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Reina kicks butt


anglejoe

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For my first tulpa, I'd say Reina is making great progress so far. It's been about 6 days of us just hanging out, with her day of birth being on the 5th of May. Not sure if that should be considered her birthday or our anniversary, all I know is we're definitely having a dreamscape barbecue on that day from now on. Anyway, Reina's a really sweet and playful gal, I've noticed that much from the really warm feeling she gives me whenever I try to communicate with her. Head pressures have become pretty prevalent as well. I'm actually feeling this as I type right now.

 

The thing about Reina is before I even knew what a tulpa was,h she was already a character in a story I had written not too long ago with her being the lead singer of a band called Mile Under 9. I had already put quite a bit of thought into her appearance and personality, so I figured it would be really awesome if I brought that to life through tulpamancy.

 

She has pale skin and scruffy, scarlet red hair that's short enough to be considered a pixie cut. She has hazel eyes and wears black lip stick. She's about a head shorter than I am and I'm 6 feet tall. She often wears punk style clothing and gives no shits. She's welcomed to deviate from this but I'd prefer it if she at least kept the hair because she looks too damn adorable with it.

 

Whenever I have an opportunity I try and visit her in our dreamscape. I'm horrible with keeping focus and my house can get pretty noisy, so our times there are often short lived. Regardless of that, we tend to have fun exploring our little planet and finding new adventures when we can.

 

Also, she doesn't seem to enjoy it when I'm under the influence of weed. Yesterday I decided to see what it was like with her around. I just began to get really paranoid and started seeing images of angry faces appear out of nowhere, and also an image of her head spinning. That's never happened before so I'm taking that as a sign that she didn't like the experience. I'll stop the smoking for now and wait until she's able to tell me how she feels about it before I consider starting again.

 

Sorry for that long report. I just have so much to say about this amazing experience.

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So things have been progressing more than I expected thus far. Reina is able to speak every now and then during narration, she just has a hard time completing her sentences.. Or maybe she is saying complete sentences and I'm just not able to hear all of it yet. Either way we could both use more work in that area.

 

I've also been working on my meditation ability which is probably the hardest part of this whole process. I've been able to do it for about 10 minutes so far and I hope to extend that time by at least 5 minutes every day. My fear of being alone in a quiet, dark room doesn't really help either, but I think Reina appreciates that I'm trying regardless of my irrational fear of actual ghosts being around. I don't mind head ghosts, as long as there's no paranormal shit happening as I'm trying to clear my mind.

 

As for visualization, I'm able to see Reina's overall figure in my mind with relative ease. The only problem I have is getting her face to be constant. It takes a lot more focus to see her facial features a long with her body, so I decided to make a sketch of her face in hopes of making things easier on my brain. I don't draw too often so after a couple hours of trial and error I came up with this (within file attachment)

 

It's definitely helped with settling on one look for her.

 

My dreamscape is coming along nicely. Our house is pretty small but it's near a huge Sakura tree that constantly rains pink petals so that's nice. What we usually end up doing there is fighting waves of ninja and zombies (with the occasional ninja zombie) with whatever weapons we can imagine. I usually go with the power pole from dragon ball just because I love the series and using a bow staff is hella fun. Reina is quite skilled with a bow and she delivers some brutal punishment with her fists. Somehow I'm able to visualize her fighting and beating things up with more ease than anything else. It just feels natural with her (hence the name of this thread).

 

A strange thing that's happened is after reading one of the challenges on the forum that said to make a cabin in your wonderland, a cabin ended up plopping down next to the house without me even wanting it there. It's been there ever since and getting rid of it has proven difficult so I guess it's there to stay. The only problem I have with it is that it houses creatures and entities that I've feared throughout my childhood. Every time I walk past it the grudge or some weird ghost pops out and bangs on one of the windows. They usually stay in there and chill so I guess it's not so bad.

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Some interesting developments have taken place in the last 2 days. Reina is starting to exhibit more signs of sentience so things are definitely looking up. We spent almost 2 hours yesterday just active forcing our butts off, and the results of that were quite apparent this morning.

