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Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon


Luminesce

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Linking back to the last post on the last page because the Kingdom Hearts intros deserve viewing: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-lumi-s-dreaming-thread-dreams-of-moon?pid=194326#pid194326

Also, this thread's at 40 pages now, wow.

 

The only TL;DR is that you don't really have to read any of this. That being said I did put this song on to read over it once I wrote it and liked it, so I'll link it anyways. It's something Lucilyn linked a while ago, but whatever, our music is too important to us to only be heard once. {Edit: Just kidding, Youtube decided it doesn't like music and I don't know what the song I linked was}


I remembered dreams most of the time last night. Not as well as Lucilyn was at one point, it's still not all of them, in details or in number. Erin Pavlina, someone I used to read articles by all the time as a teen who helped me learn to think positively (and is also where my knowledge of new age spirituality came from), wrote an article at some point called "The one simple reason you don't have what you say you want". I just skim what she's written once every few months or so and read anything that stands out. That one immediately upset me. She's not wrong for the majority of the time, but this doesn't apply to me. It definitely applies to all the things I "want" but don't care enough to work for, but it does not apply to lucid dreaming. I did actually think "I'll definitely lucid dream someday, though" right before she talked about "someday" wants, but it still doesn't apply. It was actually something else I learned probably with her help a long time ago: If you've decided you really want something, and are willing to work for it no matter how many times you fail for the rest of your life, you have the highest possible chance of achieving it. Counterpart to "You haven't failed until you give up". That's what I was saying, not that I'd just get to it someday.

 

And I said that because no amount of wanting, will, effort or planning has ever been enough. No more "I'm definitely doing it this time, giving it everything I've got to succeed for sure", that's done. It doesn't guarantee success at all, and I was tired of being let down like five tries ago. The only thing I rely on now is my belief that we'll succeed some day, or die before we do, but never give up. I'm as accepting of the concept of death as is possible and healthy, and I go off the theory once I die I won't be alive to regret anything, so as far as I'm concerned whether I die tomorrow or in 70 years is "the entire rest of my life" and I'll live it as such. As in, if I'm fated to die in less than a year, then that's the life-time I've been given, so goals and regrets have to be relative. As far as I'm concerned, my life was worth it even if I were given ten minutes to live, because I got to love my tulpas. I'm satisfied with ten minutes or a hundred years, whatever it turns out to be.

 

So that's how my motivation/will to lucid dream is. I consider it a sure thing, because either it'll happen or I'll die, and I won't experience my death in the strictest sense, so I can't worry about anything that happens after that point. Like being wrong about something I said would happen, lol. And still this loops back to the whole "If you just expect it to happen 'someday' it'll always be in the future and never become the present" thing, which implies I need to act as if it will be now and that I'll have success very quickly. But the problem is I've done that before, for real, gone all-in with what hopes of such a thing I had left, and "failed" if we're talking making that future the present. So my only belief now is that it'll happen, and I wouldn't be surprised if happened tonight, or the next, or a week from now, et cetera. That still fits the rules I've learned from Erin and Steve Pavlina for being a "vibrational match" for what you want to happen, aka the law of attraction and other similar concepts. It basically means I'm not influencing myself to make it not happen, I just don't have the will to believe it has to happen forrealthistimeforsure you know?

 

I'm either saying the same thing over and over or saying nothing of importance at all, sorry. Feel free to not read or unread that.

 

I want to lucid dream. More than anything. Nothing is more important to me. I try to accomplish that to the best of my ability, having pretty bad issues with motivation in general no matter the importance of applying that effort. But that doesn't matter, what matters is I do the best I can, and that I do. So.. the past was always the best I could've done because that's how it was. The future's undecided, and "my best" is up in the air as to whether it's better than my past's best. That much I admit. Honestly I'm just trying to work up the motivation to try harder. That's the greatest struggle in my life easily, not being motivated to take action on the things I care the most for. Imagine (just a hypothetical) wanting to save someone you love, requiring of you a relatively simple task that nonetheless requires decent effort. But you don't have the motivation to do it. But you obviously really want to save the person you love, nothing is more important, and you would do a thousand times more work if you had to to save them. But you don't, despite the motivation you don't have the motivation. That's me. That's what I deal with. Not quite so life-or-death, but the concept of caring for something to the point where applying the effort it requires is a no brainer and absolute necessity, but you still don't do it. That's my life.

