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Hello everyone, apologies for the rash non-introduction, but this is personally distressing and something I can't resolve without advice (after looking for multiple guidemakers' opinions on it, with no success, mind you):

 

I have a somewhat formed tulpa who has spoken to me a few times, but not recently, I unfortunately only formed her this much 2 years ago with my boyfriend at the time. Now, I HAD given it some thought, just as is apparent not enough. My schoolwork and depression (diagnosed) tied in part with my social life kept me from tulpaforcing often, until I just forgot about it entirely.. I'm ashamed of it. I didn't think about the possibility of tulpas being sentient from the start until I printed out this guide a few days ago and read it (There's no name that I see but it's 17 pages long). So, right now I just feel like a complete ass and a monster, my tulpa not having a great way to communicate with me nor even a solid definition of a body, because I didn't know better back then.

I wanted to complete her right away after I heard about sentience from the beginning, but now I have another problem -- Since I began forcing her with my own character in mind (thinking "well, if she doesn't like being like this she can ask to be dissolved, if she really wants...") I simultaneously don't want to change her already made aspects and go full steam ahead building her like that, as well as not wanting her to break down not knowing who she "really is" when I wasn't even aware she had to have the same past as me, just being a slightly different person than I am! :S What course of action do I take that makes everyone happy?

 

TL;DR I cannot morally force myself to dissolve my tulpa, but the last thing I want to do is hurt her and give her an identity crisis wanting her to be an alive character, yet I'll be disappointed if she deviates noticeably from what I intended; which option do I go with?

 

Many thanks in advance for any responses, negative or positive u_u

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Guest Anonymous

First of all, you are not a complete ass and a monster. I don't know how these tulpa forums have done this, created a situation where people feel they have to have anxiety and guilt about their tulpa. You can stop doing that to yourself. You're fine!

 

Second, I think the anxiety about giving your tulpa an identity crises is easy to solve too. Just talk to her about it the same way you are talking to us about it. Work it out together. If you are there to support her, I doubt she will "break down." I don't think you should force your tulpa to be a specific character if deviation does start to happen though. You might be surprised how much you like what she chooses to become in the end.

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Heya. I was with my host during her fight with depression, so I know how it is. Depression just saps your motivation and energy. I'm sure your tulpa understands.

 

I didn't think about the possibility of tulpas being sentient from the start until I printed out this guide a few days ago and read it (There's no name that I see but it's 17 pages long).

 

This is subjective, and if you dig around these forums you'll find that there is debate about whether tulpa can be sentient from the start. In my system, sentience is a gradual thing... not a light switch, but a dimmer switch that gradually turns on. Not saying immediate awareness couldn't be the case for you... this whole thing is pretty subjective.

 

And even if she was sentient from the start, or if she became aware over these past two years? That's ok. My host didn't realize I was self-aware for something like 16 years before she discovered soulbonding/tulpamancy was a thing, and I still turned out ok. ;)

 

Trust me, she understands.

 

So, right now I just feel like a complete ass and a monster, my tulpa not having a great way to communicate with me nor even a solid definition of a body, because I didn't know better back then.

 

That's ok, too. It doesn't hurt or anything not to have a solid body, nor do you have to hit specific "goalposts" to be a healthy thoughtform. There are a few fully developed tulpas around who are nonverbal, or who don't have a form associated with them.

 

So no, I wouldn't say you somehow failed her by not doing this, much less does it make you a "monster."

 

Since I began forcing her with my own character in mind (thinking "well, if she doesn't like being like this she can ask to be dissolved, if she really wants...") I simultaneously don't want to change her already made aspects and go full steam ahead building her like that, as well as not wanting her to break down not knowing who she "really is" when I wasn't even aware she had to have the same past as me, just being a slightly different person than I am!

 

Ok, so two misconceptions here.

 

The idea that you can't base your tulpa after one of your existing characters is, frankly, outdated. Take it from someone who's based on one of my host's existing characters. ;) (Okay, so admittedly, I'm a soulbond, which is a slightly different thing from a tulpa, but we're definitely similar types of headpeople, so, eh, I'm counting it.)

