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Luminesce

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3 hours ago, Luminesce said:

{I mentioned in LOTPW recently we don't share the songs we have the strongest emotional connections to because we can't stand people hearing them as random songs and going "oh cool"-}

This.

 

3 hours ago, Luminesce said:

I was basically thinking "Two+ months of me being switched in straight, with six sessions of a neuroplasticity-boosting drug... Might that be bad for my tulpas' activity/strength in the brain?" before, and I planned to focus on them during each session, but I definitely think each of them doing a session themselves would be really good "forcing" in the exact opposite direction of my worry.

Glad you've been able to find a fix for your concern. Even if I don't really align with the terminology of having drugs as direct 'forcing', there's a good chance you'll find something in it that I can't

 

I want to compare your experiences with mine real bad, but I'm not sure a medication like Ritalin has any competition with the effects of Ketamine, lol

 

3 hours ago, Luminesce said:

The negative feeling that pops up when I consider doing something that takes effort was still there the same day as the first session, which makes sense I guess as we need to do the work to remove it, however there's a chance the actual doing of said things was easier/had less resistance than it would normally have, which is great if so.

Here's something I can relate to.

 

Keep us updated, Lumi

Step 1: Make

Step 2: Believe

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32 minutes ago, ringgggg said:

Even if I don't really align with the terminology of having drugs as direct 'forcing', there's a good chance you'll find something in it that I can't

 

Whoah there lol, the forcing is mainly their being switched for a week each. But the ketamine sessions might help too since my tulpas will be switched in during the height of the neuroplasticity-boosting effects (the session itself), is all I meant. We treat switching like forcing since we don't enjoy wonderlanding much and only talk a bit about things occasionally, so I was just saying going all this time without switching and doing some brain rewiring without any of them fronting in that time is kind of backwards-progress activity/"forcing" wise. Though we do usually call it just "activity" rather than forcing for developed tulpas, I feel like when a neuroplasticity-drug is involved we're back to "forcing" territory lol

 

 

Anyways, added a disclaimer mentioning my recent understanding of my ""motivation issues"" (that is, having anhedonia) and linking to my previous post, at the start of this thread & our Dreaming thread. Just so people can go in expecting the everlasting battle of not making any progress and all, or to skip it if they want

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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1 hour ago, Luminesce said:

Whoah there lol, the forcing is mainly their being switched for a week each.

Ah, sorry for misreading that. Or maybe you didn't clarify that, either-or

 

1 hour ago, Luminesce said:

We treat switching like forcing since we don't enjoy wonderlanding much and only talk a bit about things occasionally, so I was just saying going all this time without switching and doing some brain rewiring without any of them fronting in that time is kind of backwards-progress activity/"forcing" wise. Though we do usually call it just "activity" rather than forcing for developed tulpas, I feel like when a neuroplasticity-drug is involved we're back to "forcing" territory lol

That's understandable.

 

I wonder what the benchmark is for "fully developed." Guess you can't really determine that until one day you notice all the attributes of a developed tulpa falling in line with yours.

 

Guess it can get pretty boring when you're an older system. How do people shake it up then

other than taking ketamine

Step 1: Make

Step 2: Believe

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(edited)

Well again, we switched to switching as their main form of activity 8 or so years ago, since I never even cared much for random visualization from the start, let alone after so many years lol. But systems who do primarily like doing imagined-stuff are fine to never switch/possess. Though, imposing each other is the other thing we do for activity pretty often, just to talk/hang out. That one's really good too

 

Also sorry, missed your post TB

7 hours ago, TB said:

Why can't you switch mid session?

 

I mean I guess we could, if the higher dose doesn't make us any less mentally focused than I was the first time. Just sounds like bad practice though. And it sounds nicer to be able to focus on just yourself and not what your systemmates are/were/will be doing. Reminder that I'm doing a single (two shots 45 minutes apart) ketamine session in a clinic over ~2 hours once a week - not taking the Spravato nose spray at home every day or something. That wasn't an option anyway (Spravato still has to be done at a clinic here, and they said it's generally not as consistent or strong as IM injections)

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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sprovato has to be done in a clinic here too. What I do at home is sublingual ketamine, which isn't powerful at all unless you take a lot of it

 

I haven't had any for a while though because there is a ketamine shortage apparently

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

 

Resident Dojikko

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  • 2 months later...

