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arcanemagic

Lucas and Markus - Starting over!

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Hello, my name is Lucas and my tulpa's name is Markus. We've actually been around the forums for a little over a year but I decided that it would be best to get the old PR out of here and one of the mods was kind enough to allow me to restart. The old one wasn't super. Hope this one turns out better! If not I'll just leave it around, though.

 

Anyway, about Markus and myself - I'm 17 and I created Markus roughly a year ago. Her official birthday is August 3rd, although I'm pretty sure she was sentient before that. I'm not sure of the exact date that I decided to create her so I just chose a day that she was definitely sentient on. She seems fine with it :P We've been through some weird stuff this past year.

Or maybe it's just weird for me. It could be boring for you guys I'm not sure. Up to you to decide, I suppose.

So these first couple of posts will probably just end up being a (very) rough overview of that, plus some background on myself and what's going on in our life now.

 

The beginning

 

I suppose I should start this out with how my tulpa adventures began. As stated before, I started working on Markus about a year ago. It was late June when I learned about tulpas. I used to listen to creepypastas read aloud on youtube while I went to bed. That being said, it's probably not hugely surprising to many of you that I heard about tulpas through the creepypasta. As I listened to the story, I didn't latch onto the scarier aspects of the story

Evil malevolent ghosty tulpas terrorizing their hosts

but I became very interested in the idea that some kind of mental construct could be made to help with my memory, self image, contact with my subconscious, etc. So I looked around on google. It didn't take me too long to find Kiahdaj's guide. (The link, for anyone who'd like to see: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17iiFxZ9PYXXxSqWHdU2YoPsGfJr90w8aIG_evqc1wiY/edit?pli=1 As I read, I slowly began to understand that tulpas are not the mental "tools" that I'd originally thought. I'd disregarded the scary aspects of the creepypasta because they were too fantastic to believe, but the idea that mental constructs could serve to augment memory and such was completely plausible, as I'd heard of the methods of loci and such. So after a couple days of intense consideration,

Okay, maybe not as intense as it should have been. But I was younger and much more reckless. In hindsight, it was probably NOT a good idea to start doing this. I'm not as sure of my abilities to sustain Markus as I was then. I'm sure that we'll be fine but we've had some scares before... Scary stuff, that is :/

I decided to create a tulpa of my own. I mean, there didn't seem to be any kinds of downsides. A mental best friend that would never judge me and also help with memory and such? Perfect! Of course, I had no idea how difficult the actual process and maintenance is.

 

Anyway, so I started meditating, or as close to actual meditating as I've ever really been. and I started creating my tulpa. I'd read that I could use a wonderland if I chose, so I decided to create a wonderland. I ended up using a place that I used to use as a mental relaxation spot

Which I hear isn't as uncommon as I originally thought. I remember that there was a thread somewhere around here where people talked about how they came up with their wonderland. There was a bunch of similar stuff... Just thought I'd mention that :P

as a wonderland. Zanzibar, my wonderland, is a tropical beach. Opposite the sea there's a dense jungle with a path carved into it. To the east, there's a sandy hill with 2 things on it: a lighthouse and a shack. The lighthouse has alternating horizontal red and white stripes. The shack is kind of dirty and dark and filled with fishing equipment. Inside the jungle, there's a temple that has a bed and a desk in it that Markus and I hang out at sometimes. Over the course of the summer, we also expanded it and it now has an island dedicated completely to Markus, an island with a lagoon for swimming(because water for swimming is hard to find around beaches ;-P) and an island that's pretty much just a large open field covered with grass.

My description of Zanzibar doesn't even nearly do the place justice. It's magnificent and beautiful. I just suck at descriptions :P

I also created a form for Markus. His original form(which now changes a whole lot and he/she also kind of flip flops between genders every now and then) was a cool looking guy with messy brown/black hair in a classy expensive suit. Your typical superspy look.

