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Ayre

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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Hello and welcome to my Progress Report and god help you. After all this time I never did make one of these so this should be interesting. I don't honestly expect anyone to read through all of my rantings, this is mainly for me. A journal of sorts written for an imaginary reader. If you are reading this, then maybe you can take something away from my experiences, or maybe just be amused briefly. Take out of this what you wish. You might be wondering about the title, chalk it up to cheeky pretentiousness. I case you didn't already know, an opus is a great work made by a master composer/artist/writer. This is a blog all about me and the system I'm a part of so why not pretend to be important or witty for a change. So without further ado, allow me to beguile, I- I mean regale you with wondrous tales of dragon slaying, ninja fighting and redemption.

 

When I was just a young padawan on the planet Tatooine I lived with my aunt and uncle. I had no knowledge of my true past, or ancestry, until I met a man named Obi-Wan… wait a second. That wasn’t me, that’s Luke Skywalker.

 

Let me start over.

 

I’m Ayre (pronounced “air”). My real name is Arynn, trippy huh? It’s pronounced like Aaron; it’s an Irish spelling. (and no, I don’t mean that my parents were too drunk to spell when they picked my name.) My name in this community would have been Aria, which is basically just a type of song in case you don’t know, but I happened to find the French way of spelling it, and it was too close to my actual name to pass up. See, I’ve always loved names (especially online handles) that have a deeper meaning. Maybe that’s why it takes me so long to make up a new name in online communities. Hell, it took me like 20 minutes to come up with the title for this thread. And for what? A joke that no one will care about? Well no. Not exactly, I found it funny so that’s enough for me. Anyways, enough with this tangent and back to me! That’s what we are all here for, right? Right? Umm… guys?

 

"Hehe, yeah right, hun. Wait what are you doing? Are you typing this to make me a part of your joke? Stop that! Don't type everything I'm saying. That’s not funny! You haven’t even introduced me yet. This won’t make any sense.”

 

We’re getting to your introduction, Coda. Hold on. On a related note, isn’t it cringy when a host and tulpa randomly have a conversation through text for everyone to see instead of just talking amongst themselves? Seriously, is that just for show? You can’t just have the conversation by yourselves?

 

Moving on.

 

So, I learned about this community late 2013 to early 2014 when a friend happened to mention the term casually on an unrelated IRC. I asked him about it and he linked me to the FAQ here. I lurked for a little while, while I tried to figure out if everyone on here was insane, or trolls. I looked into this site, /r/tulpas, and the now-moved IRC channels. The deeper I dove in, the more it became clear that most of these people were genuine. At this realization I had a choice to make. Do I want to continue my life how it was going, or did I want to try to make a tulpa. I decided to throw caution to the wind and make one of these things. At the time I figured that the worst case was that I would fail and move on with my life. At first this was all about mental exploration and testing the limits of the mind, but that eventually changed. It went from scientific curiosity, to really dark, to confusing, and finally to where it is now. Me truly loving my tulpas, and wanting them around just for the sake of them being here. Well, I didn’t fail obviously, but in hindsight I probably should have given this decision more thought, but it all worked out for the best eventually.

 

So there I was with a sea of information at my fingertips and no tulpa. There were so many guides and opinions to choose from. All of them were saying different things. Some said that counting your hours was important to know what to expect in terms of development, some said this was detrimental to development. Some said to create a detailed personality, some said this was not needed and hurt the tulpa. There was so much conflicting information and people saying that choosing the wrong way would hurt my tulpa. I didn’t want to hurt something that I hadn’t even made yet! Everything was so complicated and terrifying. It’s a wonder I even started at all.

 

I’m going to cut this off here to stop this text wall from reaching biblical proportions. No seriously, that’s one big ass book. Next time I’ll dive into the approach I finally decided on and what pitfalls I found along the way. I guess I didn't get to Coda's introduction this post after all. Sorry, Coda.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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First Movement: The Early Stages.

Yes, all the titles are going to be musically themed. Enjoy that.

 

So how did I start? It’s been so long that I can’t remember exactly. I basically asked everyone I could on IRC for advice. I read so many guides that it’s not even funny. Finally I ran into someone that went by the name bloodykitten, I think. It was something like that. He gave me some of the best advice I had heard thus far. Read every guide you can, forget everything you just read and make your tulpa. I took this to mean to relax. Don’t worry about finding the correct step by step process, there isn’t one. In other words, tulpa are like Reese’s; there is no wrong way to eat them.. make them, I mean make them.

