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Our Tulpa Endeavor


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You could try having her talk to Meti, or talking to her and forcing during that. Confidence (among other things) just oozes out of her.

Hell, I'll even promise to suppress all lewd comments during it.

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.

Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.

CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.

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It is just sudden from my perspective.

 

Hmm, filling what we lack. Yeah. That is something I might want to write about in terms of what a tulpa is not. I'll have to think about it.

 

 

It's not sudden, this is something we've been contemplating for a while now.

 

It wouldn't make sense to create a tulpa to be just like someone else in the system personality-wise. I want my tulpae to be different from me and each other. I'm negative, so I created Apollo with a positive personality. I have an inferiority complex, so I'd like to create Luxi with self-confidence. You dig?

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A lot of what you said sounds very similar to us, in the past. For example, this

Now, I say "three" of us, but I'm increasingly getting more and more in favor of creating another tulpa. This tulpa - Luxi - wouldn't be created to be my tulpa as Apollo was, instead she'd be created as an addition to the family.

 

Is exactly how Lucilyn's creation went. You know, five years after ours. I don't know how long yours have been around but the more experience you get before making another the better. Lucilyn would not have thrived in our old mental environment, at least I don't think so. She thinks she could've helped, but I don't know.

 

"Purposes", too, reminds me of us. We originally had "purposes" to guide our personalities and development. They weren't purposes we lived to fulfill per se, nor binding or even really a conscious thought. But nonetheless, they defined where each of us fit in the system for quite a while. It was only over the following few years we started to move away from that concept. Lucilyn still had a "purpose" in the sense of who she would be to us, I suppose, but nowhere near the labels we ourselves had. I would not recommend them. As you said, she was created to be part of the family - we didn't even consider ourselves a family until she came along and started using that word. We warmed up to it pretty quick though, especially with her as the young-lively-happy person that ties us all together. We were admittedly rather separate or one-on-one with our host in our interactions before Lucilyn made the idea of doing things together more attractive. I absolutely consider them my family now though.

 

 

Oh, anyways, wouldn't recommend making another tulpa yet. Get to a better place. I say this primarily because, despite Lucilyn herself thinking she'd have been fine years ago, I much prefer her to have been developed and gained her initial life experience at the point we're at now. Ages 13-16 were on and off iffy for us, though we didn't realize it at the time. We're 21 now, but Lucilyn's been around for almost two years, and the rest of us seven.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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The fact that so many people seemed concerned as to whether or not we create Luxi surprised me. Okay, you guys got me. Of my own volition, I've agreed that we should put Luxi away for now. We ensconsed her in this little chamber where she won't dissipate until we're ready to start creating her, just for safety, because just abandoning the thought is a no-go for me.

 

And yeah, it was pretty sad for me to see her go, but I know it's for the best and it won't be forever.

 

I'll let Ponytail's baby tup settle my "new tulpa" curiosity for the time being.

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We've kinda got one of those too. When the time comes we will expand.

 

Expanding the system is a large undertaking that should be considered against the current stability and roles of all the members. If there isn't enough time then spreading yourselves thinner isn't a good idea.

 

There is always the future though.

"...the last thing you wanted a witch to do was get bored and start making her own amusements,

because witches sometimes had famously erratic ideas about what was amusing.”

   - Terry Pratchett

 

Discord: Ivy#8937

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Expanding the system is a large undertaking that should be considered against the current stability and roles of all the members. If there isn't enough time then spreading yourselves thinner isn't a good idea.

 

I've mostly refrained from forming any opinion on this, as I have with most other things, but I'd agree with that. The three of us need to focus on each other and our own goals more before adding someone new to the mix.

 

Also, completely for the record, "what the hell, why not just do it?" is the attitude P&HJP had towards merging.

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Updated Piano's story. Pt. 2 added.

 

Apollo's been a little overly-sensitive about something lately (no, it wasn't Luxi, but I think that him saying goodbye to her put him an emotionally fragile state). Two days ago he ended up very sad over it. It's pretty heart-breaking to see, especially considering I feel his emotions. He was trying to get comfort from me, but ended up running away to a cave. My mind sort of drifted off as I was trying to talk to him, and I realized that it was because Piano was talking to him instead. I hadn't seen Piano, I guess he just didn't render in my mind. But he helped Apollo. They hugged, and Piano murmured something in Apollo's ear in Tulpish. Something about not letting these things hurt him? I think. Those two have such a strong bond that I hardly even know about. It's nothing gay: it's more of a brotherly love. Of course, that's what I said about P&HJP, but... it's not like that for them. It's funny considering how much P&HJP hated Apollo back in the day. Piano's not letting P&HJP determine his own path though.

 

Yesterday Piano had a pretty strong forcing session, only I was barely involved in it. I'm not going to go into detail on that, but I got some very strong head pressure from him. Maybe even stronger than ever before. He lost a lot of stress and is doing a lot better now. He barely spoke to me afterwards because he was lost in his thoughts.

