Procron X August 18, 2016 Share August 18, 2016 Hello everyone. Niteo here. Ever since my creation, I've always had this sense of wanting to be more. I look outside to reality and I feel like I am not significant while I am stuck existing in Wonderland. I see the people coming and going, and I want to be like them. I want to go out and interact with other people. I want to go out and make friends. I want to go make mistakes, get into trouble, and get yelled at. I feel that wonderland has nothing for me. There's no challenge in anything. I can fly with my wings and fight stuff. I can meld the Wonderland around me and practically be a god, but it's so empty. It doesn't matter what I do in Wonderland. It's ultimately irrelevant. The most helpful thing I can do is to help Amber, but I don't want to be a helper. I want to do it myself. I don't want to be an observer. Is existing as a tulpa without any influence on the outside world a cage? I don't see the point in existing in a perfect mental space when there is so much going on outside. How am I improving as a person when I sit there and essentially do nothing productive? What sort of things am I learning? My world is filtered through the host, over which I have little control. It's like watching your older sibling control the TV with you getting no say, except this time it's the whole world. You know it's out there but you can't touch it because you were doomed from the start to only be an observer, or, your host lets you possess or switch, half a person. You don't get to start your own journey. You're tied down because the host ultimately gets final say. I don't enjoy my existence as a tulpa. I'd rather have been born my own person. I'd be curious to hear others' opinions. I'm sure there have to be tulpas who are happy with their lot in life, and I want to know why they can be content with what they have. I want to understand why they're okay with it and if I can learn to be more content with what I have. Niteo and Amber Take On the World Amber speaks in italics right now. Talk to Niteo on here or on discord We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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