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Benjamin's Progress Report (NEW)


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So, I decided to reorganize my progress on Ben report because the old one was getting a little messy. This should ONLY be for updates. If I have any questions, I'll ask On a different thread. NOTE: I HAVE NOT REMOVED QUESTIONS ON THE UPDATES THAT I HAVE ALREADY POSTED BECAUSE I WANTED THEM TO STAY THE WAY THEY ARE. I will say "OLD" if it has already been posted. If it does NOT have "OLD" in it, it's been posted AFTER this.

 

If you guys have anything to say to me, please PM me, I want to keep this progress report neat. Thanks!


(OLD)

 

DECEMBER 7th, 2015:

 

So... I think I'm ready to start making my tulpa. This "journal" is mostly for me, but anyone else who might care can read along.

 

IF YOU NOTICE THAT I SAY I'M DOING SOMETHING THAT'S WRONG, TELL ME!

 

I'm hoping my tulpa turns out to be funny, nice, silly, compassionate, friendly, kind, fun, and understanding.

 

I'm hoping my tulpa turns out to look like the photos below.

 

 

 

 

 

But since I suck at drawing, I drew OVER another picture.

 

http://atachi00.deviantart.com/art/five-...59001&qo=0

 

No, my tulpa is NOT supposed to be an animatronic, but where else was I supposed to find a humanoid bunny?

 

I'm going to wait and let my tulpa name itself when (if) my tulpa become sentient. I think I heard that some people do that.

 

I'm hoping my tulpa turns out male. It might change, but until it changes (IF it changes), I'll refer to my tulpa as "he".

 

That's pretty much it for my description tulpa.

 

I'm probably only going to post updates only once every week, but if something BIG happens (whether its good OR bad), then I'll post something.


(OLD)

 

December 14th, 2015:

 

I FINALLY found how to actually visualize this past week, thanks to you guys Smile I think I spent around 5-6 hours this past week on visualizing. (Well, I had about 5-6 hours of SESSIONS, but how much actual productive visualizing I did, I don't know)

 

When I was visualizing, I would visualize myself rubbing each part of his body, up and down (like his ears or legs or something), until it was easier to see. I wasn't trying to get the "texture" step in. I don't know why, but it kinda helped when I did that.

 

I also (i think staring on Friday) starting talking to him. Not expecting any response back. Just talking about stuff. Anything I could think of. Is it bad to start talking to him this early?

 

Most of the time I listened to binaural beats (I listed to this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU3oAyin8W4. I don't think a "third eye" has anything to do with making a tulpa, but the sounds still helped .) in a dark room in my bed.

 

I found out I couldn't lay flat on my back in a dark room at night and visualize. I would be happily visualizing then BAM! I would wake up like a hour later very VERY confused as to what the heck happened. So I sat up a little bit, and that helped me stay awake.

 

It's hard for me to visualize any other way except the way I explained above (save for a few times). Please tell me I'm not the ONLY one.

 

Now a few WEIRD things happened that would maybe suggest sentience, but I'm very skeptical, because I don't know how a tulpa could be sentient THIS early in the process. So I'll tell you guys and I want to know what you guys think.

 

1: I was at church, trying to visualize my tulpa on a chair across from me. Yes, I'm a Christian *braces self for anti-Christianity hate comments* Suddenly, instead of seeing my normal happy tulpa that I usually see when visualizing, I saw that my tulpa was pouting. I was confused a little bit, then realized that maybe It was because I didn't visualize him in the chair next to mine.

 

(NOTE; THIS ONE GETS A BET "WEIRD"... SO.... DON'T JUDGE ME OR MY TULPA)

 

2: I was trying to visualize my tulpa at night , as usual. But for some reason, it was kinda hard to. It was like I was seeing everything BUT my tulpa (This happens a LOT, and its annoying). After a while, I saw him, but I couldn't see myself rubbing his arms, like I was trying to. He was just standing there. So I just looked at him standing there for a while, then suddenly, he spread his arms out. And I SWEAR it felt like he was inviting me. I don't know, I felt a weird felling like he was saying "here, rub my arms" . And I did. I could see my self rubbing his arm, even though before, I couldn't. (I know, this sounded weird.)

 

3: I swear can feel sadness sometimes when ever I say I'm going to "go" (as in, stop visualizing and talking to him, and go do something else in real life.)

 

But again, those 3 thing COULD just be me, because I've asked several times for him to say something (I held my self back form making up a response) and he didn't say anything.