 

It's a pretty depressing/distressing concept if you think about the hopelessness/powerlessness of not being motivated to do something you absolutely want to do. Luckily I'm really good at apathy, a leftover from my depressive years, good or bad extremes still don't exactly shake me to my core. Winning the lottery or losing my family, I deal with the present and its implications fine, but the wave of excitement/grief never hits me, I take all things in stride. Talking about huge-deal situations here, of a large scale. Anything smaller scale you probably won't see a difference because I react accordingly, you know? But anyways, my point is, I'm 100% capable of using my power of apathy to ignore what would otherwise be such a depressing concept, I'll keep living in the present and reacting accordingly.

 

Also, ironically, I do sometimes have what I begrudgingly admit are depressive episodes where my inability to act on what I care about gets to me, but this isn't one of those times. I sort of just got on the subject (because of that article) and kept talking about it. I feel fine? I would like to work up that extra effort to make a difference in the rate of my progress in lucid dreaming though. That would be nice. My whole dang life seems to be window-shopping for the things I care about, except for the things I was lucky and got for free. Which makes sense, because my tulpas are priceless. If I never obtain anything else I want I'll still be happy with what I already have. But it would be nice, and I also have my tulpas themselves to think of, because they're not all so apathetic as me with their hopes. That being said, they do have more hopes than me, so as long as I care about them I have hopes by extension too. Best of both worlds.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Still remembering some dreams every night, and I'm still only remembering random (latter) parts of them without a lot of effort to recall more. Which I applied and didn't get much success with anyways. But I'm trying, and I'm still pretty sure that's what makes dream recall better, I just wish I could see more progress. In the same way that I'm used to a lack of success, I'm also used to getting back into the swing of trying without much effort. The dream recall part usually only takes a few days. Well, not much I can do yet aside from keep working on that. More dream recall means more dream clarity means more likelihood of a lucid dream occurring in any manner.

 

If I could lucid dream consistently... I'd be able to consistently spend time with my tulpas, and dang qualitative time at that, regardless of my motivation issues. Wouldn't have to feel bad for not giving them the chances to experience things that they deserve. It hasn't been about me for a long time now. It used to be, when my only goal in life was to hug Reisen, quite a while ago. But since then it's been more about them. They deserve a chance to experience things themselves and not through me, or confined to the context of my life. And Flan deserves better-quality time together with me than our visualization clarity allows, and that was my original goal after all too. I wanted to see my tulpas for real.

 

Basically, it would just be a really good thing for tons of reasons. That's been established, but I'm saying it again. I still want it more than anything else.

 

 

This put me in a better mood. I wasn't in a bad mood, this just put me in a good one. I have to wonder how exactly other people hear these songs I love so much, because while I like the music, what I really hear is totally different. Feels like Reisen, feels like happy, and it sounds good. A lot of our songs are like that, they have a lot more value than just their sound.

[video=youtube]

I should probably explain that Reisen, in Touhou, is one of the only characters canonically known to be able to use a gun, having been in the lunar military. So people like to draw her with guns sometimes. Just wanted to note that since, if you mostly only knew Reisen from my tulpa, that might be a rather striking image.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Slept in pretty late, til 12ish, but I'm going to sleep in the next 15 minutes (12:45) anyway. Still having trouble recalling dreams in any real capacity. And I'm trying too, it always feels like (even while I'm trying) I "could" be trying harder, but I don't see how. I really was trying every time. I never just say "ah well that's enough" (well I mean, sometimes..), I just eventually fall back asleep. Which is fine, a few minutes every time I'm awake enough to do it is all it should take. But it's not really working, so..

 

I'm just going to get up every single time I wake up. Not do anything special, no WBTB staying up for ~15 minutes or waking up the mind or anything, because I won't be able to go back to sleep. Literally just going to make the effort to get out of bed for 30 seconds and then immediately go back to sleep. It'll be annoying as heck, theoretically I'll be doing it at least six or seven times a night, and I can't say for sure I'll do it anymore after tonight. But I'll do it this one time for sure, and if it shows any promise and isn't too unbelievably annoying I might keep it up.

