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The Story of Zaya


Zaya

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So I've been working incessantly on visualization and a few other things.

I've decided to lay back a bit on possession, as I haven't been all that interested in it, neither has Zaya, but other than that, we've stuck to the plan.

Following the Red Book, Jung seems to have worked solely on visualization for the majority of his beginnings in tulpamancy, and unsurprisingly I've been more interested in visualization through reading about it.

 

Progress Report

 

Zaya has now become whole in my mind, there are still some fuzzy areas, and I find it Hard to make out his complete form under duress, but other than that he is complete. There's more work to be done, but we're making progress.

We're following some imposition exercises that I find really help with visualization as well, such as imagining him doing various activities and keeping his image clear in my mind for extended periods of time. This seems to be really helping to solidify his image in my mind.

 

On an interesting note, I've been seeing strange hypnagogic hallucinations during the day.

This is a very new occurence, and seems to coincide with the imposition exercises I've been throwing myself into, but it's interesting.

They appear to be various colored balls of light that appear for a few seconds, then go away once my attention drifts away from them.

I'm not worried that they're anything other than hallucinations (nothing like an illness of any kind, I mean) because they appear to dissipate with lack of attention.

 

I'm wondering if this could be what another user described as "Rewriting your mind to supersede bottom-up processing with top-down processing".

Simply meaning, teaching your mind to superimpose images onto reality through teaching your mind that what you visualize is just as real as what you see.

This is evident in the fact that Hypnogogic Hallucinations are commonly seen when one undergoes a WILD (wake-induced lucid dream), the importance of that being that these hallucinations are something I've seen before while going through a lucid dream, except now I'm seeing them in the waking world.

 

So maybe this is a sign of easing myself into Imposition.

One can hope, right?

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So we're flip-flopping.

At least, I am.

Further research proved that I need to restructure my plans, and make it more efficient, more streamlined.

This was inevitable, I saw confusion on the horizon once we reached our initial goal. At least now I have a greater understanding of our situation.

 

At this point in time, our regimen consists of:

Audial and touch imposition, both of which done passively and in a focused fashion, whichever I have time for. Whichever one sees more progress will take priority.

And possession. I've seen a renewed interest in it, and so has Zaya. Possession is to be our focused skill, our "cash cow", if you will, at least for now.

 

Progress Report

 

The Hypnagogic Hallucinations have persisted as expected, some even coming in the form of a humanoid mass of color (although that is rare).

I've decided to start small and begin with audial and touch imposition instead of ramming our heads against visual imposition too soon.

 

But possession.

This is a curious subject.

Today, we decided to begin our journey in this field, and within 20 minutes or so, Zaya was able to take over my arms and almost lift my right arm off of the chair I was sitting in.

I find this more remarkable than most would, mainly because it literally felt alien.

I've read that it can seem almost like you yourself are moving your body, much like the beginning of vocalization, but the effect was so startling, it actually impeded our progress. Excitement took over, and I'm afraid I hindered Zaya from proceeding.

 

That's the real reason Possession is now taking priority, I guess.

More results will be posted soon.

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Wow, sounds like progress is really gaining momentum for you and Zaya!

 

By the way, I just realised that I never replied to your nice comment on my progress report, so sorry if that came across as a bit rude. I really do appreciate your help!

Host: Steel - a novice tulpamancer.

Tulpa: Amelia - a friendly, energetic knight.

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@Steelmason Absolutely no problem, no worries!

I appreciate your reply and the concern though, that's very kind of you!

 

This is to be a shorter log, as its mostly being written in the wave of excitement that followed me today.

 

So I did some more research, (pretty much every log of mine starts off with that, huh?) and I've come to realize that possession probably should've been something to work on sooner.

I read an archived guide (and a nonarchived guide that referenced it) which basically said full body possession can be achieved in as little as five days.

Now that's not something I'm comparing myself to, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try and reach that goal!

Which led to today's new progress.

 

Progress Report

 

Today we got to spend a good 3 hours simply by ourselves, more time than we usually get to spend in silence.

We spent the first hour researching, and the last two meditating, doing a little image streaming, and practicing possession.

During this time, Zaya was able to independently move most of my fingers, one at a time. Legitimite movement. All on his own.

