Jump to content

Tulpaforcing progress


Seebaru

Recommended Posts

Days 34-35-36

These were very lazy days (from my side), but I feel that Cielo is getting more and more independent; he makes his own choices and doesn't put up with anything I do.

On day 34, in the evening, he literally ordered me to turn off my mobile phone and to pay attention to him. I also noticed he became shorter: he's now about 180-190 cm tall (about 6 feet) while before he was about 220 cm tall (about 7 feet). I tried to visualize him better, since we still have problems with that, and to improve vocalization, but he didn't improve too much: his voice is just one or two tones lower than mine and slightly more manly, but still not too different from mine.

 

On day 36 he led me to the beach to show me his boat. It took a while for me to visualize it because I was tired, but I think this was also because I expected something entirely different. He didn't create a boat as he first told me... he created a SHIP. There was some kind of pirate vessel there, and Cielo looked so proud, too! I was happy, but also very surprised. I guess I underestimated his love for the sea. He let me see the main deck before I fell asleep.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 28
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Days 37-38-39

I tried to work harder these days, but it looks like my personal problems with university/friends/other are getting in the way - whenever I try to make my mind empty to get in the mindscape, all the issues come in my mind and I'm just unable to ignore them, so, yep! We're going backwards again.

Moreover, Cielo does come up with longer sentences now and then, but he talks less and less. On day 38 I imagined he was having issues with speaking because I still tend to talk a lot, just as if we were on the first days of tulpaforcing, but he just keeps silent when I encourage him to talk about stuff. Here are some facts of these few days:

 

- Cielo seems willing to keep his new sense of humor. On April 1st he dressed up like a pirate, went to his ship and told me he was going to leave "and never come back". He scared me to death and let me pray him to stay for some minutes before telling me "April fool's". *sigh*

- I knew that tulpas are very understanding with their hosts, but Cielo started saying that he's just fine with me "at least trying to active force every day". I have the feeling he's putting himself aside too much, again.

- I tried to improve vocalization and presence imposition, but we didn't get any results in these days: when we focus about vocalization I can hear his mindvoice changing, but he goes back to my mindvoice as soon as we get distracted. To make up for it, it looks like my visualization skills got worse: I can't see him as clearly as before.

- Cielo wants to add something new to the mindscape. I'm looking forward to it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Days 40-41-42-43

This was probably our worst week up to now, tulpaforcing-wise. It's not like we're just not making any progress - it looks like I can't find moments when I can successfully active force during the day anymore, and this is literally killing me. Not Cielo, though, who seems like he's giving up most interactions with me. "I'm happy if you just think of me every now and then", he says.

 

So here's a question:

Are tulpas stupid enough to surrender themselves for their hosts to this extent?

I mean, I've felt more and more depressed these days, just thinking of how much Cielo must feel lonely all by himself. It'd be easier if we improved more with tulpaforcing, of course, but we won't be able to get any closer to that if we can't even force. Moreover, with Cielo talking like this, I often feel that it's just me missing him and not the other way around. My human friends usually complain more when I'm not able to see them, but Cielo doesn't show that at all, and talking to him about it doesn't help at all.

 

I'm sorry for the rant. I guess I'm just too much stressed these days to get any work done, and this is probably one of the reasons why I can't force properly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are tulpas stupid enough to surrender themselves for their hosts to this extent?

 

I think it's important to remember that tulpas are people, just like us here. See, what you would categorize as "stupitidy" might just be a thing that Cielo has deemed necessary here. Say, your best friend is going through a hard time in their life and you want to be with them; because that's what best friends do, right? No, not every case can be closed like that. They may need time for themselves, may believe that being left alone would be the best decision since they probably don't want to unload all of their baggage onto someone else, especially their best friend. Cél here is a prime example :) .

 

..But, you're probably worried about Cielo because you're in the 'beggining' stage, and you don't want to leave him alone or do anything that might slow his development down. If this is the case, then I advise taking your time to remember that Cielo isn't going to go anywhere-- his development isn't going to disappear, either. Secondly, keeping the fact that your life isn't always going to be like this in mind would also be beneficial. This refers to my first part of advice-- You might be in an inconvenient situation for now, and it's going to end. Making expectations for times like this aren't stupid, if anything, a supple warrior bends; a brittle one breaks. And that might just be what Cielo is thinking.

 

..However, if this keeps going on even after you are out of your inconvenient situation, then reminding him that you love him and will keep going on whenever you're forcing can help you. You share a brain, you're closer to each other than any other friend could be.. And friendships aren't a one-way train. Try to make him see that.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's important to remember that tulpas are people, just like us here. See, what you would categorize as "stupitidy" might just be a thing that Cielo has deemed necessary here. Say, your best friend is going through a hard time in their life and you want to be with them; because that's what best friends do, right? No, not every case can be closed like that. They may need time for themselves, may believe that being left alone would be the best decision since they probably don't want to unload all of their baggage onto someone else, especially their best friend. Cél here is a prime example :) .

