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Stop being a pussy, Ping. And fix your "away" status.

 

I refuse. I will continue clubbing seals until December 31, 2215.

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I update, finally.

 

 

So here's the thing. I've been holding off on updating because not a whole lot has happened. I'm still working on listening to Pez. Other than that, blah.

 

Stuff happened, blah blah walks on the beach. Narration, blah blah. Stuff.

 

Anyway, one neat thing did happen, actually. Last night she started arguing with me that I didn't like her form. I admit it, I wasn't a huge fan of chubbified Pez. At least, not next to the hotty she was, for a while. I know, I know, I'm vain. Get over it. Either way, I kept denying that I didn't like her form. Pretty stupid, since Pez can tell when I'm lying (she's a manifestation of my mind, she knows me pretty well.) She told me that just because she has final control, doesn't mean I don't get any say in her form. I said OK, and envisioned her as a cute woman with black hair. The form stuck, and she said she liked it too. Now she's a cute woman with black hair. Apparently, we can both agree on that.

 

Her voice is holding form better now. It's not wavering or changing all the time like it used to. In wonderland, it's pretty much a sure bet now. Outside, I'm having trouble listening. When I try to focus in, it comes through pretty clearly, though.

 

Up next: Will Ping be able to stop being an idiot and actually listen to his tulpa? We'll find out!

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Backtracking is pretty neat.

 

Talked with Pez, and she said I didn't focus enough on personality with her. I couldn't really disagree, since I'd only done it for about an hour, so we sat and talked about her personality, and what it means in regards to how she treats people. Turns out, she's pretty nice, and she likes to be around people. Go figure, a polar opposite of me (according to here, that's not uncommon). More personality work to come, though, so we'll see how opposite she turns out.

 

Other than that, continuing learning how to listen to her better. The ear-twitching I described earlier is getting more frequent, and now I sometimes have it happen outside of forcing. Could mean Pez is getting close to projecting her voice as if it were outside my head.

 

On a side note, I'm starting to remember some of my dreams. I used to almost never remember my dreams. Literally, I could count the number of dreams I remembered on my fingers. Now, I'm starting to be able to. I've heard of dreams becoming more vivid since beginning tulpaforcing, but has anybody noticed an increase in the frequency of their dreams? Or at least, increase in the ability to remember them?

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Fools!

 

Here's the news: updates might get a little flaky or they might suddenly stop being flaky. Depends whether school starting up puts me into a schedule or just takes up my time. Anyway, I guess I'll go ahead and report even the mildly boring stuff, mainly because none of it SHOULD be boring. I'm making a separate person inside my head. Really, I could hate myself for finding any part of this process boring if I stopped to think. Luckily, I won't stop to think. Instead, I'll type.

 

Mmmk, so Pez is displaying her sentience in nice, easily identifiable ways. A few days ago, I told her that wonderland was hers, and she could change it however she wanted. So yesterday, I go into wonderland, and she's all excited. I ask why, and she says she's changed the house. It didn't look different from the outside, so she led me inside. I didn't realize at first, but she changed the floor from a hardwood floor to a tile floor. It's great, though, because I know I wouldn't have chosen tile. I hate tile floors. Of course, she's been sentient for a while now, but it's still nice to have such a clear sign that I'm not just convincing myself I'm making progress where I'm not. Besides the floors, she also added a living room, since the original design had a kitchen, dining room and bedroom, and that was all. I'm not very imaginative. So sue me.

 

We worked on personality again, me describing how she might act. She seems to mostly agree with me, which is good. There are bits of her personality that run counter to mine (her sense of humor, for instance, is WAY better than mine. By that I mean she doesn't like the stupid shit that I know I shouldn't find funny but do), but part of the reason I decided to make Pez was to improve myself. Sort of like having a life-coach in my head at all times. I know I shouldn't find dead baby jokes funny, so Pez will be able to help me with that. When you stare into the abyss, and so forth.

 

I'm still working on focusing. I find it hard to try and narrate, mainly because I just start doing it and then get totally derailed by a random thought. Like I said, ADD possible. It's also not the easiest actually IN class, but I'm trying to narrate in the gaps where nothing's happening. Not great success; but then I shouldn't hope for miracles. More shall come.

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2 missed sessions.

 

I'm still having great trouble narrating during the day. Today was a special exception. Some new OTC's I used for my allergies knocked me right the fuck out. I couldn't focus on a God damned thing. But Thursday as well, I couldn't think to narrate. I just couldn't remember to, for some reason. If I don't remember to narrate, I'm not listening, so Pez can't just pop up and ask, "Hey, what's up?" unfortunately. If she could, it'd be much easier. Alas, I am stupid, so she can't.

 

Good news: The "tattoo" I talked about a while ago is almost fully subconscious. I always seem to remember that it's there, even when I'm not really thinking about it. Now, I don't often see the palm of my hand in wonderland, but hey. What can you do? The point is that I always sense that it's there. I just know it's there.

 

Bad news: Actually, my visualization's been going down. It just doesn't seem to be very vivid at all. I've actually been letting my visualization of Pez's form subside, and focusing solely on her voice. Another problem is that I don't seem to be able to focus very well. I'm constantly being derailed by random thoughts while forcing, which isn't very conducive to anything. I may have to change my forcing schedule so that forcing isn't at the very end of the day, right before I fall asleep. More on that later. I guess I'll try that tonight.

 

New news: Freddy's is the best burger joint in the world. Known fact. Look it up.

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Actually, my visualization's been going down.
Use my tones.

 

I may have to change my forcing schedule so that forcing isn't at the very end of the day, right before I fall asleep. More on that later. I guess I'll try that tonight.
How ironic.

 

Freddy's is the best burger joint in the world.
D'aww...
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Oh boy! 4 days since an update!

 

Here's why: my sessions have been absolute shite. I've only been able to stay around Pez for very short times in wonderland. My visualizations have been disturbingly nill, and it's very difficult to hear her voice now. Frankly, I'm a bit lost on what to do. I believe I'm having trouble settling my thoughts, but I have no idea how to do that better.

 

Any help would be much appreciated.

 

And Fede, I'm completely serious when I say don't mention your tones. They don't work for me.

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