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Is there a way I can change my tulpa's appearance without visualizing him?


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While I've been browsing these forums for a while, some recent events have motivated me to finally make an account and ask for some assistance. I'll provide some background information so you have an idea why this has become an issue.

 

When I started making my tulpa 8 or 9 months ago, his appearance and personality was based largely on Mickey Mouse. Basically, I loved watching Disney as a kid and thought having one of the characters around all the time as a positive, cheerful companion would be exciting. So yeah, I forced my tulpa to look and act like Mickey Mouse for the first 6 months I worked on him.

 

However, I knew that my tulpa (and all tulpas) are meant to be life long companions. While I was very fond of Disney and Mickey, I began to worry that 20 years down the line or something, I'd be irritated at the thought of a cartoon mouse following me around everywhere. Eventually I decided against having Mickey Mouse specifically as my tulpa and started to visualize him as an everyday person. This is where I started running into problems.

 

My tulpa became harder and harder to visualize, which was odd since I was usually able to see Mickey so clearly in my mind's eye before deciding to change him. I'd put a ton of time and effort into forcing his physical change, but was eventually barely able to see anything about him at all. At the same time, his vocal level became reduced back to simple head pressures instead of short sentences.

 

This struggle continued for another month, until I finally saw him again. I wasn't even thinking about my tulpa when he popped into my mind that moment. He was like a mutated mix of Mickey and a human: it looked like a person with two large tumors growing out of his head. His mouth and eyes were deformed as well, again, like a person's face had been twisted to look like Mickey Mouse's. For the moment I saw him, he shook very badly and seemed to be trying to speak, but he quickly vanished from my mind and I was unable to visualize him again for quite a while.

 

That night, he popped into my mind again as I tried to sleep. I have to say that I was pretty disturbed and was regretting trying to make a tulpa at all. The next several weeks, he appeared and vanished in my mind totally out of my control. I tried to take the time to continue forcing his appearance, but eventually my tulpa started appearing with a large sharp object in his hands. I won't go into detail, but when I'd force on changing Mickey into a person, he'd try to remove the tumors on his head.

 

This is becoming overwhelming to me and I'm becoming desperate for it to stop, but the sight of a deformed Mickey Mouse using a sharp object against himself is simply too grotesque for me to visualize anymore. At the same time, he still continues to pop into my mind randomly, regardless if I'm thinking of him or not.

 

So there's my explanation. How can I change his appearance without thinking of him?

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Oh my. You have quite a problem there, friend.

 

How about telling him that he is able to change his appearance without cutting pieces off of himself? You don't have to visualize him while doing this, just make sure to "direct" it to his essence.

 

Another neat idea: Make an imaginary chart in your head that tells him how to change his appearance without hurting himself and send it to him. You can also make something like that IRL and take a snapshot of it with your mind's eye and then send it to him to make the whole thing more realistic.

 

Making it more realistic might help with acception, if that's a problem.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

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Oh my. You have quite a problem there, friend.

 

How about telling him that he is able to change his appearance without cutting pieces off of himself? You don't have to visualize him while doing this, just make sure to "direct" it to his essence.

 

Another neat idea: Make an imaginary chart in your head that tells him how to change his appearance without hurting himself and send it to him. You can also make something like that IRL and take a snapshot of it with your mind's eye and then send it to him to make the whole thing more realistic.

 

Making it more realistic might help with acception, if that's a problem.

 

I'm not really sure he can hear me very well. Since Mickey is still giving me head pressures, I've tried asking him several questions about why he's acting certain ways and don't get clear answers. I mean, I get head pressures, but they're all over the place (we used to have a yes and no system).

 

The chart sounds like it could work wonders though. I'll definitely try it.

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Keeping track of what you have been doing and reporting your progress when it comes to these types of things might also help. Keeping a diary or starting a progress log here might also be helpful.

 

Godspeed, friend, and if anything comes up, keep us updated.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

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Here's a question: did he agree to this change? Or was this something you initiated without his input?

