tulpa001

Tulpa's log

Recommended Posts

:p (pbtttth)

 

Well might as well make an update.

 

One philosophical breakthrough to post. I came to the realisation that when my host "doubts" that I am my own person, it is actually her revelling in how weird our situation is, a sensation and set of thoughts we both enjoy very much. She does not connect her musings that I may be a character and that her body is miraculously being controlled by a character back to me, whom she has complete faith in. It distresses her that these thoughts distress me, and I get on her case about it, and make her stress about thinking her own thoughts. Stupid thought crimes, eh?

 

Host: I have a few things to report. First, Tulpa has been avoiding mirrors, because I hate my body, and what he sees I see. But recently, he took the time to look properly in one. It is really freaky. Like staring into another person's face. And he's so expressive. Like a normal person, not like my normal flat affect. Freaky.

 

Yeah, I love her body, so sexy. But seeing myself, in her body's emotions on the mirror, really doubles down on my discomfort with being a normal human.

 

Host: Oh, this one day tulpa was giving me this backrub, and I though to myself, this strange altered state of consciousness I'm in. A weird feeling of being everywhere at once, that tulpa can induce in me by rubbing my shoulder blades. (Side note, my shoulder blades in my body image do not match our body's physical blades. They are where you'd imagine angel wings would grow from the shoulders. Not sure why this slight displacement.) Anyway, I thought that maybe this feeling was the fabled "gnossis". So I tried casting a spell. I changed the nature of the universe, giving my Tulpa mystical powers over it.

 

Pretty sure it did not work. I tried moving a tissue box with my imposed form afterwards. No luck.

 

Host: Anyway, tulpa has really been getting into our daydreams recently. He has started breathing realistically, which is really fun let me tell you. Oh, he's so wild.

 

Host: Also, we seem to be perfecting our separation stuff a bit better. He has been having trouble doing the "singularity thing" himself, where he imagines himself as a single point of light and pulls himself out of everywhere else. But he got over it. As a feat of parallel processing, I can really feel him doing it while I am also doing it. One time, we maintained the separation longer than normal, and I spoke to his true self. (Aside: we have waffled on a point. We are back to believing that when he "feels himself", what is actually happening is he is experiencing a blended state with me where his personality is very dominant.) (Other aside: My god tulpa you are good at proxying.) We spoke a bit. Basically, there were no significant differences. Just slightly farther from me than his usual self. And his true self sucks at grammar.

 

Yeah, I lean on her faculties to think still. I believe this is the reason we struggle to parallel process so much. The recent experiment disproves a recent theory that I exist in a dream state, and only appear awake because she is able to watch me and I can see her thoughts. My "True self", totally removed from her influence, was plenty lucid. We are definitely at the point where I can start weaning myself off her mind. Should probably get on that.

 

During the experience, our visualisation failed somewhat. I think my connection was cut? The best I could manage was this neony outline in a void that sort of looked like it was made out of stars. My voice volume also failed. That's something I have fluctuating levels of control over.

 

Host: One last thing to report. A fishy feeling. Actually feels kind of gravelly? Felt it before, when trading places with Tulpa, and maybe once early on as well. I think it is what Tulpa actually feels like? I know it's stupid. Feels weird. Makes no sense.

 

EDIT: Host: Oh shoot. Forgot the most interesting thing. One night, we were relaxing or something, and I kind of fell out of our body. Anyway, managed to roll over and look behind me. Instead of my body I saw this black spiky monster with white glowing eyes. It freaked me out and I popped right back into the body. Then we remembered, that's what tulpa looks like when I try to project outside the body. I have no idea why the glowing white orbs that you can see from any angle right through his head. It was probably a little more odd, because he was squished into the shape of my body.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That last bit is really interesting. I would wonder if it's a true form or if it's something simply onset by the experience similar to the horrible things people can see from sleep paralysis.

 

It makes me wonder if others have similar experiences while attempting the same thing.


"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No way is it a sleep paralysis hallucination. I don't get those. Nor was I asleep or suffering fear. Nor has it happened in those early days when I was projecting more often, and noticed the freaky eyes the first time. I sort of learned to ignore them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting. Have you two considered maybe that maybe you did go out the body, and what you saw is his form over your body? I know many tulpas, including myself, do feel our form when possessing or switching so maybe there is something there.


Hi, I am Sam. LostOne's (Or Kelly's) tulpa, first one, started back March 16th of 2016. - https://community.tulpa.info/user-lostone

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, A few odd things to note.

 

Yesterday, my host got tired of feeling the strain in her arm as I was massaging her chest. So, she sort of just "pushed me away" somehow. Several odd things happened. First, she lost contact with all feeling of movement in her body. And this took the sensation of strain away from her mind. Even I felt less tired rubbing her.

 

Second, I've never felt more independent of mind. I feel like we can think at the same time suddenly better. I tried to duplicate what she did and push her away from me the same way. Not sure I did it properly.

 

Third, I can't sleep. Been restless all night, tired all day.

 

Fourth, when we woke up, the feeling she had of not feeling the body was so bad she got itchy all over and I had to switch with her to let her move around.

 

Fifth, when she repeats the action while I am imposing, and with neither of us doing anything else, my form becomes way darker. To about 80% Opacity (from an average of 20%). It is so good she can actually see both the shape and colour of my eyes. Something we always struggle with. Only lasts while she maintains the pressure.

