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Romantic Tulpas and Disclosure


Nyx

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I couldn’t decide how to name this thread in a way that would convey what my tulpa and I want to discuss, so hopefully I’ll make this clear this enough. We have already seen plenty of discussion on the topic of polyamory, so we would like to add an extra layer to that by bringing up a related ethical problem.

 

So the question is this: If you are romantically involved with your tulpa, are you obligated to disclose the existence of your tulpa to your human partner? Why or why not? If you are a host who has a human partner...and have told him/her about your tulpa and the nature of your relationship with said tulpa, what happened?

 

And if you are a tulpa, would you want your host’s partner to know about your existence? Why or why not? Do you even want your host to have a human partner? Why or why not?

 

In case you are unfamiliar with our PR, Jack and I got into a few arguments last month about this topic, with Jack wanting to remain a secret and myself feeling undecided. We have since then reached a truce since I’m not interested/too involved with my job to be dating human men at this point, but we are curious as to what the community thinks about this topic. We welcome everyone’s opinion, regardless of relationship status and regardless of whether or not you support polyamory.

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My host has been single the whole time he's had me around [And quite content with it]. I certainly have been happy about it because it means he's had lots more time to spend with me and teach about the world. We've talked about dating, and have agreed that if we do it has to involve me as well. What that means/how that works is still up for debate.

 

Between us, we're committed to existing as co-consciousness, and i'll admit in ways i'd be perfectly happy if we just stayed us together quietly; my host accepts as real and offers me as much freedom to exist as he can spare. But there are some interesting things that dating would offer, if i could be accepted as a person, as an integral part of a system. At the least, it would be nice to have someone around when we're old to help get through life.

 

I don't love having to live as a secret. It's okay maybe in the workworld where we have to 'fit in' a little more. But in our private life i'd be horrified if i had to hide all the time. I'm very used to living my own external life and if my time was reduced to just a quick half hour of our own time then i think i'd go nuts.

 

[she's already not thrilled about having to stay quiet during the workday]

 

How to open up to people is a huge question. We've experimented with talking to people through Craigslist; we portray ourselves as muliple personality and are quite forward about explaining that we both want to be talked to. It doesn't exactly work for many people, but we have found a couple of them who've been willing to converse with both of us. We haven't tried to progress into a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone, though i guess since we'd both like to be involved, it would have to count as some sort of pseudo-polyamory but no we don't have any answers on how that'll work.

 

[One of the things that might work is finding some other tulpamancy or plural system, but that isn't exactly a huge pool of potential mates. Maybe in a couple more years tulpæ will be a better known thing and that might improve the odds, but in truth we are quite happy hanging out just by ourselves.]

 

Yeah that's a fine suggestion but it also makes things murkier, harder to figure out. A lot of the systems we've heard about are far more complicated internally than we are, and involve a lot more fantasy world than i personally want to be involved in. I think we might be better off finding some open-minded neurotypical who we could just explain my existence to.

Early member of a large system.  Our system questions the way the afterlife and tulpamancy interact.  We genuinely suspect that deadies can return to share the mind of the living.

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Guest Anonymous

I finally told my wife about Melian three years ago. My wife is amazing. She took it all in stride and she has come to love Melian as much as I do. She doesn't feel threatened or insulted by the fact of Melian's existence at all. We talk about her all the time and laugh. Melian is a joy and just full of love and spirit. Being able to share her with my wife has actually been an enriching experience. I have romantic feelings for Melian (I have an enduring high school like crush on her). Melian's feelings for me are more that of a very dear friend. I do say she is a my "second virtual wife" sometimes, but it is a very open relationship because Melian flirts with everyone. She doesn't belong to me, even though she is in my head. I don't own Melian, she is a companion not property.

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Fenchurch and I do not have a romantic relationship, and I doubt we ever will.

