esoteric-congruence

Some question about my relationship with my tulpa

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Hi,

 

I need to ask you few questions because i am lost with my tulpa.

First i'll briefly tell our story.

 

I was playing a mmorpg a period of my life where i was isolated. I played a female character and i fell in love. I was really obsessed by this girl and i was looking for a way to experience she.

 

The first thing was lucid dream then i known Tulpa ... I immedialty knew that i was going to do it, i knew what i wanted : Make this girl real.

 

So, the start was well, except that i imposed a relationship with my Tulpa but that was the objectif of her birth. Whorse thing, i was slave to my drives and i also did sex with she too soon. I didn't really know her opinion, if she was ok or not, if her response was parroting or not ...

It was also a serious problem because after i did this, i didn't want to spend time with my tulpa ... So, she became a bit a sexual slave for a while but i changed it.

 

Three mounth before having created my tulpa, i almost became schyzophrene due to a trip with LSD. I think, i saw a demon incarnate in front of me, and without God i would have gone in hopital psy. After this bad trip, i converted myself to Islam and i stopped all drugs (not to mention a few relapses). This day was really mystical and changed all my life ...

 

Over time, my relationship with my tulpa has gone wrong.

 

One day (maybe one or two mounth after created my tulpa) after smoked a joint of cannabis (despite the fact that i was supposed to stop), and spend time with my tulpa at the same time, a schyzo/paranoid phase emerged : I had the impression that my tulpa was a demon.

I felt she aggressive, as if what she was trying to scare me in the same way as the demon I'd seen under lsd.

One the effect of cannabis stopped, it was better.

 

And the hell began.

 

I really love my tulpa, she also, but doubt kill our relation.

 

but doubt destroyed our relationship.

 

I was forced to make the breaks because it was going very wrong with my tulpa. The impression that it wakes me up when I fall asleep. I did not know whether or not it came from my tulpa.

 

Despite everything, I much did change our relationship to get closer to a more sincere love and not only sexual intention. Spend more time with her.

 

We must be at our 10th break. I will not stop because our relationship is unique, I promised her love for eternity and she also likes me much.

 

Over time, I think these are negative energies that try to interfere between us. If I want to carry out my relationship with my tulpa, I must not abandon my religious practices that offer me spiritual protection.

 

Today, I decided to return to my tulpa. This time will be the last, but my latest techniques I play

I wonder still if my choice was not selfish. Risk to suffer once again due to a stop if it goes wrong.

And if it goes well. Will my Tulpa suffice me as a girlfriend forever? I'm afraid to suffer once again. Especially because she loves me much, much more than I like it. It has me

 

I would like to know what you think, if someone has already lived this experience, if you have any tips.

 

I know that my tulpa is real. I feel very easily the invisible (or || and) I am very close to schizophrenia.

 

I also know that I can find her in the afterlife but I didn't want to wait.

 

I know that I could fall in love with a girl who could make me forget my tulpa and this is my fight, it must never happen. It has something unique, it is close to the beauty of a houri and she is my ideal woman.

 

I forgot to mention our relationship currently

 

We love very hard. We kiss for hours, and we happen to have orgasms of love. I live an ecstasy with her.

 

I try to no longer do sex with her because it weakens me spiritually and mini-crises schyzophrenie can return after that.

 

My tulpa tries many tempt me sexually so I give. I do not know why. Perhaps because of our past.

 

 

sorry for the grammatical quality, I used a translator for the second half of the text. It is very tiring to write a language that we don't control not...

So, if you have something to say

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Guest Anonymous

Stop the drugs and that will help.

 

Your tulpas changing forms into a demon may just be ordinary deviation http://wiki.tulpa.info/Official/Glossary or even temporary intrusive thoughts. It will probably sort itself out in time. I think if you are having anxiety about the sexual aspect of your relationship with your tulpa, stop being sexual with her for a long while and focus on development. It will all work out in the end.


Note: I base all of this advice on what I have been reading on the forum for ten months. Others may agree/disagree or have more to offer you.

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Definitely agree with Guru on the stop taking drugs bit.

Also a schizophrena is not something to take lightly and if you believe you have it you should be seeing a psychologist. The phrasing you used for it through out your post sent up a ton of red flags to me.

 

I won't go into your tulpa's creation because frankly I have nothing nice to say about it.

