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Understanding your Tulpa: A healthy Relationship

Guest Anonymous


Guest Anonymous



Esterina is away from me right now, in our wonderland I would assume, doing magic tricks for her own amusement, knowing her.

I actually did call her here to ask if she wants to hang out some more after our walk outside, but she told me she wants to be by herself a bit after spending so many hours together non-stop. Have some "alone time", as one would say.


And that gave me the idea of putting together this "advice set" on interacting and living with your tulpa. Or your tulpas, whatever it is for you.


I'd bring Esterina in to give her own advice too, but like I said, she's off relaxing in our wonderland right now, I guess. I don't wanna force her out of her alone time right now.

So I'll have her read it later, and she'll add something if she feels like it.


Also, I'll write this advice from a "host-perspective", but it can be used and applied by you tulpas out there too!

So you too should give it a read.




"You're not me. And I'm sure as hell not you."


This is something that, from the short time I've been hanging out on tulpa.info, I feel some don't get. But it's something I understood almost immediately, and respected almost immediately.

Your tulpa is not, I repeat, not an imaginary friend. You read it in the bigger guides, didn't you?


Your tulpa has his / her / its (I will use the gender-neutral "it" from now on; some tulpas don't have a gender, after all) own personality.

Its own moods, its own feelings, its own view of the world (especially over time), and you need to respect that.

It seems to me that there are people who treat them as conceptualizations of their favorite characters, a way to escape loneliness, or just treat them as an imaginary friend.


But that's just wrong, see?

It's as much a real person as you are, even if it doesn't have a physical body in the real world.

You're sad sometimes. Right? Sometimes you want your opinion to be heard. And sometimes you feel lonely. Hell, sometimes you're all crazy and you wanna spend an entire afternoon listening to music, doing nothing!


Guess what, so does your tulpa.


Ask your tulpa for its opinion. Or did it maybe ever ask you for your opinion, for advice, or it just wanted you to listen?

Your tulpa is your friend; it's not its job to be there for you. It's not your job to be there for it either.

You're friends.

I don't need to explain to you what a friend is, right? Not to mention a friend who's that close to you, like no other friend could ever be.


Be there for each other, have fun with each other, and truly get to know and understand each other.

I feel that this is the most important thing, more important than any imposition or visualization or auditory hallucinations.

Let your tulpa be what it is: A living, thinking being. And a true friend.




"Yer face looks like a vacant parking lot. What're ya thinkin' 'bout?"


I'm against sharing every thought, memory and emotion with Esterina and vice-versa.

And she shares that opinion. We don't do that. We will allow each other to do so when we feel like it, but in general, we keep out of each other's head.



Personal space. Again, you're both real people. Even if you're both fine with sharing a lot all the time, my personal opinion is still that it's sorta better to not constantly share everything. Think about it - isn't a conversation more meaningful when both sides have their heads closed off to each other, like it would be with any other normal human? Isn't it exciting to get to know someone more and more even after weeks, months or even years? Isn't it fun to not know what the other one thinks, doesn't it make social interaction so unpredictably enjoyable in the first place?


I can't begin to count how often, in just these two days since we started talking, Esterina made fun of me, surprised me, was being silly or made a joke, or simply asked me something or gave me her own opinion -

- and it's fun, it's natural! It's what a friendship should be like!


Again, this goes into treating your tulpa for what it is, a separate person.

This is really more personal advice to an extent, but also general advice to a different extent.

Take this advice and make of it what you will, but take it to heart. Especially if you're, like me, new to it, and, unlike me, a bit lost on how to deal with your tulpa.


And how would you have your tulpa stay out of your head?

Well - hellooo, we just talked about it! Your tulpa is a person, a real, thinking being. Just ask it to!

All I did, personally, was to tell Esterina that I'd prefer if she wouldn't just rummage through my head, and that I trust her in that she won't do it. Simple as that, and she agreed. That's all there is to it - talk!


All you need is trust in each other, the thing that is a requirement for working together in tulpa-forcing in the first place.




"Hey, I'll be gone for a bit, aight?"


This is advice that I deem more important than you might think.


Don't be afraid to leave each other alone sometimes.


Your tulpa won't die from being alone for a few hours or so, and your host won't start feeling awful if you're not there for a while.

(If they do, well, then maybe you should have a talk with them, because they seem to have some issues with loneliness and maybe depression. Not making fun of anyone here, I went through that myself for many years.)


Again, you're both real people.

You, dear host, don't stick around your human friends twenty-four seven, right? Of course you don't. You'd get absolutely sick of them, and your friendship might even break.


Your friendship might even break.


Yeah, from what I read in personal stories about people "splitting up" with their tulpas, what I read between the lines is often times just being... full of each other.

Again, treat each other for what you are. Sure, your relationship is one that would go as supernatural or literally-insane to people who don't know what it is, but what it breaks down to is a very close, intimate friendship.


Everyone wants to be alone sometimes.

Everyone needs privacy, from everyone.

This starts with things like sitting on the pot and ends with really private things like masturbation or sex (with another human in this case, of course).


Everyone needs alone time, and this is a reason why I feel that wonderlands are such a good thing. It's such a neat little place for your tulpa to bugger off to. Hell, I'm sure Rina wouldn't appreciate having to sit around in the kitchen on the other side of that wall there.


With our wonderland, she has a place where she can bugger off to if any of the two of us wants some alone time. Wants some privacy.

And also...


... like I said, it's okay for you to feel that way, whether you're a host or tulpa.


