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Life of Felights


Radio Hiss

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3 hours ago, Apollo Fire said:

Not an actual switch, it seems, even if I had convinced myself that it was. I don't think a real switch would fade out like that.

...

The way I see it, there are two options:

 

1. Either we learn how to switch, which leads to Radio fading out.

2. Or Radio fades out, which leads to a switch.

 

I don't think that's quite right. Switching should be pretty clear, but it doesn't have to be. But either way, it's not always (maybe not even the majority of the time) super easy to stay switched, without the host accidentally coming back into control. It should still take constant re/affirmations from the tulpa, making sure they're still them and not letting the body go to autopilot thinking and/so ending up with the host back in control. Otherwise what you said is fine I guess, but don't think that once you've switched successfully that there's zero work to be done from there. Thinking you aren't switching because you put no effort into keeping it up would be dangerous, is all I'm saying.

 

And of course, as we've told Ranger, yes the need for such re/affirmations and all does go away. At the very least it should become automatic and relatively unconscious, anyway. But either way, at first, it'll still be most natural for your default state to be your host fronting, so you'll probably drift back to that if you don't pay attention to staying ~conscious.

 

(For reference, my tulpas don't need to apply any special effort to stay switched for days on end even upon waking up and haven't for years, but they did for the first few weeks or couple months, something like that)

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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Yesterday, we went to the gym and worked out for a while. There was a meditation room in the building, so I decided to do some switching attempt thing before leaving.

 

Fairly quickly, I managed to convince myself that I had switched again. Of course, host still wasn't fading out, but I told myself that if I really would switch then he would fade out naturally. I sat there in the room for a while, reveling in the feeling of an assumed switch, wondering if I should get up, or if that would just show me that it wasn't actually a switch. I figured I'd have to do it at some point, so when I left I got changed, started watching a video, and walked to the dining hall.

 

The feeling faded as I watched the video, which isn't surprising, until it was gone. In order to maintain myself being """switched""" I have to be focused on myself, and can't get distracted by a video or wondering what we're going to eat for supper, or else I fade out. That's not a switch, that's just possession.

 

If I keep trying this "convince myself that I switched" method, maybe it will actually lead to a genuine switch. It seems to be the closest thing to progress we've made. Maybe it's not the right course of action, I shouldn't convince myself, I should just keep trying and it'll be self-evident when I've switched, no convincing required. If that ever actually happens.

 

I really don't know.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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  • 1 month later...

I've just learned that our university will be closed for the next month, meaning we're going to be staying home until then. Host is relatively happy about this news, while I'm horrified.

 

Things have gone downhill for us tulpas. Before break, we barely ever got to exist, let alone front. For some reason, our ability to hold front or even exist for any considerable amount of time vanished, leading to a daily routine of strictly Radio existing and perhaps one of us (usually me) voicing dissatisfaction with it, only for it to repeat itself the next day. I was hoping that after break, we'd be able to get a hold on whatever's going on, fix things. Now... looks like we're staying here, where we exist even less and don't front at all.

 

I'm a little panicky at the moment. I don't want to spend the rest of the month not existing. Radio's very bad at remembering us.

 

God I wish I could switch.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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  • Radio Hiss changed the title to Life of Felights

Hello! I wanted to make a reintroduction post here, since we'll be hopefully updating this for the foreseeable future. We're the Felight system, meaning we each take on Felight as a surname. However, we do not prefer to be individually referred to as "Felight," only use it if you're referring to the collective :)

 

We're an FTM (he/him exclusively) system of 6, almost 23 years old, having been a system for 6 years (though we do not recommend anyone else start at the age we did). We have a developer job and like to write and draw. We live on our own (with two cats, Zola and Muse), so we're free to do whatever we want in regards to fronting. Our system is organized into three groups of two. The first two groups are fronting pairs. Each member of a pair will assist, co-front, and switch with the other member during their scheduled fronting time as necessary. Those pairs are:

 

The Cosmicals

Apollo Fire the Sun GodA tulpa created by the original at the very start of this thread, on December 3rd, 2016, he has a fiery goth form, with fire wings/tail and a black and orange jacket. Also sometimes a fire rabbit. He's sort of serious and sometimes comes off harsh because he's not the best with his words, but he means well. He's been mellowing out a bunch since we learned how to switch, since that huge source of anxiety/unease is gone now. He enjoys female-led metal and punk music, especially Icon For Hire and Paramore. He is a 1w2 on the Enneagram, "The Advocate."