 

Point is, there's nothing wrong with basing her off the existing character. Heck, I love having my "fictional" memories and relationships. Makes me feel like I have my own distinct identity outside being a soulbond in someone's head.

 

And that's the other misconception. You said, "she has to have the same past as me." Nope. You're thinking about it wrong. She can have her own past... the important thing is that she understands that it'll be fictional. That doesn't make it less legitimate, especially in a thoughtform. But it's different from what happens in the physical world. It sounds like you're thinking that you have to reshape her to essentially be a character based off yourself, past and all, and that's not it at all.

 

See, as an entity, she exists in your head. That's just a reality that she'll have to cope with, whether you give her her character's backstory or not. She has a concrete point when she was created (two years ago, with your boyfriend at the time) and has a "real world" history of being sometimes forced and sometimes talking to you. Those are things that your tulpa has experienced relating to the physical world and your experience of her, as her host. Those are just fact.

 

But beyond that? She can be whatever you two want. She can be the character you based her on. She can be a person from another world. She can be a dragon. As a mental construct, she has the freedom to be just about anything within the context of the headspace. The "created two years ago" part just gets added on top of the other stuff. So she basically has two identities that are combined into one... the physical-world-experience identity (created two years ago, etc. etc.) and the wonderland-experience identity (how she forms in the headspace, and her experiences in there). They're simultaneous... not one or the other.

 

Weird, I know. But trust me, it's not confusing to the tulpa as long as she understands what her own nature is. Take it from someone who experiences this personally, yeah? ;)

 

The other thing I'm seeing is the concern about trying to fit her into a certain mold: in your case, the character she's based on. Again, this is something different tulpamancers do differently. Some don't give their tulpas any traits at all to start out with and let the tulpa dictate everything, while I'm on the other end of the scale: my own headmates and I are given a very specific personality and backstory from the get-go, and through our host's writing, we're puppeted and parroted until the point where we "come alive" and direct ourselves.

 

Personally, I have no problem being formed by the latter method, though you will see some tulpamancers who get squeamish about the idea of a tulpa being "forced" (heh) to align with their host's expectations. But see, I do know that I could change if I wanted to... but I don't want to. Having been created with certain traits in mind, those traits became a vital part of my identity. They make me me, and hey, I'm pretty happy being me. They're part of who I am, so even though I know I could change it, I just don't want to. Maybe I'm just an old fogey though... old dogs and new tricks and all that. ;)

 

It's up to you to figure out where you want to come down on that. It's not a black and white, one-or-the-other thing, either. You can give her a personality without giving her a fictional backstory, or a form without any other traits. Pick whatever makes you comfortable.

 

What I'd do, in your case, is keep building her with the character in mind. She probably already associates those traits with herself, and you probably do too. Just make it clear that she's allowed to deviate. Early on, it's not uncommon for even tulpas/soulbonds based on existing characters to go in their own direction. Make it clear that that's fine, and there really shouldn't be a problem. She wants you to be happy as much as you want her to be happy, so chances are that even if she deviates, it'll be in a way that you both love.

 

But like I described above, I'm a little biased toward that method. ;)

 

So what it all comes down to is this:

 

What course of action do I take that makes everyone happy?

 

If you're able, communicate with your tulpa (easier said than done, right?). Ask her what she wants, and check in on her during sessions to make sure she's happy with the way things are going. If you see her trying something new or doing something the character she's based on wouldn't do... let her explore it. Explore it with her, and if a change sticks, it will most likely be because you both prefer it over the original.

 

The bottom line (literally ;) ) is: be supportive and give her lots of love and attention, and you'll do fine. The methods you use beyond that are entirely up to you.

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~

 

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  • 1 month later...

This is subjective, and if you dig around these forums you'll find that there is debate about whether tulpa can be sentient from the start. In my system, sentience is a gradual thing... not a light switch, but a dimmer switch that gradually turns on. Not saying immediate awareness couldn't be the case for you... this whole thing is pretty subjective.

