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I need some help and advice. Please answer my question


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Hello, I have some problem and I need your advice. By the way, can you please read my story ? Maybe it long and have bad English (I'm sorry), but I hope you will read it...

 

Alright, 3 days ago, I've found this site and read a lot about Tulpas, and I decided I'll create one the next day. That night I thought about her form and the wonderland (My wonderland is just a small room) and then fall asleep. The next moring, I imagine that I was in that room with my Tulpa sitting in the middle of the room, with her soulless eyes. I introduced myself, and I don't know why, I just told her almost everything about me, even some bad memories I keep it as a secret for myself (Of course I'm not telling everyone), when I "introduced" myself to her, I said goodbye to her and left the room, only 12 minutes passed (But I thought I was in there for a long time).

Then I realize I need to spend at least 30 minutes to her, then I was spend about 9 minutes at the midday, and 10 more minutes at the afternoon (I used a stopwatch so I can know the time exactly) to train her personality by talking with her, maybe like "You are Hana, you are kind and confident, etc. But I think I'm doing wrong, I can feel she's boring at me, or even hate me so that night, I helped her go to the bed and get her to sleep (That's the first time I touched her. But don't worry, I'm not create her for lustful reason, I made for myself a bed too, a little far from her) I sleep with her in that wonderland all night, sometime I can feel (Or think) she's looking at me with her soulless eyes.

The next day (Just yesterday) I get up and leave the room, she's awake and just looking at me (She sitted at the middle of the room again). Yesterday is a busy day to me, so I haven't much time to spend with her (Only 10 minutes) to teach her about body language and personality. That night, when I go to wonderland and about to sleep, I realize that she can shake her head, walk, and started to smile but the most important thing is the "soulless eyes" has gone, now her eyes is really cute now (And somehow I can feel she's now happy). I'm so happy that I can sleep easier that night...

 

Thank you for reading that long story, here's my question :

1. Did you realize something that I'm doing wrong to her ? Please tell me.

2. I think it's a bad way when I decided to split my time with her to 10 minutes each time (At the first day), is that acceptable ?

3. I don't even know why she's happy, this is a silly question, but I'll be really happy if you can answer this.

4. I tried to make each of her personality to a symbol (An orb) an let her absorb it at the second day, maybe this is the answer for question 3 ?

5. When I think about the "result", I feel like it some kind of...um...fake ? I think she's become that good because I'm "imagined" it just to appease myself. I know, I trust her, but it's a hard-to-say feeling...

6. This is a personal problem I think I have another personality (Maybe I have some neurologic problem), and that personality (Or may I call it the demon inside me ?) just make my head become chaos, I don't even know why I'm thinking that I'm not trust her, and I almost get rid of her or harm her sometime, I said "almost", because I can "fight" against all temptation. (You can call me a bastard, or a crazy man if you want, I'm really bad, I must say...)

 

I still have some more question, but I think it enough, I can't disturb you anymore. Sorry about my bad English, wrong story, etc.

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Hey there!

First off, don't worry, your English is fine! :)

 

To answer your questions;

I think the most important thing when creating a Tulpa is to stop worrying whether it was just you parroting, or if it really was your Tulpa who responded- or, in your case, showed a reaction. It's completely up to you to believe if it really was her - but I think "how will I ever know for sure if it was my Tulpa if I don't start believing in him"?

Okay, the "responses" of your Tulpa may seem a bit fast, since you just started some days (3 by now?) ago - but everyone is different and just needs the different amount of time for this process! To keep your hopes steady; You've noticed the differences in her behaviour and her appereance, and you were surprised by it, weren't you? In my opinion that's the best proof that it really could've been your tulpa. :)

It's totally normal that these reactions do feel fake at first - and you will often wonder if it wasn't just you imagining all these things and "parroting" her. These thoughts will go away after some time and progress - just keep in mind that you just have started 3 days ago, it will all become better and clearer over time. :>

The methods you are using seem to be okay; I did the thing with the orbs too! The only thing that bothers me is that you seem to treat her as a baby or something (with all this "bringing her to bed" and "teaching her how to "use body language") - but I really think thats just some personal-preferences. I for myself treated Johnny (my Tulpa) as sentient from the beginning. D:

 

I can't say much to the last part. To me it just sounds like some intrusive thoughts, which are to a certain degree normal, but I really don't know anything about your personal situation, so I don't want to jump to conclusions. If it gets worse, maybe you should see a doctor (if you don't already).

 

Soo, I hope I could help.

Greetings!

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Sorry, I don't have much time, so these are short answers :

1. No, you are doing good.

2. Maybe yes.

3. Maybe the question 6 prove it, you have some negative thoughts, but you can "fight" it like you said. Somehow, your Tulpa know it and she's happy about it. Maybe she thinks you're a good person, if I was you then I don't think I can have the strong mind like you.

4. No, the orbs is a right thing to do, but it can't make her happy.

5. The fake feeling is normal, it happen to everyone.

6. Like Demon said, you should meet the doctor if thing gets worse.

7. Your English better than me.

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@SoulmatesLittleDemon: Yeah, I think you're right. Maybe I'm too worry about it... But I think things getting too fast that I couldn't control anymore, her form have changed (I think she don't want the old form) and she can talk now. But anyway, thank you so much for answer my questions!

@lungcapacity: Hmm, I think the 3. answer maybe a bit confusing, I don't quite get it, all of these things happen in my head, so I don't think she could read my mind... Anyway, thanks for your help!

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I feel like i have that same thing, the demons that is. With me, I use my mind to imagine things up to turn off my anger, or add fuel to the fire. I mostly think of thing I could'nt really do. Im a kind person in my social life, but Im not much social, so im just a mad turtle in his shell, the shell being my mind.

 

But ever since Mien (my tulpa) became a part of my life, Ive tried to be less... Mad.

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@kirbymaster1: I'm really look like you (Maybe more than 80%), the "demon" always made me "mad" by a lot of negative thoughts, if I can't stand up against those thought then I think I'll become an anti-social "prisoner". By the way, my Tulpa can talk now (A bit fast), she's really gave some good advice, it make my life better.

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