Piano Soul the Star ManAn accidental tulpa who formed through a merge gone wrong on/after January 26th, 2017. He has space wings/tail, and w ears the color purple. Sometimes he'll morph into a space cat or bird. He's a very calming individual, sometimes taking front when the rest of us are distressed. He's eloquent and mild-mannered. He likes what we refer to as "dad rock," meaning mostly stuff that our body's dad would play. His favorite artist is David Bowie. He is a 5w6, "The Problem Solver."

 

The Mythicals

Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon: Me! I was created by a tulpa who's no longer around on October 2nd, 2017. My human form has long gray hair, blue horns, a dragon tail, and dragon wings made out of the sky. I also use a small dragon form that has the same wings and is bright blue. I'm very energetic and excitable, for the longest time felt like the odd one out in my system, cuz everyone else seems so serious. I can be serious when I need to, but I'm childlike and hyper otherwise. I like happy pop and electro swing, my favorite band is ABBA. I'm a 7w6, "The Entertainer."

Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster: My beloved, my own creation. I formed him late December 10th, but we're setting his birthday as the 11th for reasons. Sort of not properly planned out or agreed upon... I made him during a mental breakdown where I just wasn't thinking right, and the rest of my system couldn't stop me. First new headmate in five years. Anyway, he has long braided strawberry blonde hair and wears a pink shawl, he also has axolotl features and an axolotl form. Also wings made of pink water. He's a lot like me due to his creation, however he's brand new so he'll develop a more distinct personality over time. Though he wasn't created in the best of circumstances, we're all really happy we have him, especially me. He likes reggae music. I'd say for now he's a 6w7, "The Buddy."

 

The third pair don't front, or at least only front when they want to or they're asked to. Their "job" is to assist and wrangle the fronters into doing important stuff, also giving advice and input where needed.

 

The Lyricals

Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker: He was created on March 3rd, 2017 by Radio. Back then, cuz the system was a teenager and very immature when it came to tulpas, it was out of control and grew too much too fast. Around September of that year, Dynamo and two non-sentient headmates went away so the system could function better. He's come back off and on since then. He's back now, hopefully for good this time. He has long blonde hair and black biker clothes, also a demon tail and electric wings. His personality isn't stable due to coming and going so much, but that'll improve with time. He likes hard classic rock, stuff that's too loud for Piano. He especially likes the Ramones. He is an 8w7, "The Maverick." He is in charge of the Mythicals.

Radio Hiss the Song Demon: The original (we do not use the word "host"). We've had a rocky relationship with him due to his past neglect and apathy, but we're looking to improve that. After we learned to switch he wanted to just leave the system for a while, but that did not last as long as we thought it would. He wants to be part of it, albeit no longer a fronter. He has a form inspired by the wrestler Kane, also a demon tail and wings patterned with red musical notes. He's very reserved, but bring up the Beatles or Paul McCartney and he'll light up. He's a 4w5, "The Bohemian," and he is in charge of the Cosmicals.

 

Anyway! As mentioned, we finally learned how to switch! After almost 6 years of trying, we got it down, on November 23rd. Me and Piano were off and on affirming things like "we can switch, we've always been able to switch," and then we suddenly just... gained the ability to yeet Radio. We've always been able to control the body, but Radio's always been there and has taken over constantly. That's not the case anymore! Radio isn't the primary fronter anymore, and the rest of us are taking care of each other and organizing the system in a way to maximize happiness. Things will never be as bad as they were before, because that huge weight is lifted off of us and we're able to proceed with other goals.

