Despairing and desperate. no progress after two-three years...

Recommended Posts

Well I'm lazy I will admit, my mind almost never seems to be clear even when I try to meditate it's like my thought processes are.... Well if my brain was a computer lets just say it feels like I'm using max memory and cpu at the same time nearly all the time. I get sidetracked because it's easier for my brain to handle things that don't require effort which I really hate. I should also mention that I also have two very strong addictions. A small Part of the reason I'm trying to create a tulpa is to try and help me with those addictions.


I tried a bunch of different things from parroting to meditative forcing and more. I wanted to create a unique tulpa so I didn't want to give her a form or personality so she could decide what she wanted.


I guess I understand what you are saying but how do I change my mindset? I really want to create a tulpa but I just don't know how even after reading countless guides. I don't know, I guess I am used to a "one true path" mindset and with all these guides it throws me off.


One true path mindset? I never seem to have gotten that implication from submissions in general; more like a cross-roads with some cherry-picking. Maybe for ones that did a lot of frontloading, but even then, I don’t think a one true path mindset is always detrimental for all circumstance. And a prime example of this is me and image streaming. I haven’t done much in regards to other methods for forcing other than image streaming because I felt it helped me encompass those other methods easily.


Maybe for me, I saw the method as settling out the basics first, and trying to iron it out as much as possible so that comprehension over other methods would be easy, and trying to execute them would be easy because I dived into other contexts to arrive to the same end goal. Some people prefer simple, concise ways, and are able to spam it like an industrialized process, and may gain quick progress. But with all of that quick progress, and no comprehension of their skills through just those few methods alone, they shouldn’t be demystified as to why there’s no progress.


Here’s an analogue to describe what I mean:


-          You’re interested in a certain workout routine to have a certain physique

-          You get into the idea that muscle confusion would be the ideal way to make gains

-          You try one routine, and it doesn’t work out for you, so you jump to another method, and haphazardly fail that as well

-          You try to reconcile with yourself, and going back and forth, and finding reasons to stick to your personal trainer


Put that into context of tulpas:


-          You’re interested in creating a tulpa for whatever subjective reasons you have in doing so

-          You see other people’s methods, and how they do it, and get the general context of it to make progress

-          You try one method, but the context doesn’t seem to trigger something for you, or, there’s not enough context to establish comprehension. So, you jump from one method to another, only to have to get immersed on the new method

-          You try to reconcile with yourself after these years, going back and forth, but that critical thought seems to deter you from sticking to a few methods


Now, that last part, I know it may sound weird for me to state sticking to a few methods vs. trying to learn all sorts of methods. The reasoning for sticking to a few methods, and for me, it would be image streaming, is that I felt it was a method (coined by someone else, mind you) that allowed me to focus on getting raw information from my imagination with little to no comprehension of it in the first stage, and then with the debriefing stage, I would start taking efforts to try and understand the experiences. This is the part where you would get the statements that doing so will allow the brain to make connections that usually weren’t associated with each other, blahlbah, neuroscientific presumptions. Then, over time, after sticking to it for a few months, you can try to apply context into other methods, and maybe see the underlying reasons behind all of them. And not just doing it 15 minutes a day all the time; you need some progression in increasing it every now and then, e.g., 15 minutes one day, 30 minutes after three days, etc.


And even with that, if you have all the execution and planning in the world, but can’t reconcile with your reasoning with all of this, then yeah, you’re left with trying to answer the big questions, and not knowing how to react to them, or even needing to react to them in the first place. They could be a distraction, or a supplement, but let your subjectivity work for you, not against you. I stuck to a certain methods for a few years now, and I’m still trying to beat my personal best, but I know it’s not about beating my personal best.


Because I know that whatever session I do, I can be confident enough that there’s going to be context for me to describe, and take value of, and see that after doing that session, it can give sustenance to other things I may do. But just like you, it would just be the back-to-the-basics in trying to crack down each method, and understanding the context behind it. But I still have to make progressive strives to continue these actions, along with remembering the reasons behind what I do as well. Maybe the latter part is easier for me as well because I knew the execution just helped sustain those beliefs. Some may chalk that up as self-fulfilling prophecy + remembering why you wanted to do this in the first place, or whatever. The latter may require pursuits in philosophy, but sadly, people cringe at that, and yet become demystified as to how they can tackle the big questions that are preventing them from continuing their endeavors in the first place; they create their own catch-22, or dead-end, if you will.


There's actually some reasoning behind this, but I intend to talk about it in the near future in a separate thread.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just don't want my tulpa to be in a form or have a personality she hates. I don't want her to feel like I'm restricting her.... So I guess at least I got to make a base then, right? Its just when it comes to form I can't shake the belief that it's permanent maybe because I know I can't change my own.


Don't worry that she'd hate her personality. Chances are that if you like it, she will too, and it will most likely deviate once she gains some autonomy anyway.