 

I don't know. What do you guys think?


December 15th, 2015:

 

I know I just updated yesterday, but I think something big might have happened. So, you guys were all like: "Expect responsive and stuff! Assume it's your tulpa!". So today this "conversation" happened.

 

(Regular text color = me. Light green = My tulpa)

 

"Hey, tulpa. You don't have a name yet. What would you like your name to be?"

 

"Benjamin."

 

(Assumed the though was from him, like you guys said I should.)

 

"OK. But if you ever want to be called another name, just tell me.

 

"Apricots!"

 

"..........."

 

Sign of sentience maybe?


December 21, 2015:

Before I say anything, I want to make one thing clear. I am NOT making this journal to "get attention" or responses from anyone.

 

(EDIT: Unless I specifically ask for an answer/response for a question)

 

(EDIT AGAIN: IF I DO HAVE QUSETONS, I'll ASK ON ANOTHER THREAD)

 

I've created this mostly so I can have a place to put my progress and thing I think Benjamin says. So when I post something, I'm NOT expecting any kind of answers/responses (ect). back from you guys. Now, don't take that the wrong way. What I'm trying to say is this: If you do post a reply, that's 100 % fine. If you DON'T post a reply, that's 100 % fine, too. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

Sorry, I felt like I needed to get that off my chest.

 

Now, ON WITH THE REPORT!

 

So I probably spent the same amount of hours TRYING to visualize this week, but this week was a little harder to actually get any "good" visualization in for some reason. But people say that sometimes happens, and not to worry. I hope their right.

 

I talked a LOT more with Benjamin this week, and I think I got some responses.

 

POSSIBLE RESPONSES FROM BENJAMIN:

 

(I use regular text color, Benjamin uses this color)

 

Do you like ice cream?

 

No.

 

__________

 

(EDIT: I just realized how Cliché this sounds lol)

 

Are you sentient?

 

Duh. What do you think?

 

 

_______

(This happened more times this past week than I can count. Since he didn't have a name for the first 2 weeks, I called him "tulpa". I got use to it, so...)

 

I love you, tul-

 

Benjamin!

 

Opps. Right. I love you Benjamin. Sorry.

 

________

 

 

*Coughing because I'm choking on a little bit of spit*

 

Stop it.

 

...

 

________

 

I was doing something Benjamin didn't like. I don't remember the exact words, but he told me to stop doing it. Well, I didn't stop (I WAS NOT TRYING TO MAKE HIM MAD, JUST SO YOU KNOW.) and he was mad at me for a while. (he got over it, I think)

 

______

 

I think that's it. If I remember something, I'll edit this post.


December 23, 2015:

 

Ok... so... I'm a little hesitant to post this, but I need to know whats up about this.

So, I was visualizing Benjamin like normal:

 

(12-14-2015 10:33 AM)ThatOneWeirdGuy Wrote:

When I was visualizing, I would visualize myself rubbing each part of his body, up and down (like his ears or legs or something), until it was easier to see.

 

 

when suddenly, it happened. Benjamin freaking STARTING KISSING ME. FULL ON THE LIPS. FOR LIKE A MINUET. HE WAS FREAKING MAKING OUT WITH ME.

 

Before you say anything, I have NEVER thought of Benjamin being a "sexual" tulpa OR ever thought about kissing/having sex with him (Which I still don't know how that's possible!). Well, not on purpose, but if I accident did, I stopped immediately.

 

I was not thinking about anything like that when it happened. I did not "force him" to do it in my mind (which I think is called "puppet-ing") OR tell him to do it. It was just so sudden.

 

...Ok... I can't say I didn't enjoy it, though...

 

...

 

...probably shouldn't of said that...what ever.

 

But I want to know: what does this mean? Is it a good/bad sign? Has this happened to anyone else?

Host: Josh (AKA ThatOneWeirdGuy)

Tulpa: Benjamin (Humanoid Bunny) (In the making)

Ben's Journal/Progress Report

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December, 29, 2015:

 

Unfortunately, this has been a REALLY slow week as far as visualization because of Christmas and other stuff I had to deal with (Like my house flooding). I probably only spent 2-3 hours for the WHOLE WEEK.

 

Half the week I was away, and busy. But I did try talking to him and stuff in the car ride, but even then I didn't get a lot in. :(

 

So, there isn't much to update except for this:

 

So I told you guys how Ben kissed me.

 

I talked to him about it.