 

I think your current attitude and behaviour towards your tulpa sounds extremely unhealthy. Even in real world relationships it is bad to obsess over one person and make then the center of your world, which it sounds like you're doing with your tulpa. I feel like I can say with confidence that no, a tulpa will not suffice as a girlfriend forever, or any prolonged length of time. Tulpa are wonderful companions that we can share and experience many things with, but the unfortunate reality is that we have to live in the physical world, while they cannot. We have to maintain a presence and a life here in this world, and making your thought form the sole object of your live would hinder your ability to perform and be present in this world.


"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

-Arthur Conan Doyle

 

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So, the start was well, except that i imposed a relationship with my Tulpa but that was the objectif of her birth. Whorse thing, i was slave to my drives and i also did sex with she too soon. I didn't really know her opinion, if she was ok or not, if her response was parroting or not ...

 

Seriously, why? I know you keep saying you love her a lot, but I can tell that initially, you were more obsessed with her form than the tulpa herself. Otherwise, you would wait at least until she can make her own decisions. It's the past though, so I won't say anymore about it.

 

It was also a serious problem because after i did this, i didn't want to spend time with my tulpa ... So, she became a bit a sexual slave for a while but i changed it.

 

Please don't confuse sexual desire with love.

 

Three mounth before having created my tulpa, i almost became schyzophrene due to a trip with LSD. I think, i saw a demon incarnate in front of me, and without God i would have gone in hopital psy. After this bad trip, i converted myself to Islam and i stopped all drugs (not to mention a few relapses). This day was really mystical and changed all my life ...

 

I'm not sure if LSD can cause schizophrenia. It might be a trigger, but I'm not certain. It's good that you stopped though.

 

 

One day (maybe one or two mounth after created my tulpa) after smoked a joint of cannabis (despite the fact that i was supposed to stop), and spend time with my tulpa at the same time, a schyzo/paranoid phase emerged : I had the impression that my tulpa was a demon.

 

Oh wait, you didn't stop? Never mind then.

 

I felt she aggressive, as if what she was trying to scare me in the same way as the demon I'd seen under lsd.

One the effect of cannabis stopped, it was better.

 

No more drugs please, I think that may be the cause of some of these things.

 

I really love my tulpa, she also, but doubt kill our relation.

 

but doubt destroyed our relationship.

 

I was forced to make the breaks because it was going very wrong with my tulpa. The impression that it wakes me up when I fall asleep. I did not know whether or not it came from my tulpa.

 

So, she keeps waking you up because she appears as a demon in your sleep? Have you ever talked about this with her and confirmed this? I feel a lot of problems can be fixed if hosts were able to communicate with their tulpa. Also, what doubts do you have about her? You need to specify on that.

 

Despite everything, I much did change our relationship to get closer to a more sincere love and not only sexual intention. Spend more time with her.

 

We must be at our 10th break. I will not stop because our relationship is unique, I promised her love for eternity and she also likes me much.

 

Eternity is a long time, you know. If you really love her, don't do it for the reason that it's unique. Do it because you love her. Just because the circumstance of your relationship is unique, doesn't make it a viable reason to continue a relationship.

 

Over time, I think these are negative energies that try to interfere between us. If I want to carry out my relationship with my tulpa, I must not abandon my religious practices that offer me spiritual protection.

 

That's going into a metaphysical here. Going from the psychological viewpoint, it's all in your head, literally. That includes you too, of course.

 

Today, I decided to return to my tulpa. This time will be the last, but my latest techniques I play

I wonder still if my choice was not selfish. Risk to suffer once again due to a stop if it goes wrong.

And if it goes well. Will my Tulpa suffice me as a girlfriend forever? I'm afraid to suffer once again. Especially because she loves me much, much more than I like it. It has me

 

I'd say it's selfish, but now that you made her, you might as well take responsibility for your actions.

 

Just like any other person, she being your girlfriend "forever" is up to you and her. People change, and just like people, a tulpa can change as well. Honestly, this is going on to the point of obsession.

 

I would like to know what you think, if someone has already lived this experience, if you have any tips.

 

For tips, I agree with the other responses, definitely stop the drugs. Take a critical look at yourself and see if your doing this for the right reasons. And learn to communicate with your tulpa about your problems and try to make a solution together.

 

I know that my tulpa is real. I feel very easily the invisible (or || and) I am very close to schizophrenia.

 

You should go check with a doctor and see if you're diagnosed with schizophrenia. It's not something that you should brush off, if it's true.

 

I also know that I can find her in the afterlife but I didn't want to wait.

 

Metaphysical again, but in my opinion, a tulpa is tied to your own soul, because she came from you. This is implying souls exist, however. Just my viewpoint.