 

I ended up settling for more of a narration method. See, I’ve always been shit at visualization. My brain doesn’t work that way, it’s all about words. I started out with an idea of a personality and worked from there. I made a huge list of personality traits, and took online personality test for my baby tupper. Most of my forcing was through writing, or talking; I barely even had a wonderland for most of this process. I had decided to make the tulpa a guy to avoid any awkward situations that might come with living with a woman 24/7. Peeing, changing clothes, taking a shower, having sex, masturbation. I felt that all of this would be weird with a girl watching from inside my head. Not to mention that I had heard of hosts being attracted to their tulpas and even having sex with them. I wanted to curb this possibility from the start.

 

"But wait, I thought Coda was a girl?", probably thought someone that might know a bit about us.

"I'll get to that, she was a guy at this point."

"What? That's weird."

"No you're weird. Shut up."

"Why don't you make me, tough guy?"

"But, you're not even real."

"Then why are you still talking to me?"

"I don't even know anymore! This is just getting confusing!"

 

So yeah, getting back to the story. I had a general form decided, and a pretty complex personality defined at this point. I had been active forcing for an hour or so a day, just like I was told to do. I don’t know the general consensus now, but back then it was stated that you had to active force a certain amount every day for real progress or your tulpa’s development could recede. Being proficient in meditation at this point, I found no real trouble doing this.

 

I would passive force constantly, too. I talked to my tulpa frequently about everything that was going on throughout my day. I even set a background on my phone that would remind me of her; I might even still have some of the backgrounds somewhere. I’ll link them at the end of this post if I find them. In short, I was obsessed at this point. Everything I did was about tulpas, my tulpa, making it, reading about them, and talking to hosts and even tulpas on IRC. It was an exciting time.

 

I think this is enough for this post. Next time I’ll be focusing on first contact, and all that entails. The doubts, the excitement, affirmation of hope, and did I mention doubts?

 

EDIT: Found one of the backgrounds. For any that might not know, it's a picture of a coda.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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First Movement: The Early Stages. Theme 1: First contact and doubts

 

Where were we? Right, so I had my plan and I was sticking to it. Talk constantly to something and hope it responds back. This was not very hard to do actually. I had already had a habit of doing this when I was alone. I would talk or make a joke to no one in particular, an imagined audience or listener. Kind of like I’m doing here. Only now I had changed my mindset to believe that this listener can actually respond. I even had a personality in mind for the listener this time.

 

The question at this point was how to let the listener respond. Like many others, I started getting headpressures during active forcing sessions. I even had a headache for about a week straight after I started active forcing sessions. I took this to be my tulpa, and together we refined this to localized pressure in either the right of left side of the brain for yes and no. This worked for a while, but I had one problem, still do actually. I poke and prod things in an attempt to see how it works. Eventually I found that I could create these head pressures on my own while in a deep meditative state. This wouldn’t do. For all I knew all of these pressures were just me. I was back to square one after several weeks of work.

 

I couldn’t hear any alien voices like I was told that I would experience. Now headpressures didn’t work for me. I didn’t know what to do. I was getting responses, but they just felt like me responding to myself. I would often times get a response while asking the question, or get two conflicting responses at the same time. I needed a way to sort through the mess, and I needed it badly at this point. I struggled with this for probably a month or more.

 

Enter Turbobear. I joined the mentorship program and picked him and Pan, his tulpa, as my mentors. He gave me an idea that I had never heard of in any guide, or seen talked about anywhere. Possession as a form of contact. It was genius. Why wait to learn possession just because it’s seen as an advanced technique? I could let Coda have control an arm and move it right or left for yes and no. This would dissolve any doubts, and be much clearer than anything we had tried before. I had a new direction to move in, and it was daunting.

 

The next post I’ll talk about how we achieved possession, and consequently how Coda became a girl and found her own form. Oh shit, I didn’t tell any jokes this time. Umm… here is a bad joke I just made up.