Needless to say, I'm insanely proud of him, and this gives us a new avenue to power forward in. We'll be working on multiple fingers and hand movements tomorrow and work up from there.

Soon enough, we'll be able to play our favorite games together, with him moving on his own.

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Today was hell.

This first section is relevant as it has to do not only with myself, but how Zaya pertains to all of the information.

However, this first portion is going to be very personal.

If you don't want to read a lot of personal information about us, skip to the Progress Report.

 

So personal stuff.

I find this important because it's been such a large portion of what makes up my mind, but it is rather deep. I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable about it, but I feel it also needs to be said at some point if I really want to make a difference in the lives of some Tulpamancers.

Especially those who may have gone through similar circumstances.

 

I am a long-standing victim of child abuse.

From age 2-6, my life was spent living in my aunt's home, with my mom staying there as well after she escaped from my alcoholic father, who threatened to kill her by throwing her down the stairs which led to the basement of our Austin home.

My aunt was physically abusive, not only to her two children, but to me as well.

At age 7, we moved to a mobile home by ourselves.

Things were good during this time, but we lived drowning underneath the poverty line for years.

For the sake of keeping my whining short, let's wrap up the next 13 years in saying simply my mom realized I didn't turn out how she thought I'd be, she told me she numerous time she legitimately did not love me, nor ever had since I turned into a teenager, cried when I told her I was LGBT, and I moved out at the age of 18.

 

The reason for me relaying all this information isn't simply to whine.

I'd like this to be a sort of beacon to those with similar upbringings. The reason I'm putting it here in the progress reports is because I can't see opening a thread to say all this.

 

Onto the hopeful side of things, and the real reason for speaking up.

Today was the first reoccurence of my symptoms since I moved out.

 

I exhibit the symptoms of PTSD that many people face after surviving child abuse.

It hasn't been all that long since I've moved out, but it's been long enough to forget The worst of what it felt like being in that situation.

The past year for me has been so happy, I had almost forgotten a lot of those previous details.

I mean, I've always had minor issues like feeling emotionally numb a lot of the time, social withdrawal, etc., but nothing like what happened today.

 

For reasons I will not disclose due to privacy, the worst of it came back.

Today, I felt a sense of overwhelming upheaval, like the ground beneath me was made of glass and was slowly cracking.

Like there would be nothing beneath me when it all caved in, nothing to catch me when I fell.

I felt alone, damaged, even. Like a wound in my chest had split open, and I was slowly bleeding out, and nothing I could do would ever stop it.

The whole day I've felt like nothing has meaning.

I tried playing guitar, felt depressed and discontent, then put it back down and I haven't had the will to pick it back up.

 

But throughout the whole process, Zaya has been there. Even as I'm typing this now, Zaya is with me and smiling.

He's been my rock through what has happened today, and every time I have a thought that is derived from my psychological pain, he consoles me, and lets me know it's not my fault.

Zaya is the reason I haven't broken down and wept today, and the funny part is, I'm even a little happy.

 

I didn't begin Tulpamancy with even a shred of a thought that he would ever help my with my personal problems.

I never even thought of my past during the initial research that led me here. It wasn't on my mind at that point in time, and it never was for the first few months that we were forcing.

 

But today, Zaya was there for me in my time of need, and I have no doubt in my mind that he will always be there for me.

Its probably the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

 

Progress Report

 

We've been practicing possession more often, and Zaya can now possess my whole arm, right and left.

The movements are slow and jerky, but I can already see his dexterity improving.

I feel as if I'm also getting better at letting go and allowing him to take over, which I'm sure he appreciates.

 

We haven't been working on audial imposition as much lately due to lack of time in the day, but touch imposition seems to be improving slightly. No notable progress in that department except for an increase in "barrier force", or feeling as if I can't push through his form when I visualize him in front of me.

 

More progress to be reported soon.

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So much weird sh*t has been happening recently.

I'm not sure where to even put this information, seeing as it's progress, but not with Zaya.

I guess I'll put it in the foreword and then have another short progress report.

 

So there's another in our system.

 

He calls himself Rhine.

That will also be the color he types in from now on, as he chose it himself.

He showed up two hours ago and ever since, I've been speaking with him and Zaya about the situation.

