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The odd being that lives inside my strange head


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So, how do i begin... I'm some generic 15 years old, that likes some nerd stuff. That's it. Let's move on. I've been reading about tulpas for the last two months, for at least 1 hour every day (i have too much free time. That's kinda sad, actually. D: ). It's a subject that i find really interesting, but never wanted to make a tulpa, since i don't know if i can handle it. But today, something odd happened. I want to become a mangaka, and i'm very detailed when it comes to create a character. I think about his personality, his appearance and his way of behaving, trying to make them unique."But why is this relevant?" Wait, i will eventually get there. And, in the wonderland i created, i sometimes visualize one character, make him talk, move, and i decide if i like him or not, taking care not to make him sentient. Today, i was just chilling in the wonderland, walking outside a castle in the middle of an island. Then i see this character. A witch i created some time ago, that i really liked, but i never visualized her. I was surprised, so i walked up to her, and, when i was close, she suddenly punched me. At that moment, i was so confused, and so scared that i openned my eyes. I thought "What the hell was that?" And i came back there. When i got close to her once more, she punched me yet again. I openned my eyes again, and realized: "Have i accidentally created a tulpa?". I once more came to the wonderland, and this time i was in a place that i usually drink tea, but she was there, sitting in one of the chairs. I sat down on the other chair, and asked: "Do you want some tea?". She waved her head both sides, meaning she didn't, so i only filled my cup. I started introducing myself, and then i asked some questions, that she apparently didn't answer, or i couldn't hear. Later, just to confirm that it was indeed a sentient tulpa, i walked away from her, openned my eyes, came back to the wonderland, and there she was again. This time, drinking some tea in her cup that she aparently filled herself. I tried communicating a little more, but my family started making a lot of noises, so i couldn't concentrate anymore, and i came here to write this.

I still doubt it was indeed a tulpa, or even an already sentient tulpa, but i think it is possible, from what i've read. Well, i will continue posting here about any progress i make from now on. Thank you for reading, and i'm sorry about any grammar mistakes i possibly made there, english isn't my first language, and my english is pretty... Meh.

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So, i just forced a little bit to her. I will name her Sapphire for now, until she picks a name for herself. Well, what happened was: She talked. She freacking talked. That was fast. "How do you know that it was actually her, and not you parroting her?" Well, she used a voice that i didn't choose, and said things i couldn't predict. Besides, it was really difficult to make up what she was talking. They where simple sentences, like "Yes". I asked her if she could talk and she answered with an "Yes, i can". Then, just to confirm it, i asked her to say some word i couldn't predict. She simply said "mom". Aside from that, she seems to be okay now, i asked her why she punched me, but i couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying, because i was too happy. So... Yeah. We're progressing REALLY fast. Thank you for reading, see you later! :D

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Today we've had some big progress. I did some active forcing this morning, for at least 30 min (no one in the house had woke up yet, so it was easier to concentrate). We talked for a bit, and, at some point i asked "what do you want to do now?" she answered "Swim". She changed her clothes to a swimsuit without me even thinking about it and we jumped on the lake that surrounded the castle. We swimmed for a while, and later we talked a little more, sitting on the grass (She didn't talk very much, but it was still satisfying to hear a few words from her). Eventually, my family woke up, and started making lots of noises, so i couldn't concentrate anymore. I did some passive forcing for the rest of the morning, and, at the afternoon, everyone decided to take a nap. I, of course, did some more forcing while it was still silent. It lasted for at least 2 hours straight, and it was less of a chore, and more of a good time with a friend. When i entered the wonderland, she added some stuff, like a giant dead tree, a smaller lake in one side of the castle, and some other things. She decorated the inside of the castle too, and it looked awesome! :D She created a little underground dungeon too, with some monsters and traps inside. I don't really know why. She now can change her clothes naturally, and without me trying to visualize it. And, turns out she likes to make fun of me in a very scary way, like literally crushing me into the sealing with a platform, killing me, and blowing the entire wonderland repeatedly. And it seems that she is a really kind and sweet person, and rather adorable. Still, she likes to punch stuff. We killed a dragon, an hydra, and some giant worms, jumped from a plane and started flying (that was her idea) and i visualized Kyubey from Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika there at some point. She found him cute, and transformed him into a living witch hat, wich she put into her head. Not gonna lie, she looked even more adorable. :3 But it was weird at the same time. @_@ We talked a little more, and she doesn't seem to have choosen a name yet, so i will still call her Sapphire for now. She seems annoyed when i can't understand what she is saying, though. Some other stuff happened, but they're not so relevant.

