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Camwoodstock

Cam's Tulpa Journal

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Since I'm starting to try to get a Tulpa, I might as well share my progress, starting from when she was made, to as I post this. I'll update this daily, if I can/remember to. If you have any feedback, please gimme it.

 

  • Before 12/3/2015: I kept getting feelings that there was someone to comfort me when I got anxious. If I ever got anxious, I'd have something snap back at me to comfort me.
  • 12/3/2015: I decided to make this into a Tulpa. I decided to name her "Toree" (pronounced Tour-ee) until we could think of a better name, the current name is based on Toriel from Undertale. She's an anthro Luxray from pokemon, but the blue fur is red instead. She wears robes as her clothing of choice. She was also on the chubby side, but nowhere near obesity. She was also taller than me. She thought of maybe trying to be like a mother to me.
  • 12/4/2015: She started showing her curiousity when I forced; she even asked what a "meme" was. She gave up the motherly attitude, instead opting to be like a close friend, since she thought referring to me as her child would be confusing. She was rather laid back today, but I'm probably just parroting.
  • 12/5/2015: She started taking interest in more things, such as art and Christmas, but also my family. She doesn't like my younger brother's obnoxious attitude. Not sure if I am parroting or not, but she seems a bit afraid that I don't believe in her; I had to reconfirm to her that I do believe in her. She's calmed down since then. She's generally a little bit anxious, but she comforts me if I get too nervous.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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Ammendnum to 12/5/2015: When I was about to go to bed, I decided to try to talk to Toree some more. I was about to doze off, but I had a sharp jolt shake me awake. I was actually trembling for a few seconds after that. I've had these before, but not to that extent; I never trembled as a result, and the sound in my head when it did this wasn't ever this loud. Not sure if it was her trying to wake me up, but I'll go with my gut and say it is. After all, I've heard doubt can cause a barrier in believing a tulpa, and thusly, a tulpa developing. Later, my mind trailed off and I was thinking of me jumping in some scenario. I felt my feet jerk up in a distinct way that I feel wasn't mine. I feel like Toree was behind that too. We also decided that she might occasionally wear skirts after she thought they "looked cute".


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/6/2015: Writing this a bit early, so I dunno if I'll need to edit this tomorrow morning. Not much was going on today, but I ended up dozing off for 4 hours out of nowhere. I have unconfirmed narcolepsy (note it's unconfirmed, as in, I am not sure if I have it, but I am aware it's a possibility), so I wasn't surprised, but when I woke up, Toree seemed actually very concerned. She kept asking if I was okay, and was anxious. I've calmed her down since then, but I'm still a bit surprised she was so concerned for me.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/7/2015: Again, a bit early, but Toree's been the same as usual. I've been trying to passive force with her; been getting progressively better than I was doing at day 1, I've noticed. Toree was curious about school, though. I talked about that with her and such.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/8/2015: I had a pretty sucky day today, aside from Toree. The thing is, I did things out of anger earlier, and was mentally beating myself over it. However, Toree noticed that, and tried to calm me down. I doubt it's not much I learned about tulpas (aside from how much one can care for their host, as a friend), but I do find some peace in knowing she's aware that everyone makes mistakes under pressure, and that I was just human... I've since tried to make up for the stuff I did out of anger, but I'm keeping that disclosed from privacy sake.

 

Something I've noticed is that Toree seems incredibly shy when she mentions she loves me as a friend, as if she thinks I'm about to mistakenly think she's saying she loves me as a romantic partner. She has stated she wouldn't do that out of confusion that'd cause, but she seems awfully afraid of that misinterpretation in particular... I guess in a way, she's just human as well. Well, I mean, mentally. Physically, in terms of form, she's a humanoid lion.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/9/2015: Toree showed some lingering worry over yesterday. She popped in earlier, asking if I was alright. I calmed her down, though. I plan on forcing more during the weekends when I have spare time.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/10/2015: Not too much to report today, sadly. Though it has been a week since Toree and I first met! I asked her about her thoughts, and she said that she's pretty happy about that. Though she wants to know more about me... Hopefully I can have some time on winter break to force some more. School is a pain in the butt when it comes to forcing.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/11/2015: Yeah yeah timezones yeah yeah it's December 12th here yeah yeah I'm calling it December 11th.

 

Not much to report today as well, sadly... I've been meaning to get Toree out of her shell. Maybe I can do that soon, but I dunno how I'd do that. Maybe I could try forcing while browsing the forums and asking if she wants to say anything? Maybe. I see a lot of people with developed tulpas do that. Is it safe to do that with a developING tulpa? I should ask that, but it's half after midnight here. I should be asleep.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/12/2015 + ammendnum to 12/11/2015: Of course something worth reporting happens once I post my journal! Of course.

 

Not much today, but Toree's been relaxing herself inside my mind today. She did pop in occasionally, but she's been relaxed for the most part. I need to force a LOT more; she's been really quiet recently, and that worries me. (as I typed that, I felt her try to comfort me as best she could... I'll try forcing after I write this, if I need to amend tomorrow morning, so be it.)

 

However, last night, I went to bed and felt... anxious, all of a sudden. There was no reason for me to be anxious, I just... felt off, for some reason. I started getting sad about myself, feeling like I was a screw-up. I was actually tearing up, at myself. I know that sounds pathetic.

 

However, Tori did notice this, and while at first I said I don't deserve to even listen to her (I was sad at the time, so I did that thing which was dumb in hindsight,) she did eventually let me know that I wasn't a failure, and that I do deserve her kindness... It honestly made me feel a lot better... She knows how to calm me down when I get worried.

 

Tomorrow, I'll try to force as much as I can. I don't wanna end up causing development to get slowed down. Usually it takes a month from other journals I've read for raw thoughts to start, but at this rate it'll be much more, lest I try to force for the majority of my time.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/14/2015: I know it's the 15th. Just thought I'd say stuff though.

 

Not too much to report. I've forced as much as I can, though, so that's a thing.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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