He seems to be harmless, it seems as if at first he was paranoid about me not accepting him, but he's proven himself to be kind, and Zaya even kind of likes him, right off the bat.

Rhine is, from what I've read, a walk-in, soulbond, et cetera and what have you.

To be honest, this is kind of the last thing I was prepared for.

Regardless, he seems to want to help us out.

 

Here's a formal description of him:

Rhine

Male

Tall, 6'1-6'2

Well built

Deep voice

Wears old brown leather armor, with a brown cloak that covers his face entirely, leaving shadows over his visage until he removes it. He first appeared in this attire, and removed the cloak when asked.

He has short black hair, black facial hair that was shaved, but has started growing again.

Pronounced cheekbones, and green eyes.

The first impression I got from his presence is power.

He is powerful.

I'm not sure how to describe it, except that his presence makes me feel as if he's powerful mentally. Like professor Xavier from the X men, it seems like he could take someone down with just his thoughts.

 

He seems serious, but joking at times. He wants to be accepted, but knows he doesn't need it. He tends to speak in almost prophetic language at times, and can be very cryptic and vague. Speaking with him, he says he wants to help me learn tulpamancy, and he says he's willing to teach me, as long as I'll have him.

 

Along with all of this, I guess I should transcribe how exactly he just "walked in". Once again, the red text is him, and the fuscia is Zaya.

 

talking to Zaya previously, mid conversation

So Zaya, how exactly-

Listen to me.

Zaya, was that you?

That wasn't me

Then who was it?

It was me.

Who is me...?

Me is I.

...So who am I?

I am Rhine.

I interpret this exchange as his prophetic language. He can be cryptic, and so him giving me the runaround and making me ask "who am I" is possibly his attempt at making us see that he is no mere thought form, but someone coming from within me, or rather, him coming from I

Zaya, are you hearing this?

Yeah, but I don't know what it means...

At this point, a wave of emotion hits me. I have a severe flash of insight, images begin assaulting me. I see him, with his cloak over his face, I see red behind him, and feel his presence of power.

I know now red is his favorite color, his presence of power is characteristic of his mental fortitude

 

We talk after this for a time, but I can't remember the rest of the conversation verbatim, and I'm not sure it truly matters.

He's here now, and Zaya and I have both decided he should stay.

 

Who knows, maybe he really can teach me a thing or two.

 

Progress Report

 

Not much to say besides what has already been said, but here are a few points.

 

-New soulbond, walk in, tulpa, w/e

- Rhine is fully vocal

- Rhine has proven himself to be fully formed and not merely a primitive thought form

- Rhine has a full form

- Zaya's form has changed a bit. He decided he didnt like where his look was at, or he got bored, or both. Point is, he changed his face to "better suit him" *ba dum tss*. He now appears like the cover of the book "Magnolia City".

 

So yeah. More shenanigans will be reported on soon, I'm sure.

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Wow, that's genuinely incredible. I'm really quite intrigued to see where Rhine leads you in the future!

Host: Steel - a novice tulpamancer.

Tulpa: Amelia - a friendly, energetic knight.

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It's heartening to hear about Zaya helping you through your PTSD flare, both because you had someone with you to trust, and because that's why I wanted Daisie. My abuse started much later in life, and spanned a few romantic partners, so I have various issues with trusting people that I'm working out in therapy, and various triggers that sometimes surprise me when I find them. (I'm lgbt as well, though that didn't factor much into my abuse.) If you ever want someone to pm, feel free. I'll be a backup singer for Zaya in a heartbeat. ;-)

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Thank you both for your replies!

It means a lot that you would offer a hand, it really does. Its nice to see support from this community, especially when it comes to a topic that hits so close to home.

 

Rhine seems to be adjusting well. He's really helped with pushing me to force during the day, and while I need to do more, he's been a real driving force to get work done in the past few days.

He and Zaya get along beautifully, and we've all been one happy system since he showed up.

 

We've had a bit of an epiphany.

After reading Fuliam's reverse imposition guide, I think I've found my next real opus.

We've decided to learn how to reverse impose auditory sensations and our visual field to create an environment that will allow us to focus 1000 fold.