 

Thats it for today. It was really fun. Thank you for reading, see you later! :D

 

Edit: It sometimes feels like she is not moving by herself, like if i was puppeting, but i'm really not. It just doesn't feel natural. Can someone explain me why i feel that way? D:

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(Insert some generic April fools joke here)

 

"I got too much free time", i said. "That's kinda sad", i said.

 

Well, it has been a while. I didn't post here this week because i was too busy, mostly with school stuff. I couldn't force too much, so i didn't get any significant progress. I think i should better organize my schedule.

Still, some interesting stuff happened. She started a sculpture of an angel at the top of the castle, wich looked awesome, and it looks like she already finished it. We praticed a little bit her vocal, and it's becoming more difficult to understand what she's saying, but it's okay, since she is starting to develop her own opinion over certain subjects, like some shows and games. And it seems like she had visited my memories. That wouldn't be a problem, if she didn't saw my memories related to Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. I wanted to show it to her later, but she already knows everything about it, so i can't anymore. Godamnit, Sapphire. I think the day i forced the most was today, and we did some fun stuff, and even some roleplay in a zombie apocalypse. It didn't last long though, since she ran into a horde of zombies with only one pistol in her hand, shooting them up close. I had to save her, but we both ended up being eaten alive. Damn you, Sapphire and your need to kill stuff! D:<

 

I will make sure to active force for a longer time this weekend, and post here if i have any progress.

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention that she seems to really like changing her clothes, and creating new ones. That's really cool. :D

 

Thank you for reading, see you later! :D

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Again, i was busy with some stuff for the last days. However, i managed to do some forcing today for one hour or so. When i saw Sapphire, she was angry at me because i don't talk to her more often. That's of course understandable. But she quickly forgave me, so that's ok. :D She finally picked a name for herself, and it is Ellina Sapphire. And i like it. :3 I figured that if i concentrate for long enough, i can hear her more easily. And probably the weirdest thing that happened was... Some guy that looked like me, but wih a really red hair showed up. I'm not entirely sure if he is another tulpa or not, but i will not jump into conclusions so early. What is strange about him is that i can perfectly hear him, and his behaviour seems as natural as Ellina's. Hell, he even has his own fighting strategies. Oh, and Ellina asked me why i cried when i saw Erased. She said it was stupid to cry over an animation. She is more insensitive than me. I though it was impossible, actually. :0

 

Overall, it was another fun day, and i figured that if Ellina likes o kill stuff, then that's what we should do for fun in the wonderland. She always is happy when we do it. I'm a little worried about how she likes to kill, to be honest. But i'm sure she wouldn't do anything to harm me. :D

 

Oh, and another thing: She seems rather uncomfortable about me posting everything that happens with us in the wonderland here, so i will take care about what i write here.

 

That's it for today. Thank you for reading, see you later! :D

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  • 1 month later...

Woah. It's been quite some time. A lot of stuff happened, but since most of it is personal, we've decided that we shouldn't post it. Still, i would like to give you guys an update.

 

First of all, Ellina is not alone anymore! That red haired guy that looked like me was actually another being, and his name is Carma. Not much after, Mary showed up. And Misaki. I don't like japanese names very much, but if she wants this as her name, i'm ok with that. And Mamoda also appeared last week.

 

Second of all, i focused on making our wonderland bigger, so i created other islands. We have a lot to explore now, and i think it would be fun to do so. :D

 

And last of all, i was busy with some projects until now, but since i'm done with them i can focus on posting here more often (or maybe not. I hope so, but more and more stuff is happening, and it's difficult to keep track of everything) and now i can also focus on developing more my relations with my tulpas, since i spend so little time with them.