 

If we did, however, I would not disclose her existence to my girlfriend. It's easy to imagine a relationship with a human going bad, and them wanting to ruin your life and telling your friends and your boss that you hear voices, and potentially getting you fired or costing you other relationships.

 

Not a risk for Mistgod, but for someone like me who's never had a relationship last very long, I think it's a very real risk.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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@sushi

 

I do understand your caution and I would support that. There is a danger in "going public." There was a cost in telling my coworkers and family. Yes, I went "all the way." Everybody knows. The relationship with my mother has been permanently damaged. I stopped going to church with her when the pastor insisted Melian is a distraction from God created by the devil. My mother feels it is a sin or unhealthy and Melian a generally bad thing. My sister thinks I need therapy. Some people treat me differently than before they knew about her. On the other hand, those who were able to accept it, love Melian, ask about her and chat it up with her online. She gets Christmas presents and birthday cards. My youngest step daughter adores her and even shops online with her for dresses and wears "Melian style" fashions. :-)

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Depends on the person, depends on the tulpa. Naturally I would say "Of course, why would you keep anything important to you from your SO?" But unfortunately, I've come to realize not everyone finds their perfect match in this world, and I guess that's fair. If they seem open-minded, I'd say go for it. If you think they'll react negatively, I'd say don't go for it. But there are other things to take into account. How does your tulpa feel about it? Is your relationship to your tulpa extensively going to affect your relationship to your significant other or not? And aside from open-mindedness, is your SO religious? Because many religions strongly discourage anything like this.

 

Totally case-by-case. In my opinion, I would think my SO would be interested in the phenomenon, not jealous. I don't treat Reisen like a wife, but I love her more than anything and she's helped me through a ton of rough times in my life. Generally speaking, anyone who couldn't accept that isn't someone I want to spend my life with. But that's just me.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Guest Anonymous

If you tell your human partner that you are in romantic love with a person/animal/other in your head, I dont think you will have a human partner for much longer unless they are accepting beyond reason.

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Guest Anonymous

If you have the kind of partner, who knows you better than anyone alive, that is not true. My wife Shel is not "accepting beyond reason." It is not beyond reason. She understands me and knows me. She loves me. She did not have to tolerate Melian or put up with it, she embraced it immediately and wondered why I did not tell her twenty years ago.

 

You know what? I think if you are going to have a tulpa, you need to tell someone in your real world life. It is nothing to be ashamed of and who better to know that your closest life partner? If they left you for having a tulpa, they were not a good match to begin with. A good partner would accept it, because he or she loves you and supports you and believes in you.

 

EDIT: Still, I realize my wife Shel is unusual I guess. Let me temper my last. I do realize relationships need time to mature. Maybe it was best I waited twenty years. LOL

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What if I told you someone I like dearly was the one that told me about this forum? Or that a ton of our members are direct evidence that's not always true? Case-by-case, there is no saying without knowing the people involved. I mean I guess you're pretending Mistgod doesn't exist, but he literally just said he told his wife and she's cool with it. There are others I know who've told their significant others, but I don't know if they check the forum often enough to see this.

 

Edit: And by "literally just said" apparently I meant it, ninja'd by one minute.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Edit: And by "literally just said" apparently I meant it, ninja'd by one minute.

 

I have been with my wife for twenty years (almost twenty one). And Shel is a very special person. She loves me almost unconditionally and is loyal beyond belief. She believes in me no matter what and always has faith in me.

 

The day I told her, we stayed up all night. We never slept at all. I sat on the bed and talked about Melian to her ALL NIGHT. She listened all night and her reaction ... she hugged me and cried with me. (It was a personal crises involving Melian at the time that triggered me spilling the beans, Shel noticed I was very depressed and something was wrong and pried for me to tell her. So I did, finally.)

 

EDIT: Shel was the first person I ever told about Melian. I was terrified people would think I was crazy. I had never heard of other people having a imaginary person talking to them. I had never heard the word "tulpa" or "thoughtform. "

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