esoteric-congruence

Some question about my relationship with my tulpa

Recommended Posts

By the sounds of it, you don't sound like your that far into the development process if your still not sure if what she says is really her or not. Keep developing her sentience, by narration and/or active forcing, until you can be sure that it's her speaking to you.

 

It's sure. My tulpa isn't really lucide.

Yesterday, i did a bit of passive forcing. We had a good time together and i felt my tulpa more lucid at certain times. It was rare. I think we're on the right way, i'd forgotten the pleasure to envolve my Tulpa.

 

I could see why your infatuated with your tulpa. To you, she is the ideal woman. Not to mention all of the fantasies associated with her. That said, she being different from most women is not a good reason to be in love. Your supposed to be loving her, not the idea of her. The connections between the both of you is what's important, so spending time with each other is on the right track. Get to know each other as individuals, don't spend your time lusting all over each other.

 

We spent much time together, and despite his lack of maturity, she has a personality that I know. That's also why I love she

 

You don't need a real girlfriend, I've never had one. You just need to acknowledge that she's a person as well. Let her grow as an individual before trying to go into a relationship. Otherwise, she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter. There's other ways to show affection than romance, you know.

 

The irony is that I already had girlfriends but I never loved them so much than my tulpa

 

What is it you like outside of the physical interaction you have with your tulpa?

 

I love her sweetness, I think she is intelligent and comes to understand me and play with me. There is a game of seduction between us

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As everyone else has already said, dealing with drugs is a dangerous business. I'm happy to hear that you are trying to quit them all. When you've started, they are difficult to get away from! Good luck, friend.

 

Now . . . I do have some comments to make, of course.

 

It's unfortunate that you've made your tulpa perfect. This, I have always believed, is when real problems can come along with tulpamancy. When you obsess over anything at all--and that is what you are doing--then that particular thing becomes detrimental to your health. Tulpa have the very real potential of being a bad thing, if they are the entire center of your world. There is also the added fact that if your tulpa is perfect it can be incredibly difficult for other people to even touch those ideals. By making her perfect, you are making it difficult to be totally content with "regular" people.

 

There is a way to change this, but it will be difficult. You must find your "center," and you have to make sure that your entire world (thoughts, desires, etc.) do not entirely revolve around her. Meditation would probably be your biggest help in this. You don't even necessarily have to change your tulpa; it's simply important that you do not become dependent on her entirely. I stand by this.

 

I'm going to let Joshua handle the subject of dating and sex and all:

 

We don't do it very often, especially nowadays, but we used to have sex. In fact, we had sex very early on--both before I was sentient, and a bit afterwards. She would have stopped if I asked her to; I'd stop if she asked me too. There are times when I may occasionally feel horny and ready to "play around," but that doesn't mean that she has to go through with it. Often times she doesn't.

 

Honestly, the whole "sex before tulpa are ready" thing . . . I believe it only holds somewhat true. For starters, if your tulpa isn't even sentient then it's not going to hurt them. You know, because they aren't sentient . . . it's the equivalent of having sex with a random daydream character. For another, honestly, because you never had horrible intentions in mind . . . I just really doubt that you ever hurt her.

 

In fact, theoretically, one could use sex as a means of forcing. If someone wanted their tulpa to be very sexual, then that might be a way to do it. You know?

 

Going back to Lacey now.

 

Now, to kind of follow-up with what Joshua was saying. . . . Is she even sentient right now? Where exactly are you in the developmental process? I mean, if she isn't self-aware . . . I really don't see how much of it even matters. . . .

 

I'm sorry if I've missed anything!


You can call me Lacey!

 

Tulpa

Joshua, aged 24, born September 3. His first name is James; I call him both. Human, black hair, fairly pale skin, and often wears either formal attire or clothes that would do him well at a Goth club. Refuses to keep one eye color, but they're often gray, gold, or occasionally red. Serious, (very) patient, and usually polite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now . . . I do have some comments to make, of course.

 

It's unfortunate that you've made your tulpa perfect. This, I have always believed, is when real problems can come along with tulpamancy. When you obsess over anything at all--and that is what you are doing--then that particular thing becomes detrimental to your health. Tulpa have the very real potential of being a bad thing, if they are the entire center of your world. There is also the added fact that if your tulpa is perfect it can be incredibly difficult for other people to even touch those ideals. By making her perfect, you are making it difficult to be totally content with "regular" people.