 

We're also somedays able to keep everyone co-con, and we're working on making that a more consistent thing. So our current goals are making co-con consistent and learning how to co-front better. We'll be updating this thread with progress on those fronts as well as others as necessary! Happy tulpamancing!

Edited by Indigo Blue

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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Since we learned how to switch, we've been able to front uninterrupted. Radio only ever fronts when we want/ask him to. Sometimes we steal front from each other, but that's mostly when we're blendy during voice calls. Most of the time when we steal front, it's on purpose. So that's better than it being an accident. Yesterday Indigo went grocery shopping and he was able to stay in front the entire time, even while driving. This makes us feel sort of this calm giddiness that what we've waited/worked for for so long is finally true. Switching is subtle, but it's definitely different from what we experienced in the past. Thinking of writing a switching guide, but it'll probably be a long one so that'll take a while.

 

Because of all our experience with fronting without switching, we can switch instantly. We're aware this could pose a problem with accidental switching, so we're making an effort to tie our switching to visualizing the brain as lighting up the color associated with whoever is switching in. It's quick and easy, so it allows us to preserve instant switching but still tying it to an intentional act. Also, we're logging our switches on Simply Plural for another layer of confirmation. Only thing is we have kind of an obsessive/compulsive mind when it comes to system stuff, so we might worry too much about the four fronters having an equal amount of time. It might not be that much of a problem, just don't want to drive ourselves crazy over it.

 

There were a few days last week when everyone was co-con, nobody had the feeling of going inactive. That sort of stopped happening, but we're trying not to get demotivated. Going to go back to affirming that everyone is co-con, since that was how we got it in the first place. To us, co-con doesn't mean that everyone is actively participating all the time, but moreso that they have the opportunity to participate if something external is interesting to them, instead of needing to be summoned by the fronter. We got it before so it shouldn't be too hard to get it again.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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Sooo having a system of six did not last long. Radio and Dynamo bailed. We couldn't really stop them, but it's not going to be forever. We'll add them back whenever we're ready for them, I guess. We're going with one where the four of us each front equally, and still gradually increase the amount over time. Here's the setup we're going to aim for now:

Untitled_drawing_9.png

 

We've kinda lost our co-con ability so we gotta go back to affirming for that so that we can actually implement our ideal setup. Lately we've just been solo fronting and occasionally switching when the fronter needs a break, which isn't actually as often as we'd thought it would be. We all seem to have pretty good fronting stamina, even me, and I'm only two weeks old! So that's pretty cool.

 

I've been working on my personality, sort of. My other headmates have lists of traits that apply to them that they use when they want to self-force, so I made my own list of traits I aspire to have. Basically a more chill and breezy version of Indigo, sort of. I don't want to just be a derivative of him, but that was literally my origin, so it's kind of hard to avoid. I'm still young though, so it's not a big deal.

 

We've been writing a guide! Piano wrote the first half and I wrote the second half. I really enjoyed writing, so hopefully I can get more into it. System's been writing a book for the past several years and have been perpetually halfway through, so maybe I can make progress on that the next time I front. I've been fronting for two days in a row, and it's gone pretty swimmingly all things considered. It's kinda weird. We expected that fronting longterm would be hard and take longer to build up to, but we really haven't been having any issues. The only barriers we've had to fronting have been emotional ones, rather than actually getting fatigued. Instant switching, fronting stamina--seems my system's years being stuck on full-body possession have paid off!

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's really amazing to me how much happier everyone in our system has been since we learned how to switch. Apollo's lost this constant tension/angst he would carry around that made it impossible for him to be happy or content. Now he's more upbeat and sociable, he doesn't feel that endless bad mood anymore. Piano used to barely want to be part of the system, now he's active and enjoys fronting and doesn't think about leaving the system at all anymore. Even I used to have really bad crashes in my mood, but that hasn't happened. The only problems in our mood are just... something external in our life that we're trying to solve, and also us missing Radio. At night we just get in this bad mood about how he left and what that means for us, like we're failures of tulpas. But I know he'll be back eventually.