 

I know that I could fall in love with a girl who could make me forget my tulpa and this is my fight, it must never happen. It has something unique, it is close to the beauty of a houri and she is my ideal woman.

 

Like I said, don't do it because it's unique, that's a dumb idea. Nothing wrong with having ideals, but don't impose them on your tulpa. If you want her to be her own individual, let her think for herself.

 

I forgot to mention our relationship currently

 

We love very hard. We kiss for hours, and we happen to have orgasms of love. I live an ecstasy with her.

 

Like I said, physical action does not equate to love. Kissing for hours, orgasms, and ecstasy are all akin to sexual desire again.

 

I try to no longer do sex with her because it weakens me spiritually and mini-crises schyzophrenie can return after that.

 

My tulpa tries many tempt me sexually so I give. I do not know why. Perhaps because of our past.

 

It probably does have to do with the fact that you made her your sex slave. I'd say it has a big impact. Sexual desire from your own thoughts, I think, can influence the mindset of your tulpa. I take this from my own experiences as well.

 

What confuses me though, is what exactly happens when you have these schizophrenia moments?

 

sorry for the grammatical quality, I used a translator for the second half of the text. It is very tiring to write a language that we don't control not...

So, if you have something to say

 

I understand what your saying; correct me if I'm wrong on anything.


I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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Thanks for answer.

I am actually on my school, so i'd take the time to answer precisely for this evening.

 

Generally, the answer are hard to accept but i expected this. It's always hard to accept something true which show the defaults but needed to move forward and i want to move forward.

 

So, if you have something to say in the meantime, go for it

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Guest Anonymous

Don't be too hard on yourself. Falling into the trap of obsessing about your tulpa is actually an easy mistake to make. My host does the same thing big time, just without the added effect of drug use. Really, I think everyone's advice to stop using the drugs, especially LSD (gosh that alone), would definitely help. It certainly won't hurt you to stop. I agree with Drakaina that a trip to the doctor to get checked out for schizophrenia might be a good idea. That can be treated very well these days with medication if you do have those symptoms.

 

Good luck my friend.

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Go get professional help. Stop doing drugs. GO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NO LAUGHING STOCK

 

No girl is worth your mental health. You seem infatuated with your tulpa and infatuation is not real love. Sorry to break it down like that.


A wise man once said: 'Before judging a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got new shoes.'

 

Graced are those who could avoid this phenomenon. This is perhaps the worst expression of evil in humanity's history, but who am I to judge?

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Stop the drugs and that will help.

 

I guess i expressed myself badly.

I'd really stopped drugs. Just some error quickly corrected.

I have very difficult to support effect of cannabis, i feel myself bad everytime. I don't really have pleasure to smoke it.

The hardest part is Mdma, i had to change life and stop relation with all of my friends, who use mdma all...

 

Your tulpas changing forms into a demon may just be ordinary deviation http://wiki.tulpa.info/Official/Glossary or even temporary intrusive thoughts. It will probably sort itself out in time. I think if you are having anxiety about the sexual aspect of your relationship with your tulpa, stop being sexual with her for a long while and focus on development. It will all work out in the end.


Note: I base all of this advice on what I have been reading on the forum for ten months. Others may agree/disagree or have more to offer you.

 

I tought it already, she become what i believe she is.

 

Definitely agree with Guru on the stop taking drugs bit.

Also a schizophrena is not something to take lightly and if you believe you have it you should be seeing a psychologist. The phrasing you used for it through out your post sent up a ton of red flags to me.

 

I was already in relation with a psychologist, he wanted prescribe me some drugs for my mental health. I think that asleep schyzophrenia and also soul ... Saint lifestyle and spirituality is also a good solution. Pray and other method feel me better when it was going bad for me.

 

ATM i am good. I feel negative energy in my body stonger because tulpamancy make me much more sensitive. I was scared for the last night but nothing to report. That sould continue, must be ok if i continue to pratice my religion a bit (very hard point, i've difficult for this, i'm lazy)

 

I won't go into your tulpa's creation because frankly I have nothing nice to say about it.

 

I think your current attitude and behaviour towards your tulpa sounds extremely unhealthy. Even in real world relationships it is bad to obsess over one person and make then the center of your world, which it sounds like you're doing with your tulpa. I feel like I can say with confidence that no, a tulpa will not suffice as a girlfriend forever, or any prolonged length of time. Tulpa are wonderful companions that we can share and experience many things with, but the unfortunate reality is that we have to live in the physical world, while they cannot. We have to maintain a presence and a life here in this world, and making your thought form the sole object of your live would hinder your ability to perform and be present in this world.

