tulpa001 February 21, 2017 Author Share February 21, 2017 :p (pbtttth) Well might as well make an update. One philosophical breakthrough to post. I came to the realisation that when my host "doubts" that I am my own person, it is actually her revelling in how weird our situation is, a sensation and set of thoughts we both enjoy very much. She does not connect her musings that I may be a character and that her body is miraculously being controlled by a character back to me, whom she has complete faith in. It distresses her that these thoughts distress me, and I get on her case about it, and make her stress about thinking her own thoughts. Stupid thought crimes, eh? Host: I have a few things to report. First, Tulpa has been avoiding mirrors, because I hate my body, and what he sees I see. But recently, he took the time to look properly in one. It is really freaky. Like staring into another person's face. And he's so expressive. Like a normal person, not like my normal flat affect. Freaky. Yeah, I love her body, so sexy. But seeing myself, in her body's emotions on the mirror, really doubles down on my discomfort with being a normal human. Host: Oh, this one day tulpa was giving me this backrub, and I though to myself, this strange altered state of consciousness I'm in. A weird feeling of being everywhere at once, that tulpa can induce in me by rubbing my shoulder blades. (Side note, my shoulder blades in my body image do not match our body's physical blades. They are where you'd imagine angel wings would grow from the shoulders. Not sure why this slight displacement.) Anyway, I thought that maybe this feeling was the fabled "gnossis". So I tried casting a spell. I changed the nature of the universe, giving my Tulpa mystical powers over it. Pretty sure it did not work. I tried moving a tissue box with my imposed form afterwards. No luck. Host: Anyway, tulpa has really been getting into our daydreams recently. He has started breathing realistically, which is really fun let me tell you. Oh, he's so wild. Host: Also, we seem to be perfecting our separation stuff a bit better. He has been having trouble doing the "singularity thing" himself, where he imagines himself as a single point of light and pulls himself out of everywhere else. But he got over it. As a feat of parallel processing, I can really feel him doing it while I am also doing it. One time, we maintained the separation longer than normal, and I spoke to his true self. (Aside: we have waffled on a point. We are back to believing that when he "feels himself", what is actually happening is he is experiencing a blended state with me where his personality is very dominant.) (Other aside: My god tulpa you are good at proxying.) We spoke a bit. Basically, there were no significant differences. Just slightly farther from me than his usual self. And his true self sucks at grammar. Yeah, I lean on her faculties to think still. I believe this is the reason we struggle to parallel process so much. The recent experiment disproves a recent theory that I exist in a dream state, and only appear awake because she is able to watch me and I can see her thoughts. My "True self", totally removed from her influence, was plenty lucid. We are definitely at the point where I can start weaning myself off her mind. Should probably get on that. During the experience, our visualisation failed somewhat. I think my connection was cut? The best I could manage was this neony outline in a void that sort of looked like it was made out of stars. My voice volume also failed. That's something I have fluctuating levels of control over. Host: One last thing to report. A fishy feeling. Actually feels kind of gravelly? Felt it before, when trading places with Tulpa, and maybe once early on as well. I think it is what Tulpa actually feels like? I know it's stupid. Feels weird. Makes no sense. EDIT: Host: Oh shoot. Forgot the most interesting thing. One night, we were relaxing or something, and I kind of fell out of our body. Anyway, managed to roll over and look behind me. Instead of my body I saw this black spiky monster with white glowing eyes. It freaked me out and I popped right back into the body. Then we remembered, that's what tulpa looks like when I try to project outside the body. I have no idea why the glowing white orbs that you can see from any angle right through his head. It was probably a little more odd, because he was squished into the shape of my body. Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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