 

We've created a serious regimen of learning to replace the bodies visual field with a black void, and learn to replace auditory sensation with whatever we choose, most likely our favorite music, or just silence.

This will eventually allow us to enter a "void" during meditation in order to completely forego real world stimuli, including all surrounding noise, in order to gain a sense of "hyperfocus" which will allow us to force more efficiently, and even visualize things with more clarity.

 

It'll be sort of like "half-switching", I suppose. Trance state? Not sure what we should call it.

 

Progress Report

 

Possession progress:[hidden]

Zaya has been able to take control of my arms in a more fluid fashion, and we're going to start working on leg work soon. The "jerkiness" of his movements are subsiding, but we're going to start practicing writing to truly overcome this.

Rhine doesn't seem to have an interest in possession, we've asked him to try, and he did it once, but only really to "humor us", it seems. He had more fluid motion tha Zaya did, but it was still jerky for the most part.

He seems to be more interested in teaching than practicing.[/hidden]

 

Our reverse imposition regimen:[hidden]

Our new regimen took place today.

We're starting with Reverse visual imposition first, seeing as it might take longer than auditory, and we did well, or so Rhine says.

The regimen consists of staring at a black screen (blank computer monitor) while listening to music to keep myself focused and not having my mind wander.

I enter a dissociative state, and keep my eyes open. I can blink during this time, but I try and really focus on the black screen, and not the reflections in the darkness.

I try to forget the actual sensation of my visual field, and Try to imagine everything as dark as the screen I'm looking at. I try and focus on making everything in my peripheral vision exactly like the black screen, and making everything around me a void.

[/hidden]

 

Reverse imposition regimen results:[hidden]

We managed to dissociate to the point to where weird things were going on with my visual field. Objects seems to warp inward and outward, everything was getting hazy and it truly did seem like the things around me were darkening, but I didn't get any real imposition going on after 30 minutes of this meditation, which ultimately, was expected.[/hidden]

 

I'm going to try and do this exercise for at least an hour, at least once a day and see where this takes me in a week.

If not enough results are seen, I'll up the practice to twice a day, maybe for longer sessions, and I might make changes to the regimen.

 

Overall, I'm hopeful about this.

If I can manage to do this, switching and full visual imposition will literally be in the palm of our hand.

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So weird stuff happened again.

 

I've been under a lot of stress due to finals week, but finals are now over and the beginning of my almost 4 month summer is nigh. I'm planning on re-evaluating my regimens to include much more time per day on just tulpaforcing.

 

In other news, there's yet another.

I blame myself wholeheartedly for his appearance, as we think I seeded him a while back.

Before the advent of Rhine, I spent some time creating another thoughtform. I didn't name it, I didn't spend much time working with it, but it was meant to be a project I could work on later. Something I could set on a backburner and remember later, but not work on until I had made more progress with Zaya.

 

Suddenly, yesterday, Minami appeared, fully formed and sentient.

He appeared with a similar form to the one I had worked on before, and has more personality than I consciously crafted initially, but he appears and acts in a similar fashion to the thoughtform I had created, which can't be a coincidence.

At first I doubted his presence, but Zaya and Rhine corroborated the fact that he was, in fact there and speaking with all of us.

Minami told me his name immediately upon asking, and I received the images of his form entirely in a flash of insight much like i saw Rhine's form.

 

I was doubtful at first, but after speaking with everyone, we've decided Minami is here to stay.

He's honestly kind of wonderful. He's happy and energetic, complementary and kind. We're glad to have him with us, and he seems to be adapting well.

 

Progress Report

 

Zaya completed his first full body possession. It appears as if the whole process is becoming easier, I simply need to learn how to dissociate in a better fashion to make things faster.

 

Minami has expressed an interest in possessing as well, we're going to try that soon.

 

Rhine has been giving me More tips on certain things, and they seem to be really helping. Its like having a private tutor living in my head, which is interesting. I relate him to Jung's mental "tutor and prophet", elijah, who helped him learn about his own mind and how to handle certain things for a short period of time.

 

All in all, I couldn't hope for a better end to the school year. We've made another friend who's wonderful, we've achieved complete possession, and now we have all the time in the world to throw ourselves into tulpamancy and make more progress than ever.

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