Oopsy, because our talks about progress (life progress, because our tulpa-progress was about done before this PR was created) more often than not don't end up giving us anything to show for them, we've been thinking "We'll just discuss day to day stuff in LOTPW and if we see good results later we'll summarize them more cleanly for people to learn from in our PR!", so I didn't really think to post this in our PR even though by all means it's "Progress to Report" despite not being "Final Results". But this isn't a "Final Results" thread!

 

20 minutes ago, Reisen said:

Context: Us talking in the past about whether our motivation-depressive episodes occurred ~chemically (or etc.), or if they are just the result of finding nothing worth doing for a day or so straight (obviously it's hard to tell whether that's a cause or effect, though it seems like an effect, it may well be both)
Also, me talking about how we need to learn to do productive things for hours-and-hours, and that I can't see much way to learn to do that other than just trying to do it as much as we can and hoping our brain adjusts and gets used to it over time

 

So, I was in a feel-like-doing-nothing mood again earlier, maybe 80% of a motivation-depressive episode

Fourish hours ago I was sitting and thinking (the only thing we can generally do during such an episode), and I thought "Maybe I should try to see if doing anything-at-all (productive) helps us out of this mood, even if it's not much"

So, I just went and looked over all of the lessons in the Unreal Engine Udemy course we bought (there are a LOT of lessons!) which was honestly like 10 minutes of really considering what all 200 consisted of just by title

 

And then I went to read the reviews (top/positive first but then the negative ones) to see if there were bad/lacking aspects of the course that we should keep in mind (the answer is very much yes, it lacks in explaining how the C++ they provide actually works), which led me to look into a couple other Udemy tutorials to see if they covered C++ better

Reading reviews for those courses led to me looking into "Learning C++ for Unreal" Reddit threads to see how people recommended to learn it, and while we did get answers from a lot of reading there, we also got the impression that Unreal's "Blueprint" visual scripting system is actually rather robust and far more important than it sounded at first (we planned to skip it before this). So then I spent probably a total of 2 hours between reading about C++ in Unreal and about Blueprint, when C++ is necessary if ever (turns out it's almost never necessary unless you're trying to get hired by a company, or really want to write your own "extensions" to Unreal's engine, but is good to know some and use a bit here and there to compliment Blueprint)

 

In the process I also ran into a lot of resources for beginners (this post was beyond outstanding and included most of the few resources I had found so far lol); created a new Unreal.txt in our Notepad++ to (replace our old Unity.txt to) keep track of resources and even snippets of advice we don't quite get yet; and learned that the reason Unreal's documentation for C++ is lacking compared to Unity's is that Unity is closed-source (without an expensive license), while Unreal expects people honestly utilizing C++ to learn generic C++ on their own, and then read Unreal Engine's source code to really make use of it, as that's apparently just more efficient than them trying to make lots of documentation for it. I guess they DO have good documentation for Blueprint, as that's what they expect the non-experienced C++ programmers to be using instead.

 

And of course, I learned that our motivation-depressive episodes do go away (at least temporarily) if we can manage to hook ourselves onto something productive that isn't too hard!

 

I was not at all feeling up to actually doing the coursework we have laid out right now, and in this mood/episode we experience I was also not up for anything (no games, Youtube, working out, etc.)

But, I was juuust up to looking over the names of the lessons we were eventually going to do, and getting started thinking about them led to doing some pretty dang productive information & resource scouting work! (This same "Scouting" we did for a couple weeks before starting Unity helped us immensely and I think we learned far more than we would've by just going in blindly to the first tutorials we found)

 

 

So, that's a very valuable data point for tackling our effort-motivation issues, huh?