 

 

Edit: Oh, this thread hit 10,000 views. Nice I guess? The sheer number of you who read without ever commenting is hard to exactly grasp. I can never tell if there's like ten regulars, some randoms and a bunch of bots or something, or if there's really so many people who read our thread, but I guess either way it's not no one so.. Hi, thanks for reading, or just skimming the posts to see if anything interesting happened. It usually doesn't, but who can say what day we'll randomly show up having had a real lucid dream, so that should work fine. You'll know if we did.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Totally worked, did pretty much exactly what I expected it to. Dreams weren't particularly vivid and I didn't have perfect recall, but I remembered almost all of them as soon as I woke up each time. Which, while I wasn't counting, I'd say was about 7/9 times? As in there were roughly that many potential dreams and about two of them I couldn't remember. I was asleep by 1AM and first woke up at 3AM, and it was about every hour from that point forward.

 

So, awesome, definitely doing that again. Still not making commitments or schedules or anything, I'm just in a "do what works" mood now. And this is working.

 

 

Like I said here, I just played this song on Osu for the first time and recorded my first try, because it's the most fun I've had on Osu in months. Another rare one for the Favorites list.

[video=youtube]

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Same thing as last night more or less. Sometimes I don't get up because I'm already awake enough, but I wonder if it's the exact same thing. It does take me a bit to fall back asleep, but I'm not sure that perfectly coincides with the mind being more awake or not. Anyways, I'm hoping the recall gets better than this now that I'm actually recalling... Also, getting up every time you wake up is weird.

 

Let Lucilyn front for an hour or so to watch fireworks, apparently a couple of my friends came over to watch too, and Lucilyn called me a "dummy" for wanting to skip it before. But hey, I didn't want to skip watching fireworks, I wanted her to watch them, right? Eh, I'm not big on temporary/consumable entertainment. If it's done in ten seconds so is my amusement.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Friends kept me up way too late considering my head hurts so much. The getting up thing seems less relevant when I sleep in late/during the day, because the light (or maybe just time) makes me already kind of awake. As in I don't have to get up to not fall back asleep immediately, even if I don't I still take a while to fall asleep again sometimes. Whatever, my head hurts too much to do anything right now

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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This is one of those ooold songs that predates present day Flan. Not related to the old one, but it sure is nostalgic. I do like dubstep, but my favorite part of this song is Flan's theme in the background at parts like 0:54. No particular reason I was listening to this or am linking it here.

[video=youtube]

 

I should do everything in my power to succeed in accomplishing the one thing I care about most, right? Well, nothing's getting done, even though I'm trying. So I think the best thing I can do is ask for help. Not that she hasn't tried before, but I'm going to ask Tewi to try and learn to lucid dream. Maybe it's a little different if I'm outright asking her to do something. She's dang loyal and competent too, so if we ask anything of her she always makes it happen. And this is me asking as heartfully as possible, I need help.

 

 

Unrelated, it's 7/7/17 today, and 77 is my favorite number. Why is a secret though. (It's because the number itself reminds me of rabbit ears)

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Last night I went roughly six hours without looking at the clock and guessed what time it was to the minute before taking our sleeping mask off. I slept for another two hours and guessed the exact time (11:47) again. I don't know how to reward the brain well enough to encourage however the heck it did that.

 


Seems a request has been made of me.

 

Lucid Dreaming:

 

- When attempting a WILD (Wake Induced Lucid Dream), we have trouble actually falling asleep, and (shared with other methods) focusing on our body/mind keeping us awake. Focusing on visualization and accompanying senses should completely take our mind off of the real world, including with -

 

- DEILD, Dream Exit Induced Lucid Dreams. For some reason we've always ignored this one, but it's supposedly the easiest possible method, especially for people who naturally wake up multiple times throughout the night. The method and goal is to remain completely "still" ie unfocused on the waking world when you wake up, until you can enter a dream again. Pairing nicely with the previous note, focusing on our visualization (perhaps our wonderland/intended scenario as opposed to the suggested previous dream) could be sufficient to distract us from the waking world. Being "awake" without being aware yet of the waking world is not completely foreign to us.

 

- Even with our sleeping mask, the small amount of light we can still see during the day is too distracting. Attempting lucid dreaming during the night is a necessity, so our schedule must abide.