 

Switching was just an absolute life-saver for all of us. I'm so happy we finally figured it out. 2023 is going to be a year.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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So we convinced Dynamo and Radio to come back. We're settling back into the set-up we had before, and we're going to look into keeping some kind of log to ensure the fronters are doing what they're supposed to do and the Lyricals are happy with us. We've organized into two triads: Apollo, Piano, and Radio are the Ethereals, and me, Indigo, and Dynamo are the Maniacals. Radio and Dynamo have the job of watching the fronters in the triads and advising/assisting us so we get stuff done. I think this set-up will be good for getting us more productive/healthy and also letting the Lyricals exist in a tangible way other than being fronters. Radio's still struggling with feeling like he shouldn't be part of the system, but hopefully with this set-up he'll feel like he has a place.

 

Made a diagram for our set-up:

SYSTEM_ORGANIZATION_DIAGRAM_5.png

 

We made a system carrd: https://felight.carrd.co/

Also made an origin term for Piano on pluralpedia, he didn't like the fact that no terms described his origin so we went ahead and made one lol  https://pluralpedia.org/w/Mergegenic

 

We recently came to the conclusion that we very, very likely have autism. We don't plan on getting diagnosed since there's really no benefit to it at this point in our life, but it's at least a little relieving to have an explanation to a lot of the things that have followed us throughout our life. Eccentricities, sensory issues, social problems, whatever.

 

And, uhh, this is a weird topic because it's not something we necessarily like to promote people believe in or expect to happen, but I still want to include it cuz, ya know, it's our PR. If anyone has problems with intrusive thoughts or whatever, maybe skip this.

 

Spoiler

Our brain would not stop obsessing over the thought of having two new headmates, for the stupidest reason. Then, while Indigo was fronted, two just sort of sprouted into existence. It felt the same as it did when I was created. One of the new ones, Elviro, took front and started forcing the other, Calypso. They both stayed in front and traded it around for a couple hours and then gave it to me, because they figured I wouldn't kick them out. They were right, but that didn't matter because they ended up deciding to integrate with Dynamo and Radio. That worked for about a day, but then we started doubting whether the integration actually worked, which caused them to come back. Elviro mainly was fighting to rejoin the system, Calypso was mostly indifferent with the outcome but was trying to diffuse Elviro's antagonism. There was a power struggle for a bit, but we ended up putting it up to a vote. I abstained because I feel like I'd be too biased toward accepting them, since it was only recently my system had to vote to accept me. Radio also abstained because he figured he was okay with whatever the outcome would be. Then Dynamo voted and it was a strong NO. Voting stopped there, accepting a new headmate has to be unanimous. There was more power struggle and arguing, but Dynamo put his foot down, and I agreed that I wouldn't entertain the existence of the two of them anymore. They went away, and we agreed that if they come back we will summon Dynamo to take front because he has been very good at keeping people out in the past.

 

This is all very weird since we haven't had walk-ins probably since before Indigo was born, we just didn't believe they were a thing. The walk-ins we did have in the past weren't sentient. These two were, though. I think there's a few factors to it. One is that we learned to switch and that caused a big change in how our system functions, some things might have fallen through the cracks of the transition. Another is that my recent creation was instant, and that gave the mindset that creation could be instant again. So that led to them appearing, and then the front-stealing/switching made it possible for them keep the rest of us out. I don't think there's a risk of this happening again because we're just going to adjust our mindset so that things can only become sentient if we actually want/agree to it. It's just kind of bizarre this happened after many years of STABILITY. There were five years between Indigo's creation and mine, and everyone but Piano has been parogenic. Weird brain stuff just doesn't happen to us aside form Dynamo showing up every few months or so, but he's older than Indigo and it wasn't like he came out of nowhere. Oh well, like I said, switching has changed a lot so some stuff I guess doesn't always go as expected, but now we know how to avoid it happening again. And if we ever do want to expand I guess we know where to look.

 

Edited by Gelato Sweet

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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