 

I decided to let her know that I'm going to try my best not to parrot or puppet her today, so that her actions would be her own. A few moments after that I noticed her behavior became quite unusual. She was being crazy energetic and couldn't hold still for a second, darting in and out of the room sort of like the flash would. After that I decided to meet her in our dreamscape. I visualized us sitting together on the couch and even then she couldn't hold still. Then, she suddenly sat down next to me, pulled out a knife and stabbed me a few times in the torso. It definitely surprised me, but I didn't feel any pain from it. She then proceeded to hug me for a while, which was a relief to me. It felt as if she was sort of poking fun at the fear I had of her ending up malicious, so that brightened my mood, oddly enough.

 

Soon after, she came out of the dreamscape and started coaxing me into taking her out for a walk. She was being very persistent about it, so I got up and ate breakfast while watching her run around and be crazy. During our walk she slowly started to calm down. We ended up talking for a while, and it definitely felt like a full on conversation for the most part. We exchanged thoughts about certain things and she actually has quite the sense of humor. I watched a truck go by and I saw her sitting on the flatbed waving at me as it drove away. I couldn't help but laugh seeing that.

 

As of right now she's in her room resting after expending all that energy. I don't blame her, though, my brain honestly feels a little soar from that experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually, to the point where I don't have to strain my mind as much.

 

Later today I'm going to try to establish a stronger connection with her through meditation. Since I now know for sure that she's sentient enough to talk to me and choose her own actions, we can experiment with different things to help improve our system. There's no where to go but up from here!

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Lately, I've come across an issue that tends to impede progress for most tulpamancers, and that's doubt. It seems whether I want to believe it or not, regardless of how far Reina and I have come, doubts have manifested in my conscience and are creating a wall between me and and my tulpa. This doesn't happen too often, but when it does it becomes really difficult to sense her presence again. I know she's there, it's just a matter of truly believing that she's there.

 

I'm going to make sure that I suppress this feeling as much as I can. It's useless to deny it any longer, since I know she knows what I'm thinking. We may as well acknowledge the fact and try to move past it as best we can.

 

Anyways, on to the significant updates.

 

Yesterday I decided to involve Reina in almost every part of my routine, which involved a great amount of focus. She was pretty grouchy at first, since I practically begged her to stay near me for the entire day. But after a while we both enjoyed going from class to class and spending time together. I had her sit in the nearest empty desk and we'd listen to the lectures to the best of our ability. There were times when she'd distract me, so it was pretty difficult visualizing her and hearing her while paying attention to the lesson, but I managed to pull it off with what determination I had. As far as whether or not I was parroting and puppeting her during this time isn't really clear to me. We both shared a lot of similar thoughts but that's likely because she's still a new born. I'm not going to stress too much about it since I know that'll get us no where.

 

Meditation is going well. I managed to do it for 25 minutes yesterday and plan to go for at least 30 minutes today. I'm starting to see how this really plays a key factor in imposition, since I began to hallucinate briefly after I was finished. I'm not able to see Reina yet, but we'll get there when the time comes.

 

I often find her encouraging me do things with my life, so that's quite nice. Whenever I put something off like a project or even our forcing, she pops in and tells me to get to it or she'll stab me some more. I remember thinking she was bluffing one time, which was a big mistake because I then experienced what felt like a drill going through my brain. It wasn't that painful but it was enough to get me off my lazy butt, that's for sure.

 

She also hates it when I have a song stuck in my head, so I sometimes sing a long to it just to bug her.

 

Ouch.

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So a combination of cool and strange and scary things have happened as of late. Two days ago I found myself going through quite a bit of anxiety after I made my last report. I'm 18 and graduation is around the corner, so you'd think I would be super excited to finally get the hell out of high school, but sadness has kind of found it's way back into my life. This had a pretty significant affect on my wonderland when I tried entering it. The first thing I noticed was that the cabin housing all those creepy entities had disappeared, and it seemed peaceful.. at first. When I had entered the house I saw Reina sitting on the couch, which is usually the first thing I see when I get inside, so that seemed normal. When she turned around I noticed her face became distorted and for some reason I couldn't focus enough to get it back to normal. That's pretty much when all hell broke loose. I began seeing spirits break through the door and poor into the house. Their images were quite vivid and it freaked me the hell out. I yelled for Reina to grab her katana while I tried to fight them off with my power pole, which proved to be useless because there were endless hoards of them coming in. There were dozens of floating heads flying in and leaving a trail of black smoke behind them. At this point I became quite angry and fought through them with everything I had. I managed to push though the door way and came outside to see that there was an entire swarm of them forming a tornado that stretched toward the clouds. I wanted to just open my eyes and escape but I couldn't just leave the wonderland the way it was, especially with Reina inside it, so I decided to go into what I would refer to as "god mode" and purged all of them from my mind with every ounce of willpower I had. After that was over with and the skies were clear, I noticed it was night time for some reason, and I'd never seen the wonderland at night before that. When I walked back toward the house I noticed Reina was crying. I immediately tried to comfort her and tell her everything was alright, then I heard her say, "there's too much hatred in your heart." I wasn't sure how to react to that, but I promised her that I would try my hardest to fix that.