 

There is a way to change this, but it will be difficult. You must find your "center," and you have to make sure that your entire world (thoughts, desires, etc.) do not entirely revolve around her. Meditation would probably be your biggest help in this. You don't even necessarily have to change your tulpa; it's simply important that you do not become dependent on her entirely. I stand by this.

 

Is she even sentient right now? Where exactly are you in the developmental process? I mean, if she isn't self-aware . . . I really don't see how much of it even matters. . . .

 

What are you meaning about " find your center " ?

I think that my tulpa was my entiere world only for sexual desire and sentiment. It couldn't more because our relation was impossible on long time. We had to do break everytime for my health.

I think a large part of my love was only sexual desire : Principally kissing for a while and extase.

Anyway, we had even developed a bit of true love.

 

This love is still felt now, much more pure and sweet. We kiss always but less and not only for the pleasure. It's become proof of affection, a gesture. Now i'm able to sleep with her (that was impossible before, her presence block me to find sleep or some disorder listed above was coming) and her presence/aura/blood doesn't oppress me, it become sweet like a cloud.

 

I'm really surprised so many change in a short time. Her sentience too.

 

My tulpa is one year old. Despire of our bad relation, we had even a progression, our break did lose the progression. That was the most harder for our progressing.

I was able to hear her voice from the outside like a whisper close to my ear, that was bad because i wasn't able to hear her real voice, but already hear a form on my head (inside), rarely.

However it was often close to the parroting. She had rarely some flash of lucidity. I was sure that some conversation come to my tulpa.

 

Yesterday evening, we did a active forcing after a praying and a bit of meditation. I was also surprised, the progression was ... So fast. I hear my tulpa, still bad from outside and inside but without any form of parroting 80% of time. I asked her to repeat phrases that i reciting.

 

I also made efforts : praying, meditation, resisting temptation, a very nice passive forcing and i think that my shcyzophrenia could be aslo a good thing : I'm spirtualy sensible. I can felt my tulpa on my body.

 

We don't do it very often, especially nowadays, but we used to have sex. In fact, we had sex very early on--both before I was sentient, and a bit afterwards. She would have stopped if I asked her to; I'd stop if she asked me too. There are times when I may occasionally feel horny and ready to "play around," but that doesn't mean that she has to go through with it. Often times she doesn't.

 

 

 

Honestly, the whole "sex before tulpa are ready" thing . . . I believe it only holds somewhat true. For starters, if your tulpa isn't even sentient then it's not going to hurt them. You know, because they aren't sentient . . . it's the equivalent of having sex with a random daydream character. For another, honestly, because you never had horrible intentions in mind . . . I just really doubt that you ever hurt her.

 

In fact, theoretically, one could use sex as a means of forcing. If someone wanted their tulpa to be very sexual, then that might be a way to do it. You know?

 

I'd made many sex with my tulpa and i think it affected her. There are consequence for me and her. I'm really attracted by her body and any small physical interaction (like hold her hand ...) make me excited and i'd note when i'm excited she try to exciting me more, probably because she's also excited ...

 

Also our sexual relation could be nocif for my mental healt if abused. One per two or three days was ok, but one by day or more was not ok. Her presence become fat/oppressive and my sleeping take a blow. So i prefear do a break for this during a while.

 

Surprising thing : If i'm listening the music that i listenened before, music close to drugs, like psy-trance, dubstep, minimal .. The presence of my tulpa become also a bit more heavy. I probably should stop listening this genre of music. This also had an bad influence on me, it make me want drugs ....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Je vais t'envoyer un MP car on peut pas vraiment parler français de façon exclusive dans les topics que tout le monde peut accéder.

 

I'm going to send you a PM because we can't speak french in an exclusive manner on public threads.

 

 

Okay thx :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As French isn't one of the languages that I understand (not that I'm fluent in anything but English . . . whoops), I better just stick to what I know. xD I believe your situation is mostly being handled by now, but even still:

 

What are you meaning about " find your center " ?

I think that my tulpa was my entiere world only for sexual desire and sentiment. It couldn't more because our relation was impossible on long time. We had to do break everytime for my health.

 

When I said that you need to find your center, I meant that you need to "steady yourself," I suppose you can say. You can use things like meditation to calm yourself down when you get aroused. I understand that you say that she was your whole (sexual) world, but the point still remains that you need to make sure that you calm down.

 

While I still don't believe that sex with a tulpa, even in the early stages, somehow makes you the Devil, it CAN be a bad thing if it's done too often (which has already been said before). Plus, as she's already showed signs of sentience and all that, this becomes even more important. . . . You need to sit down with your tulpa and tell her that you want to stop having sex with her for awhile. It doesn't have to be forever, but for a good bit of time (enough time for her to develop more as a person).