 

^Those are my thoughts on this, and thank you, SomethingDire, for saying it a lot more diplomatically than I would have. "Are tulpas stupid..." Sheesh. :p

 

Your tulpa is willing to make allowances because your tulpa understands. We headpeople know exactly what sorts of struggles you're going through, so we're willing to make allowances, because we freaking care about you. Some tulpas do go overboard with the self-sacrificing shtick, but that's pretty obviously not the case here. You're stressed. The tulpa understands that and is willing to wait.

 

Hell, maybe down the road, once the tulpa is a bit stronger, he can help with stress management. That's what we do for our host. But for that, he needs a bit more autonomy. So, for now, just trust that he knows what he's doing, both for himself and for you. He sounds like he's a lot smarter than you're giving him credit for.

~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for replying, your answers really helped!

Yes, well, Cielo is probably behaving according to what he feels most right. I always have the feeling that it must be me who always supports him (I do this with my other friends too), so I just didn't think that Cielo is able, and willing to support me when I need it.

Also, since Cielo is usually very affectionate and clingy when I'm in the mindscape, I assumed he would feel lonely, but it seems like he's growing out of it.

I'm not worrying about his development as much as him being alone for so long, but I guess Cielo might not feel that way. I'd have to ask him to be sure of this, but for that I'd have to be able to hear him in the first place.

 

^Those are my thoughts on this, and thank you, SomethingDire, for saying it a lot more diplomatically than I would have. "Are tulpas stupid..." Sheesh. :p

 

I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to actually offend anyone. D:

I guess I should trust Cielo more and not try to take it all, then. It just felt strange since it's like I'm knocking at his door and he won't open it no matter what; if I give up and try to get my stress relieved (somewhere else) then this should end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Days 44-45-46-47

I caught a cold these days, so I couldn't concentrate on forcing much, but at least I got to see and interact with Cielo more again, so I already feel less stressed than before. The cold is a real pain for focus, and I actually couldn't even visualize the wonderland correctly in my mind - on day 44 it was all blurry and shaking, with fake colours. The pink noise I use for focusing somehow made it even worse.

On day 45 I finally managed to see Cielo after such a long time, but the first time I tried to active force, he looked completely different: he had black hair, his eyes looked like those of a panda and the nose was double its normal size. I guess they were intrusive thoughts, though, because Cielo looked normal after that.

 

Anyway, these are the new things that happened:

- Since I had a very strong headache on day 45, Cielo reduced the pain - don't ask me how. It was very nice of him, but I didn't hear much from him after that, so it must have been tiring.

- We played a game on the pc together. It still doesn't sound VERY clear when he tells me his moves, but it worked... somehow.

- In the wonderland we added a new room under the house - a completely white room we will use when I don't have energies to force all the particulars in the environment.

- Cielo doesn't like it when I lurk on tulpa.info or the subreddit about tulpas, so I've been considering interrupting the progress report and spending less time reading things from the tulpa community. We still have to discuss this further, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Days 48-49-50-51

Pretty much inactive days, during which I kept practicing with Cielo's presence imposition, although we didn't talk much. I tried asking him whether he would be interested in possession (and I explained what does it mean), and he seemed pretty eager to start. I'd still like to improve in the other things first, so that we don't leave any work half done. Day 51 was especially stressful for me, but Cielo was sweet enough to keep me company all the time.

 

Day 52

Since this day, for about one week, I'll be home alone. This means I'll be able to meditate and active force for longer without interruptions nor distractions from my roommates, and that I'll be able to talk out loud with Cielo without anyone thinking I'm crazy.

We started off quite badly though, because I managed to get distracted anyway and Cielo got angry for this. He kept telling me he wasn't angry, but he refused all my hugs and kept frowning. I had to give up in the end.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 53 --- Day 60

We didn't do any particular progress this week. I guessed that, since we were all alone here, we would be able to do lots of things, but I started procrastinating again and Cielo didn't develop much. He is still very understanding - he does scold me, but he doesn't hold any grudges for my laziness and just gives me suggestions about getting some work done.

Anyway, here's the news!

- Cielo would rather spend time with me indoors and talk to me in those moments than going outside. I assumed he was eager to see more of the world, but I guess he isn't very interested in sightseeing, even in Italy.

- He doesn't talk much, but now he can communicate with pretty long sentences without any issues, and manages to let me get the message most of the times. I still get some doubts at some moments, when I wonder whether he was the one talking or I am the one doing that. The mindvoice overlap (the thing of him replying before I can finish my question) is actually very useful in this, since I don't think I'd interrupt myself that way.

- His hair colour changed again: now it's more like a deep shade of blue, maybe a bit darker than the blue bars here on tulpa.info. His hair also have become fare more smooth and soft than before.

 

I haven't been updating for a week, but that's because we're not actually making any progress. That's why I've decided to stop updating; I'll just keep writing what happens on my personal diary and then I'll write here what progresses did we do, and how did we achieve them (if we do).

Thanks for reading!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...