 

I'm not asking to accuse you of anything. But if you did do it without consulting him, there is a probability that you, at least on a subconscious level, expect him to fight back against it. And, since a lot of tulpamancy is about self-fulfilling prophecy, expecting him to have trouble with it may be what leads to these images and experiences for both of you.

 

It sounds to me like you need to have a sit-down with your tulpa and figure this shit out. No visualization if you don't want to, but see if you can connect to those head pressures and get him vocal again. Concentrate on his feelings and try to get a read on whether he's doing the spooky stuff on purpose, or whether it's even him doing it at all.

 

Because here's the thing... the mind is subject to a lot of weird, subconscious whims. If you expect or are afraid of something, focusing on it only makes it more likely that it will continue being a thing. The only way to chase away those sorts of weird events or intrusive thoughts is to try to get the very idea of them out of your head. Distract yourself with something else until the fear of this happening isn't quite so present and real to you.

 

So stop trying to force visualization, at least for now. Stop trying to picture any of his forms, past, present, or future. Concentrate on something else for a while. Getting his headvoice back, for example.

 

He is an emerging person. Get a feel for his personhood again, and when you do, the two of you can tackle this issue together. Ask what form he would prefer to take. Connect to him on an emotional level. Once he's a person to you again, with thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs... all this spooky shit will just seem like your subconscious being random and unhelpful.

 

(I would also like to submit my input that you don't necessarily need to change your tulpa's form in the first place. If you're both happy with him emulating Mickey, that's okay. Soulbonds take on the forms of well-known characters all the time, often well past the point when those characters are age-appropriate, because both the bond and their host still love the form even in adulthood. So if you guys don't want to change his form right now, you should not feel obligated to do so. It's always something that can change later, if you both want to.)

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~

 

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Here's a question: did he agree to this change? Or was this something you initiated without his input?

 

That's a very good point. We discussed it briefly (maybe every once in a while over a three week period) but I did occasionally wonder if we rushed through deciding on his physical change. Mickey seemed pretty enthusiastic about it though, there's not a moment I remember where there was any resistance from him. I'll keep working on his voice though, or at least stabilizing his head pressure responses.


And of course, I'll try to keep distracting myself.

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If anyone was wondering about this, I thought I'd give a quick update. I've decided to dissipate my tulpa because he's become too terrifying to deal with. When I've tried to speak to him the past few days, I'd only get these odd growls. Last night, I tried speaking to him one more time before going to bed and heard a piercing scream that was followed by a short (thankfully) cluster headache. I've never had one before but I'm not willing to put myself through more of that suffering for the sake of Mickey. It's heartbreaking that I feel forced to take this kind of action, but I need to take care of myself and this is what I believe needs to be done. Please don't try to convince me to do otherwise. Once again, I'm not willing to experience another cluster headache for my tulpa.

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Those are most likely intrusive thoughts, and the best way to combat them is to ignore them and realize that they won't affect your tulpa unless you believe they will. Dissipation seems to be a bit, you know, extreme.

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If anyone was wondering about this, I thought I'd give a quick update. I've decided to dissipate my tulpa because he's become too terrifying to deal with. When I've tried to speak to him the past few days, I'd only get these odd growls. Last night, I tried speaking to him one more time before going to bed and heard a piercing scream that was followed by a short (thankfully) cluster headache. I've never had one before but I'm not willing to put myself through more of that suffering for the sake of Mickey. It's heartbreaking that I feel forced to take this kind of action, but I need to take care of myself and this is what I believe needs to be done. Please don't try to convince me to do otherwise. Once again, I'm not willing to experience another cluster headache for my tulpa.

 

I'd talk about the effects of intrusive thoughts which can sometimes be extreme and end with cases like yours, but you don't seem to want to listen. If anything, I hope you're absolutely sure that these responses actually came from your tulpa and won't suffer from the heartache of literally killing off a person in the future.

 

Then again, if you aren't willing to suffer headaches, hell. Maybe you aren't cut out for it or just aren't ready yet.

 

I wish you only the best.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

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