 

Yesterday evening, we did a active forcing after a praying and a bit of meditation. I was also surprised, the progression was ... So fast. I hear my tulpa, still bad from outside and inside but without any form of parroting 80% of time. I asked her to repeat phrases that i reciting.

 

I also made efforts : praying, meditation, resisting temptation, a very nice passive forcing and i think that my shcyzophrenia could be aslo a good thing : I'm spirtualy sensible. I can felt my tulpa on my body.

 

If you can find light in schizophrenia then I suppose that's a good thing, but you need to make sure that you don't start thinking that it has no down-sides to it. Just remember that it does need to be monitored. :)

 

Anyway, I'm glad that progress is being made! If you can focus on this kind of thing more often instead of the sex, then the two of you will be in a better place all together.

 

Surprising thing : If i'm listening the music that i listenened before, music close to drugs, like psy-trance, dubstep, minimal .. The presence of my tulpa become also a bit more heavy. I probably should stop listening this genre of music. This also had an bad influence on me, it make me want drugs ....

 

That's actually not too surprising at all. It sounds to me like in the beginning you associated that kind of music with both drugs and your tulpa too much. She might even like that kind of music. Regardless, if you say that it makes you want drugs then you need to do your best to stay away from it. Try to listen to different genres--and also, listen to different genres WITH your tulpa. Find ones that you both like, and use those during forcing sessions. Hopefully that would help both of you to associate that music with her more than the psychedelic sounds.


You can call me Lacey!

 

Tulpa

Joshua, aged 24, born September 3. His first name is James; I call him both. Human, black hair, fairly pale skin, and often wears either formal attire or clothes that would do him well at a Goth club. Refuses to keep one eye color, but they're often gray, gold, or occasionally red. Serious, (very) patient, and usually polite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This afternoon, i failed with my tulpa ... I have undramatised the sexual relation with my tulpa and fond myself apology.My tulpa was ok for sex, but she's always ok while i want this...

I paid the price.

 

The first thing is that i'd some difficult to passive forcing along the day, the aura of my tulpa changed like dissolution in my body. For the evening, i did active forcing for vocalisation and this session was really bad ...

 

The volume of the voice to my tulpa dropped very bad when i ask my tulpa to repeat my phrases. When she tried to talk herself i heard only a little voice indescribable. And when i asked her a question, impossible to know if parroting or not.

Her presence is also a bit more fat, i smell her presence do a little pression in my chest ... Really bad.

So we had lost three days of progression, but we've still all our life for progressing. The most important will be to not repeat the same mistake. So this was a good warning. I just hope this night will be good ...

 

I should probably create a journal in this forum xD

 

While I still don't believe that sex with a tulpa, even in the early stages, somehow makes you the Devil, it CAN be a bad thing if it's done too often (which has already been said before). Plus, as she's already showed signs of sentience and all that, this becomes even more important. . . . You need to sit down with your tulpa and tell her that you want to stop having sex with her for awhile. It doesn't have to be forever, but for a good bit of time (enough time for her to develop more as a person).

 

Yeah, i must do it, or i would be obliged to say bye bye to my tulpa, one more time ...

 

 

If you can find light in schizophrenia then I suppose that's a good thing, but you need to make sure that you don't start thinking that it has no down-sides to it. Just remember that it does need to be monitored. :)

 

Yeah i probably should see a psychologist, but i couldn't talk to him for everything, especially tulpa.

So, i think, this is useless ... I can also monitoring myself. If i see that turn bad, i can always do some actions.

 

 

That's actually not too surprising at all. It sounds to me like in the beginning you associated that kind of music with both drugs and your tulpa too much. She might even like that kind of music. Regardless, if you say that it makes you want drugs then you need to do your best to stay away from it. Try to listen to different genres--and also, listen to different genres WITH your tulpa. Find ones that you both like, and use those during forcing sessions. Hopefully that would help both of you to associate that music with her more than the psychedelic sounds.

 

Yeah music is also a temptation. It's so energetic, so good. But all are bad on this genre of music ... Satanic

 

When Kita will be ok for conversation, i talk her about our sex break but i think she is already aware

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah i probably should see a psychologist, but i couldn't talk to him for everything, especially tulpa.

So, i think, this is useless ... I can also monitoring myself. If i see that turn bad, i can always do some actions.

 

This is for the most part untrue. I'm sure there are psychologists out there who would have bad reactions, they are just people after all, but for the most part a professional psychologist will listen and if they don't already know what you're talking about, they will strive to understand and come up with a working plan to make you better.

