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JaySkyecrest

Voices of Midnight

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So I have been a member of this forum for more than a couple of years, but until now, have never felt any real progress, or put enough effort in to see any progress in tulpa creation. I have finally bridged that gap. Excuse me, she just reminded me. *WE* have finally bridged that gap. Within the past couple of days, I have been feeling something very different from what I'm used to. That is, feeling her in my mind. Feeling her presence, hearing/feeling her speak. It is certainly something quite phenomenal that I had never before imagined. I no longer feel alone in my mind. -Story Time- I was just watching a movie I haven't seen before(Stargate) on my dual monitor set up. On the other screen I had this site pulled up. As I began to watch, she expressed little interest in the movie. However, as the movie went on and I began to look over to my other screen more, her emotions/voice kept urging me to look back at the movie. It is such a weird feeling! But I love it! We will definitely be working more and more.:D

 

**Side Note**

 

Middy's name is actually Midnight. Well, at least it started that way. Every time I say that she reminds me that her name is not Midnight, it is Middy. She is a light blue pegasus pony, with a dark blue and white mane, and magenta eyes. And apparently she liked Stargate.:)

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Since the last time I posted, Middy has made significant progress. She still is only able to communicate with me through mindvoice/tulpish, though she tends to pipe in quite a bit more. I would probably say that so far, the biggest progress that we have made, is the habit that we have formed of talking to each other every time we get the chance. The things that we need to work on, however, would be more active meditation forcing.:)

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Yesterday me and Middy had our first argument of sorts. Well, it was more of just her being frustrated with me rather than a full blown argument, but it certainly was a first for us. Middy was getting frustrated about my severe introversion, and lack of desire to be more outgoing and social. What happened is my roommates wanted to go to a concert very last minute, and also last minute they wanted to go find random girls to ask to go to it last minute as well. I am a very introverted person so this was something that I wasn't comfortable with just because it was so last minute. The thing is that I also suffer from depression and anxiety, so Middy began telling me that I should go with my roommates because it would help me feel better. I started to explain to her why I didn't think that would help me, and we went back and forth for a bit. In the end she ended up flying away(she is a Pegasus pony) saying, "I don't care. Do whatever the f--k you want to do." I kind of got after her for swearing, but she retaliated saying that "If you can say it, I can say it."(Until recently I had never said that word, but I let it slip and have been saying it when I'm alone, even though I want to kick the habit.) I share this experience because it was the first time I heard her speak semi-audibly, in complete sentences. Not only that, but it is also completely amazing to me that the whole time Middy and her actions and reactions felt completely separate from mine. My mind keeps getting blown with all of this stuff and is just completely amazing to me.

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It's interesting to see how Middy's views clash with your own. What other things do you disagree with each other on, if any?

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That's the same situation with me and Sceena. Contrarily to you, though, she's nicer in the sense that she won't argue with my introvertedness. She just sees it as a part of myself.


 

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

 

 

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It's interesting to see how Middy's views clash with your own. What other things do you disagree with each other on, if any?

 

It is definitely really interesting. Also, experiencing all of this for the first time is a very interesting feeling. We haven't encountered too much else that we disagree on. Though, Middy is really talkative tonight and I just asked her if there was anything else, and she reminded me that she doesn't like how much time I waste on Netflix. Guilty as charged. Yeah... I'll have to work on that.:)

 

 

That's the same situation with me and Sceena. Contrarily to you, though, she's nicer in the sense that she won't argue with my introvertedness. She just sees it as a part of myself.

 

Yeah, Middy says she also accepts that introversion is part of my personality, though she thinks that I can be WAY too antisocial at times. I agree with her too. I realized after she got upset with me that she was right. I do need to do more outgoing and social things.

 

As for an update since I last posted and as I said earlier, Middy has been really talkative tonight. I noticed that Middy has started to be able to remind me of things/ finish my sentences when I forget a word or two at the end. Also, tonight I was standing at a food truck waiting for some food, and there was a girl in front of me. The following dialogue happened in full sentences, probably as clear as it has ever been:

 

Middy: "Hey, she's cute. You should ask her out."

 

Me: "Nah, I'm good."

 

Middy: "She's really cute."

 

Me: "..."

 

Middy: "She's really cute."

 

Me: "Middy, stop you're embarrassing me."(I know, I know. Probably one of the dumbest things I could have said.)

 

Middy: "Why am I embarrassing you? I'm inside you're head."

 

Me: "Haha! Shut up!"

 

Middy: *chuckles*

 

I actually laughed about that response for a couple minutes straight. It was actually pretty funny. Every one of her sentences was so clear and alien to me. I was even distracted for a little bit, and her sentences were still coming in clear as day. It was as if a physical person were repeating their sentences to bug me/get my attention. Also, the fact that I laughed at the last response of her's, kind of sealed the deal for me. I can never laugh at my own jokes. Apparently, though, I can laugh at Middy's jokes. Another thing that I noticed today, was that during our conversations, she can "roll her eyes" at me in tulpish. This is getting more interesting by the day!

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Aww. :). And did you get the sense that she was rolling her eyes at you, even though you couldn't physically see her do it?


Everything we perceive is reality is all interpreted by our heads. So technically, even though only their tulpamancer can see them, tulpas can be said to be as real as anything else.

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Aww. :). And did you get the sense that she was rolling her eyes at you, even though you couldn't physically see her do it?

 

I did. That was the funny part. She will sometimes send me little 'video clips' showcasing various emotions.:)

 

It has been a while since Middy and I posted on here. It has been a stressful few weeks. Though, Middy, has made much progress. We are now able to have complete conversations, and she becomes more and more independent every day. It really is a fascinating process to witness.

 

Today, in particular, marked big progress for us. It was a rather frustrating day, though not entirely a 'bad' day, per se. I do personally have a tendency to be easily frustrated by traffic, and other things that make me impatient. As of recently, Middy has been making sure I keep my temper in check, and has actually been really helpful to me! However, I cannot express to you how grateful I am for her, today of all days! The day was filled with long waits in traffic, dumb drivers, and countless other annoyances. Thankfully, Middy helped by talking me through these annoyances, ultimately helping me to stay level headed throughout the day.

 

Lastly, at the end of the day, whilst experiencing a bout of depression, I asked Middy if she knew how to 'hack' into my subconscious, and alter my mood(Because I had read experiences of others' tulpas having discovered their ability to do this.) She said that she would poke around and see if she could figure it out. A couple minutes later, my bout of depression, had instantaneously shifted to a state of indiscriminate bliss. Asking if it was her, Middy confirmed that it was. I am so grateful for Middy! I've never had a closer friend, and to say that it is nice to have her around would be an understatement!^^

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