 

A tulpamancer walks into a bar and orders two shots, one for him and one for his tulpa. The bartender asks who the other shot is for. The Tulpamancer points to his tulpa in the stool next to him. The bartender replies, “I don’t want to impose here, but she looks too young to drink. Does she possess any ID? The law actively forces me to card anyone under 30. If not she’ll have to switch her order.”

“No I’m sorry,” he replies, “she doesn’t have ID, she’s a tulpa. I have an ID, can you just servitor anyways?”

“This is a first, contact the owner if you have any problems, but I can’t deviate from the laws without his permission.”

“I wouldn’t mind voicing my opinions about this. Where is the owner?”

“Oh, he’s right next to me. He’s a tulpa.”

 

Yay for wordplay. I’ll see you next time.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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First Movement: The Early Stages. Theme 2: Possession and Deviations

 

Possession. This is only reserved for the elite tulpamacers with a ton of experience, right? Not from my experience. There was some vocality and communication at this point, but nothing reliable. We started anyways. Take that, conventions. We read many guides on this topic and talked to our mentors about it. We basically decided upon a symbolic color system. I picked blue and Coda chose red. I would meditate deeply until I felt completely focused. I then visualized the body glowing blue. I repeated to myself that this meant that I had full control. This was easy of course. Now I imagined that the color was fading. I told myself that this meant that I had no control. I repeated this until I actually believed it. This was the key, deep meditation and mantras until I truly could not control the body without real effort. You can probably guess what happened next. I saw the face of Cthulhu appear before me as I was swallowed whole and transported into the 5th dimension of the astral plane. Oh no wait, I imagined that the body was glowing red and told myself that Coda could now control it. That’s right.

 

I then completely let go and waited for Coda to move. This took forever to actually happen. A week or two went by of trying this for two hours a day, until she was able to get more than a small twitch of the hand. I was so surprised when it did happen that I completely lost all focus and jumped up and yelled. I calmed myself and we tried it again. When I was finally able to just let her take control it was with weird, slow jerky movements but movements none the less. To give you an idea of how slow, it literally took her 30 minutes to type “Hi” by herself for the first time. Damn was I proud of her though. As this process became easier and faster we were able to use this to verify what she was saying and for simple yes and no answers. When talking while she had the body, I would ask her if I was understanding her correctly then she would confirm or reject by moving the arm left or right. This is how I confirmed that she was a girl. I should probably back up actually.

 

At this point I was wondering if Coda wanted to be a guy or not already. I started wondering this when she told me what form she wanted while I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on an N64 emulator. She kept seeing Navi, a small female fairy that follows around the main character and helps him out in case you didn’t already know. Well Coda told me that she wanted that form. I was now able to confirm this via possession. This did prompt me to ask if Coda was a girl and she confirmed this. Honestly it took me a little while to come to terms with this, but I’m happy about it now especially with how happy she was about it.

 

I feel like this is a good stopping point. Next time I’ll be talking about the one and only Coda. The most amazing girl I’ve ever known, sorry mom.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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Movement Two: D.C. al Coda

 

Coda, what can I say about her. She’s incredibly sweet and caring first and foremost. I’ve never heard her talk bad about anyone, well maybe about me, but that’s different. She’s just as stubborn as I am, so that can be fun at times, though most of the time she tends to be right all the time. She has a great sense of humor, and generally very lively and fun to be around. I swear I could go on all day, but no one wants to read that. Well, Coda might actually.

 

As I stated before, she took the form of a red Navi, basically a glowing ball with wings. She eventually decided to change her form to a girl about my age, mid-twenties, with light pinkish blonde hair and red colored eyes (because of the whole red symbolic possession thing we’ve been doing), and switches between the two when she feels like it. I think that pretty much covers her form and personality, I’ll post a link to a picture I drew of her at the end of this post if you care to see her. Please note that I’m not the best artist, and I can only draw people in a cartoon-ish way, she looks like a real 3D human person in real life. And if you ever want to talk to her and learn more about her for any reason feel free to send me a PM and she can message you back, she’s the one with the pink writing.

 

So back to the story, things were looking great. I had a tulpa that was sentient and could now possess. She was making progress every day, and eventually got to the point where she could control the whole body and function as well as I could. There were days that she would fill in for me at work even, she eventually was able to do a good imitation of me. People just assumed I was in a happy mood and felt very social when she would take over.