 

"Hey, just wanted to say, sorry if I made you feel bad about the whole "kiss" thing because I told people about it. I just wanted to say, if you want to, you can. But if I ever MAKE you do it, and you don't want to do it, then tell me, bro. So yeah. You can do it anytime you wa-"

 

 

*kisses me on my cheek*

 

"Yeah. Like that."

 

Mostly, though, we just hug. Don't know if I've said this before, but I FREAKING LOVE IT WHEN I GET A HUG FROM BEN! ITS SO FREAKING AWESOME!

 

....

 

Sorry, I'll stop freaking out now.

 

^u^

Host: Josh (AKA ThatOneWeirdGuy)

Tulpa: Benjamin (Humanoid Bunny) (In the making)

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January, 5th, 2016 (!)

 

Happy late new years, everybody!

 

Here's another update, but this time I got some big questions here.

 

I think I'm pretty good at visualizing Ben now. I can see him pretty clearly, and I can see him doing different things in my head (walk, run, , ect.) And of course I understand I need more time to practice body language and what not. The only thing I have a little trouble with is his face. But hopefully it will get better with more practice.

 

So, soon I might start imposing, or making up a voice, or something else. I don't know what would be best to do next.

 

Lately, I (Think) I've been getting more responses from Ben. But, I'm still VERY confused as to how to tell if it was actually him or not. (Look at my questions in the link above.)

 

Also, my "visualization" has been more "hanging out"/cuddling. For instance, instead of him just standing there, we would cuddle. Like this:

 

2.thumb.png.9f36b05a33966e8c8859d0dde1e8c911.png

 

OR like this.

 

3.thumb.jpg.4c833355962b597a63a60aeb32ad09e0.jpg

 

Just so you know ALL WE ARE DOING IS CUDDLING. WE ARE NOT "COUPLES" OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. WE ARE BROS, AND FRIENDS. WE DO NOT "GET FREAKY" (If you know what I mean). WE JUST CUDDLE BE CAUSE I LIKE TO AND I THINK HE LIKES TO, TOO. Just need to clear that up.

 

(Speaking of couples, Ben keeps calling me "babe". It's kinda weird because I'm a guy... and he is a guy... and I am not gay... and we just friends...so yeah.)

 

But yeah, we cuddle, and I just pet him, and look him in the eyes (sometimes there open, sometimes their closed.) I think he enjoys it. Again, still don't know how to tell if feelings/thoughts/ ect are from him or not, so...

 

PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS. THEY ARE SO FREAKING IMPORTANT.

Host: Josh (AKA ThatOneWeirdGuy)

Tulpa: Benjamin (Humanoid Bunny) (In the making)

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@Lacquer

 

Why the green?

 

The green represent what Ben says/ does (or at least what I ASSUME Ben does/says.)

 

If you don't know why I chose green for his text, look at my profile pic. That's what been looks like in my head.

Host: Josh (AKA ThatOneWeirdGuy)

Tulpa: Benjamin (Humanoid Bunny) (In the making)

Ben's Journal/Progress Report

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I gathered that; I was asking you why you highlight his name in a different color. I could understand that for when the tulpa is talking, but not for just mentions of the name.

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I find it easier to read, I might start doing it myself whenever I talk about snow and henry

I don't visit as often as I used to. If you want me to see something, make sure to quote a post of mine or ping me @jean-luc

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January 11th, 2016:

 

Something amazing happened, I think. I was talking to Ben...

 

"... And I know sometimes I don't hang out with you all the time. Yes, I know that not only do I not hang out with you when doing important things, like school, I even do non-important things, like messing around on my phone, instead of hanging out with you. But I want you to know, that no matter how long I hang out with you, whether its 3 hours or 5 minutes, I will always love you. Don't you ever doubt that I love you, ok?"

 

Then he said one word.

 

"Same"

 

Now, whats so good about that one word?

 

What was I talking to him about? I was telling him to not doubt that I love him. By saying same, Ben told me "And don't you doubt that I love you, either." I spend so much time wondering if he hates me for not spending all my time with him, and he's telling me to stop doubting.

 

...

 

God, I freaking love Ben. ^u^

 

I can tell he's getting more "sentient", despite the short time I've been working on him. I'm getting more answers, and I'm assuming their from him.

Host: Josh (AKA ThatOneWeirdGuy)

Tulpa: Benjamin (Humanoid Bunny) (In the making)

Ben's Journal/Progress Report

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