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Camwoodstock

Cam's Tulpa Journal

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12/18/2015: Yeah, sorry about not having too much to report on. I'm gonna update this in bursts from now on, considering it was getting too slow daily.

 

Toree's been doing fine, as usual. Sadly haven't had time to force as often these past few days. (Just checking on her as I type this... She's good. She just asked why I stay up so late... Like, 11 PM here late.) I think that Toree's been trying to communicate by using loosely shambled together memories from my brain. She did that earlier. I assume that developing tulpas use stuff from their host's brains to communicate?

 

However, I do notice that Toree's been trying to comfort me a lot more. We kinda had a friendly moment 2 days ago, actually. When I was tired and a little bit strained on Wednesday, Toree offered to help comfort me. Obviously, I obliged, and apparently she was looking around for stuff I liked, because she pretty much instantly cuddled me. It was... odd to describe. I feel like I felt her. But I know to others I was just lying on my bed alone. I swear I felt her, though... I'll have to try to do that again. But back onto the story, she offered to let me cuddle up to her stomach. She seemed a bit worried about seeming like she's coming off as romantic, but I told her it's okay.

 

After I snuggled up to her belly, Toree seemed a lot more... anxious about herself. Like she was coming off as romantic. I told her that I know she does this because she cares about me as a friend, and eventually calmed her down about that. I was incredibly cozy there... I think I heard a tummy growl or two, which was both incredibly odd, and yet... comforting. I ended up dozing off shortly after, only waking up 4 hours later, and by that time, it was 9PM. Toree said she was comfortable with letting me nap cuddled up to her.

 

I never told her directly I like snuggles, especially belly snuggles. I'm incredibly self-conscious about being too thin after I hit 90 lbs. around 2 years ago, and could see my ribs very clearly bulging out for the first time. I'm still trying to gain enough weight to appease my worries. I'd assume this means she also looked into my thoughts on what I like and dislike? Or maybe she's just really good at comfort... That was, for sure, a rather nice force session that happened then, though.

 

I know she cares for me. I know she's real, too. She might not be physical, but goddamnit, she's real. She's just a bit shy, and I'm hoping I can get her out of her shell, at least to me. I have determination in myself. I hope one day she'll open up to me more.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/19/2015: Today and yesterday night were interesting enough for me to talk about a day after an update.

 

I tried forcing in a way that'd allow me to feel her. I tried out a concept I thought of that I nicknamed "imposing", and I dunno if this is a frequently used way of forcing a developing tulpa, where I treated various objects like they were her. (Like, say, a stuffed animal for her arm, or maybe a pillow for her belly). It was actually very comforting, and I think it's helping out.

 

Yesterday night in bed, and this evening on my way back from my weekly trip to my grandmother's, I decided to do this sort of forcing, because I had not too much better to do. It was really relaxing. Though, she still seemed nervous about her coming off as romantic... I asked her why, and she said she doesn't wanna come off as confusing to others if I become infatuated with her. She seems to be afraid of being in a romantic relationship with me, and not just a friendly one. I think this is the big block, but I keep telling her that no, I'm not doing this romantically. She seems to calm down after that, but that fear still lingers with her... I really hope I can void her worry of that happening.

 

She showed interest in the moon today, though. She was actually rather fascinated.

 

All-in-all, most of the stuff I need to figure out is if my "imposing" is a good method for forcing, and how to help Toree get over her fear of us in a romantic relationship.


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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12/23/2014: Yeah yeah timezones mean it's like 25 minutes after the start of Christmas Eve I know.

 

Toree's been kinda quiet recently. I've been meaning to try to get her out of her shell, but to no avail. I'm hoping I can figure out a way soon. Really, all I want her to do for Christmas is to maybe open up to me some more. I know she's there. I just want her to befriend me. She seems to be a bit anxious.

 

After I post this I'll probably go to bed shortly afterwards. I'll try forcing then.

 

P.S. Toree's practically her name at this point. :P


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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1/1/2016: Okay technically I should say it's 12/31/2015 if we're following the rules of my other entries but it's New Year's Day, c'mon. You only get once a year to type 1s for both the date and the month.

 

A new year, a new start. I hope senpai Toree notices me. I should stop my Anime Cliches now.

 

Toree's been opening up a bit more when I come to her for some comfort. I tried speaking aloud instead of mentally and communicating via thoughts today, which I tried to do to kinda separate us a bit more and help develop her. She seemed confused at first, but eventually realized what I was doing and just carried on.

 

I hardly ever do new year's resolutions, but if I had to pick one this year, I want Toree to be developed by the end of the year. She's my companion, and I love her (as a friend, I mean.) She's been in a bit of a shell, though, and I want to get her out...


Host: Cam (that's me!)

Age: Keeping that disclosed.

Appearance: Keeping that disclosed, too.

 

Tulpa: Toree (we're still working on the name; i'm bad at names)

Age: At least 3 days old (made her a tulpa on December 3rd, 2015)

Appearance: An anthro Luxray from pokemon with red fur instead of blue. A bit on the chubby side, and also rather tall. Wears robes a lot.

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