If it's a huge worry, you could just assign some "positive" traits right now... you said you'd like her to help manage your addictions, so something like patience, compassion, protectiveness, etc., would help with that, yeah? You wouldn't be forcing her into helping you with your problems, but I know from personal experience that a headperson with a personality like that can't help but help their host. ;)


I kid, and like I said, I get that personality forcing (especially through parroting, which I think I've gone into with you before?) squicks some tulpamancers out. But it's worth consideration. The bottom line, as far as I figure it, is this: What would make her a person to you?


e.g., What do you need to do to start seeing her as a separate, independent being? It doesn't need to be a form or personality, but there needs to be something to flip that switch in your mind that goes "oh, there's someone here who isn't me." That sense of "otherness" is the core of what makes a tulpa, and you need to find a way to access that dissociation that works for you.

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

there needs to be something to flip that switch in your mind that goes "oh, there's someone here who isn't me." That sense of "otherness" is the core of what makes a tulpa, and you need to find a way to access that dissociation that works for you.

That phrase is incredibly deep :o


and for the OP: Start from 0 again

Well, not from 0. At this point you might have an idea, even a light idea of how your tulpa is

Start again from there :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

well, i dont know either

Mia and I still have some "issues" forcing, so by now i can't tell you very cool answers and that kind of stuff, but i can tell you what i've experienced, maybe you have experienced this too:

well, first i did actually prepared a personality and an appearence for her. At least for me its easier to focus on something that i know how it looks (even if i have too much troubles visualizing, but that's another topic...)

You have to think your tulpa is already sentient, this way you can expect answers when you talk to it

Emotional responses are reactions for something that you wouldnt had reacted that way. You can feel it completely alien, like a sudden sadness (that was Mia's first emotional response)

Also when you talk to your tulpa, you can notice like in the background of your thoughts an answer. I'm not sure this is the tulpa or not, but i assumed it was. Its like knowing the answer before even finishing the question

those are like the really basic things you can tell

you can also try something like image streaming, or writing about your tulpa. At least that helps me a lot with visualization and you find out a lot of things your tulpa can do (i.e. Mia is really good at fighting and driving ._.)

More advanced stuff would be like listening to your tulpa's voice, which it has happened a couple of times but i cant tell you too much about this...


And about that "disassociation feel", i dont know how could it feel, but if i had to guess, i'd say it would feel like an insight, a powerful one. If you have ever had one powerful insight you would know how it feels. I had one once, and it feels amazing, like you suddendly realize everything, you understand everything, and for a moment your mind is complety clear


Anyway, dont give up, give your tulpa a name if it doesnt have one already, or ask it how would it like to be called. And start from there.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

How would I figure out that disassociation though? I don't know really how it's supposed to feel.


Yeah, it's a bit of a Catch-22, right? You don't know how it feels until you feel it.


Think of it this way:


Think about someone close to you... a family member or close friend. Just... consider them for a sec. When you do that, there's usually this ball of stuff that your mind associates with them... what they look like, experiences you've had with them, the sound of their voice, personality traits, feelings you have toward them... it's all one big blob of stuff that is your mind's way of saying "this is who this person is." You use that ball of stuff to predict how they'll react to things like actions or gifts, to interact with them in a certain way that fits whatever role you have with them, and to just have an idea of what that person is about.


That's how your tulpa should feel. It's a different person who has a ball of "stuff" in your mind full of traits that are associated with them, except their thoughts and feelings are still housed in your brain and therefore may be accessible to you. It's like having a telepathic connection with someone, because you interact with them in your headspace, but they're still a separate person from yourself. The ball of stuff you associate with them is located inside your mind, but it's not you. It's them.


So that's what you need to figure out... how do you create that ball of stuff that tells you "this is a different person from me"? They don't have to be crazy complex at first, but it might be that you need something to attach to your tulpa so you can address that ball of stuff and say "You are my tulpa." Starting with no traits means you have nothing to address while forcing, and no way to think of your tulpa as a person at all, since they're just... not there. At least, that's how it feels to me and my headmates.


And to cover all bases: I'm not saying you need to split your own traits up or anything to do this... that's more of a median approach than a tulpa one (though, hey, nothing wrong with median systems). Creating traits to associate with your tulpa takes nothing from yourself. It can be as easy as pointing to your tulpa and saying "You're optimistic" (and then, you know, reinforcing that over and over again).


Of course, all this comes with the disclaimer that this is just personal experience. I'm sure there are plenty of tulpamancers here who have no idea what I'm talking about, or even contradict my system's take on this. Just one of the things about having such a broad range of experiences across the community. ;)

~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

make it in a very wide espectrum (not sure if that's how it's said)

for me there are 2 kinds of forcing methods: one really strict detailing almost everything, giving not too much chance for deviation, and a more open way in which you only give general ideas and your tulpa finish them

you can try the second one :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.