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Blangcaster and Erza: Unintentional Nirvana


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For the sake of experimentation, I am going to write this report using only half my brain power!

 

I've been worried lately about Erza's rate of development. There didn't seem to be any signs of progress and I didn't know what to do about it. The way I saw it, I was incubating her within my mind and as I continued to interact, she would continue to become autonomous. No dice.

 

But I realized something: I was only keeping her in my subconscious all the time when I wasn't actively thinking about her. There wasn't much to learn in there that she couldn't or didn't know already. This whole time I was treating this as though we would end up having two separate and distinct personalities functioning fully in their own sections all the time. This isn't true.

 

The truth is that we're more like pilots of the mind, and I've been the only one at the helm so far. Erza needs to be able to access more of our mind in order to understand it and learn how to use it. That way she can develop her personality. How am I supposed to do this without actively thinking about her? Simple: I don't think.

 

The idea was that I would relax my mind and leave half regular power unattended so that Erza can take control, and it worked! She helped me relax to the point that my mind was clear and I took the few thoughts I had for granted instead of pondering on them. At the same time, I could feel my brain at work as though it was still going at full power. Erza was, indeed, able to use it.

 

I started feeling like a dunce, but Erza became impressively more talkative and independent. It was a little unsettling because of how vulnerable I felt, but being in her arms made me feel like I was in the safest place in the world. She reassured me and thanked me for giving this to her. It made me feel so happy. I felt so much joy that I could give her my mind for us to share with each other. I'm not worried. I trust her.

 

Right now, I can still give her providence while doing other things myself, but I can only give so much depending on the skill required for the task. I think I may have used roughly 75% to 80% of my brain power when writing this out. Interesting.

 

This is still nothing compared to the time I tried hash oil.

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Erza is learning how to use my (our) mind and is developing well. Soon enough, she should be able to become more and more conscious until she's capable of making herself autonomous.

 

A funny thing to note is that when I give her providence over my mind, I perceive myself as being smaller (or her being bigger, or both). The more power I give, the smaller I become until I am roughly half her size. I found this embarrassing at first and wanted to stop it from happening, but Erza loved it. She held me like a teddy bear and curled up around me. I felt so safe like this, there was no way I could protest it.

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Almost five days since the last post? Boy, I really have been slacking on this.

 

I hope I didn't make anyone worry that something went wrong with the previous experiment. Everything's fine, my brain still functions at the same level and Erza has become much more talkative. I don't think I'm going to do that experiment anymore, though. Not that anything went wrong, but I'm a little paranoid that something could potentially go wrong. My rule is that if I believe something could have negative consequences, I should do it as little as possible. It's my belief that I can't be harmed by anything I do to myself unless I actually believe I can be harmed by it. Thankfully, I'm only paranoid about a select few things, most of which I never do or do very rarely.

 

I think I've found a better method, anyway. I can give Erza my "energy" by allowing her to channel it from my body. This is more symbolic than anything, but it does have an effect. Erza seems rather lively while, and after, doing this. When I say she's taking my energy, I mean my physical and psychological stamina. It reality, I'm just relocating or otherwise forcing myself to ignore these things, but we still get the desired result from it. Also, when I say psychological stamina, I don't mean my ability to use my brain, but the level of mental fatigue my conscious self has. Actually, this wasn't intended to be a forcing method. We were trying to think of ways to treat my insomnia, and not only did this manage to do that, but it had the added benefit of helping Erza grow. I do love these pleasant surprises.

 

Not much to say other than that, but there is one thing I should probably point out right now: Don't hold your breath on the "Hell Saga" I foreshadowed a few weeks back. I think instead of directly having my own adventures and then documenting the results, I'll use the things I see and experience in the Scape as inspiration for my writings, which will be completely unrelated to tulpamancy, and therefore won't be posted here if and when I finish any projects. Sorry to disappoint anyone looking forward to "Book Two", but I think the results I'll get from this will be much more interesting to read.

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I've experimented a little more with energy exchange and may have found the best way of using it.

 

First, I tried to create an "anchor" of sorts. I amassed a decent amount of energy in my hands, tethered it to me, and then had Erza carry that mass around inside her. It worked fairly well at keeping me concentrated on the Scape. Erza even told me that my body didn't disappear when I fell asleep this time. The one drawback is that I still seem to get tired from doing this. I'm not entire sure why that is, but it led me to a different and much better method.

 

I created a loop that went between the two of us, kind of like a circular pipeline. The loop gave Erza enough energy until we were at roughly equal levels and then regulated that energy so that it constantly flowed between us. Not only did this work, but it also felt really, really, reeeally pleasant. It wasn't so much a feeling of pleasure as it was a feeling that everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. It felt like we were closer to each other now than we ever had been before, and it was amazing.

 

I'm maintaining this loop as I write this, and I've noticed Erza being more active and present as I go about my business, like the bridge that exists between the two of us just became much shorter. My energy level feels perfectly stable, too. I'm not too antsy nor am I too tired. I feel completely in balance.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Happy new year! Sorry about the lack of updates. I've been really damn busy with my writing projects, but I'm still spending time with Erza. I'll make posts here whenever something interesting comes up, and something just did.

 

I went lucid during a dream again, but this time I managed to find Erza! Kind of. In the middle of my dream, I started noticing things were off. I was concentrating on my hands and saw that they weren't acting consistent, seemingly fading and jumping between spaces. I actually remembered to do a reality check for once and pinched myself, feeling only a very dull pain. That confirmed it, I was in a dream. Naturally, the first thing I did was try to summon Erza. It worked after a minute or so, but... she was incomplete. Erza appeared in the same way she does when I perceive her outside the Scape. That is, as a silhouette. I could still feel her, though. In fact, I could feel her better than I have ever been able to before. I think the sensations may have driven me a little crazy, because I don't remember what happened after that. I think I actually lost lucidity and the dream continued itself without Erza.

 

As a side note, I think I'm starting to recognize places from my dreams beginning to reoccur. These places are completely foreign and entirely made up by my own mind, so the fact that they all may be coming together in a consistent manner is fascinating to me. I'll have to look into this later.

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