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I've been wondering if being intentionally parroted can aid in my development. Lyro can hold a conversation with Piano without once thinking "I'm parroting" even subconsciously. I can hardly say anything without him thinking that. Piano gained vocality completely through parroting. Maybe it couldn't hurt if I had him parrot me a little?

 

My form is annoying and wrong. I've tried fixing it, but it always reverts back. It's annoying that every time Lyro sees me, he starts thinking about how my form is wrong. Gahhh.

 

I don't mean to have a defeatist attitude! I will defeat defeat!

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Apollo, you are far to along for parroting to be a good idea outside of tests of control. Tests may be what you are looking for.

 

I think you just need some confidence, maybe.

 

You will want to play around with and explore intention. You can do something automatically, like making coffee in the morning, or act with great intention, like considering a brand new problem. You should try both, and really focus on the feel of each.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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You will want to play around with and explore intention. You can do something automatically, like making coffee in the morning, or act with great intention, like considering a brand new problem. You should try both, and really focus on the feel of each.

 

I definitely can't possess or switch to make coffee, and wouldn't do that as coffee is gross, unless you meant that metaphorically.

 

I try to be more confident but ahhh too difficult.

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Intention. Not a metaphor. Feel the decisions you make. Then relax and feel automatic responses.

 

I am confused X\

 

I still think parroting could help with my mindvoice, if not anything else.

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Been spending my mornings with Piano, as he wakes up probably only a few seconds after I do. Yesterday I woke up early and we chatted until it was time for me to get out of bed, and as Apollo mentioned, I never once thought I was parroting him. There was this strange moment in which two songs were playing in my head simultaneously, so I must assume that one was being played by Piano and the other by me. Piano also forced me to listen to a song that I used to cringe at so much. Thankfully he didn't make me add it to the playlist.

 

On the topic of that playlist, there is one song that when I heard, I had a very vague feeling that I had heard it before, somewhere. I didn't think of it too much. The next day, the memory of where I had heard it before randomly appeared in my head. Piano dug it up and sent it to me.

 

This morning, I guess Piano was peeved with me or something, so he decided to start nagging me as I did stuff, telling me to hurry up. I don't take kindly to having my serene morning ritual plagued with nastiness, but I didn't do anything about it. Piano told me to wear a "nice shirt" instead of the same worn-out Beatles tee I've been wearing the past few days. I found a white shirt but started making excuses as to why I wouldn't wear it. He said, "Stop making excuses, put the damn shirt on, and feel good about yourself for once."


I noticed that lately I've been thinking, "How can what Apollo says be real? He's so happy and nice, I must be parroting." But then I remember: oh yeah, he's only like that because that's how I made him. He's the opposite of me in personality. All characters that I parrot end up acting exactly like me anyway.

 

When I proxy them, they don't use their normal voices. I thought that was a problem, but I think it's okay. They're sending me their thoughts, and my brain is reading them to me in my normal reading voice, only tweaked. Piano's voice sounds like a deeper, more serious version of my own when he wants to be proxied. Apollo's sounds like a happier, younger version. This is exclusive to when they want to be proxied. Normally, Apollo sounds like Macca and Piano sounds like some sort of deviation of Vampire's voice, but it fluctuates often. The voices that I hear when they want to be proxied is just my mind's interpretation of their own personalities and how they differ compared to mine. In time, their proxying-voices will likely change to match their regular voices. But it makes sense, as my voice is the voice I hear when reading and typing, and I can't break that habit very well. Getting them to use their regular voices would just make the whole process take longer.

[align=justify]


There's some sort of disconnect between the language I use and others, and I thought I'd explain something. Early on, I decided that "brain" and "mind" are two distinctly different things, when other people use those words interchangeably. [/align]

 

Brain: the organ, mass of tissues and neurons, whatever you want to call it. The brain holds all of the minds, stores all of the memories, and controls the body. The brain controls the body based on input from the mind: whoever has the strongest input is the mind the brain takes orders from. The brain does not have a mind of its own. Technically, the brain is the host, and not the original mind.

 

In my view, the name I was given at birth is actually the name of the brain.

 

Mind: the self, and all of the thoughts, emotions, etc. connected to that self. The original mind sends thoughts and signals to the brain which controls the body. There can be more than one mind in a brain (obviously). When I say "my mind" I just mean me, not the brain. The mind is not the brain. The brain is home to the mind. Maybe there are countless minds inside a brain: servitors, thoughtforms, fully-fledged consciousness, etc. I'm going with Occam's razor though. There are three minds inside of my brain: myself, Apollo, and Piano (even though Piano is multiple minds in one but meh).