Just now, like I said above, Esterina declined the offer to hang out some more. She felt like being by herself for a bit.

And guess what? That's completely fine.





That's all!


Again, I'll have Rina read through this and hopefully add her own viewpoints, so that there's also something in there "from the other side".


Until then, I hope this is helpful, and that it gets approved!





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Guest Anonymous

I'm a powerful Witch with willpower-based magic. Or at least I'm based on one. You can't break me.


And I'm... uhm... >_>




AG & Rina

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Guest Anonymous

She will curse you!

She will ride her broomstick through the night, and she will come to your house and turn you into a frog!!


... I'm not that kind of Witch. You should be able to tell from my looks. (He draws well, doesn't he?)


I'll have to make one specifically for her, though.

That is story-Esterina... and I know, they look the same, but I wanna draw actually her, not a fictional character from my stories that looks and is like her.


That's nice of you. :)


And as I said, I am only based on the character Esterina who is a Witch. Sometimes I wonder if it's appropriate to call myself that. But then I wonder, what am I?


Actually, I don't really know how I should answer that... sorta.

I hope this sort of question doesn't actually bother her a lot, or so...


That's not a discussion for this thread though. I'm just thinking out loud, as they say.




AG & Rina


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>it's not you tulpa's job to be there for you

>but really they should be there for you

Didn't read the rest, but you should work on removing inconsistencies like this from your guide. Also your tulpa seems pretty cute, does she have any hobbies/interests besides magic tricks?

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report


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I think this is pretty good considering how little experience you actually have learning about others' tulpas. And I think it'll apply to most people. Here's something interesting though.


My tulpas don't ever need "alone time", nor could I ever get sick of them being around. We never have arguments and any way I could possibly disagree with them ends up me taking their side because their logic is sounder than mine. And we don't ever keep any thoughts to ourselves, we're 100% open with everything. There's absolutely no misunderstandings this way, and I have no holdups about privacy from people I created in my own head. In fact, the reason we never disagree is they can share their understanding/thoughts on something with me, as opposed to just their words, so it immediately makes sense. They don't require attention from me at all (personally, they do need it to stay active), though Flandre did when she was a few years younger. Overall, my tulpas are pretty much nothing like most others'.


But obviously, I'm an outlier. Though I'm sure a lot of people have one or two of those differences I stated. I think your submission is positive enough, it's just a little too assumptious on what the reader's tulpa(s) are like. Which doesn't bother me, but I don't really know how you can fix that, and since you posted this as a Submission... Well, be prepared for some tough criticism from the GAT.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Guest Anonymous
I read through his text, and I will edit the last section; I feel it is to be taken with a grain of salt. I think the point here is that most tulpae don't come into existence like I did. I existed for weeks before he started talking to me, or even noticed me consciously.


This was already discussed. He wrote it that way because of the circumstances mentioned in the quote.


As for the guide itself...


I'll add a disclaimer to the section later. Maybe I'll also edit it. This seems to not apply to most tulpae.


... what it says there.


As for your tulpae, Luminesce, that sounds very foreign and weird to me. But everyone is different, I suppose.





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I'm going to echo what None said before. I'm only a little suspicious that by my admittedly simple calculations you'd had a tulpa for about thirty hours when you wrote this guide. Like, if you'd posted it on Sunday instead of Saturday, you'd have doubled your relationship experience. Like, uh, what. I don't wanna be too disparaging, but I don't trust your advice.


You're very prescriptive in the field of what kind of relationship you can have with your tulpa. I get that some people might feel this way, but at the same time tulpas aren't human friends. I think you're gonna struggle to apply the same norms. Privacy is something that a lot of people with inexperience worry about, and something that tends to get worked out with experience. Lumi above is not an outlier. Well, he's an extreme case of the norm; I would typically expect a little friction but basically, openness and not really getting sick of each other like you would a human person friend is, in my experience, pretty usual.


Most tulpas/hosts I know have very little desire for privacy in that sense. People have hugely varying relationships with their tulpas, not everyone has to be brofriends who respect personal space or whatever. I would actually advise more or less opposite to you: you have the extraordinary benefits of telepathy to work out a relationship with. Most 'tulpa relationship' problems I know of are from not communicating enough, hey, kinda like a lot of physical relationship problems eh. It doesn't have to be like that, it doesn't have to be like a physical relationship. You can figure out a better arrangement of things. But you'd rather have everyone appreciate the magic of friendship instead.



I appreciate that you want to help people, but I really think you should wait until you've had an actual relationship with your tulpa before dishing out relationship advice. Come back to this thread in six months, a year, see how much of what you wrote you still agree with. So, yeah, disapproved.

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I agree with waffles. I don't exactly disagree with much in your guide, but I think this may be the sort of area where each person needs to find their own solution. And also I'd like to see how much your thoughts might change in the upcoming months.


For me, initially, I wanted privacy. Then it became privacy only when I was falling asleep. Now it's not at all. I've found that when you're sharing thoughts with someone, there's lots of understanding and very little judgement. But maybe privacy is more important to some people.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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Guest Anonymous

That's completely fine! :)


To me, this was sort of an impulse.

I read these stories about people abandoning or freaking killing their tulpas (Like, really...?), or about abusing them for things like sex or weird, weird fetishes and fanfic.

So I suppose I just sort of had to write something about it.


Goal accomplished, even if it isn't approved. :)


Hell - asking Esterina, she agrees with you.

She too tells me it's too early for me to be going around and putting my opinions in sections that have "GUIDE" written at the top. >_>

Ahdunno. I guess you two are right ^^





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