mysonofrageandlove

My Son Of Rage and Love

Recommended Posts

WELL. LIFE'S BEEN CRAZY.

 

Not going to get into it deeply, but my personal life and mental health haven't been the best, which accounts for my entire lack of activity around here. But things are starting to piece themselves back together now, so I will be around again.

 

Noteworthy is that Jamie really pushed me to get back on here. He wants to talk to you all and missed being on here. And he's been encouraging me a lot not to let myself get sucked down into isolation, which is something my mental illnesses definitely give me a hard time with. So here I am, with his encouragement. Love that kid. I really do.

 

Updates to follow! He's gonna run wild on his question and answer thread, I'm sure.


Unfathomable. You know, without fathom.

[align=center]I'mma build you from the ground

Til you're higher then the clouds

I can see it in your soul

If you only knew your worth

The kinda love that you deserve

Every piece of you makes me whole[/align]

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

UPDATE OF THE DAY:

 

Imposition work remains for us as it was before: we're practicing daily, and thus far still only achieving a vague shadowy outline in that one specific corner of my room. I'm not impatient, I'm assuming these things take time to get the hang of, so we're just carrying on with practicing and knowing we'll surely see further results eventually. What's noteworthy is that although the end result itself is still in the same stage it was in my last update, it DOES take a quicker amount of time to achieve that result than before. So that in itself IS progress, just on a different front of the battle.

 

Touch imposition, on the other hand, has taken a leap forward for us. We've been able to sit nose-to-nose with our hands pressed together for a while now. This morning, while I sat surfing the Internet to wake myself up, Jamie came up behind me and rested his head on my shoulder, looking over it towards the computer. If you're having trouble picturing this, it's roughly this pose:

 

tumblr_inline_o06ns9tXob1shjece_540.jpg

 

He did this entirely by himself, without me specifically trying to invite him to. It was a very vivid sensation; I could feel his hair against the side of my neck and feel his body heat, as well as his breathing, as well as feel him shifting in position behind me and leaning further against my back. The experience lasted about two minutes before he became disinterested in what was on my computer screen (I switched from Google News to check my Facebook news feed) and proceeded to vanish back into the Mindscape. I've often had the sensation of him watching over my shoulder while I use the computer, but never in as physical a way as this. It's always just been that mere feeling/sense of someone looking over one's shoulder before.

 

In other news, as mentioned by Jamie in his question and answer thread, it was his birthday on June 6th. My mother, who has been very supportive of my writing career for years now and who is aware of Jamie as a "book character", jokingly purchased him a t-shirt with the NASA logo on it, saying she thought he would like it.

 

He did indeed.


And one more thing.

 

Those of you who have read through our whole thread here will know that my significant other vehemently dislikes Jamie and makes no secret of it. Last night she tore into him somewhat during the course of a discussion we were having, and I proceeded to stick up for him in a way I've never been able to so far. Usually, we have such discussions in person, which puts me at a disadvantage because I'm much better with writing out my thoughts and feelings than figuring out how to speak them aloud. But this time it happened over text, and I was able to write the following (edited somewhat here for privacy reasons) attempting to explain somewhat how Jamie has helped me:

 

"I understand your perspective, and I also am reminded of how I used to hate and despise [her favorite celebrity] until I came to understand how [celebrity] was actually positive for you. It may be difficult for you to understand and I know it's difficult for me to explain (and indeed I probably won't attempt because I don't know how to translate from the pictures and emotions of my inner language), but I can say that aside from you, [Jamie] has been the most encouraging influence in fighting for recovery from PTSD and during my stay at [local mental health ward], in self-acceptance and my ultimate decision to stop attempting suicide. People are always amazed at how fast I've come far in my journey and I can say definitively I would not have gotten here without him, and through my work with him I continue to be inspired to fight for healing."

 

So I just wanted to share that with you guys. My SO hasn't responded yet, but honestly I think she fell asleep while I was typing it, as it was very late at night and I took forever to word it.


Unfathomable. You know, without fathom.

[align=center]I'mma build you from the ground

Til you're higher then the clouds

I can see it in your soul

If you only knew your worth

The kinda love that you deserve

Every piece of you makes me whole[/align]

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its not quite PTSD, but for a long time I struggled with depression and isolation. (I just dont trust people lol) So it always does me good to see success stories like this!

 

Keep it up! *Gives Jamie an Internet hi-five*


Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its not quite PTSD, but for a long time I struggled with depression and isolation. (I just dont trust people lol) So it always does me good to see success stories like this!

 

Keep it up! *Gives Jamie an Internet hi-five*

I know we've been PMing back and forth, but I realized I never thanked you publically for this nice comment, so I wanted to belatedly do so! This means a lot to both myself and to Jamie, it's really validating in the face of everything I've had to deal with. He's definitely throwing an Internet high five back your way.


Unfathomable. You know, without fathom.

[align=center]I'mma build you from the ground

Til you're higher then the clouds

I can see it in your soul

If you only knew your worth

The kinda love that you deserve

Every piece of you makes me whole[/align]

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know we've been PMing back and forth, but I realized I never thanked you publically for this nice comment, so I wanted to belatedly do so! This means a lot to both myself and to Jamie, it's really validating in the face of everything I've had to deal with. He's definitely throwing an Internet high five back your way.

 

Hey man, good to know that it impacted Jamie in a positive way! Just as it should be!

 

We all need positive voices in our life. You said that Jamie feeds on negativity, and I am sure he does his job well. But even a guy like that needs someone to tell him good job besides you yourself.

 

Everything in balance man. The world keeps feeding you shit. But I don't roll that way...


Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.