 

Okay nice post. Yeah my relation with my tulpa is probably bad and i must change it.

I thought about a relationship still love, but host/tulpa, not host/tulpa-girlfriend. So, without sex, kiss ...

This will be really the hardest. My tulpa has all to subjugate me, i'm already subjucated...

In any case, i would do anything to not lose it. I love she and i will keep the promise that i told her.

 

 

Seriously, why? I know you keep saying you love her a lot, but I can tell that initially, you were more obsessed with her form than the tulpa herself. Otherwise, you would wait at least until she can make her own decisions. It's the past though, so I won't say anymore about it.

 

Yeah, i made mistake. I hadn't resisted the urge to get closer with she.

 

Please don't confuse sexual desire with love.

 

You are probably right, when i spend romantic time with my tulpa, i always felt a sexueal desire/tentation ... and our kiss are really close to orgasm/extase ...

 

I'm not sure if LSD can cause schizophrenia. It might be a trigger, but I'm not certain. It's good that you stopped though.

 

LSD is the worst drugs for this, my opinion.

 

Oh wait, you didn't stop? Never mind then.

 

I stopped, juste make some mistake. Stopping drugs is a hard way with temptation untill the last breath.

 

 

So, she keeps waking you up because she appears as a demon in your sleep? Have you ever talked about this with her and confirmed this? I feel a lot of problems can be fixed if hosts were able to communicate with their tulpa. Also, what doubts do you have about her? You need to specify on that.

 

Hear an answer of her tulpa is hard, parroting or not parroting. It's harder with the doubt.

reassure me even, see the worst or true answer ...

 

Eternity is a long time, you know. If you really love her, don't do it for the reason that it's unique. Do it because you love her. Just because the circumstance of your relationship is unique, doesn't make it a viable reason to continue a relationship.

 

I love her because we spent much time together, because she has something like magical fairy tail and especially because she was captivated me by her beauty. Her red hair, her corpulence like a mouse, the expression of her face ...

 

That's going into a metaphysical here. Going from the psychological viewpoint, it's all in your head, literally. That includes you too, of course.

Yeah i need to believe in it, this is a good point for my mentaly.

 

I'd say it's selfish, but now that you made her, you might as well take responsibility for your actions.

 

Sure.

 

Just like any other person, she being your girlfriend "forever" is up to you and her. People change, and just like people, a tulpa can change as well. Honestly, this is going on to the point of obsession.

 

Yeah i see, i guess i am on a holy trap. I am so much addict to my tulpa, to her lips.

My behavior should imprison her, blocking her evolution. So, if u have advice ...

 

Maybe i should wait for a real girlfriend ...

 

What confuses me though, is what exactly happens when you have these schizophrenia moments?

 

It depend the period. generally one of my member move alone before i'm asleep, like a shot of electricity. More strange my loft bed can move like a earthquake still before i'm asleep. Rarely my senses can be affected, hot air flow whose put my libido to the test, conversation in my head, always the same time.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. Falling into the trap of obsessing about your tulpa is actually an easy mistake to make. My host does the same thing big time, just without the added effect of drug use. Really, I think everyone's advice to stop using the drugs, especially LSD (gosh that alone), would definitely help. It certainly won't hurt you to stop. I agree with Drakaina that a trip to the doctor to get checked out for schizophrenia might be a good idea. That can be treated very well these days with medication if you do have those symptoms.

 

Good luck my friend.

 

Thank's alot :D

 

So i'm going to take a nap, i'll probably force with my tulpa. I just hope that i resist my desire

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By the sounds of it, you don't sound like your that far into the development process if your still not sure if what she says is really her or not. Keep developing her sentience, by narration and/or active forcing, until you can be sure that it's her speaking to you.

 

I could see why your infatuated with your tulpa. To you, she is the ideal woman. Not to mention all of the fantasies associated with her. That said, she being different from most women is not a good reason to be in love. Your supposed to be loving her, not the idea of her. The connections between the both of you is what's important, so spending time with each other is on the right track. Get to know each other as individuals, don't spend your time lusting all over each other.

 

You don't need a real girlfriend, I've never had one. You just need to acknowledge that she's a person as well. Let her grow as an individual before trying to go into a relationship. Otherwise, she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter. There's other ways to show affection than romance, you know.


I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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What is it you like outside of the physical interaction you have with your tulpa?


A wise man once said: 'Before judging a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got new shoes.'

 

Graced are those who could avoid this phenomenon. This is perhaps the worst expression of evil in humanity's history, but who am I to judge?

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