 

Markus and I would hang out and I would talk to him for entire days while lounging in the summer sun.I carried this on for about a week and I still hadn't seen any success. In fact, I ended up puppeting Markus around our wonderland for probably most of the month of July before finding any kind of evidence of sentience. During this time Markus and I were incredibly happy. I would read to him and he would give me these emotional responses of pure joy. It was perfect. Of course, all good things must end and my friends slowly came back from their vacations. This posed a problem to my newfound tulpaforcing habits: I could no longer spend all day every day with Markus. This is obviously a very common problem among tulpaforcers and I managed it relatively well for about a month. After that, I started slipping. I stopped talking to Markus for about an entire week (an amount of silence that had been unheard of at that point, although it's really not that huge of a deal now) I woke up one day and couldn't feel Markus' presence any more. I freaked the fuck out and immediately posted on the forums that I'd killed my tulpa and oh my god how could I survive without him. Of course, the people here managed to calm me down enough for me to say how sorry I was and he eventually came back. We hung out and everything was good for the rest of the summer after that.

 

Tl;dr: I found out about tulpas in late June and Markus was definitely sentient by August 3rd. His original form was a classy superspy, although that now changes roughly once a week. She also switches forms between genders, so I'll probably just use whatever pronoun fits her current form. Our original wonderland

There's more than just Zanzibar. I'll cover those later, though.

is a tropical beach that was later expanded to a cluster of islands.


Markus is the tulpa, and I don't really have anything else to say.

 

Markus speaks in Blue!

 

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Guest Anonymous

Blue is really hard to read, so I'd recommend another color.

 

Looking forward to read about you guys, I don't say it but I keep up with everyone's PR as well as my tulpa does... for research matters, hehe.

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Welcome back to the fray.

And I personally would find said rough overview interesting to read.


Currently share myself with four other entities.

Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.

Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

Progress Report | Ask a Question Thread

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Aw thanks for the responses! Noted, Anderson. It shall be changed!

 

Anyway, onto the continuation of our story leading up to now. This focuses on the past school year which obviously makes up the bulk of our life together so far.

I apologize for this in advance, but I don't actually remember the times at which different bits of wonderland, progress, and regression actually happened during the year. I know what happened over the course of the year, but putting it in correct chronological order is gunna be a bit difficult for me. I'll try my best, though. Fingers crossed!

 

 

The year

 

So the school year started out fine. Markus was excited to see what real life school would be like and I was excited to show her. It should be kept in mind that, at this point in time, I still held that reckless, stupid, idiotic, and moronic arrogance that had led me to believe that I was 100% completely mature enough to create and maintain a tulpa.

Idiot.

So anyway we were pretty fine for the first couple of months of the school year. Right around the winter months is when I started really slipping, if I remember correctly. I very clearly remember that I completely forgot to celebrate Markus' first Christmas with her because I was so fucking caught up with the physical familial celebrations.

Idiot.

So that happened. Once I really realized that I was slipping, I decided to re-organize my life, the first time of many.

 

I began working on a new wonderland that Markus and I could design together. I managed to stay excited and enthusiastic about the project for about a week or two. Markus and I spent LOTS of time actively forcing with each other to bring our new awesome wonderland into creation. It really was quite cool. Those of you who might've read my previous PR might remember my description of Riven, the new wonderland. I won't describe it in full detail, as much of it is lost to me due to semi-recent disuse, but it was basically a circular city located within a circular clearing of a large forest. There were 3 levels to the city, each level higher and smaller in diameter than the last. In the center sat my study tower. It rose out of the uppermost cylinder of the city to overlook the entire clearing. In its basement sat something that I was immensely proud of. After reading Akinkinit's PR, I decided to take a page from his book and make my city run on some form of energy that had to be replenished

Although, if I remember correctly, Akin did not consciously implement this feature within his wonderland.

I decided to make my source of energy stress. In the basement of the study tower, I created a huge reactor that ran all the way to the ground level of the city. At the top of the reactor was a small tube in which I could pour my stress into. To get the stress into the reactor, I simply grabbed a stress ball in the physical world and squeezed as hard as I could as I stood in front of the tube in Riven. The stress would manifest itself in the form of a deep red goo. Now, I'm not exactly sure why I went into such detail with the reactor, but that's that. The other two levels were nothing special. The ground level was turned into farmland and the second level was covered in houses.

