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Re – Day 61

 

Wow, it’s been a very long time since I’ve forced. School. Drama. My play in school. Friendships. Grades. Math struggles. Time consuming homework. Life in general had gotten in the way, and It really made me sad that I could no longer spend as much time as I wanted to with Re.

 

To fill in this large time gap, I’m going to state that while I did lack the time to force, I tried to at bedtime time and time again. I felt guilty, I felt like I was neglecting her. It really tormented me. For nights in a row, I’d try to trance right before I went to bed, with no success. Every time, I’d start to get somewhere, either it be relaxing, or even in the wonderland (I think I may have had lemonade with her, before I accidentally drifted to a peaceful sleep…:/) with me falling asleep on poor Re.

 

I can only imagine how lonely she feels. I imagine how she is, what she’s doing. I imagine her always next to me when I narrate, imposing. I hear it’s healthy for Tulpa development, so a little of that can’t hurt at all, now can it? So, through this 12 day gap, I’ve been narrating to Re. I did it mostly in the car, while I drove to and back from home. And, in this period, I do believe I have actually gotten some results.

 

For instance, once I was driving home, and I looked at the clouds in the sky. I said to her, “Re, do you ever stop and stare up at the clouds? I remember when I was a little kid; I’d glimpse up into the sky and imagine the clouds as people…monsters…giants, spaceships, sky armadas, and just anything else that would come to mind. Some things more abstract than others. Even to this day, I still love using my imagination to create these scenes and objecs through the clouds. I find it…thought-provoking. What do you see when you look in the sky, Re?”

 

This was responded to with some pressure on the temples on the left and right areas of my forehead. I know I get sinus allergy issues, but I had no sinus issues whatsoever that day. This pressure came all of a sudden and lasted for just a few moments before subsiding. Deep in my heart, I knew it was her, and my spirits lifted at the thought of her truly trying her best to communicate.

 

Another instance where she gave communication is probably the most substantial and memorable thing she’s done outside of the wonderland yet. I was driving home (This is when I usually narrate through my day, and then a little bit when I’m at home, but long, time-consuming homework has prevented this, most of the time) and I was talking to her about random things, and eventually started to share my feelings with her. I told her how I felt really sad and guilty that things between us aren’t what they were not-too-long ago. That school and my life has gotten me so busy that I haven’t been able to dedicate time being with her. That I felt that I was neglecting or ignoring her. After a while, my thoughts were suddenly interrupted with a thought of, “It’s okay, please don’t worry…” It kind of caught me off-guard, and after pondering what the heck just happened for a moment, I realized what just happened, and I became really happy. She really cares for me. She does. My heart lifted, and I couldn’t help but just smile.

 

So, finally, today was the first day in this long that I actually got to lay down and force for quite some period of time.

 

Re – Day 61 – Tulpaforce Session: 2:50 PM – 3:47 PM

I laid down, stretched out, and got into a trance. After some time, I walked through the white room (It seems like not a single thing had changed) and into the field. For whatever reason, the field was a little harder to visualize than usual, but that’s probably because I haven’t been there in almost 2 weeks. I saw Re, standing not too far away from me, looking out at the sky. I called out, “Re!!!” and she spun around. I practically tackled her with a hug that she gladly returned. I asked her how she had been, how she was feeling, how her day was, etc.

The two of us relaxed with each other, talking small talk for quite some time. It was nice to just hang out with her in the wonderland again, and I hope I can get back to doing this more often. I finally had to go, as there was still math homework to be done, but I gave her my usual goodbyes, and told her that I loved her. It was so, so great to revisit the field again. I hadn’t been there for almost 2 weeks and It felt like I hadn’t been there for 2 years.

 

Today was a great day. I’m very happy Re and I got to spend some quality time together. We both needed it, and even though narrating is still keeping contact with her, it’s nothing compared to trancing, before she’s imposed, anyway. :)


Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

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Told ya I'd come to read; just sort of starting at the end, but it's nice to hear that things are starting to get on track again for you. I'll have to go back and read the rest of this thread. Good luck to you and Re, Ill be watching.


Tea [Theta]: Start

 

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Guest Anonymous

Get that Ré of yours some hair clips, so her hat does not fall off so very often. Even though it is pretty cute.

Scanty "It is against the ruuurs of responsible hat ownership." Do not let it happen again.

 

Pour the emotions into her, let her grow strong and talkative from your attentions. Get even more into imposing constantly and possession/ switching if you are into that stuff.

Are you by the way, into that stuff?

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Get that Ré of yours some hair clips, so her hat does not fall off so very often. Even though it is pretty cute.

Scanty "It is against the ruuurs of responsible hat ownership." Do not let it happen again.