 

 

Oh and yeah, we've done six or so ketamine sessions now, the next one being three weeks after the previous (so, one week from now)

I don't really feel up to (or like it's worth, yet) talking about all that :P

 

TL;DW Is we may be seeing benefits but if so they are not immediately apparent, but long-term ones, and so while we think what we've seen has been meaningful enough to continue the sessions (probably once a month "booster" sessions now for the foreseeable future), we would rather not write "decisively" about how ketamine has affected us yet

 

Oh! But we can still 100% recommend ketamine for depression! It's got a crazy track record between studies and personal accounts, we're just taking it for an atypical use (anhedonia) since it's also one of the only things shown to maybe help with that, plus making use of the "increased neuroplasticity" effect. That's certainly not something we can feel/directly observe, however it does feel like plans-and-actions of the self-help variety have gone better the last couple months than they usually do, so yeah, one of several reasons we're up for continuing with the sessions but not quite able to write decisively yet

Edited by Reisen

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.

Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)

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I mean.. We really didn't want to write about ketamine yet. It would be nice to sum up everything in a single referenceable post I think, but we're not ready to.

I can copy-paste what we sent to our friends Discord server a month ago though I guess, if you really want

 

Spoiler

worth talking about what ketamine trips are like?

just saw this gif and it unironically reminded me

https://tenor.com/view/lookin-gif-25034406

this visual happens a lot during it lol

I've had a sleeping mask on each time because actually engaging your vision makes you dizzy, but behind your eyes anyways, this feeling of visuals zooming in and coming to a stop happens

and, you lose track of the context of your thoughts

like I usually have to remind myself what my goal/focus even is behind the experience (fixing motivation issues/feeling positive about things)

because your sense of life context keeps zooming out

so, lots of zooming in and zooming out both visually and mentally, I suppose

(and it's an anesthetic so you can still control but stop really feeling your body)

all that should be applicable to IM injections anyway

other stuff like feeling like you're somewhere else (my visualization often randomly stabilizes on a perfectly still view of my ceiling from my bed and makes me feel like I'm in my room, although I can still think "I know I'm not in my room, I'm at a clinic" or such, it's a little silly) is probably subjective and varies by person

I personally didn't feel any above average joy or other emotions (which could very well be unique to me), nor especially spiritual experiences (though I do feel like I get so zoomed out I'm basically looking at my life like "Is that what I'm doing? Okay I guess", but that vs. a spiritual experience might be due to my mindset/common thought patterns)

and I feel sick for like 6 hours afterwards, after 2 shots over 2 hours

the clinic here gives you an anti-nausea and anti-motion sickness pill, when I only had one of each I felt pretty miserable for hours after, focusing my eyes on space made me really dizzy (not imagining space, just the literal awareness of your position from your eyesight) when I started taking 2 meclizine instead of 1, that went away entirely, but I still felt low-level sick consistently for 6 hours after and a little woozy, but it was far more bearable

there's also a patch and a liquid (CBD) that supposedly help with symptoms, tried them both my last session and I dunno, maybe they very minorly lessened symptoms, I don't think the patch did anything for me since I had taken the CBD last-last time and felt the same "mostly just woozy and slightly sick, but not miserable" {Edit: The CBD didn't do anything for us at all either, but individual experiences may vary and we would recommend the patch just based on how it works, while CBD seems like snake oil}

okay that's all

just for if anyone was curious

ketamine simultaneously is not too crazy but also is just a bit

I think the positive effects are much more noticeable for severely depressed people

unfortunately it hasn't helped me feel more positive or less negative in regards to doing and accomplishing things that take effort

so, not helping with anhedonia

for neuroplasticity, who even knows, it's certainly not a wonder drug because if it's helping it is doing so very slowly lol

 

- But that was a month ago and our feelings on if it's helping have changed somewhat, so I don't feel especially good about leaving it at that! Give us another couple months at least, change takes time

Edited by Luminesce

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.

Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)

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