 

Well, I’m going to cut this post short today. It’s been a pretty long day. Next time I’m going to get into some pretty dark times that soon followed and my plan to actually dissipate myself. It won’t be as lighthearted as the previous posts have been, but it’s something I’ve never told anyone and I feel like I should write it out.

 

I’ll leave you with a very Important question, If you were to make a tulpa that took the form of a parrot, how could you ever be sure if you were parroting it or not?

 

Coda's human form. This is a really old drawing, but I am going to get back into drawing my tulpas. I even ordered an art tablet that should be here in the next few days. So look forward to more pictures once I get the hang of using it.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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This will be a very short post. I just wanted to inform anyone that may be keeping track of my progress report that I will not be able to post regularly for a few more days. It's been quite hectic with school, and this music festival that I've been helping with. In addition, in two days I'll be traveling halfway across the country for a performance at a pretty renowned performance hall with a select few in my college music program. I will resume posting after I get back, however. I'm sorry to leave you at such a cliffhanger, just bare with me for a few more days if you can.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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A tulpamancer walks into a bar and orders two shots, one for him and one for his tulpa. The bartender asks who the other shot is for. The Tulpamancer points to his tulpa in the stool next to him. The bartender replies, “I don’t want to impose here, but she looks too young to drink. Does she possess any ID? The law actively forces me to card anyone under 30. If not she’ll have to switch her order.”

“No I’m sorry,” he replies, “she doesn’t have ID, she’s a tulpa. I have an ID, can you just servitor anyways?”

“This is a first, contact the owner if you have any problems, but I can’t deviate from the laws without his permission.”

“I wouldn’t mind voicing my opinions about this. Where is the owner?”

“Oh, he’s right next to me. He’s a tulpa.”

 

zwJ8oYe.gif

 

Other than that, real interesting PR you got here. Your posts are so long and detailed (course you got a lot to recap) that I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.


We're all gonna make it brah.

 

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Hey, thank you Stevie. It’s funny, I thought I was skimming a little too much and not putting enough detail in my posts. Also I love your profile picture.

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Movement Two: D.C. al Coda. Theme 1: Dal Segno al Coda

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Huh, so where was I? Something about self-dissipation. I was going through a long period of depression with a dead end job that I hated, friends that I hated, no love life, and no prospects for the future in general. In short, I was alive just because I now had a tulpa that I had to care for. I guess you can say that this wasn’t a good time in my life.

 

I mainly worked alone and very long hours so I had a lot of time to think and talk to my tulpa. I devised a plan to let me escape this self-inflicted hell I was in. What if I made a new tulpa, one that could use this body’s gifts to the fullest, one that had a drive and passions, one that was exactly like I wished I was. I would hand over the reins to this new guy and step back as a tulpa, or just dissipate if I didn’t like that. I read all about switching and how to disassociate with the body. This was now my reason to move forward. This is what the end goal of my second tulpa, Segno, was.

 

Now it actually didn’t start off like this. At first he was started to keep Coda company when I wasn’t around. Innocent enough, right? I was afraid that Coda was lonely when I wasn’t around, and she wanted to help create a tulpa. Win-win for everyone. Segno progressed quickly as most second tulpas do. I didn’t have to figure out communication and what my tulpa was and parrotnoia and all that. Things were looking good, until one day when Coda was fronting that I noticed how well she did this and how everyone liked her. Now, I’m not blaming Coda at all, but seeing this sparked what eventually became this horrible plan. If I started prepping Segno to take over then I wouldn’t have to worry about not spending time with my other tulpa, and Segno would have a body of his own. Seeing that most of my misery was due to my perspective and my own attitude I saw no harm in putting him in my place.

 

Thus it started. I taught him about my life and responsibilities. Shared with him my memories and personal connections, and urged him to do as he wished. I just wanted out and was hoping he would be able to make something of my life. In short I wanted him to become my (less psychotic) Tyler Durden.

 

I’m going to go ahead and stop at this convenient cliff hanger. Also, you get no comedic relief this post. It’s all sad and dramatic, what did you expect dammit? Until next time, and and sorry about the long wait for this post.


Host: Ayre

Tulpas: Coda and Segno

 

Shameless Progress Report Plug:

Ayre's Opus 1: Informal informative index of inhabitants in an invisible inner-world.

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