 

Pour the emotions into her, let her grow strong and talkative from your attentions. Get even more into imposing constantly and possession/ switching if you are into that stuff.

Are you by the way, into that stuff?

 

It's certainly something I'd like to try one day.


Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

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Guest Anonymous

One day, why not starting right now?

I had other comments, but for some reason your thread seems to like to eat my posts, and now I can not remember.

Good work, cheers, keep at it!

First post didn't go through. That was the first time such a thing happened. Odd.

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One day, why not starting right now?

I had other comments, but for some reason your thread seems to like to eat my posts, and now I can not remember.

Good work, cheers, keep at it!

First post didn't go through. That was the first time such a thing happened. Odd.

 

Hm, well, I have next to no knowledge on that stuff, so if someone were kind enough to point me in the right direction, that'd be great. :)


Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

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Day 62

 

Although I only forced for like, 5 minutes, I narrated a nice little while throughout the day. I don't know why, but when I narrate to Re I feel really happy. I think imposing is making some progress. Sometimes I swear I'll have seen a silhouette where I imagine her (For instance, in the front passenger's seat whenever I'm driving) and these frequency of little things is truly exciting. :)

 

Day 63

 

So, today was a really lazy day after a series of long weeks. I hadn't narrated today and felt like I was neglecting her, so I sat down to my computer about an hour or two ago and decided to play Black Mesa: Source. I visualized Re sitting in a chair next to me, watching.

 

I commented on various things that happened in the game (I was at the very beginning) and got no real response, but eventaully I got to one point in the game where you have to jump across a series of large metal crates that are suspended high above the ground. The jumping is kind of finicky, and one misstep can make you fall to your death. I was having quite a bit of trouble with this part, and kept dying several times.

 

Eventually, a thought chimed in my head, "Hey, why not instead of trying to rush through, try to be more methodical? Take each crate one at a time, slowly." The thought was pretty quick (But not instant) and it didn't quite /feel/ like my own. It's very hard to explain, and I don't think I can, but please bear with me here.

 

I thought in my head as I was sure it had to be her, "Well, okay. Fine."

 

I did just that, taking each crate as one individual obstacle, and finally made it to the end, so that I could proceed with the game. I had a feeling (But it wasn't explicitly said in my head) of "Hah! See, I told you it would work!" and, knowing it was her, I mentally said, "I guess you were right...good job, Re!"

 

This kind of stuff is so awesome. Words can't really explain how glad I am that she's slowly becoming more communicative. One day I hope for her to speak vocally, but I know that's further down the road.


Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

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Day 69

 

Trance - 12:37 PM to 1:50 PM

 

Today was...weird. I had a pretty free day for most of the day (Until 4:00) so I went and drove around places, narrating and whatnot, and stopped by my other house to run a few errands. While there, I figured I had time to kill, so I laid down and decided to try and force.

 

I didn't reallly get to actually force, but something else that was pretty cool happened.

 

I spent sometime getting into a trance, and I thought, "I should try to get deeper into a trance this time. I feel like I'm not getting relaxed enough." so, I did just that.

 

I began to get a bit of radio chatter from a bunch of different voices (One I found quite amusing was some sort of female AI voice that seemed really random and scatterbrained. I DID hear one thing of interest. "[My name]...Hmm...what an interesting name...") and I think that eventually quieted down.

 

What follows is something I Really can't explain. I did some narration just in this state. Not in my wonderland. Just, relaxing. And, it felt like I was having a closer connection to Re in this moment of time. Like, she was right there standing in front of me, or with me, but I couldn't see her. I felt this stronger bond between us, and to be honest, I'm not really sure what it means or why it happens. I'm struggling to explain it to be honest.

 

Also, in the course of this, I went in and out of several dreams. A lot of them being interesting in one way or another (Like me and people I know escaping a flooding Spain/Italy inspired looking town...I don't know why either, don't ask me!)


Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

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Guest Anonymous

Radio chatter is all in good fun. I'm glad that you have found something that works so well. Did it not sound like an auditory hallucination to you? For me, it is usually at least on the edge of sounding like one.

I have used it to tune into Nari's voice Since March, whenever it comes my way. Though I often fail to remember that it happened, or what was said, the sleep talks are nice.

 

That crate jumping part gave me only a little trouble. I think I died once because I wanted to see if I could take an alternate path by jumping to one of the lower crates. I couldn't. Thanks for that misleading fake option, Black Mesa.

You didn't forget to crouch jump, now did you Neo?

 

And the madness deepens. How far down will you go?

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*brushes the dust away* The Legend of Neo... Wonder what happened...


*oraginal signiture dnt stl plz*

Lazy forcer extraordinaire. Also _lewd.

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