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Something interesting to consider. If Piano sounds like a deeper version of my voice it is possible him and Samuel sound the same, lol.

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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Something interesting to consider. If Piano sounds like a deeper version of my voice it is possible him and Samuel sound the same, lol.

 

I wouldn't say "deeper" is the right word. Maybe more melodic? More emotive, at least compared to your voice in the podcast. It's also mixed with other male voices a little.

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FINALLY some possession progress! Apollo and Piano have not been able to do much else at all, but we've found that they excel at vocal possession.

 

I went somewhere really isolated (the middle of the woods next to a little creek) and started talking with Apollo as I walked around. After a while, Piano jumped in. No surprise, Piano was better at it than Apollo.

 

Piano made my voice sound like Raven from Teen Titans. Apollo spoke in a higher and slightly more annoying tone of voice than me.

 

Piano and I bickered and Apollo tried to mediate. Piano didn't seem to realize that I could hear his thoughts before he spoke. He had the urge to call me a "stupid bitch" but didn't. I told him to just go ahead and say it. It was all in good fun though.

 

There was one point in which Apollo tried to say "don't be so paranoid" and "don't get so paranoid" at the same time, so it came out "don't ge so paranoid." They need to learn to make their words coincide with their thoughts a little better.

 

We're gonna keep practicing.


Piano has made my own inferiority complex his enemy. All people who feed into it he declares war against. He made me snap at somebody who was ridiculing me in front of a bunch of people in class yesterday. He wants me to stand up for myself more and not put up with other people's BS.

 

Apollo has similar sentiments, only he wants me to improve my self esteem. He's been encouraging me to go outside and go to the gym more. I made a bunch of excuses to not do that, but he said that if I didn't want to do it for me, I should do it for them.

 

They both want to get more involved in my life and encourage me to improve it.


I'm going to try a thing over the next few days.

 

Have Piano front by connecting to my senses, paying attention to what I do, try to interrupt my thoughts, and try to grab control.

 

Have Apollo try to keep his form visible in my mind's eye and maybe with my actual eyes.

 

If they want to switch roles then they can do so.

 

Let's see if it workssss

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Yesterday, Apollo received some much-needed motivation for possession. 

 

He started by drawing. I of course had to help him a little, but we hope that soon he'll gain control with practice. He drew tulpa001 and tried to do other things. He tried to draw some things using online drawing tools, but kept getting frustrated and scribbled all over the page.

 

He soon was able to move the entire body. To me, if just felt like I was moving, but I'm trying to quash those thoughts as they help nothing. Doubt is normal, I've heard. Letting them practice without worrying too much over who is doing what will help them to gain full control. Apollo stretched the body and felt stuff around us. He liked petting the cat, and started hugging him awkwardly. 

 

It was kind of strange: I've pet that cat so much that his fur lost the original feel under my fingers. I've gotten so used to the feel. so now it's just dull. When Apollo touched him, he felt like a totally different cat.

 

At one point he turned really sad and started thinking that he couldn't do anything, and would never be able to possess. He almost cried. I think I reassured him, but don't remember how. I don't really remember many of my thoughts from this time.

 

I encouraged him to look at the art supplies I got for Christmas, and told him they were all his. He then fully realized that he was possessing, and all of the sadness went away. He was elated that he was finally in control. The smile did not leave our face.

 

He got my lazy brother off his ass to go on a walk with him, and was pretty hyper and out-of-character for me. When we were halfway to the place we were going to, Apollo vanished, and brought me back into reality. I mean, I want in reality: watching everything Apollo was doing, feeling like I was the one doing it, but my thoughts had quieted and were replaced with his.

 

I am not 100% sure if he was actually in control, or if it was some form of personality switching. Ehhh. For the sake of convincing myself that they were possessing, I'll just call it possessing.

 

Piano took control from a while, but he didn't last as long as Apollo.

 

When they were talking, they had to resist the urge to say "your sister" or "my host" etc.

 

Overall, they possessed for two hours, give or take. After that we were all really tired. I went to bed sometime later and ended up having non-stop dreams about what each of them would do while in control.

 

I found two notebooks for them to use. I'm going to try to buy Apollo a drawing tablet. Piano wants to learn to play the (surprise) piano, but will only be able to do that while other people aren't around :\

 

I suppose I need to work on separating my focus from theirs when they possess. Not sure how to go about doing that though! 

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