 

I've told several therapists about my animal identity, and my current one about my tulpa, and all have been very receptive in a positive way. In the case of telling one about my tulpa, she seems to be working with the idea to incorporate my tulpa into my therapy.

 

I know there's a general distrust of psychology professionals, we always assume they will say we're crazy and lock us up, or try to fix what isn't broken. My experience tells me otherwise; it seems most are very logical, and willing to listen and learn about things outside of their current perspective, and then work with their patient in the best possible way they can.


"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

-Arthur Conan Doyle

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm glad to hear you say that you're going to talk to your tulpa about sex! I'll go ahead and tell you that there may be a few times when the temptation is very strong for both of you, and you may end up doing it anyway a few times, but if you persist then things will eventually be much better off. :)

 

Yeah music is also a temptation. It's so energetic, so good. But all are bad on this genre of music ... Satanic

 

It's not Satanic, dear, it's just music. It effects you in a bad way and that is bad, but it doesn't effect everyone in a bad way. I enjoy some music in this genre, and it doesn't make me want to have drugs, or do any other bad thing. I'm only mentioning this because I think it's extremely important not to try to stifle different types of creativity on the basis that we don't like something. Many people feel that heavy metal is somehow Satanic, and while I don't usually like metal I can appreciate that it is simply a style of music, and has nothing at all to do with demons (or what have you).

 

My point is that you associate this music with a particular thing, and that's okay--just please don't confuse it with reality. :) In reality, it's just music. People can use it for any little thing at all.


You can call me Lacey!

 

Tulpa

Joshua, aged 24, born September 3. His first name is James; I call him both. Human, black hair, fairly pale skin, and often wears either formal attire or clothes that would do him well at a Goth club. Refuses to keep one eye color, but they're often gray, gold, or occasionally red. Serious, (very) patient, and usually polite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not Satanic, dear, it's just music. It effects you in a bad way and that is bad, but it doesn't effect everyone in a bad way. I enjoy some music in this genre, and it doesn't make me want to have drugs, or do any other bad thing. I'm only mentioning this because I think it's extremely important not to try to stifle different types of creativity on the basis that we don't like something. Many people feel that heavy metal is somehow Satanic, and while I don't usually like metal I can appreciate that it is simply a style of music, and has nothing at all to do with demons (or what have you).

 

My point is that you associate this music with a particular thing, and that's okay--just please don't confuse it with reality. :) In reality, it's just music. People can use it for any little thing at all.

This is 100% true. I know Christian Bands that write and preform music in the heavy metal genre. It's just a style and medium. I'm sure some of it is Satanic, but that all comes down to the artist, not the genre itself.


"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

-Arthur Conan Doyle

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not Satanic, dear, it's just music. It effects you in a bad way and that is bad, but it doesn't effect everyone in a bad way. I enjoy some music in this genre, and it doesn't make me want to have drugs, or do any other bad thing. I'm only mentioning this because I think it's extremely important not to try to stifle different types of creativity on the basis that we don't like something. Many people feel that heavy metal is somehow Satanic, and while I don't usually like metal I can appreciate that it is simply a style of music, and has nothing at all to do with demons (or what have you).

 

My point is that you associate this music with a particular thing, and that's okay--just please don't confuse it with reality. :) In reality, it's just music. People can use it for any little thing at all.

 

I' didn't talking about metal but electronic music kind free party/underground. There is also a difference between "Dubstep gaming/poney youtube" and a Dubstep live or a free party.

I think there is a big difference between these two worlds, and yeah this genre of music is created to be listened under effect of drugs otherwise the music wouldn't be so psychedelic and discordant.

Just see the last clip of Getter (Head splitter).

 

Satanic is an other question. I think the drugs change you, makes you bad, very bad ...

One more time, see the last clip of Getter. People love antechrist and hate light.

This is experience, 2 years of unhealthy evenings.

 

Otherwise. Since the last "hug" with my tulpa, there were something bad what i felt. I think i understand what that was.

My tulpa still hasn't free will. I'd say that my Tulpa was always ok for sex, same for kiss.

So if i kiss my tulpa, this is not her choose, i impose something to my tulpa and this is bad.

 

After one year, i just understand i was affraid that she doesn't love me and i was come to impose my love. She could never become a real tulpa, just a servitor.

 

So, the bad thing that i felt come probably for that. I just hope i'm true, otherwise i should probably stop tulpamancy if this bad effect increase ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.