 

Thank you for reading, and i (maybe) see you tomorrow. :D

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I waited untill more stuff happened to post here, so it took a while, but here i am!

 

May 24th 2016 - A pretty normal day. And Mary loves fruits. Specially fruit cakes.

 

May 25th 2016 - A normal day again, except by the fact that a being with no form or name appeared. It didn't talk too much.

 

May 26th 2016 - The being chose a form and a name. A little blonde girl named Shin. This all seemed familiar to me, and after some research, i discovered that there is a similar character called Shinobu from an anime/novel called Monogatari. I don't remember ever seeing it before, but that must be it. Or maybe it's just a coincidence.

 

May 27th 2016 - Shin, Mary and Mamoda made me piggyback them (is that what it's called? Am i using this term correctly? D: ) all at the same time. Misaki found that funny to watch, and gave me the nickname "Human tree". That makes no sense to me, honestly. But yeah, fun day! :D

 

May 28th 2016 - When i entered the wonderland, i didn't see anyone but Shin and Carma around. Shin and i decided to walk inside the castle for a bit, and we found some random pieces of wood in the basement. When i approached them, a spider jumped in front of me. I'm arachnophobic. I just materialized a flamethrower and burned that eight legged demon. Then Ellina showed up. She looked at me in the eyes and said: "Do you know those burned planks? Well, i painted on them. YOU BURNED MY PAINTINGS!" When i knew it, my head was burried in the bottom of the ocean. And Cuthulhu was there. Why the hell was Cuthulhu in my wonderland? That was the last thing i thought at that moment. At least after that Ellina forgave me. Later that day yet another being showed up. This one chose a form, voice and name right away. Her name is Matsuki, and i honestly still don't know how to describe her appearance. She seems like an emotionless doll, but at the same time she is as human as me. When i saw her, she was standing on a bridge near the main castle, and when i approached her, i asked "who are you"? She answered "I don't know. Who are you"? "André. Me and my friends are gonna explore some islands. Are you comming with us?" "Why not?" On the way there, now with the others, she stayed pretty quiet. After some time, she asked: "André, what am i"? I answered with another question: "What do you think you are"? "If i knew, i wouldn't be asking you". "Well, i think you're just like all of us. But what makes us really us is a question i still have no answer". I know this sounds really stupid and straight out of some cliche movie, but i had no other answer at the moment. She again was quiet untill later on. While exploring one island near the main one, we found two discs. One that looked like the Moon and other that looked like the Sun. My first tought was: Let's wait untill the night and point the moon disc at the moon. I completely forgot the sun disc, wich we could use at that moment. I sometimes doubt my own stupidity. Before i exited the wonderland and waited until the night (Because apparently i can't simply make it night there when i want to since it's all inside my head and i have total control over it. I'm really stupid.) we swimmed a little in one of the island's beaches. I tought that Matsuki would be shy at first, but when i saw her, she was playing with the other girls so naturally i could say she was "born" way before that day. I felt relief when i saw that she was getting along. At night, we pointed the moon disc to the Moon, and then it started to emit a white light beam. When we pointed at some logs on the ground, and they started burning a white fire. I panicked (i don't know why, because if something catches fire, i can simply imagine that thing again good as new. Oh...) and tossed the burning logs at a pond. In contact with the water, the fire tuned into a shining crystal. Yaaay?... Since it was really nothing inpressive, we got bored and entered the castle. When i did, i tought "Man, i never entered my room here. I wonder how it looks like." It looks amazing, btw. Ellina decorated it, along with the entire castle. After exploring it a little bit, almost everyone was sleeping. (I dind't know tulpas have to sleep. I mean, they don't have physical bodies, so they don't get tired. Oh, well.) I decided to walk out of the castle for some time. Misaki decided to come with me, so we started talking about anything that crossed our minds. It was good.

 

And that's it for today. Tomorrow i will see what the sun disc does, btw. Ultill next time in my advetures of stupidity with those odd beings that live in my strange head! And i still don't know how to make my reports smaller since i am almost certain that no one has the patience to read all that! Bye! :D

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