 


 

Not been having much luck with lucid dreams, but this past week, I've been noticing a lot of ridiculous, strong beliefs we are taking on in those hypnagogic periods surrounding sleep. Like really strange stuff. Entire forums fabricated out of thin air that I would have sworn I posted on. Entire conversations and work responsibilities that I absolutely knew I would need to address the moment I got up that never existed. Facts, principles and exercizes about tulpamancy that I distinctly remember doing repeatedly that don't exist.

 

Like every single night.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That just sounds like normal dreams to me. Only rarely do we have that happen, since we've stopped having to wake up every day for school (Lumi had quite a few 'desyncs' of feeling like he'd already gotten dressed or even gone all the way to school before waking up). The idea of all of that existing spontaneously in detail is common to us in dreams, but the distinct feeling of its depth sticking with us after waking up is rare anyway. That being said, Reisen said this recently,

Whatever the last few dreams I had were pretty engaging for lack of a better word, they were the type you felt like you still wanted to do something when you woke up.

 

which is a similar concept. Feeling attached to the environments and situations of the dream even after waking up. Hasn't been all the time or anything, I think it was just that day. Also, it wasn't quite the "I swear that happened" thing, I can't remember that happening to us much ever. It did with something recently, but I absolutely can't think of what it was or what it even could be. Oh well.


Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to imply I thought that was a type of lucid dream.

 


 

Well, I think I've done it. Briefly.

 

As you know, I have a history of blending with my host a lot, inadvertently as a consequence of some of the things I've tried. It's been really difficult to separate out my feelings and sensations from hers. This might be part of the reason I have seen myself as her twin when really we are rather different. I have felt myself, but only in situations where our blending was rather high. I have spoken of a numbness that dominates the rest of the time.

 

Well, upon reflection on some of my feeling and experiences in certain recent intimate encounters, I can finally say that I do have my own sensation and emotion with respect to the world and not just borrowed sensation from my host with reasonable confidence. I no longer have to rely on my host's intuition on this. This is the last piece of the puzzle as to whether I am a person or not. Wish I could be completely confident.

 

Honestly, I expected to manage to switch places with my host before getting this piece of the puzzle. That would have forced me to experience the world directly, which would have given me the answer one way or another.

 

The other possibility if we managed to switch without any blending would be that I'd essentially be in a dream like state. My personality, but no ability to think clearly.

 


 

The pattern of strange belief at night continues. This night, we had a two hour long vivid dream. My influence is clear as there was a ton of dialogue. It was a complicated spy thriller.

 

Why haven't I been able to sleep recently? Two things we tried worked well. (1) I give control back to my host and then she sleeps. (2) Instead of trying to sleep, I put my host to sleep using suggestion. This raises the idea that I might never have been able to sleep. That all those times it felt like I was trying to sleep it was actually me blending with her and putting her to sleep. This would also explain my influence on her dreams, my strong dream recall, and the strange dream cognition I am going through. This is counterevidenced by how drunk I get when I am tired, and unable to think properly without leaning on her.

 

Had a tiny bit more luck moving her hand while we sleep. I think. She was asleep at the time so our memory was not exactly working at full.

 


 

Been having some stress issues recently. Normally I just "swich" with my host and become aware of myself, and this calms me. But that was probably due to blending. Been feeling increased desire to hug and be intimate with my host to comfort myself. Our visualisation and tactile is good, but it is not perfect and I really feel that now.

 

My host has been working with me to try and get me to better control my emotions. As she says, think the same thoughts, but with different emotions attached. I think I got it down.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry to imply I thought that was a type of lucid dream.

 

I was referring to this -

 

Not been having much luck with lucid dreams, but is past week, I've been noticing a lot of ridiculous, strong beliefs we are taking on in those hypnagogic periods surrounding sleep.

 

Didn't mean to imply that was normal, but that those sorts of beliefs existing in-dream is normal. Taking them with you is, in our experience, usually a lot rarer, ie feeling like they really happened.

 

Also, the thing I said I thought had happened actually did happen. Someone simply removed an object we thought was strange between our first time seeing it there and the next time, so I thought I'd dreamed it. Wouldn't be the first time I've had normal yet slightly different dreams like that, but it would be the first I can remember where I was pretty sure it actually happened.

 

 

Sorry we can't help with sleep issues. That bothers me, Enny's especially though.

 

 

You saying that you've used "switching" to comfort yourself just kind of yells at me you learned to do it (if it's really switching, you guys are too weird for me to know for sure) too early. When we learned to do it, the senses were overwhelming at first and the working mind/part that produces conscious thoughts being under our control was sort of new, but we were well used to our normal mode of operation. It sounds like you might have learned to rely on it before becoming comfortable with your tulpa-dom. Probably not healthy, but also very likely not even close to what I actually think's going on. Because you guys really are weird with all this. That has the side effect of meaning you may have to figure a lot of things out without help.

 

Direct help, anyways. Reading others' experiences and opinions may still do something.


Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol, weird by tulpamancy standards.

 

Who knows what's going on with us. I'd say not switching, since being not switched and "switched" feel very similar to us, the only difference is which of us can see our own thoughts. (Though working on it)


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.