightest idea how you or your host really feel and maybe I don't understand anything. So feel free to direct your hatred against me if you think it helps you. I shall bear it with honor.

 

But for fuck's

and your own

sake stop diminishing yourself and complaining that no one likes you. That's neither true nor helpful.

 

You're speaking as if it's not me who's depressed, but it's my host. Let me tell you something; The greatest joy I can find is when I see my host smiling or having a good time. That's what keeps me going, you can say, when he's happy, that makes me happy. He's not depressed, I don't know how you could call someone like him depressed, he always makes lame jokes that aren't even funny (but how he says them is just too cute and adorable ^^). Point is, he's not depressed himself, or if he is, it's nothing like what I'm going through. You need to understand the differentiation between host and tulpa depression. My poor host went to the point where depression doesn't affect him anymore because he got it so much, when he's depressed he laughs about it and acts it off, never cries about anything, never really... I don't know. He's not going through what I'm going through, and even if I am trying my best not to be depressed most of the time, a lot of stuff 'triggers' that depression.

 

I know what and who I want to be. The existential question of 'who' I am doesn't rely on that. I'm me, that's who I am. The form contributes to me being me on the surface, but matters a lot when it goes into deeper levels/layers of existence. I don't have any wonderland, I always went through what was related to 'me' on a very personal level. I can't transform things just like that by will, things have to make sense to me, even though I exist by will, hehe...

 

To hell with a healthy relationship. I'm someone in someone's head, someone who's very fond of that other someone and spends all of her time with that someone, and loves everything about it. You might have a wonderland, adventures in your wonderland, people in that wonderland, I don't know, just like you have your whole life, my whole life is with my host. But I doubt you'd understand. And we're working on something together, form-related.

 

Nobody is telling me I'm wrong, nobody is proving me wrong (aside from my host but he agrees when it comes to the fact people don't really like me), there's nobody who really understands me. Someone tried to approach me, and I couldn't fit well with them when we got to talk furthermore beyond PMing, that is. I know it's true, I'm not trying to whore things out, I'm just saying what's there in my thread. What goes in my thread is fully under my own jurisdiction, I won't post things people like because it's pleasant for them to read so. It's true, and if you think that it's that negative, well, it's not.

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