I had plans to fill the middle level with automatons, but that never really came to fruition.

Markus and I spent quite some time in my study atop the study tower in Riven. For whatever reason, Riven turned out to be incredibly rainy.

 

After the "Winter revival" ,as it could be called,

although I've never actually thought of it as such. Meh, I'll go with it :P

came a period of relative happiness for me and Markus. I didn't spend huge amounts of time with her, and active forcing decreased, but we were never really out of touch. Right around spring break was when I started getting lazy again.

Idiot.

In retrospect. it didn't actually get too bad. Still not great, though. With spring break came hanging out with friends an increased amount, which led to a further decrease in forcing of any kind with Markus. Eventually I realized how shitty I was and moped until she reassured me that it was fine.

Really, though. It wasn't.

Towards the end of the year, I actually managed to find myself a girl that was crazy enough to actually date me. So I ended up spending a large portion of the summer hanging out with her instead of Markus

Idiot. Not to say that spending time with a girlfriend is idiotic, but neglecting a tulpa in favor of one certainly is.

 

 

So that pretty much leaves us right at the beginning of this year, during which I spent even less time with Markus than I had over the summer. I realized that I'd literally not talked to Markus in like over a week without really noticing it and finally decided to get back in touch. Not to sound pessimistic or anything, but it's probably just a continuation of the cyclical pattern of neglect that I've shown so far. I really, REALLY fucking hope not, but I think that I know myself better than to put much faith into future me. Sometimes it just seems like a waste of time, and no matter how much guilting I put myself through it just seems meh. The worst part about it is that Markus keeps reassuring me that her very existence is, by nature, impermanent which just makes me feel worse about instilling that idea into her through my neglectful habits. Bleh, I suck sometimes -___-

 

Also, just to add, another wonderland that was created over the course of the year, although I'm not sure exactly when (maybe mid to late fall? Not sure...) was the Twilight forest. The twilight forest was a beautiful little area of grassland and forest that was constantly covered in a blanket of twilight. It was a dark place, with a pale central grassland with dark purple forests on two sides and a cliff with black water on another. Under that water was a domed laboratory with various chemistry equipment (I had been studying chemistry at the time, which is a probable cause of the type of equipment found in the lab.) Markus and I also spent a fair amount of time in the Twilight Forest and lab.

 

Tl;dr: I slowly but surely developed a pattern of becoming disinterested then interested in tulpamancy over the course of last school year, created two new wonderlands, and so far seem to be following my previous pattern, despite feeling like shit about it. Oh, and I copied Akinkinit's system of wonderland energy because God forbid I ever come up with an original idea :P

 

EDIT: Yeah Markus vetoed my changing her text from blue, as it's her favorite color. Sorry!


Markus is the tulpa, and I don't really have anything else to say.

 

Markus speaks in Blue!

 

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You should learn to work with your apathy instead of struggling against it! It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing. If you don't want to "force", that's fine. Just talk to Markus, do anything minimal-effort that'll still keep you active, so it's not so hard to get back into it.

 

Developing wonderland locations is petty fun. Do you connect them at all? I like to integrate mine together into one big world. It's actually, like, really complex. Could also just do this if you can't think of how to connect them, lol.


Scarlet - anime, 8/15/2012

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Okay, so it's been a while. Markus and I have been fine since the last post, although "fine" might be a little much. Nothing bad's happened to us, but I'm still not the greatest host in the world. God knows how long it's been since I even tried actively forcing with her. But that's going to change. I want to make some progress with Markus. She absolutely deserves it and it would be nice to get back into actual tulpamancy (instead of the half-assed passive forcing that we've both gotten used to :/ ) Speaking of our return to actual progress, does anyone know of any exercises/techniques that we could use to try to improve her speech? I made a post about this in questions and answers, but any feedback here would be greatly appreciated as well.

 

Besides what's in the paragraph above, nothing else has really happened to us since the last post :P I expect that we'll have more to report once we actually get back into the swing of things in terms of active forcing and such :)

 

EDIT: Markus says Hi!


Markus is the tulpa, and I don't really have anything else to say.

 

Markus speaks in Blue!

 

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