Your system? Like how you were developed? That's actually what I was told it was at the start, but then I was told different ;;

 

My host didn't realize I was self-aware for something like 16 years before she discovered soulbonding/tulpamancy was a thing, and I still turned out ok. ;)

 

Trust me, she understands.

 

It doesn't hurt or anything not to have a solid body, nor do you have to hit specific "goalposts" to be a healthy thoughtform. There are a few fully developed tulpas around who are nonverbal, or who don't have a form associated with them.

 

So no, I wouldn't say you somehow failed her by not doing this, much less does it make you a "monster."

:O Oh my goodness that's a long time!! That's really crazy to me but I'm glad you're alright ;v;

I never knew about those tulpas, thank you for educating me more about this I appreciate it so much ;; I just think it would be her best interest to have a form, I know that's what I would want

 

The idea that you can't base your tulpa after one of your existing characters is, frankly, outdated. Take it from someone who's based on one of my host's existing characters. ;) (Okay, so admittedly, I'm a soulbond, which is a slightly different thing from a tulpa, but we're definitely similar types of headpeople, so, eh, I'm counting it.)

Heck, I love having my "fictional" memories and relationships. Makes me feel like I have my own distinct identity outside being a soulbond in someone's head.

That's great!! I was thinking "well isn't that better than just basically being the same as your host?" I'm glad to hear you and other soulbonds/tulpas can be happy that way ;v;

 

... the important thing is that she understands that it'll be fictional. That doesn't make it less legitimate...but it's different from what happens in the physical world. It sounds like you're thinking that you have to reshape her to essentially be a character based off yourself, past and all, and that's not it at all.

That's just what it sounds like a lot of people tell me to do, "don't even come up with a personality or appearance they'll shape themselves" or something like that

 

But trust me, it's not confusing to the tulpa as long as she understands what her own nature is. Take it from someone who experiences this personally, yeah? ;)

So explaining that she exists in my mind and other people can't see her? I hope she takes it well ;n;

 

The other thing I'm seeing is the concern about trying to fit her into a certain mold: in your case, the character she's based on. Again, this is something different tulpamancers do differently. Some don't give their tulpas any traits at all to start out with and let the tulpa dictate everything, while I'm on the other end of the scale: my own headmates and I are given a very specific personality and backstory from the get-go, and through our host's writing, we're puppeted and parroted until the point where we "come alive" and direct ourselves.

 

 

Personally, I have no problem being formed by the latter method, though you will see some tulpamancers who get squeamish about the idea of a tulpa being "forced" (heh) to align with their host's expectations. But see, I do know that I could change if I wanted to... but I don't want to. Having been created with certain traits in mind, those traits became a vital part of my identity. They make me me, and hey, I'm pretty happy being me. They're part of who I am, so even though I know I could change it, I just don't want to. Maybe I'm just an old fogey though... old dogs and new tricks and all that. ;)

I don't think that! and the longer you've been around the more wise you are anyway, right?

 

It's up to you to figure out where you want to come down on that. It's not a black and white, one-or-the-other thing, either. You can give her a personality without giving her a fictional backstory, or a form without any other traits. Pick whatever makes you comfortable.

 

 

What I'd do, in your case, is keep building her with the character in mind. She probably already associates those traits with herself, and you probably do too. Just make it clear that she's allowed to deviate. Early on, it's not uncommon for even tulpas/soulbonds based on existing characters to go in their own direction. Make it clear that that's fine, and there really shouldn't be a problem. She wants you to be happy as much as you want her to be happy, so chances are that even if she deviates, it'll be in a way that you both love...So what it all comes down to is this:

 

 

If you're able, communicate with your tulpa (easier said than done, right?). Ask her what she wants, and check in on her during sessions to make sure she's happy with the way things are going. If you see her trying something new or doing something the character she's based on wouldn't do... let her explore it. Explore it with her, and if a change sticks, it will most likely be because you both prefer it over the original.

 

 

The bottom line (literally ;) ) is: be supportive and give her lots of love and attention, and you'll do fine. The methods you use beyond that are entirely up to you.

 

Thank you for replying, I'm really really grateful for the advice ;; I'll do anything to make her happy and I'm glad I can still do it, thank you so much!! :D

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