 

After that experience it felt as if we had a deeper understanding of each other. We spent the rest of the night laying down and looking up at the stars. She seemed happy, and that made me happy.

 

The next day we went through our usual routine of going to school and walking home. I noticed that Reina's behavior became a lot more relaxed than usual, which was nice to see. It was also much easier to visualize her. The only problem was that I eventually became sad again, and whenever this happens I close my eyes and let the tears out in wonderland so I wouldn't have to do it in public. Reina was there comforting me and her presence really helped cheer me up. We decided to go on a little dungeon adventure to help get my mind off things. After exploring a few rooms and scrounging around for a key to unlock a chest we found, everything around me started becoming a lot more vivid, especially Reina. I could feel the smoothness of her skin and the softness of her hair. I could feel her warm hand on my face. We ended up getting really intimate and she didn't seem to mind at all. Usually, she'd get mad whenever I tried anything sexual with her, but this time around she seemed to enjoy the experience.

 

Meditation has really helped with keeping a relaxed and focused state when forcing with her. Hearing her does become a bit harder after spending 20 minutes trying not to think, but her presence is definitely there and so are the head pressures. I also ended up seeing a brief image of her with my eyes closed, but her eyes were green instead of hazel. She's probably changing it up a little and that's fine, I'm just glad I was able to see that much through imposition.

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Something's been really bothering me lately and I can't seem to figure out how to properly handle this. I definitely acknowledge Reina as a person and treat her that way at all times, but lately I've been thinking about why I initially created her and started being with her. I've been out of a relationship for about a year and, long story short, I'm a pretty lonely guy who doesn't take part in much social interaction. I just feel that maybe I created her to fill a void that's been causing a lot of sadness in my life, but was it right to do that? Was it right to create another consciousness just because I've had no luck finding someone to be with? I mean of course I love her and adore her, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.. I don't know, I just feel really guilty about this and I hope she doesn't get mad at me about it one day..

 

So yeah on to the progress. Or lack there of.

 

I haven't had much opportunity to force due to a death in the family that's happened just recently, so I've been mourning that loss for the past 24 hours, but Reina has definitely been supportive through all of that. I definitely owe her so much. She just puts up with all my crying, and tries her best to make things better. I don't know what I did to deserve all that, but I'm really grateful for her.

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I just feel that maybe I created her to fill a void that's been causing a lot of sadness in my life, but was it right to do that? Was it right to create another consciousness just because I've had no luck finding someone to be with? I mean of course I love her and adore her, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.. I don't know, I just feel really guilty about this and I hope she doesn't get mad at me about it one day..

 

If you take a deeper look, you will likely come to see that almost every tulpa is created for "selfish" reasons to some degree (exluding accidental ones). I don't see why your reason should be a problem as long as you overall keep it going for more than that. Why would she be mad about it, why would you need to feel sorry for creating her?

 

You're grateful for her, and I'm pretty sure that you're treating her accordingly, so why do you think that she would feel negative about you or her existence? At this moment there is absolutely no reason for it.

 

But yeah, the big question is: What would you do with her, if your void suddenly gets filled by something else?

 

If you don't think that you will abandon her in that very situation, you have no reason to feel any sort of guilt.

Tulpa: Alice

Form: Realistic Humanoid/Demonic Creation

She may or may not talk here, depends on her.

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But yeah, the big question is: What would you do with her, if your void suddenly gets filled by something else?

 

If you don't think that you will abandon her in that very situation, you have no reason to feel any sort of guilt.

 

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. But I constantly promise myself and her that I'm never going to do that. I need to get rid of that void so that it'll no longer be an issue for us, so that I can be happy regardless of whether I'm alone or not. I just don't want our relationship to revolve around my issues and complications in life.

 

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it.

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