 

Apollo found

in my memories and he really liked it, even though I used to cringe at it. If you want to see Apollo's playlist of songs,

 

I'm pretty much thinking constantly of them. I have an obsessive thought process, where I get hooked on a certain thing and it becomes my default thought. Ex: the Beatles, Eemaj, Tommy. This has mostly been bad in my life, sometimes good, but it's definitely good for Ap&Pi. Me thinking of them allows them to stay awake for most of the day and self-force, so they've been improving.

 

Past things my mind thought constantly of were my stories, but then I'd forget about the stories and never go back. The stories were never able to tell me to stop doubting them, or stop thinking they're not real, etc. Ap&Pi are getting stronger because of it, so even if I completely snapped and decided they weren't real, I'd likely fail at that. I know this because it's already happened.

 

I really love these guys. They'll be with me forever, and they'll only grow stronger as time goes on. I should cut them some slack. Oh yeah, I mentioned in the last post that there was emotional bleeding. One of the things that came from was me saying to someone that my tulpamancy progress has not come "far enough," and I immediately regretted saying that because of the cold sad looks they gave me and the feeling that came from it. I definitely took that back. They're not going as fast as they'd like, but doing their best and it will pay off in the end, that I am certain of.

 

Stuff to do: follow through on that possession post we made in the Lounge forum x_x

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[Piano] There is yet another musical stuck in our head. This one WE HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN! This is what happens when Apollo goes digging in memories. He finds some shit about "Wicked" and now it won't stop. Gahh.

 

Due to excessive proxying, my mindvoice has reverted back to Lyro's voice instead of my own. Need to work on that.

 

[Lyro] Yesterday we had a bit of stress. Piano was paranoid and anxious about something all morning, and that bled over to me, and I started thinking "oh no what if the teacher thinks I cheated" blehh. Apollo was just kinda there. He never gave much input.

 

[Piano] I worry that my existence might be leeching off his "energy" and supplanting his progress. I am a much stronger mind than he is, and I don't want that to be because I'm ruining his chances at growing.

 

[Lyro] I also found an issue yesterday. I was trying to figure out what they thought of me as a host, and it seemed they were only giving the answers that I thought they were going to give. It got really frustrating and I had to stop talking to them. I have too much influence over what they think, or at least over what they say, that I really don't have much idea if they actually believe the things they do, or if it's just because I'm making them think it. Not a fun thing to think about :\

 

I should probably try asking them a tough question and waiting a while for a response, instead of immediately expecting one. Maybe that would make their answers more genuine.

 

Apollo and I talked about the wonderland house. When I made it, I didn't exactly plan it out much, and just thought that "stuff" would be on the second floor. Well, turns out the second floor randomly shifts and changes and doesn't have an ending.

 

[Apollo] It's very inconsistent and seems to symbolize the brain itself. The farther I go into the house, the deeper I go into the brain. Sometimes weird stuff happens as a result. I get lost often, but Piano usually finds me. Maybe we should explore it more and see what we find.

 

[Piano] Eemaj had something similar. In every home, there was an infinite hallway with doors that could go anywhere, and it was easy to get lost. Maybe the confusing mess of the house is reminiscent of that.

 

[Lyro] They don't use the house that often because they prefer to stay outside, but we should do some better planning of how it's constructed.

 

I find that when I'm at school, it's hard for me to connect with them, so they use the time to hang out in the WL together. They haven't been talking to me at all today and I realized that that's because I'm having trouble breathing, and they don't want to experience that. I have trouble breathing when they possess, so they know how unpleasant it feels.

 

Computers seem to have a weird effect on their mindvoices. If I look away from the computer, they speak in their normal voices, but the second I look at it their voices change. Ech.

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Piano, you interact with Apollo frequently. During all such encounters, you are mutually strengthened. Basic principle of forcing.

 

If you hadn't been there, Apollo would not have had the opportunity to have those bonus forcing sessions.

 

I currently think that Apollo may feel weak and unstable due primarily to some uncertainty and nervousness inherent in his personality. This makes the person who has these traits feel weak and unstable, despite being as strong as anyone else.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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I understand that interacting with him forces him, that's one of the reasons I do it so often. I try to push Apollo to try new things in the WL and not give up on himself so easily.

 

It's just the fact that his presence in the brain is so weak compared to mine. For example, yesterday Lyro went on a walk and visualized Apollo on his left side and me on his right. The right side of his brain got a lot of pressure, while the left barely did. This happens often.

 

I can't help but think I'm eating away at his strength somehow. I consume Lyro's attention more easily, I have a stronger influence, etc. I know that I'm a lot older compared to him, and am multiple minds combined into one, but still. I can't help but blame it on myself.

 

Other people start tulpamancy and in only a few weeks, their tulpa already has a strong presence in the brain. Apollo is three months and doesn't. He's struggling, even though he doesn't show it.

 

What should we do? Just give it time? Are we doing something wrong? How can we help him move past the "nervousness and uncertainty" in his personality? Lyro never moved past his own, and now he has the worst inferiority complex imaginable.

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