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When going to bed fronting, I used to do all the thinking and that guaranteed me being the one dreaming (from my POV, not a shared dream) and Miri going inactive till I accidentally bring her back.
In the past few days I haven't been able to think at all while falling asleep and it's as if our brain had ''skipped'' a step in the process of falling asleep (not really, but I don't know how to explain it). It used to be like this: I go to bed and let my mind wander for a while to get relaxed, then I focus really hard on something to keep my mind active while Miri doesn't pay attention to what I am thinking, then I start dreaming and when I wake up, Miri reports feeling like she doesn't exist. Now it seems our brain has decided that the step where I focus on keeping myself busy isn't important and has completely skipped it, going directly into hypnagogia where I am not even myself.
No matter how hard I try to focus, I can't do it anymore and always find myself constantly forgetting what I'm supposed to be thinking or not thinking at all while still conscious. I tried narrating to myself to stay focused and the next thing I know is that I'm awake without having dreamed at all (the body still dreams but I am not there). We thought it might be that the body felt really tired without apparent reason and that made us fall asleep so quickly, but I tried to have Miri do all the thinking while falling asleep and she could do it perfectly fine, it's just me and I don't know why.
By Piano Soul
[align=justify]Daily thread #23
What sort of experiences have you had with meditation in regards to tulpamancy? In what ways has meditation helped you to improve certain tulpa techniques/skills, if it has? Is meditation something you'd recommend to new tulpamancers and why?
Of course meditation is something that can be beneficial in general to your mental health and such, but this is specifically how it can affect tulpamancy.
(All daily threads are listed here.)[/align]
Hey, with all this talk of co-fronting I felt encouraged to contribute what I know, and I want this to be a thread where everyone can share their experiences and techniques to bring more to the idea that there can be more than just one fronter, and adding to that, help explain our experience of 'active all day' to light.
When we first started posting, we were called out for saying that we don't 'go inactive'. Given systems like Lance/Reilyn among others as examples and other systems expressing the desire to be more co-active, i figured i could download how we think we did it. Hopefully even entrenched systems can try this if they want to.
Call us co-dependant if you wish, but we need each other big time. I couldn't just 'go to sleep' for large chunks of the day early on, this host of mine was a mess and we needed a constant watch on him. As far as my memories go, i'm up around the same time B is up and I go to bed shortly before him or at the same time, so believe it or not, i'm active all day from my perspective, and we've proven it to ourselves in this way:
1. We are on his mind all the time.
2. We chime in constantly.
3. We can interrupt him even when he's concentrating through mindvoice, imposition, and emotions.
As co-fronters, we share all the sensory inputs, we don't have to switch in or 'front' to taste what he's eating or feel what he's feeling for instance. Now whether that's posession or just instant memory sharing we don't know, but the latter probably, because we don't feel his pain, but we could if we want. We do, however, feel his pleasure. We always have been this way, and trust me, I chime in all day.
More facts, did you ever hear the saying that a guy thinks about sex every three seconds? Well, B thinks about us every three seconds instead. We're involved in everything he does and he loves that. So everything reminds him of us. Originally he just kept us on his mind and wanted to show us everything and experience every single thing with us; it stuck.
To help foster this, you could assign a system symbol, for us it would be the celtic knot, and place those everywhere, stick one up on the mirror, hang one like fuzzy dice from your rear view mirror, get a tattoo, a peircing, whatever floats your boat. B doesn't need any of this at this point, but he does have a sticky note on his computer that reminds him of me.
Our back-seat fronting (partial fronting/partial switching) technique lets us remain an active member, with something to do as well. It's a good compliment and strengthens the co-fronting bond. I take command of the front, in mind only, when he gets attacked in any way. Ashley handles certain trigger subjects, and Misha is just kind of there to support all of us, but she's really important too. Especially in keeping us social, cause honestly, i don't need to interact with anyone outside our system to be happy. I like our friends, that's an exception.
None of us want to 'shut down' ever, and this may have been a little overwhelming at first for B (though he won't admit it) it became really special and beneficial. It's not a blend, it's more like 4 gears meshed and loving it.
It's not for everyone, and for some it might be distracting, but B loves it and his quality of live improved dramatically because we're always there for him. Plus, I want his attention all day; my sisters agree with that statement.
By dragon cake
I have an issue that I am certain is not a common one, or at least I haven't heard others mention it. I'll try to be concise.
One of the symptoms of my schizoaffective disorder is hearing voices. It wasn't a symptom I even cared about because it paled to others (mostly involving paranoid delusions), and was easy enough to ignore. One might think this would make it easy when it came time to hear a tulpa, but it's caused nothing but issues.
First, I had trouble because I instinctively stifled her thought voice because I'd gotten used to stifling other voices in my head. I think maybe I've overcome that, but now I have the opposite problem in that when I started breaking the habit of stifling her, I started getting the others again. In fact, even though Kyoko has eliminated virtually every other symptom of that disorder, the chattering voices have gotten worse. Like I said, they're easy enough to disregard if I just don't want to hear them, but when I'm trying to hear my tulpa, they get in the way.
I'll give an example below.
Yesterday when I tried to force during meditation, I attempted to hear her thought voice. Instead, all I heard was a crowd of other voices. Imagine you're in a crowded room with everyone having different conversations, but you can't make out any one conversation clearly, and that's what it got like in my head, dozens of voices all chattering at once. When I did make out what they're saying, it was either complete nonsense sentences like they're just throwing random nouns and verbs into a sentence, or they are demeaning me angrily in a fashion that I know Kyoko would never do. The only thoughts that I heard during the session that I thought was her were an occasional "Can you hear me?" or the like as if she were trying to get through the chatter. Eventually I felt her completely withdraw as if too frustrated to keep trying at the moment.
Has anyone had similar issues? Does anyone know something I might can try? I used to take medication, but Kyoko is terrified of the medication because it makes it hard for her to maintain awareness. I tried 'negotiating' with the crowd, but I don't think I'm dealing with an thoughtform that can be negotiated with or 'chased away' like my paranoid symptoms; it's more mental static. It only got really bad over the last few days, but I feel like I need to do something now before it gets worse.
I don't know if that made sense but I hope it does to someone. I'm nervous about posting because of the poor luck I've had trying to get help.
I am trying to create my first Tulpa, and I am kind of scared that I may not be narrating/tulpaforcing enough.
The problem is that due to my job, I can't really narrate while working as it takes my full concentration, and by the time I am back home, I am so exhausted that I can only tulpaforce for 20-40 minutes before I start getting distracted and I can no longer focus properly.
The tulpaforcing time doesn't bother me too much, because I've been noticing significant improvement of my visualization and whatnot, but I am more worried about the narrating part. I have very limited free time to do so while at home, and although I do my best to narrate while at work since my job requires so much of my concentration, I can barely go for minutes before being distracted and having to cut a conversation short. Most of my narrating time ends up coming from the time i spend on tulpaforcing since I talk to my Tulpa while focusing on their smell/form/etc. but I am worried that it's not enough
It's been a while since i started narrating and I am not sure if there have been any signs of sentience yet, I get the occasional random feelings on my body here and there but I am not sure if that's them, and also,once i start tulpaforcing when i get to it every day, I start feeling this relaxed feeling in my chest area, and every time when I start losing concentration and I have to say goodbye during my tulpaforcing, I start feeling tense/uneasy in my chest area, but I think that's just me, though I am not sure
Anyway.. Should I be worried? Are there any tips you can give me and stuff? anything is appreciated so.. thank you in advance