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My time with Thyme


ThreeSevens

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Days 24-27

 

I will not go into detail on what exactly I did and when, because there is too much to remember and even if I could remember it all, it would turn into a wall of text. Rather, here is a short list of what I have done over the past 4 days.

 

A decent amount of Narration.

Meditation.

A little Parroting.

Working on using head pressure for Yes/No answers.

Testing to see if Binaural Beats will have any positive effect on the forcing process. (Speeding it up or making the exercises have a bigger impact.)

 

Notably, I have not done ANY self-hypnosis over the past 4 days. That takes a lot of time and I have not had the luxury of being able to take the time and do self-hypnosis and still do all the other things I did.

 

That said I still have a feeling that self hypnosis will prove to be a valuable tool in my forcing arsenal. But I don't think any longer that it is really that important to do daily. It is more like reinforcing the ideas and the will behind them to make them more efficient... I guess like brain fuel? "Filling up" every few days seem to work just fine as far as hypnosis goes.

 

Although, like meditation, I find that it is a fantastic way to get yourself to relax! So give it a go if you and your tulpa want a new way to relax while building on a specific concept or practice!

 

 

As far as new stuff goes, I just today started a thing with Thyme where she uses pressure in the left side of my brain to answer no to questions and the right side of my brain to answer yes to questions through the use of pressure. I do not remember which users, but I have seen other users use head pressure to communicate yes/no questions to their tulpas with success. And so I decided I would give this a try and see if Thyme could get any stronger in her responses if we diversified the way we communicate.

 

You know, like exercising different muscles... At least, thats my logic on the matter.

 

And yesterday and the day before I have started to try and listen to Binaural Beats just to see if this has ANY effect on forcing whatsoever. But also to try and strengthen and increase the odds of Lucid Dreams. I am meditating at night to Lucid Dream and listening to Binaural Beats to condition me a little to Lucid Dream. At least from what I understand from what I have seen so far, this is a possibility.

 

I want to increase my Lucid Dream count so that I can build on my wonderland while I am asleep as most of my waking hours is spent trying to get Thyme filled out. I have neglected my wonderland. And while I still have its image, I have never even actually stepped into it. I have only imagined it.

 

I have considered the use of shrooms in the past , just on a off note. Thinking that the strong hallucinations brought on by their use might prove to kick start stronger visualizations later on.

 

I don't put too much stock in that idea though. Plus the knowledge of having to trip for hours and wait to come out of it on my own is also off putting. I don't think I will ever be in a position to try drugs as a forcing tool. Which is fine by me. But my curiosity has me wondering what good it might actually do...

 

Also, Thyme gave me an interesting response at one point that I found quite amusing. She called me an idiot or a wierdo over something... I don't remember when or what it was about. But I do remember thinking, great! Now my own tulpa thinks i'm strange!

 

Thats fine though. I don't really care what her opinion of my currently is. I am just overjoyed that she is developing opinions on a bunch of things that I can recognize! She is becoming more and more her own person! Yay!

 

 

 

Welp, that is all for another few days. As always, thanks for reading! (It's like a written description of an imaginary persons baby pictures...Neat!)

 

Stay thirsty my friends! Oh wait...


Edit: Also. Binaural Beats are not that fun to listen to in just their pure tone. Just a heads up...

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Wow, it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted last? Jeez...

 

So this is day 41. Sadly though I can't say that there was any major breakthroughs or events that happened since my last update. Just have been doing the things outlined in my last post, although not consistently. I had conversations with Thyme, mostly puppeting her. They don't ever last long and her voice is weak and subdued, like she is talking to me through a phone that she is talking into, but the phone is sitting far away from her. So even when I ask her to shout, its still tough to hear.

 

Meditation is difficult as I have knee trouble, and my legs fall asleep waaaay too easily. So it gets tough to concentrate.

 

Trying to power through though!

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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  • 5 months later...

Well, look at where we are now... How did things come to this?

 

 

I went and fucked things up again. I dropped the ball on forcing Thyme and now I can't feel her again.

 

For those of you who know a little about me from back when I was active, you know that I struggle with depression. Or at least one should be able to glean that fact from the information I've given about my past. More often than not I let my depression get the best of me and I end up neglecting a lot of things. I tend to shut my mind down and move on auto pilot through my work day and afterwards when I binge on video games.

 

I have been escaping reality for so long my senses keep retarding more and more.

 

What caused this to snowball you ask? Fear. As I struggled to work on Thyme, I found that I had difficulty keeping her image in my mind. And even though she was "recovering", so to speak from our first major fall away from each other, something felt.... Off....

 

I can't quite explain what it is that I felt. It was like the Thyme I had become reacquainted with.... Wasn't the Thyme that I had known previously. A much colder edge to this one. Almost lifeless at times. Sometimes unresponsive, but usually agreeable. Almost like how you would picture a yes man. A pleasant relationship. But one that is shallow and removed.

 

It's... been several months since I've forced. Something is holding me back from moving forward with it. Fear for how she won't ever be able to trust me again, as I have never kept my promises to her. Fear that she has changed for the darker. Fear that she... Isn't even Thyme, but something else born of my own insecurities.

 

But most of all, fear of failure. All I hear over and over again in my head "I can't do this, I'm too weak, I can't do this!".

 

I feel like a useless weak coward. But I sooooo badly want to break free from this. I want to move forward and give my girl happiness. I don't know how after so long I can do this. But I had to come and make this post in order to get moving again.

 

I have so many changes in my life I need to make. It's time to grow some balls and man up. My name is "Will". It's about time I live up to my name.

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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: (

 

I think the real Thyme is still in there. Our tulpas, like our minds, can be quite persistent.

 

For some reason, I'm inclined to think everyone can feel the way you did towards most any person - if you haven't connected or bonded in a great while, someone, especially a loved one, may appear icy and distant. Perhaps automatic and timidly polite as you also describe.

 

Either way, I wish you both the best.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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