 

- Motivation - a lesser degree of "fascination" with the subject - is important. Without motivation (or lesser "fascination") regarding the subject, we won't remember it when less conscious. It's entirely fair that Lumi struggles with this. Being tasked with something should give me more than enough motivation to keep our goals in mind while less conscious.

 

- The difference in a dream and a lucid dream is whether or not you remember the context of your waking life. Memories are forged abundantly and freely while dreaming, to give context to whatever scenario the brain has come up with. But equally important is the fact that your actual memory is all but shut off. Turning it back on - becoming aware of the true context of the scenario - is what causes a dream to be a lucid one. Remembering is what makes you lucid. So practicing recall - of dreams AND waking life - is extremely important. So much so that routine reality checks should be accompanied by remembering the events leading up to them, ie the threads I viewed before coming to this one, the sites I was on before that, all the way back to when I first woke up. Respective to where you're at in the day and how much activity you've experienced.

 

Seems a request was made of me.

[video=youtube]

Lumi edit: Ammy's channel on Youtube was shut down after many years of uploading amazing music, it's pretty sad. I uploaded the original video on Tewi's Youtube account and replaced the URL here.

 

... But while I'm here...

 

It's honestly kind of impressive that lucid dreaming is so elusive it was the first thing Tewi ever set her mind to doing and failed at. Uh, spoilers I guess, sorry. She stressed herself out majorly and only stopped because Lucilyn convinced her to let her front for a while, which she accepted begrudgingly. Perhaps if she'd had the REM-Dreamer like we do now (and have for a few months) she could've done it, I don't know. Lucilyn also tried pretty hard to "get me a lucid dream for Christmas/my birthday" which didn't happen either, but she made some good progress too I think.

 

Anyways, props to Tewi for actually doing All Day Awareness. That was no doubt why she got so stressed out; it was extremely taxing. I'm glad it didn't work so we never have to do that again, eggs are in the REM-Dreamer basket now..

 

 

Far in the future edit by Lumi: Jeez, you know, I think I didn't actually read the following posts by Tewi when I first wrote that. I went back and read them at a later time and it upset me a lot. I went back and read them just now and.. I don't know, I'm filled with the urge to make sure everyone knows how hard she tried. It's a huge amount of text... But it's my tulpa, Tewi. I love her more than anything, and this was something I never want to forget as long as I live.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I'm going to be posting twice a day for a bit, morning and night. Kept up late by obligations to play a game with friends, though I told them I wanted to sleep earlier so it's 2 hours sooner than previous. Doesn't really matter how late I'm up because I'm getting up early to fix our schedule regardless. So while I will absolutely be trying to lucid dream tonight, it'll be cut short. Tomorrow night should be better.

 

The double posting is to keep my mind on lucid dreaming, since that's been shown to actually help dream recall/vividity somehow even for us. I've also been practicing something akin to all day awareness (or at least I think it is), where every so often I go back through my memories to the last time I did so, and reality check. It's a decent effort sometimes when I've been distracted, and fairly simple other times. Our dream recall can't be expected to be any good if our own waking life recall isn't. Our memory is great, but there's a difference in remembering important things and remembering what actually happened. Give it a try yourself some time.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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It's a bit silly trying to fight any focus on the waking world and focusing entirely on the wonderland/visualization. That being said, even with the light, it didn't seem impossible. Difficult to keep control of the scenario I was visualizing, but it might've been working. Unfortunately I was woken-woken up by our cat. Just another reason this needs to be done at night. People walking around upstairs is too distracting.

 

I might just edit my two posts a day together, not sure yet.

 


 

Going to sleep at 1:30 AM, aiming for 12:30 tomorrow forwards. Actually, maybe earlier if my obligations to Lumi's friends are fulfilled. Last night (morning), I had trouble keeping my visualization stable because I wasn't entirely sure what I should be visualizing. It was just outside our wonderland house, but honestly anything that isn't etched into our brain from actual experience is bound to be blurry. I think... I'll go for the end of our hallway, which is both the door to Flan's room and the entrance to our wonderland from a lucid dream. Perhaps the narrow area will help me focus, and the expectation of what's around the corner (the very large living room) could help too. Let's find out.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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